| Memorial. |
[27 May 2008|08:18am] |
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mood |
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I was thinking about soldier deaths yesterday. Since, you know, it was Memorial Day. And that reminded me of something that happened when I was between the ages of 12 and 15.
I was in Portland, living there or visiting; I can't recall which. Mignonne's parents took us to a traveling replica of the Vietnam Veterans Memorial Wall. I don't remember too much about it. Just that we were looking around for what felt like a very long time. I was in a reasonably good mood, kind of wandering around feeling like, "Well, this is an interesting piece of history!" like when I'd visited the Statue of Liberty when I was eight.
Most of the rest of the visitors didn't seem to have that same feeling. It was a very somber event. Mignonne's parents spent a good portion of time looking through names. Her mom cried when she saw her brother's name and several other friends (I assume). The whole thing made me very uncomfortable.
So, I was thinking about it yesterday. Trying to figure out what the hell my problem was. Why didn't I have any empathy for Mignonne's mother who lost her brother, but these days I'll cry for strangers and even fictional characters?
And that's when I remembered something I haven't thought about for a long time. Maybe I've written about it in years past? I used to have this weird reaction to death. If I'd known the person, I would be devastated when they'd die. Crying and crying, unable to imagine the world without them. But if I didn't know them, I would just try not to think about it at all.
This made for some awkward times when friends would grieve loved ones. I didn't know how to react, and they would interpret my reaction as not caring. It wasn't that I didn't want to care. Maybe I just couldn't care. I don't know. It was like I was afraid it would just open the floodgates of pain and I couldn't handle it or something.
I can't remember exactly when I finally changed in that regard. I do recall a "Wellness" class I took during my first college quarter. One of the sections was about death and dying. I was very uncomfortable with it at first, but by the time the class was over, I think I was more balanced. For the first time, I was able to see that my non-coping strategies had probably hurt some of my friends. And I'm sure the stuff I worked on with Jake helped, too.
Sometimes it's weird to think back and remember that I had such a hard time being a normal human being for so long.
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| Nightmare of You Day. |
[27 May 2008|10:14am] |
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mood |
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 tired |
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It's Nightmare of You Day! Which is like Rex Manning Day. Except... not really. Not at all.
I remember way back in March when Dwayne and I found out NOY would be coming to Seattle in May. That was so long ago. But now that day is today!
Too bad I have The Cold and am miserable. But at least I'm not as miserable as I was yesterday.
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