Thought i'd share..
23 Jun 2003 - 23:31
Mariana made this and i'm just bored so I decided to post it. Buaha.( My superlatives )
Now there are many more I'd love to add to this list, but sadly this is what was gien and this is what I filled. To those of you on the list and my dear Aidan... I put you down as ONE thing and one thing only.
23 Jun 2003 - 21:57
*She comes across her dear friends linley's post and as she reads a particular passage her eyes well up with tears*
"Calista's still the social butterfly she always was, yet she seems differen than ever. Sometimes, I have wonder if it's me that looks at her differently.
*She wonders to herself how it has come to this, and what she has done to protect her friends from this harsh reality that is life, she sits back in her swivel chair and weeps. Just earlier her mind was racing, her thoughts were congested and yet so vague. Why was it that everyone found her 'different' when it was they that left her, abandoned her in a dark time, a time of need. She shook her head at these thoughts and picked up her new guitar, her thin delicately fragile fingers began to strum a tune that she had not yet heard of. Her vocal chords begin to hum to the tune and words just seem to follow.*Somethin' strange is happening to me
I don't know what it is
But it's feeling so good to me
I used to be so cool
Laid back and in control
What's come over me?
*She laughs and shakes her head at the words. Place the guitar to her side she looks over at the computer and contemplates logging on and expressing how she feels. Her fingers trace their way over the keys as she bites down onto her lips, hard enough to feel but not enough to pierce. She nods as if to say 'okay let's do this' to herself, and she logs on*
I've never quite been able to grasp the fact that people look up to me, I guess perhaps I took this for granted. Now in my most lonely stage of life I realize that I truly was blessed. My friends are all that I have, my only true family member (Risti) part of this circle. My boyfriend whom I adore and miss like the grass misses the sun in the dead of winter. Lately i've been trying to stay busy so as not to think about how Aidan is away, how much I love him and miss him. So I started taking on projects such as DAB. I guess I neglected a few people and therefore am paying the intimate price. They've forgotten me.
I must admit. I packed my stuff and I was ready to leave. I was stopped by one named Bastian. My safe haven, my friend and confidant. He knows what to say and when to say it. He keeps me grounded and oh so real. I can't imagine life here without him, nor do I wish to. Kaley called me from Miami only to find out that I was on my way to UCLA. She freaked and I guess her way of asking me to stay was paying a High school freshman, which I have yet to capture, to spray paint my car with "Kaley Loves Cali <33" on the side. I fainted mildly and awoke with a smile. My first smile in a long time. Tate left me the most adorable picture on my door. It was she and I and she was reaching out to hug me in the picture, and at the bottom it said, "Tate and Calista Friends forever, hug?!?", it was great.
My mind wasn't always like this, it was triggered a few days back. After DAB it felt as if I was invisible, I could go out and noone would even so much as wave at me. Then in the courtyard the other day I was surrounded but those that I love and call my friends, and I was approached but once and left to sit there just as quickly as they had came to me in the first place. I watched them laugh and play for a while before realizing 'Hey, they don't need me anymore'. That was that, I was in my room packing that same evening. I can't be in a place where I’m not needed, especially when I’ve grown so attached to those that live here. How would you feel being surrounded by people that you love and adore only to be surpassed and looked through? Pretty shitty I tell ya. I was being greedy, selfish and self-absorbed I know, and I’m sorry. Sometimes we get like that, I swear the next time I let myself think I deserve attention I hope I have someone there so smack me upside my head.
So to all of you I say this... I'm sorry if I’ve neglected you, or seemed "out of reach" or "too busy" I never meant to come off that way. I will always make time for you, I will always listen, and I will always care. No matter what.
I love you.
*Reading over her words she smiles and lets out a deep sigh of relief. Clicking down upon her mouse button to update she stands up and stretches. Looking around her room she grabs her jean jacket and slides into her flip-flops and heads outside with a smile upon her face*
23 Jun 2003 - 14:44
[ music: Feels Like Right - Amel Larrieux ]
*Her eyes heavy and her body drained as she steps into her dorm room and glances around. Her mind not all there and her teeth clenched together, she allows her body to fall backwards onto the bed. ”why do I let myself get to attached, so worked up, so “involved””
Her slender delicate fingers extend and reach for her phone, as she notices a red flashing light she smiles at the though of having a message. Entering her voicemail code she listens to her one and only message*
And in my mind you will always be the Queen of Dover-your umphs and humps and tackles and wet willies and parties that went by so quickly, your positive outlook and your realness. I love you Cali, like crazy, one of the first people I ever met, and last year, when I was perhaps the biggest loser, fuck up, coke junkie, womanizing piece of shit. You didn't care -still defended me, and I want to do the same, aside from the bullshit newbies here and the people who forget you exist when you need them the most. All I ever fucking ask of you...is if you ever consider the leap, the push, the plummet...please, let me fall beside you… Basitan.
*By the end of the message her eyes are filled with tears, her voice trembling and her body curled up into the fetal position. Wondering “what do I do now?
”. She stands up and stares at all her packed boxes and over at all the items she has yet to pack. “Perhaps I’m just being stupid, I mean Bas cares… I need to wait for Aidan.
”. She walks over to her boom box and presses play, listening to Amel Larrieux she begins singing along at the top of her lungs*
23 Jun 2003 - 01:10
*Her hair is pulled back into a low ponytail as she wears her faded lowriding blue jeans and Dover kangaroo sweatshirt. Her eyes stare at the ground as thoughts at random prance throughout her head. She breaths in an out as though in a panic as she kicks at the rocks below her. She walks over to her favorite tree and looks up as if to ponder "to climb or not to climb"*
[[shhh and im me ;)]]
21 Jun 2003 - 11:38
You know i'm starting to wonder why I even bloody bother.
I have worked my ass off to make the BBQ perfect. I've neglected those close to me, and cut down on meeting the newbies. Yes I miss the stuff i'm used to doing, being crazy, having fun, annoying everyone... but I thought that this BBQ would be worth it all in the end.
Now I read things like "fuck this BBQ we're not going" or "That's a lame idea". Well excuse me for fuckin trying. I'm sick of being a damn lap dog. I love you guys, and I love helping everyone, and i'm not saying that I blame the entire student population, but this is fuckin ridiculous. You know how many times I sat down and missed sleep because I was making invitations, or because I had to make sure that all our props were ready. I had to get help from a Lovely young lady because I couldn't even run to the grocery store to get the food for the BBQ... I have no time whatsoever.
On top of all this, I miss Aidan, and I've got University. My classes are hard yes, but i'm working for my grades, and it's paying off. I have so much shit on my plate right now... and i'm not even in any EC activities. Although I would love to be.
Tonight I go onstage with "spit shit out" for the first time infront of an audience. Marc also told me that the Unsptarts want him and I to sit in a few sets... that means I get to sing with the UPSTARTS. That's huge for me. I'm actually freaking out.
Oh and Marc... you're a wonderful
friend and you helped out a great deal, I hate that you think you didn't. You did.
20 Jun 2003 - 17:55
*Her eyes glazed over as she stares upon her computer screen. Her body worn and her mind blank. She reaches for a soda only to realize that there isn’t one. She mumbles and gets up, walking towards her mini fridge, pulling it open she eyes up at dr.pepper and smiles faintly. Her weak fingers crack opens the can while she slowly trudges back to her swivel chair. Her slender fingers trace their way along the desk before finding their place on the keyboard*
This week has been insane, I’ve had no time for friends or to just chill. I’ve been either running around preparing everything for DAB or studying. School is going great though. I miss Aidan, more now than ever. I guess it’s starting to sink in more and more that he’s not here. My plans to stay busy to not think about him have backfired. DAB has just made me realize how much I want him here. With me.
So there is quite the amount of drama going on around here. I swear we could make a killing if we sold our Doverinian story to Passions. To date or not to date that is the question… we have whores, weirdoes, stalkers, freaks, crazies, and Kaley. I mean what? Kaley knows I love her, so shuddup.
So I can’t wait for tomorrow night… I’m very excited. Mostly because I want this to be over with, but also because I’ve worked so hard. I want it to be great. It’ll probably bomb but whatever. Least I tried.
*She looks around and sighs* Well I guess that is all for now… I’m off to write a song or two. Gotta stay busy…
*With that she updates and heads off*( ooc )
18 Jun 2003 - 17:19
There are what 16o something students at Dover and I have 33 confirmed for DAB.. that is including myself and Marc. So here's the deal...
1) If you failed to recieve an invitation just approach me and i'll give you one... it's hard to find all 160 something of you.
2) Make sure you either give me two dollars for the bus ride OR get a confirmed DD.
3) Get your wristband from Leigh
on friday or you won't be able to drink.
4) Bring your own booze... no glass bottles or containers allowed whatsoever
5) Leave any valuables at home. We will not be held responisble for any lost or stolen items.
6) I myself am providing hamburgers, buns, condiments, and pickles.
7) Bring your own munchies.
8) Bring any items (ie. footballs, volleyballs, freisbee's, ect) if you wish.
9) Have fun.
So there you have it. We are only 3 days away from DAB so get your invites today.
Thank you to the following people who have helped or offerred to..
[[ The invite is here
17 Jun 2003 - 23:02
Now I will be the first to admit that although being assertive is a good thing, it doesn't mean it's always the smart
thing. Last night I saw Mr. Stanton leave the admissions office at around four in the morning. Any intelligent woman would have ran in the other direction, especially if they had threatened to get that same man fired from his job. Oh no, not I. I had to flag him down and try to talk to him. At first he blew me off and headed straight for the faculty parking lot. Who would blame him? A pre-law student who is trying to destroy your career as you know it is hounding you, I’m sure you'd run too. Well I followed him. At four in the morning I followed a grown man who for as far as I could tell hated my every being, into a secluded parking lot. Although it was quite a productive meeting, I still have to shake my head when I think about it. I agreed to close the petition for now
if he agreed to leave students alone. He did.
On a brighter note, I got to spend the whole day with Devon. He had surgery today and needed some Calista lovins. Who am I to deny a sick man of my love? I even gave him a flower... awwwwww.
Lately I’ve been very... philosophical? Josh told me that he's proud that I’m using larger words but to make sure I understand them first... ignoramus. How’s that for ya joshypoop?
I love my classes, my teachers, and my homework. I think I may be one of the only people to actually enjoy assignments. I must say I do have a quite heavy workload, but I’m sure that as time goes on it will just become formality.
I've been trying to stay busy, perhaps trying a little to hard. I'm probably annoying people with my psychobabble. I just miss Aidan and this is probably the first time in 4 days that I’ve actually said that. I haven't wanted to think about it... the fact that he is gone for two whole weeks saddens me. My heart aches for him. My lips cry out for his kiss. My eyes long for the sight of him. It's simply ridiculous the things he makes me feel, or do. I have never felt half of the emotions that are racing through my veins at this very moment in time. I love it. I love him.
Okay I’m going to end this update with an announcement. For those of you that have not
received an invitation to DAB please contact either Marc Nash or myself to obtain one. It is imperative that you do so. If you have
received one and have neglected to inform Marc or myself of how you are getting to Rundle Park you will not receive a wristband. That my dears is bad news. The wristband allows you to drink. Those without wristbands that are caught drinking will be removed from the premises. Please I beg of you, if you do not want to pay the 2 dollars to take the bus with the rest of us I have a bunch of people willing to be DD's for the night. Just ask me and I’ll assign you one.MARC NASH DO YOUR DAMN JOB!
17 Jun 2003 - 11:55
*Calista runs her fingers through her golden locks befor reaching down to pick up a stack of papers. Her arms cradle them ever so gently as she leaves her dorm room to walk out among the campus. Her eyes scanning every bit of the outdoors making sure she doesn't miss anyong. She approaches students and gives them their ( invitation )
. She smiles delicately, licking over her lips causing them to shimmer from the saliva. Her eyes smile along with the rest of her face as she leaves each student to find another. Repeating herself befor she leaves with "Make sure you either call Marc or myself to confirm your invite
" With that she leaves.*
My meaning of love...
16 Jun 2003 - 21:27
My entire life I felt different, secluded, deprived you might say. Dont get me wrong, we were wealthy but that doesn't mean we were happy. I had toys, and play dates, and food, the nicest clothes a child could possibly have, and we went to many "gatherings" and parties. It never occured to me until my teen years that I was missing something. I was raised by nanny's, an only child with no siblings, in an all girls catholic school. So there you have it, I was brought up either to grow into a hermit or lesbian. Then Dover happened.
You all saved my life in more ways than you could ever imagine. I was lonely, depressed and quite frankly desperate for hope when I arrived here. You took me in with open arms and welcomed me with smiles as big as the universe. Not a day goes by that I don't think of how lucky I am to have found you, all of you. Your smiles brighten my day, your words touch my soul, your tears linger on my heart, and your hugs warm my everything. Friends have come and gone with us, but we have overcome it all and surpassed our pain. I know that we will all succeed in whatever we plan on doing, why? Because we have spirit, love, and devotion. Not to mention will power and dedication.
Today I went to the courtyard to relax and read a book. Upon looking around I noticed people, for the first time in my life I sat back and watched the world around me. You should try it sometime, you'll be surprised with what you find. Brynn
and that amazingly addictive smile of hers. Kaley
s tears of sadness that you just know will be tears of joy the next day. You watch people and learn. You don't realize you're learning... but you are. My mother used to tell me "there's more to people that what you see" at first I just figured that was her way of saying "I may be a bitch to you, but in reality i'm really nice to everyone else". She's right though. You see something, you get a first impression and it sticks with you, like a rabid dog out for blood it sticks to you. What if we were to look past it, and choose to use the 10th impression. Would it be any different than the first? Of course it would. We try to be what people want us to be, we try to come off as something other than what we are. Subconsciencely that is, you hear people say "this is me, like it or not" and we would like it... if it really was
you. Let's face it, it's usually not you until you are comfortable with us.
Perhaps we as a society have failed the "next generation" with our conniving ways, deceit and vulnerability. Now befor you say... we aren't any of those, let me define them for you...
1. To cooperate secretly in an illegal or wrongful action;
2. To scheme; plot.
3. To feign ignorance of or fail to take measures against a wrong, thus implying tacit encouragement or consent:
1. The act or practice of deceiving; deception.
2. A stratagem; a trick.
3. The quality of being deceitful; falseness.
1. a. Susceptible to physical or emotional injury.
b. Susceptible to attack
c. Open to censure or criticism; assailable.
2. Liable to succumb, as to persuasion or temptation.
So there you have it. I admit that I don't like looking at those definitions only to realize that I too have those flaws, but our flaws are what make us beautiful. If were didn't have flaws we would all be the same and therefor the world would be chaotic in a different way.
Okay I think i'm getting a little off topic here. The point of my post wasn't to babble, it was to tell you that just because it seems like the world is turning its back on you, doesn't make it true. Take a second look, maybe you turned your back on the world. We all have out problems and issues, and that is okay because we can get through them. They make us stronger. Try not to focus on them too much because the more you do, the worse they seem. Instead try and help someone else, because in doing so you may just help yourself.
I love you. You
are my meaning of love.