| you're beautiful, my love. |
[18 Jan 2008|02:47pm] |
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mood |
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music |
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one of the prettiest ♥ songs everrrrr.
http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendID=170645730
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anywhooo....
i miss people
i feel kinda lonely.
but at the same time i feel like i
put it upon myself.
but i always feel this way.
i also feel like im not very
important in anyones life.
but why should i expect to hold
an important place?
...well i'm important to matt. i think? i hope.[paranoia]
---off topic.---
cuz sometimes when i feel like i have no one
i think of him...and i feel alright.
even tho he's not around all the time and such
he still makes me feel like...well, great.
although i kno its not a 100% guareentee
that everytime he'll make me feel that way
but i can deal with 80% of the time.
NoBoDiEs PeRfEcT...hannah montana. lol
---back on topic---
but maybe i make people feel like
they're not important to me...
now that's an issue.
because they are...
even if i question if i'd be
able to get on a plane
to visit one of them.
[the guilt if i dont will always eat at me]
---off topic---
planes terrify me.
although the statistics say that
more people die in car crashes
than plane crashes
something about me not having control
just frightens me.
even tho some would beg to differ
that i have any control over anything at all.
but at least in a car, i have some
sort of control.
idk, a couple of panic attacks and tears later
i'm sure i'd be fine.
"He waited his whole damn life to take that flight
And as the plane crashed down he thought
"Well isn't this nice..."
---on topic---
the few friends i do have
i wish i could be with more...
and i wish my boyfriend would
show he wants to be around them more.
this is where i get torn in two.
i rank the close friends i do have as family.
when they don't like my boyfriend
or have a reoccuring issue with him
it makes me upset
because not only do i not have
the ability to change him
but i also cant show them what i see in him.
i see where he's wrong...
but it's a challenge to fix.
and its also not my place to fix.
which is even more heart breaking.
asking one to choose a friend over your "significant other"
and vise versa...
is asking to choose death over death.
as it would be the same to be asked to choose
a friend over family... and vise versa.
there's always more than what meets the eye.
and never jump not knowing whats below.
hmmm guess that would only make sense to me.
that's okay.
cause as always....
its just a place to v e n t . . .
PL&H.
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