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|Monday, August 16th, 2004|
its been a while since i updated; ive been meaning to and many times last week i tried but i just couldnt get myself to be content with my writing; ive been doing a lot of reading lately; it started with victorias bday present to me and i realized i really should read more; well, its taken over my social life; i read all the time- at work, before bed, before getting ready for work- its become an addiction ive realized; bdaltons is having a sale on select hardbacks and it started with the villa by nora roberts; after that i was hooked and i went back to buy more and more....came to a point where i dont buy anything at the mall now except books; in the last 2 weeks ive bought and read like 4 of her novels and its sooooooo good; i love her characters and can relate to at least one in some way or shape; so as my romance novel addiction grows ive expanded outside to nicholas sparks and i absolutely loved the notebook; i cant wait to see the movie and i also look forward to reading a walk to remember since i love that movie; but omg sparks has such a way with integrating structure and theme its amazing; that and his words are simply breathtaking; i cried a few times while i was reading; ive just been enjoying all these different stories and i get so lost in them and i cant put it down; ive been forcing myself to go to bed because i know i need rest for work tomorrow; its such a reward to be able to finish a novel and i get so excited when i walk into the book store; lol i know im so dorky but im absolutely hooked;
speaking of shopping my mom and i went shopping tonight and i picked out a really cute shirt for her and she bought me my guess watch; its absolutely feminine and gorgeous; very classy and delicate...i didnt really think shed buy it for me but hey since she did im not going to complain; i also found a super cute calvin klein spaghetti strap for a good sale price so im having a wonderful night; i get to waitress this week so that means finally putting some money in my piggy bank and also rewarding myself with a new novel *winks* i went to staters yesterday to pick up my cancun/bday/davids bday pictures but they werent ready yet so im hoping tomorrow will be better; i cant wait to get them back
so today marks our 2 month ann; its so weird...2 months haha ive never made it past 2.5months so well see how this goes; and were doing well actually; hes been calling me a lot and ive been pretty happy; we mostly have been talking about the future as well as the past; and despite all my complaining ive done on here he really does treat me well; its weird the other day joe and i were talking and somehow it led up to marriage and i told him i never really thought about marriage except with joe, brad pitt and matt damon; i guess a part of me still feels like i dont know tuan all that well but i also know im still young and that hes being pressured to settle down soon; his mom wants a wedding next year (with whom as the daughter in law i have no clue) and i know his younger sister is waiting for him to marry first before shell accept her bfs proposal; and i think because i know this i saw him as a husband the other day; it was completely out of nowhere like a freudian slip and it totally shocked me but i really dont see myself with him for the rest of my life; im not saying that its not what i want but im saying i just see us now; i dont really know if it will end that way for us and id be a very lucky girl if it did but i know were two diff ppl with quite diff backgrounds and beliefs; it wouldnt be a smooth marriage just as it hasnt been a smooth relationship; it is now but we all know the problems that have arised; when i think about my bf i think how lucky i am to be with someone who is so caring and sweet; he is so well mannered and family oriented it reminds me to be thankful that hes in my life; since we cant always be together some times ill just close my eyes and relive a night we spent together or even just a particular moment that only lasted a few seconds but itll put a huge dorky smile on my face and thats how i know i love him; because of the little things about him warm my heart and im a better person when im around him; i like the me that shines thru when he puts his arm around me or tells me how i pretty i look; its a confident me who doesnt know anything else exists except for the feeling inside; haha how sappy this entry is getting...no more romance novels for me;anyways, to end it i just want to say i love the guy and ill leave you all with a quote:
"Know that i love you, that i always will, and that no matter what happens, know that i have led the greatest life possible. My life with you."
-The Notebook, nicholas sparks Current Mood: lovedCurrent Music: come what may~moulin rouge
|Sunday, August 1st, 2004|
i dont know if its due to the fact that after high school we all go our own seperate ways and those paths might not intersect but ive been feeling really lonely; i mean i know that i have friends who care but today it just felt like no one truly understood me and that i really dont have anyone to talk to; almost like no one really cares...i mean i tell joe and vicky everything and i feel like im bothering them sometimes; kinda like they "listen" and "respond" but really would rather not hear about my problems; at times i feel selfish for always bringing up such subjects but its been really bugging me and i just need advice; it just doesnt seem fair; im the listener in my group of friends; im atentive and i offer good advice (pretty damn good if i do say so myself) but who do i go to for advice? who will listen to me and offer me help? i just feel really all alone and its like inside im crying out for a true companion;i guess thats kinda why my friends are so close with their bfs because those boys offer that companionship; someone to fulfill the empty hollow feeling other friends havent been able to do;i dont even know if anyone understands what im talking about which is exactly why i feel the way i do;
anyways tonight was much more productive;i really cleaned out my room; i threw away a lot of clothes that i dont wear and also i sorted out all my shopping bags that i dont need; then i even organized all my pictures and put them into the albums that they belong in; i also sorted out all my mail...my room looks really nice right now its kinda sickening.. you know what else i realized today? i always complain that i dont have anything to wear but after doing all my laundry im so tired; its like i have 5 of everything in every color; and i spend a lot on clothes; i looked through and i remembered how much i paid for my anf shirt or my guess tank top or my polo shirt and its like geez no wonder im broke; that and i love treating ppl out; i need to learn the b word...thats right folks... b u d g e t. man that was hard;i think imma bounce; all that cleaning really wore me out; ciao Current Mood: confusedCurrent Music: where is the love~black eyed peas
|too much drama
sunday....my day off and all ive done so far is watch movies; i watched donnie brasco and secret window on my dvd player while eating; ive also done kareoke today and so its been a super lazy unproductive day so far; im still trying to kick myself into going to the gym which btw i missed aerobics this morning; last night was the party for david and im still trying to recover from screaming sugar hypered kids; geezo...but i didnt drink at this 5 yr old party lol; i didnt eat any cake but i did eat a lot of eggrolls and i think im going to treat myself to some ice cream later;
well, it seems like i still cant get away from the drama; tuan woke me up yesterday at like 7 and it was really nice cause i miss talking to him but i called him last night and tina answered...AGAIN; so once again i had to go thru the whole ordeal of answering who i am and why i called and this time she told me she was his wife because they live together; i sure as hell didnt feel like putting up with her shit so i told her just to pass him the msg that i called which im sure remains undelivered;i absolutely h8 it; ive never been in a relationship like this where im constantly hounded with questions by a jealous roommate who has no business answering his fone; im sure once i tell him hell be like why didnt you say anything to her and the truth is i shouldnt have to; she shouldnt be answering his fone or telling ppl shes his wife; i shouldnt have to feel like i have to call her names and tell her off just so i can talk to him; i shouldnt have to justify my call and frankly im so tired; i dont have time for these games; so the real question is "is it fair to be mad at him?" i mean technically it is her who is frustrating me but i have told him about this problem and he hasnt fixed it; i cant fix it from here; also he shouldnt just leave his fone out for anyone to answer; every incident with her reminds me how much she doesnt respect him and im beginning to feel he doesnt really respect our relationship; is that wrong for me to feel like this? thats the thing that is confusing me; and i know if we break up then i wont have to put up with her anymore because i wont call anymore but is that really fair to us? she shouldnt be an issue; and i know shes trying desperately to get into his pants but i know he wouldnt; its the idea that the opportunity is there that bothers me; especially since she has no respect for him or his relationship; so now what should i do? try to talk it over again? i basically see her being a repeated problem; i really dont know and i feel just about ready to give up; i have no clue as to what i should do; all i know is that im unhappy; ive been doing a lot of thinking and i think its best off if we were just friends but then that would be like she won cause thats exactly what she wants; i know its not right to think of relationships as winning or losing but i dont know what other options i have; i know that i prolly wont get a response to this since ive been complaining a lot about tina but it feels better just being able to write it out; i think imma go; im sorry once again for this endless babble bout the bitch; Current Mood: aggravatedCurrent Music: dont know why~nora jones
|Saturday, July 24th, 2004|
|happy bday victoria
i dont know why i titled the subject that (well duh besides the fact that its victorias bday) but yeah she never reads this so it doesnt really matter; anyways we hung out today had a great dinner at the italian restaurant that used to be cucina cucina before it got sold and then we saw a cinderella story which was really cute btw. im such a sucker for chickflicks; she really loved all her presents and i took plenty of pics lol cause i still got tons of film;
geez its hot in my room which isnt really that dirty; im just disorganized;
anyways, i finally talked things through with tuan and he had no idea that his coworker was even calling me; he talked to her about it and she totally denied calling me a bitch; that ticked me off but you know i really am just to the point where i dont care; we still have some issues to work out but things are getting much better; haha i feel like such a drama queen after reading my last entry but i really was ready to yell and kick and scream; long distance relationships suck;
i saw that guy that i met at the car wash today; he walked by my work but then started to smoke a cigarette and walked away with a tall blonde that works at the billards next door;he didnt stop in or anything but it was just weird seeing him again;
im tired and its hot its time for bed; I HAVE TO GO TO THE GYM; i havent gone in a while and i really need to go; catch u kids later...not like anyone updates anymore; granted mine arent all that great but theyre there for the taking; Current Mood: tiredCurrent Music: ill be ~edwin mccain
|Friday, July 23rd, 2004|
ive had enough; im soooooo fed up with everything and i think ive had all that i can take; after going to orientation yesterday i got an oil change and then met up with danielle for lunch which was really nice since we havent hung out in forever but during the drive to see her i called him and we talked for 2 minutes and i told him "its been a week since you called me" and he said "i know "and i was like" dont tell me you know" and all he could say was that hes been really busy and tired; it only takes 2 mins to pick up the fone and call to say hey ive been busy sorry i havent called ill call you when things calm down but no hes too busy to spare 2 minutes for someone he "loves". so he promised hed call me back right after he finished up with his last client-guess who still hasnt called; oh but at 915 last night some girl yes the same one who called me the day before called me again on his cell fone and i was sooooooooooooooooooo pissed off; i mean yeah she was polite but still....she was like" did you call tuan" and i said "yeah but i already talked to him and we already finished our business" and she was like" who is this" and i said " this is his gf whos this?" and she didnt answer, just kinda repeated oh his gf....and then i asked for her name and she gave me some funky name and she asked for mine and we then hung up; about 45 minutes later i called on a private number and left him a voicemail saying that i didnt appreciate having girls call me late at night wondering why i call him and speaking of calls he promised hed call me back and he didnt so we really need to have a talk; immmmmmmmmm soo pissed and last night was the first night i didnt cry about everything cause im finally getting over it; im so ready to be single but i want an explanation first before i do anything;
why is it that i always run into these ppl! first it starts out all nice and i totally fall for all their lines but it all ends the same...i get ignored; for once itd be nice to meet someone who will truly care about me and not use lines on me and who really wants to be with me; is that soooooooo much to ask for; i see others have it all the time but can anyone tell me why it wont happen to me; what is it about me that repels guys? i really dont get it and itd be nice if someone would inform me; i really thought he was different; he treated me so well when we were together; i was wrong...
i bought a really cute skirt yesterday to cheer me up; i think im going to grab a cup of coffee before work too; i talked to joe last night about everything cause he knows how sad ive been and i just thought about everything joe and i have been through but it always worked out that wed still end up friends; maybe i should just look for best friends and not bfs; life would be so much simpler; maybe then every guy would treat me as well as joe did; you know things didnt work out for us and they sure as hell werent perfect but ive never been happy as i was when i was with joe; that dork he told me hed call tuan and say hey quyen and i are fucking again so just dont call her its over lol victoria was grossed out when i told her but i didnt want him to do all that; its my problem ill deal with it; its just good to know he still watches out for me; well kids imma go get all dolled up for work in my new skirt with some makeup and curls in my hair (which danielle said looked really cute on me; god i love my momma) so i can knock em dead haha who knows mabey ill meet my new best friend; ciao mwah
Current Mood: upset
Current Music: i wont cry~profyle
|Wednesday, July 21st, 2004|
|i gave in...
i gave in today; i couldnt help it...just a few minutes ago i got tired of waiting for a call that may never happen and i called him; after 2 rings i hung up; i hung up because its 12 over there in ny and i also hung up because i felt like i caved in; i told myself i wouldnt call him because he promised to call me and i wanted to make him realize i might not always be here; why am i making such a big deal out of this? simply because i told him i was scared one day he would be bored of me and he told me when he doesnt call anymore then ill know; how long is long enough? its so frustrating and confusing; i just miss him; i miss his laugh, i miss this cute little noise he makes when hes kinda whining, i miss his grunt when i tell him he's old... i h8 feeling like this;
i just finished up The Five Ppl You Meet in Heaven by Mitch Albom and that is such a great book; i love victoria but anyways i finished it up last night and i was crying so hard; its sooooooo moving and touching and its truly a great read;anyways, it has a totally different perception of heaven and our purpose and i felt so selfish; women used to wait years for their man to return from the war and im upset because mine hasnt called me in a week; you know what though its cause i know hes not in a war and i know i deserve better; this is getting depressing ill update later Current Mood: depressedCurrent Music: dont wanna try~frankie j
|Tuesday, July 20th, 2004|
|i wish it would cool down
another hot day in southern california only today was a much better day than others; let me start with the weekend; weve been so busy at work and ive been sooooooooo tired; im finally getting to do a lot of my errands; on sunday alex and daisy and i celebrated a belated bday; it was so much fun cause i havent hung out with them in like forever; we hung out at alexs for a bit and i got to see his family whom i miss very much; then we went to starbucks and i didnt want them to pay for me so i pulled out my wallet and daisy told the guy it was my bday and he wouldnt take my money so i tipped instead; the barrista also upsized my drink from a tall to a venti as a bday present; it was really sweet but then alex said great youre gonna have to pee and i said yeah and ill think of my barrista as i sit on the toilet peeing and we all just kinda laughed cause it was another one of those only quyen would say that out loud type moments; still, i was quite flattered by the starbucks guy's gift; then we were off to scandia where we felt like we were 13 again; we went on rides, got wet on bumper boats, got cut off by a horrible 10 yr old driver in race cars, played in the arcade and i got to ride one of those 25 cents horses lol it was so funny they took a picture of me spanking the horse ....cant wait to develop em; afterwards we had dinner at the rainforest cafe and that was really good too; i had a really fun time with them and it makes me sad that we dont hang out more often;
today was a good day; i started out by going to the bank and making a deposit (very much so needed i might add) and then off to the car wash cause my car was a month overdue for that too; so anyways theres a new guy at the car wash place who just happens to be white and blond and pretty eyed who came over and tried to get me to fix the crack on my front windshield; i decided to wait and ask my insurance company first since i know they include it in my plan but he introduced himself to me and i went to pay; i always tip so i went back out since i now had change and found him vaccuming my car and i felt bad cause its been so long so i tipped him and he was like whats this for and i pointed at the vaccum and i said its for doing this and smiled and went on my way; while i was waiting for my car to finish he came up behind me and poked my sides and we started talking briefly;anyways, hes such a charming guy; i mean looks wise i thought he was alright but hes quite a good conversationalist and he promised to come visit me at work; well see how that goes....so the point im trying to make here is it felt good to have someone flirt with me even though i was wearing jeans and a shirt, i didnt have my hair curled and i wasnt wearing any makeup; definite ego boost (and also much needed).
last week was our one month anniversary; did he remember? nope, but i figure hey i guess hes one of those year counters (which really sux since ive never been with anyone for over 2.5 months...) but thats not all; he also hasnt called me in like a week, i havent spoken to him in a few days but even the last conversation was" i miss you okk i gotta go ill call you back" and guess who still hasnt called me back....not cute;and he never calls me back when he says he will; i understand hes working and that its a 3 hour time difference and that we went way over in minutes on his cell fone but that doesnt mean he cant email me or buy a fone card or show some kind of effort; hell it wouldnt hurt to show some kind of interest; im really worried ...i dont know but i started having suspicions of him cheating which is normal since its a long distance relationship and weve only known each other for such a short time; and i really dont like the distance but im willing to work it out but there has to be communication; im sooooooooo sick and tired of dating guys who dont call me; mike didnt call and he was only 30 mins away from me and now tuan doesnt call either; needless to say im getting a bit bored and that really depresses me cause i really do like him; so now what should i do? i dont call him for several reasons:
a. hes out of minutes on his cell fone;
b. i always feel like im bothering him and
c. chances are he wont answer or his coworker will (damn hussy!)
but im getting tired of telling myself mabey hell call me today; part of me just keeps waiting and hoping and the other part is fed up with everything; im trying my best to be understanding and patient but its soooooooo hard in a long distance relationship if you cant see your bf, you cant talk to him its kinda like are you even together! i dont know whats going on; i know that being with him like talking to him and physically hanging out with him makes me happy but if this is considered "being with him" then i am definitely unsatisfied; i know it sounds like im ready to leave him but is that what i really should do? its not what i want to; what i really want is to know whats going on in his life and to talk about everything with him; i always talk about him with his sister when were at work and she said too bad you guys didnt meet up earlier when he was here for a few months and had noone to hang out with; that was so sad to hear but i figured we waited for a reason, what that reason is i dont know but someday i will; i just really miss him and i h8 it;
vicky finally came back from vegas and its so cute; for my bday she got me 2 dvds and a really good book which ive been unable to put down; her family got me 2 johnny depp dvds and a picture of me underwater at xcaret in an xcaret picture frame; i was like omg how cute..seriously was going to cry; lol i know im so girly; alex and daisy also got me 50 first dates on dvd, a coffee mug and a really cute i love lucy picture frame with a hand drawn pic inside; definite dorm worthy material;i have such good friends;well imma go clean up my room; catch you l8er;
oh yeah yesterday was my fiancees bday and i got to say happy bday to him; i was so excited and he sent me pictures lets just say my jaw fell to the floor and its still there; damn that boy is HOT; i really mean it when i say hes the hottest looking guy ive ever met on the internet; phew what a picture....im so glad hes mine! i love you babe Current Mood: sadCurrent Music: another sad love song~toni braxton
|Tuesday, July 13th, 2004|
ive been having bad headaches lately; i dont know if its due to the 100+ degree weather weve been experiencing here in so cal or if its cause im not getting enough sleep or if its cause i didnt have any coffee today; anyways its been on and off and its getting so annoying;
actually a lot of things have been annoying lately and i really think my nerves have shortened tremendously; it could be because im flowing but i h8 to use that as an excuse; could be the bc ...damn hormonal changes; anyways i got really irritated at work today; its like i had a fone call and both my mom and my aunt were done with their clients when some more walked in and they both looked at me like why havent you greeted them; hello im still on the fone! and it wasnt like i had a chance to say hold on real quick...and besides its way rude to cut someone off while talking but yeah it wasnt like they couldnt greet them; i was soooooo irked you have no idea; and it happened again when i was on a business call; i feel a little more understanding with my personal call but a business call and i got the same look; plus my headache didnt help much; i feel like i need another vacation already! that and i cant wait to move out; i just wish i was better off financially;
ok now for the other irking part of my life; tuan's coworkers name is tina and she is sooooooooooooo rude; shell answer his cell fone when hes working and shell text back and im like who is this girl; she tells everyone who calls that she is his gf or wife and doesnt want them to call anymore; ok so mabey the first few times i wouldnt mind so much but its a repeated action; its like its not funny. its such a hassle and seriously half the time i dont call because of the probability of it being her who answers; why do i have to be hassled just because i want to talk to my bf! god its so frustrating and im seriously getting sick of it; ive told him about it and he was like just tell her you dont like it and tell her in a manner where shell stop; and yesterday she got on his sn and said the same old story oh who is this why you trying to talk to my bf type deal and i was like im not even in the mood for it; so i signed off and she sent me offline messages ending it by calling me a bitch; oh man i was sooooooooooooo pissed last night where the fuck does she get off calling me a bitch when i didnt say anything to her; im soo ready to go over and kill this girl; well mabey not kill but imma whoop her ass; and i saw him on webcam last night and i got to see her too shes this little scrawny thing and she has a lot of nerve interfering with other ppls business; apparantly they all share a house together out there which was why she was using his name but that still doesnt change anything; i told him to ask her why she called me a bitch and he was like oh i forgot but ill talk to her about it and if she meant it the way you took it then ill yell at her for it; that pissed me off too cause i told him she called his gf a bitch and all he did was promise to talk to her about it; i dont want to stir up any trouble between coworkers and definitely not roommates but she needs to learn how to have some respect; and if he doesnt want to put in more effort into this relationship then im fine without it because i dont have time for all these childish games; that is not why i got involved with someone 9 yrs older than i am; i like him a lot better when hes here; when we first hooked up hed always open my door and hold my hand while driving; hed call me before work to make sure i had breakfast; after work to see how my day went and if i had energy to go hang out; hed call to make sure i got home ok; hed serve me before he ate; and the only thing hed ask from me is to be able to talk to me the next day or see me the next day; i miss all those little things that make him so different from everyone else ive been with; i miss being reminded of how well he treats me and how he talks to me because he really enjoys talking to me; i dont know i guess i just miss him in general but i know im tired of the games tinas playing with me. i just need to get over it; well i have more to say but no energy so ill catch yall l8er; oh andf why the hell is it 84 degrees right now! Current Mood: contemplativeCurrent Music: are you that somebody?~aaliyah
|Monday, July 12th, 2004|
sorry for all those entries; it wouldnt update so i kept having to redo it and it just dawned on me i have like 40 of the same entries entered; anyways tonight's entry will have to be a quickie as i am way tired and have to wake up early tomorrow; i so need a car wash its not even funny;
so news lets see....its official tuan and i are dating; i dont know i mean i really like him and he can be such a sweetheart but were kinda getting off to a rough start; i feel like i call too much and he only calls when hes missed one of my calls; its like if you really miss me like you keep telling me wouldnt you call me since you cant see me? does it make sense or seem the least bit logical to anyone else! and ive been feeling a bit pressured about a lot of things; i dont know oh and his coworker is totally getting on my nerves; i can take a joke but shes totally rude like all of the time and has no respect for him whatsoever;i dont know ill explain more later;
finally turned 20; hardly anyone remembered my bday...a bit disappointing but it was expected; i lost 54 dollars at the casino that night but oh well ill get over it; i have a lot on my mind but i cant seem to express them without getting upset; imma bounce ciao; Current Mood: aggravatedCurrent Music: dont mess with my man~nivea
|Tuesday, July 6th, 2004|
|the joy of responsibility...
i came back from my cancun vacation on sunday just in time for a good fourth of july party filled with illegal fireworks and some damn good cooking; so much has happened since i last updated and i really wish i had more energy to write all about it but i guess for now a list will have to work; sorry guys....
*i met a really nice boy; we got to hang out for like a week but he already left for ny which is where he lives...sux to be me i know but ive never met anyone whos treated me so well; for once i finally found someone who truly treated me the way i always thought id never find;
*i got a b in chem and a c in bio which means i can still transfer; woohoo for me!
*i got a sunburn in cancun which is now turning into an ugly tan...i look dirty...
* cant wait to go back to vietnam; just waiting for vy to get her passport and oh btw she got her drivers license finally...
*side note shoe i miss you and you shouldnt let anything she says affect you; besides it sounds like she needs to move on not you babe.
*i turn 20 this saturday...god im getting old!!
ciao babes i miss you sean i havent talked to you in forever; anyways im out for bed... Current Mood: disappointedCurrent Music: u just bring me down-michelle branch
|Wednesday, June 9th, 2004|
its time to party!
so my summer is finally starting;i just finished my last final which i was 30 mins late to thanx to oversleeping and not hearing my alarm go off this morning; oh man but im done; hopefully....just wanted to do a quickie and drop off some thoughts....
*18 more days til i leave for Cancun....im so stoked!
*Brian called me and invited me to his housewarming party, i dont want to go by myself but i dont know if i can bring anyone and does anyone want to go with me anyways?
*still no internet at the house yet so i wont be updating for a while, unless i go and rent some internet....seems so unfair!
*hella work at drama, cant really talk about it tell you more later
well kidds i gotta run but i hope everyone is well and to hear from you all soon even if its just rambling.
Current Music: breathe~michelle branch
|Tuesday, June 1st, 2004|
why is it that no one updates anymore? and the thing is im rarely on, youd think thatd mean id have more to catch up on but no such luck...well anyways i had a pretty good weekend; despite some drama going on at work yesterday was a great day off; hooray for holidays! i drove out to cabazon where yes i once again went shopping lol what a surprise i know but yeah it was a lot of fun; i got a bunch of cute new tops and 2 pairs of flipflops and then we went to the casino where i won money! yes siree i won like 25 but then i lost 17 so i only came up 8. then i saw a machine that called to me ( and yes i only play slots cause its easier and i really like pulling down on the handle) but so anyways i put in a 5 and it was a quarter machine; i then hit two rows of triple 7s and i had over 200 credits so i cashed out; i came up $54 and i was like im good to go; i spent like a little over 60 shopping so winning 50 was like yay for me; hehe i had another hour to kill in the casino so i walked around getting free drinks lol ahh the life of a person whos carefree; sure is nice! well anyways i really gotta go but ill prolly update tomorrow; ciao and take care as always
|Thursday, May 20th, 2004|
ok so once again since im at school this has to be a quickie but I, (yes me) GOT ACCEPTED INTO THE UNIVERSITY OF CALIFORNIA AT IRVINE! eee i know i cant believe it either; i was really expecting 4 rejection letters; i did it guys im out of riverside! im so stoked like you dont even understand im so happy; for once in my life i feel like something good is finally happening to me; i found out on monday night and on saturday night i received my financial aid for like 1400 so on sunday i went shopping; i think i blew like 200 in less than 2 hours; ive had a pretty good week; im still busy as all hell though i have 2 weeks left of classes and then finals; i finally wrote my research paper for my biology class and im hoping to get a decent passing grade in there; im still in shock i cant believe i got in; and ive been celebrating hehe; what else...god it feels like forever since ive updated i feel like i should have more to say....
the whole brian issue, hes really busy and i understand that so im not all obsessed with him but i do find myself strongly attracted to him; i dont know the more i know the guy the more perfect he seems to me and finally meeting someone like that scares me because i dont think i have a chance in hell with the guy and im scared ill never meet someone as wonderful again; mabey im being too pessimistic but its depressing to think you finally found someone perfect for you but you cant have them...and im pretty sure itll be rare to find someone who can match up to him...sighs...
so anyways as far as guys go i just wanna hang out and have fun; i figure i shouldnt really get involved because i dont want to be distracted from school especially since im still planning on going into med school; (of course brian is an exception lol) oh yeah i got some free tickets into a male strip club down on santa monica blvd so thats where ill the saturday finals are over lol; woohoo free lap dance for me!
well im gonna get going cause i have to go to work so ill try to keep you updated sooner; oh yeah shoe- how are you! i feel like i havent talked to you in forever and i tried calling you but as soon as it rang i realized you dont stay there anymore. hope all is well and id love to hear from you again;
one last thought- BRAD PITT IS HOTTTTTT! omg that movie is wonderful i saw it on friday and omg can we say orgasm! the man has a body like a greek god it was absolutely great; i enjoyed all 2 hours and 40 some odd minutes of it and im up for seeing it again;and again and again and again; and to top it off he has some really witty lines; hes not just pretty hehe; sighs...imma go; catch yall l8er.
Current Mood: fortunate
Current Music: its been a while~staind
|Thursday, May 6th, 2004|
|im so sick of being lonely...
okkk so heres the deal; last night skipped spanish class (did i mention im getting the highest grade in there!) and went to the b.i. to check out hot guys line dance; so we took wendys car and then she met up with her fren jenna there and after 10 mins they totally ditched me; granted i was hanging out with catrina and her frens but wendy totally just left me; she told me they were gonna go walking around; did i get invited to walk around and check out guys? no. did they invite me to dance with them ? no; and whos the one who got wendy to go here in the first place? me thats right me; i thought itd be a cool place for both me and her to hang out and meet some new ppl; and all the times weve gone ive NEVER left her to go hang out with catrina; i dont know it really upset me and then after being left they came back to me 2 hours later talking about one of her friends just broke up wiht her bf and shes in tears we had to go blah blah blah.... so of course that meant i had to go; and the only reason i put it like that is that lately wendys been trying to do everything that isnt her, everything that isnt mormonly accepted and i think thats the real reason why they left me is cause im not into all that junk; besides doing all that doesnt make you cool or look hot or anything its just stupid; so when they told me we had to go i figured it was cause they had found a house to go drink at; i dont know i was just so upset last night and i can be totally wrong; their friend could have been really sad and needed them but it doesnt change the fact that wendy ditched me last night at the bi; and everytime i think about it i get a headache;
oh and another thing when victoria told me she didnt want to hear all the details about brian it really hurt my feelings; i dont know it just seemed like she was disinterested in my life and another thing that has been irking me is her obsession with her boobs; yes i know shes naturally endowed but come on now boobs really arent all that great and if i was really jealous id go get a boob job but im not jealous cause im fine wiht my boobs; i just wish shed stop rubbing it in that shes bigger; so what does it make her any better of a person? no;
and to continue on with my venting ive never felt so alone as i do now; i think thats why i really wish i had a bf cause i feel a need for companionship in my life and i know a bf would offer that; i look at danielle and wanda and think how lucky they are because they have that; their bfs are their best friends and they never have to worry about feeling lonely; can we say im envious? no i just wish i was as lucky as they are;
and another thing why IS it that im single! am i ugly? no ive seen uglier ppl who are taken; is it cause im not a size 0? no ive seen sizes 30 with bfs; so what is it that repels the male species from me? i have no idea whats wrong with me but it can end right now; well now that all that is off my chest im going to go to math class; god i miss being able to vent every day... i cant wait to have internet access again;
i wish someone would save me from my misery.....and i wish i could believe that i had real friends who care about me.... Current Mood: pissed off
|Wednesday, May 5th, 2004|
The absolute best thing happened to me on thursday april 29: I FINALLY MET UP WITH BRIAN; omg that boy is sooooooo freaking gorgeous and hes a total sweetheart; we met up in santa monica at a starbux and had a really good conversation; he then drove us down to the santa monica pier where i saw my first dolphins in person and it was sooooo cute; they swam together in the clear green water....omg it was such an awesome time; that and hes very well mannered; he offered to pay for my drink and he opened all the doors no matter where we were and he didnt sell me when we were walking on the streets; ive never been so happy before but of course as he tells me hes ready to start dating should i take this to mean me? well, it was an option that lingered in my mind but not anymore; we were talking the other night and he brought up how nice it was to hang out with a girl his own age(he told me no offense) as opposed to women who are 19 or 35; so for sure now i know that the possibility of us hooking up isnt one; im just simply too young and of course that sucks for me and i can understand his point of why he would want someone whos at least 21 but i still say its his loss (at least thats what gets me through the night and makes me feel a little bit better). but so yeah in conclusion were still friends and i think its going to be a beautiful friendship(as long as i dont let any feelings interfere...did i mention hes a great hugger? damn men and especially the really hot ones...)
onto other news still havent heard from any schools...its a sign i didnt get into any and theyre trying to torture me..... i think my pessimism is kicking in...
so the reason im updating is my bio lab was cancelled and im in the library but i gotta go so ill ttyl! oh yeah im so ditching spanish tonight and going to the b.i. so i can stare at some hot men line dance....mmmm! ciao Current Mood: depressedCurrent Music: the reason~hoobastank(why not every1 has it for their song)
|Sunday, April 25th, 2004|
so im on my uncles comp and getting ready to get off; just wanna do a quickie so ill use the listing method and expand later
*bought the 13 going on 30 soundtrack and i love it; has liz phair on it
*saw that movie last night and cried; i wish i had someone like that
*brian is still alive and actually talked to me today; i almost gave up hope on that...
*gotta run....need sleep Current Mood: blahCurrent Music: liz phair~why cant i
|Friday, April 23rd, 2004|
still searching for an answer....
sorrie its been soooooo long since ive said anything; ive been so busy as per usual and i just cant seem to find time to do anything; as far as spring break goes i went shopping most of the time and i did go to the brandin iron on wednesday oh man that was the highlight of my break it was so much fun and there were tons of hot guys; mmm yummy! but other than that i just worked and didnt really get to do much; i wish i coulda gone to the beach that woulda been real nice but i plan on vacationing a lot this summer;
im still really stressed about school; im still stuck in this never ending search to find out who i really am and what i want to do with my life; in other words i cant pick a major or even a career; i wanna help ppl and i just dont know anymore in what way; im still thinking about premed; i think being a doctor would be the most rewarding job for me but is it really what i want to do? do i really want to take all those science classes?! i dont know and i h8 not knowing; if anything im the planner in my group of friends; i make all the decisions and i do all the plans and i h8 not knowing what i plan for myself; i talked to wanda and she said she was totally 100% behind me if i felt it necessary to take a year off and be me; it felt good to know i do have some options cause right now all i feel is like im trapped; stuck against a wall that has a ticking clock to remind me my time of being indecisive is almost up; at least now i know staying at rcc for another year is an option that many may not agree with but might be exactly what i need; i feel so unaccomplished but i know i dont want to make a irrational decision to please others; on to some ungood news i didnt get into ucsanta barbara; my first rejection letter hit me hard and im doing better now but still it was like such a wake up call; so was my discussion wiht my cousin julie; shes so helpful god i love her; enough about school...(wait one more thing; im ranking 3rd in my spanish class and 4th in my math class...santa barbaras loss if you ask me-i didnt want to go there anyways!) lol okk so now that thas out of my system....
joe and i are talking a lot now and its great; i forgot how pleasant it is to have someone who cares about you call you all the time; ive been hanging out with friends that i havent had a chance to lately which i like; i finally saw alex daisy danielle and wanda and it was so much fun; i really miss them and for once i dont feel that much alone;
i have a lot more to say but no time; oh yeah soo good to see that other ppl are updating and are still alive; always a pleasure to know my blurty friends are still active and i made a new fren; this person added me so im hoping not to disappoint em; hehe gotta run hope to be on soon until then take care and muah;
|Thursday, April 8th, 2004|
|one more day of school til break
oh man i just simply cannot wait for break; i have no idea what im doing (prolly nothing) but the idea that i can sleep in til 8 is overwhelmingly exciting; i think im going to take a day off from work next week and go shopping in santa monica and then out to the beach over there; thatd be really nice...and yes shoe i know i go shopping alot but its my favorite leisure activity and i can do it by myself and not feel like such a loser; it was really good hearing from you by the way; i just finished up my math midterm and im getting ready to go back to work and then off to the gym tonight; i cant wait for tomorrow! im so jealous this girl is on msnger and i dont know if i can download it on here so i kinda dont want to but its not fair cause shes on it and not me; i wonder if brian left me a msg....oh man i havent talked to him in forever; we havent called or emailed or anything; i just figure hell call when he wants to talk or when he has time; i dont know; joe is thinking of coming down in september instead; i dont know what my schedule will be but im sure ill make time to at least see him once while hes down; afterall, itll be 2 years since weve known each other;
has anyone else been having bladder problems? its like i dont need to go i know i dont and all of a sudden bam i have to go instantly; i swear its weird and its getting to be a regular scheduled bam like right as i get in my car and am on my way home, 20min drive gotta pee like right now; i dont know should i go see a doc? im not drinking that much more water....i dont know; i should get to work though ill update again soon; take care!
ps hey shoe when are you coming out to la? id love to meet up with you and hang out (haha we should so go have a drink together) Current Mood: anxious
|Wednesday, April 7th, 2004|
3 days til spring break....
okk, so i just got out of my bio lab practical which went rather well actually; alot better than my bio test before the practical; and get this i still get to take another test tonight im so excited(insert mega sarcasm). i convinced my math prof to let me take my midterm early so i can send it to uci asap; i really hope it wont be too late; enough with school....
so the brandin iron was a lot of fun and im glad i got to hang out with wendy cause we never talk anymore; i think were gonna start going a lot more (plus there were a lot of hot guys there!) and catrina is a really good dancer; i was like wow shes really good at that;
went shopping yesterday; found a really cute dress to give to vanessa for easter (afterall, she is my little sister too ) and vicky and i are going to go see passion (finally) on good friday; i think ill treat her to the movie for easter; i dont know what to get her family though since i will be celebrating easter with them; im going to mass and then over to their house to hang out and easter egg hunt! im so stoked;
as far as spring break goes all i have planned is to go to b.i. with wendy on wednesday night.....does anyone want to take me out????! lol i dont know i guess ill be working....great way to spend a week off....
i still dont like the idea of not having internet access at home; im working on it but i dont know how soon itll get accomplished; and i wish i knew how long im staying here.....i feel so unorganized; i dont know where im going to go to school, i dont know where im going to live and i dont know what im doing for spring break; of course these are all minor problems but yeah still there....
oh yeah so its weird 2 days ago i called joe to talk for a little bit and we ended talking for an hour before we hung up and he called me back to talk for another hour; usually we talk for like a few mins but we had a really good conversation it was weird but really nice; actually he told me he still thought about what if we were still together and how things would be different; it was obvious to me that he still felt bad about how things ended between us but i told him that we cant change any of it and that we really grew from that experience; i hope he feels better i mean it wasnt anyones fault; we both hurt each other but thats over and done with;
i went shopping yesterday and i had fun; and get this i didnt walk into anf; hehe i know i was like wow but i really didnt have time to spend shopping i just stopped there for an hour to have lunch and do some quick shopping; oh yeah it was so nice outside i had lunch by myself on the patio; it was a good lunch too and for once eating alone didnt make me feel like i should commit suicide; (more on that later if you dont know the reference)
on saturday vicky and i saw the prince and me omg that movie is soooooooooo cute i loved it and i love julia stiles i dont know why ppl dont think shes pretty and shes a really good actress; i wish i could fall in love with a prince (especially a prince like prince joel lol) i think i decided what i want to do with my life- become an actress and live out my fairy tales through my works by doing only chick flicks; lol of course my career would not last long but at least id be living a dream (even if it is fake). well off to work i go hope to talk to you guys soon and you ppl need to be more active! props to shoe who is an active updater and keeps my friends list interesting!
Current Mood: whatever
Current Music: john mayer~ my stupid mouth
|Thursday, April 1st, 2004|
wow it has been a super long time since ive updated; even longer since mommie updated (hint hint) well ive been really super busy; im all moved out and as soon as i find out whether or not i got accepted into a uc ill see how soon ill be moving again; my spring break is in 12 days...(seems like forever since everyone already had theirs) and i cant wait; im so estatic but however i do not like all these midterms and papers that are due soon; so that means ill have to bust my bum off before i can get a break; life isnt fair.....
i went to disneyland with vicky and danielle on sunday; it was so much fun i had a really good time even though my tan didnt even out; and i was feeling really sick but im a lot better now; words of advice: dont eat the fetticuinie(spell check) at mimis....anywho, i think catrina and i are going to go to disneyland again for our spring break; im excited the snow white show was really cute and i got to meet my fiancee james; omg that boy is flaming gay and extremely hot; lol adrian was like mija you need a straight local boy and i said im just attracted to gay men; i think i need a metrosexual; haha that or find a hot guy so queer eye can fix him up for me; speaking of guys wendy and i are going to the brandin iron tomorrow; im so excited cause ive only heard good things about it there and i wanna go out and have fun;
bank situation is getting alot better; im learning the word "balancing" and after i learn that then i can master the b word...yes bu..d.get; ouch that hurt! im on the comp in the library again cause i still dont have internet access at my house yet...sucks cause i have my comp all set up too; man im getting really tired ; id love to stay on longer and chat but i have to go to class so ill catch yalls later;
oh yeah seanie im so happy for you! its about time some boy made you happy and esp if its a boy with thighs that can crack walnuts;
as for shoe i called you punk and you werent home; lol i hope youre doing well sorry to hear bout your class and youre not allowed to miss her and shes not allowed to miss you; end of problem! hope to talk to everyone soon and take care all.muahs. Current Mood: blahCurrent Music: singing john mayer in my head