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IndiMay

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Aught. [13 May 2008|08:32pm]
[ mood | weird ]

It has been my intention to refer to the years in this decade as "Aught [number]" when I discuss them in retrospect. So, if you catch me calling a year in this decade "2006" or something similar, please remind me that it should be Aught-Six.

Thank you!

3 comments|post comment

Oh, ho! [11 May 2008|06:59pm]
[ mood | tired ]

I'm supposed to be rewriting my synopsis RIGHT THIS MINUTE. Naturally, I took a few minutes to put together an entry about scrambled tofu instead.

Now I've discovered the secret to why I haven't been updating this journal with quite the regularity as I used to; I haven't needed a reason to procrastinate from writing my fiction!

1 comment|post comment

Scrambled tofu! [11 May 2008|06:44pm]
[ mood | tired ]

One of the first things I ever looked to cook as a child was eggs. Scrambled eggs, over-easy, hardboiled. I made them all. Frequently.

Then, somewhere around seventh grade, I started hating eggs. I don't know what happened. Just the idea of putting them in my mouth made me sick. I hated them so much that one day when I forgot my homework at home and started sobbing and sobbing in history that I was going to get a zero on the assignment -- WHICH WAS NO FAIR! because I'd done the work -- and was then taken to the school nurse, and eventually home, I came back to school and told my friends I'd gotten sick and my mom took me to the doctor who said I was allergic to eggs! A few of them seemed skeptical. In hindsight, I think it's because they all thought I had The Cramps and didn't want to admit to it or something.

I kept that lie going for the rest of my time at that school. At sleep overs, I'd have to stay away from the omelets. You know. Because of my allergy. (I'm not sure that I've ever eaten an omelet in my life. I learned to make them my senior year in high school. But I'd cook them only for others. I never even tasted them myself.)

But a little over a year ago, I had something called Scrambled Tofu at a little hippy-ish restaurant in Portland. It was delicious! It's like, all the stuff I've been missing out on with eggs all these years. But there are no eggs included! I told my sister about this concoction and she duplicated it for me last Mother's Day. And then again, this Mother's Day! Mmmm. So tasty.

(In case you're curious, she used firm tofu, sauteed red peppers, mushrooms, black olives, onion powder, garlic powder, and ground black pepper. All this was "scrambled" in a skillet until heated through, then topped with cheddar cheese.)

7 comments|post comment

Herbal Jazz Cigarette [08 May 2008|10:10pm]
[ mood | tired ]

Another Nightmare of You post! Includes a baby story!

"Herbal Jazz Cigarette" - Track 5 on "Bang!" - happens to be my second-favorite NoY song. Part of the chorus goes like this:

I know, I know, I know
That I'm so crazy.
I know, I know, I know
Because you told me so


Since I listen to NoY quite frequently and know all the words to this song, I sing along when it's playing. Ella, who is almost two, likes to sing, too. She dances and gets all rowdy when this song, in particular, comes on. And she sings along in her little baby voice, "I know, I know, I know!"

So freaking adorable.

2 comments|post comment

Twitter? [08 May 2008|09:34pm]
[ mood | nerdy ]

So, I know that people use Twitter for, like, posting updates or whatever. I don't know how it all works and I've been too lazy to look into it. (And my office firewalls against it, naturally.)

But now the members of Nightmare of You keep posting all these MySpace bulletins about their Twittering.

I... kind of want to know what they're up to all day long. [/hopeless dork]

2 comments|post comment

Driving tempers. [04 May 2008|06:34pm]
[ mood | tired ]

From as long ago as I can remember, my mom always had the road rage going on. She'd get pissed about whatever some other driver was doing and shout at them from safely inside our car. "Why don't you learn how to drive? Yeah, you. Idiot."

It was embarassing for me. And I'd feel sorry for the other person sometimes who was getting called "buddy" or "dumb broad" or whatever. Like, maybe they weren't such a bad person! They just made a mistake! Why judge them for this ONE little incident when they might be totally nice in other situations? Why all the hate?

But when I started driving, I understood. People out there are fricken IDIOTS! No joke. My own insults were more colorful. "Dickhead" was a favorite. For men and women! And then my younger sister would get embarrassed and feel sorry for the people. "Just because she cut you off doesn't mean she's a 'dickhead,' does it?"

Oh, yes. It did mean that. Totally.

But then Lindsey grew up and learned to drive. I think she might be the worst of the three of us for getting that hate on. She cusses, she honks the horn, she flips people off. Oh, my!

She doesn't do these things unprovoked or anything. Only when dumbass mother fuckers really deserve it, I'm sure. ;-)

3 comments|post comment

If only it were real! [30 Apr 2008|10:36am]
[ mood | weird ]

I frequently receive emails about scholarships and grants I've been awarded, iPods I've won, free trips to Costa Rica, and the like.

I must be crazy because I simply delete these emails. Think of all the hundreds of thousands of dollars in cash and prizes I fail to collect every month. It's mind boggling!

2 comments|post comment

Six-Word Memoir [22 Apr 2008|07:43pm]
[ mood | tired ]

Sorry for the rush of posts! I just remembered that I didn't do that Six-Word Memoir Amanda tagged me for ages ago. Since I'm being kind of bipolar lately, I'll do two:

Has a sickening need for validation.

and

Loves to love to love you.

2 comments|post comment

Oh, pants! [22 Apr 2008|07:32pm]
[ mood | tired ]

I am attending a writers' conference this weekend, so I bought new pants. (Or trousers, some of you might say.) The pants are too long. I took them to the nearest dry cleaners/alterationist to get them hemmed. He didn't have a changing room and didn't want me to go into his bathroom - which must have been very dirty indeed. Instead, he waited OUTSIDE THE SHOP while I changed behind a big old rack of clothes.

It's weird that a place where one goes to get clothes cleaned can be such a disaster area. I'm hopeful whoever sews for him won't fuck up my pants!

4 comments|post comment

Oh, Neko! [22 Apr 2008|12:30pm]
[ mood | tired ]

Dwayne has created monster. No matter where he is or what he's doing, he lets Neko sit on him. She has actually taken to stalking him throughout the house. Sometimes she's silent as she does this; sometimes she vocalizes her demands that she sit his ass down so she can get up on him.

Somehow, some way, her obsession is now extending to me. She spent thirty minutes this morning standing on my desk trying to convince me to let her on my lap. I would love to tell you I refused to give in, but she finally wore me down.

1 comment|post comment

Chocolate-scented hair. [19 Apr 2008|02:09pm]
[ mood | blah ]

I want my hair to smell like chocolate!!!!! I can't explain how this came about or why, but it's just The Way It Is.

Philosophy makes some chocolate stuff that is a 3-in-1 shampoo/shower gel/bubble bath. I tried some samples of Chocolate Frosting and Dark Chocolate (each only available at present as part of gift packs) and also bought a bottle of Red Velvet Cake which has sort of a chocolate-covered cherry scent.

There are two problems with this stuff: 1) the scent doesn't seem to be very strong or long-lasting and 2) there isn't a corresponding conditioner.

I've spent some time today checking around for other chocolate-scented shampoos and conditioners online. To my dismay, the pickings are very slim indeed. Serendipity 3 makes a shampoo/conditioner (which, according to the one review I've spotted thus far has a long-lasting scent). I don't like that there isn't a separate conditioner. My hair is long now, and very fine. I need to condition every time I shampoo or bad things happen. I'm concerned that using a non-chocolately conditioner will cover over the scent of the shampoo.

I also found Chocolate Soy Milk Shampoo, but I can't find out much about it. And again, no conditioner to match!

One reviewer said John Frieda Brilliant Brunette smells like chocolate and coconut. But it isn't advertised that way. Also, I'm pretty sure I've bought this brand in the past and I don't remember it smelling anything like that! I also read a review for a brand called "Fudge" that got a low score for smelling more like "faux chocolate." I can't tell by reading the descriptions from the sellers that it is actually meant to smell chocolatey, so I'm not sure whether to even bother.

Any suggestions?

4 comments|post comment

Writing again. [17 Apr 2008|08:09am]
[ mood | groggy ]

I guess I've kind of been missing from this journal lately. It wasn't a conscious choice. I think the deal is that with the novel querying and stuff going on that I've had bunches more personal emailing happening with people wondering what's happening (answer: not much, actually). After I've typed up responses to that stuff and had entire email conversations with a few people about everything, it feels redundant to talk about it more here. It kind of sucks because this is supposed to be my record of my life and I'm doing a terrible job keeping track of it.

Anyway, now that I'm here, I don't have much to say. Two months ago today I finished my novel. Yesterday, I finally started a new one. It isn't that I've been doing NOTHING in all this time. I've been revising, pondering feedback, working on pitches, researching agents, sending out queries, researching, planning, reading, etc. But yesterday I finally opened a document and started actually started typing stuff for my new project, tentatively titled: STOP THE BLEEDING. I worked out a "pitch" which is more like a brief description of the character's emotional journey. I still have no plot.

In other news, my husband is in two bands (I mentioned that before, right?). He is so busy with work, band rehearsals, and gigs that we've hardly seen each other lately. He told me he commented to a coworker, "It's kind of sad when your wife works from home most days and you still don't get to see her."

True that.

3 comments|post comment

Anxiety and such. [09 Apr 2008|06:52pm]
[ mood | thoughtful ]

I've been keeping this journal for over five years now. It started out as my Therapy Journal and kind of evolved from there. For a long while, it was my writing journal, but I've been posting most of my writing stuff elsewhere. Sometimes keeping things separate is helpful. Sometimes it's confusing. Like, where should I post this? Where does this entry belong? If I want to read it later, where will I want to look for it?

I'm researching anxiety, phobias, and Post-traumatic Stress disorder for a new manuscript I'd like to start working on soon. (This is the same one I mentioned several weeks ago which is a connected novel from the point of view of Rosetta who was an important character in my last one.) I did a bit of research on this in early-2007 because, I had to diagnose her and figure out how to write her. I got enough information back then to write her dialogue and the way Seth saw her. But now that I'm planning to actually be in her head, I need to know more.

I think most of her recovery will have taken place off-screen since I am envisioning an eight-month gap between the end of TFM and the start of this new one. I'll still need to know what that recovery looked like since it will likely be referenced regularly in the narrative, and will have a pretty big impact on whatever it is that is going to happen in this story. Luckily, my own diagnosis started out as PSTD, so I can apply a lot of my therapy stuff to her. I'm even imagining that she'll have her own Jake complete with crazy-uncomfortable conversations and non-stop crying in sessions. Good times.

Anyway, my point in writing about this is that I bought a book about anxiety that touches on all the things I need to know about Rosetta's issues. I'm only on page 60 so far, but already I'm learning some good ideas that I can use in the story. I'm almost wishing there was a way that she had a simple phobia OR Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder because that would surely simplify things. Of course, then her backstory wouldn't be quite what I've already written unless I was going to ret-con it. Which I am not going to do, of course.

I'm also recognizing some of these anxiety issues in myself. It was getting pretty bad back in November and December, but has tapered off. Finishing the manuscript in February helped a lot with that. But I still have anxiety over certain little things regularly. Maybe this research will help me get it figured out. Killing two birds with one stone. Score!

3 comments|post comment

Phish Food! [07 Apr 2008|08:22pm]
[ mood | impressed ]

My husband goes through ice cream phases. He'll get addicted so that he's going through a couple of pints of Ben & Jerry's every week. Then he'll decide he's gaining weight and will give it up completely for a month or so. Then it starts all over again. When the addiction is going, we usually buy two pints at the store each visit. One for him and one for me. Dwayne will finish his quickly. And then he will finish mine in my absence. And then I will go the freezer and bitch when I see that mine is all gone.

Anyway! For ages now, my favorite has been Half Baked. But after another month-long ice cream ban around these parts, we picked up two pints yesterday, and I got Phish Food on a whim. I thought I'd had it and disliked it several years ago, but let me tell you, it is fucking delicious to me right now. I think it has sailed right on past my beloved Half Baked.

3 comments|post comment

Blind Melon live! [03 Apr 2008|07:24am]
[ mood | groggy ]

I've been adding to the "Bands I've Seen Perform Live" entry I made awhile back. (If I added local bands, this list might double. But I can't be bothered right now. Maybe I'll do a separate list someday.) On April 1st, 2008, I was able to add "Blind Melon" to the list. Whoa.

If I had a search function in this journal, I could find past entries and link to refresh your memory about this. But I don't! So, I can't! And I don't have time to manually search my archives all day! Okay, here's the most recent mention. And here's the wikipedia entry for the band, just for good measure.

The show was all ages and I hadn't bothered to even listen to any Blind Melon in the days prior to the show since I've been too obsessed with Nightmare of You! Also, I was feeling some hesitation over the new lead singer thing. I don't want to be one of Those People, but I was a little concerned about it. After over twelve years away, I kept wondering why would the band reunited to play those same old songs. We all know they're writing new songs, and have a new album coming out this month, so why didn't they just reform with a new name and simply move forward from there, throwing in a few Blind Melon tunes at their shows? I guess I was concerned that it was going to feel like Blind Melon karaoke, and then I was going to be weirded out and embarrassed.

I needn't have been concerned. Dwayne and I selected to stand on the side of the stage where Brad's (the bass player) stuff was set up. From what he'd seen on recent video footage from a prior BM show, he thought Rogers (one of the guitarists) was going to be on that side, too. As it turns out, Christopher (the other guitarist) was on our side. Right in front of me. By, like, three feet or something! There were times when his guitar and hands were mere INCHES from my face. And he shook my hand at the end of the show. I shook Christopher's sweaty hand! And Dwayne grabbed one of Christopher's dropped picks off the stage floor. I put it on my keychain. (Brad and Christopher are my favorites. I've listened to some of their side projects and seen them live... at least five times now.)

The band opened with "Galaxie," my favorite BM song. Which was very, very cool! But as the set went on, I actually wished they'd saved it until later. I think it would have been a great last song before the encore set. (Why don't bands ever consult me on these things?)

The set was 21 songs, and they interspersed about a half dozen of their new songs into it. Dwayne was diappointed that they didn't play "Soul One," and I guess I was, too. But it had never occurred to me that they would. (That's two shows we've attended in a row where the bands played MY favorite song, and not his.)

As far as the Blind Melon karaoke, it didn't feel like that at all. I mean, this was the real BM drummer and guitarist (both of whom I'd previously only seen in pictures and video)! And Brad and Christopher, of course, who both looked like they were having a lot of fun. I didn't have the best view of Travis, but he performed with energy and has a strong voice. And since the only BM performances I've seen with Shannon have been on video, I wasn't standing there all nostalgic for the olden days. (Although I have to say, I kept thinking about how it would have been such an awesome venue to have seen those guys in back then.)

For "No Rain," Travis and Brad only sang parts of it into the mic. Mostly, they indicated that the crowd should sing it. Which we did. I felt kind of corny doing so and kept wondering if the band even enjoyed playing this song anymore. The one big single that made them "One-Hit Wonders" according to VH1. But they were smiling. Especially Brad. And then I got over it. Brad wrote those lyrics over sixteen years ago, and I imagine it must be pretty cool thing to him to play at a club and have a few hundred strangers sing his own song to him. But maybe that's just my non-rockstar self talking.

Dwayne said he feels like the sooner they can move on to more of their new stuff live, the better it will be. Because Travis is a good frontman, and not just a Shannon replacement. I agree. Looking forward to the new record!

2 comments|post comment

Freaking myself out. [28 Mar 2008|08:31pm]
[ mood | crazy ]

I've been a little crazy with music lately. But maybe it isn't just lately. Maybe I've been like this before, but I've forgotten?

I keep getting addicted to certain bands. Like, insanely addicted. I will listen to the same albums over and over and over again. I try to stop, but I CAN'T. If I put on something that isn't the music of my obsession, I feel anxious. Must. Change. The. Music. Having an iPod instead of a CD player has made the problem worse. Before, my laziness would prevent me from getting up and crossing the room to switch the music. Now that all the songs are at my fingertips, I have no reason not to. I have no control.

It extends beyond just the iPod, though. I am clicking all over the internet to learn more about the band (not necessarily the individual members; usually the band as a whole), reading reviews, wanting to buy myself band merch! (Which, is one thing I've been able to keep myself from doing. But, oh, how I want it!) As you know, I also just took a trip across the country to see a band! I spent a very big chunk of my tax return to see a band! And while I was out there, I became obsessed with another band whom I will be seeing again in May here in town! And, you know, I would do that every month if I could. Every WEEK. Just fly out to where ever to see whatever band I wanted to see.

******

I just reread the above paragraphs, but I don't think I've written it well. I don't think these words can possibly make you get this feeling I'm trying to describe. It's like nothing in the world is satisfying if it isn't happening while I'm listening to [My Most Favorite Band of the Moment/Week/Month/Season]! I feel empty without it; I feel high and ALIVE with it.

As I've been typing this, I've had the iPod playing a band who doesn't happen to be My Current Obsession. On purpose. To keep me from listening to the sixteen songs I want to be listening to for what could easily be the sixteen-hundredth time. (Hyperbole. I've only had eleven of these songs for less than 36 hours.) I can hardly breathe. I don't know what to do with myself.

I... kind of think I need to start writing again. It's been five full weeks now. I've been busy as hell with Book Stuff. Everyday! But I'm not creating anything new. I've been planning my next story in my mind, but I haven't created a new file, pondered a title, worked on an outline, or even written a single WORD of it. (For the curious, my plan right now is to write a connected novel from Rosetta's POV to take place about eight months after my previous novel ended.)


Edit: I couldn't take it anymore and switched the music back to what I was trying to keep from listening to. Instant relief followed by euphoria! I made it only forty minutes without it.

2 comments|post comment

Bite me. [26 Mar 2008|05:36pm]
[ mood | annoyed ]

You know how sometimes you'd accidentally bite the inside of your lip while you're eating something and then it gets all big and swollen so then you keep accidentally biting it over and over while you continue to eat and the cycle just keeps going?

I know that feeling, too! It happened to me yesterday, so I tried to avoid eating most of today to give it some time to heal. But then I got too hungry and had tacos. Things we going swell for a time. But then I bit myself again. REALLY hard.

Ow.

1 comment|post comment

My Magic 8-ball might be fucking with me. [26 Mar 2008|04:39pm]
[ mood | silly ]

Today I asked the Magic 8-ball if the sky is currently gray and cloudy, if NiƱa is fluffy, whether Specific Editor will buy my friend Mandy's manuscript, whether Agent A will offer me reprensentation, whether Agent B will offer me representation, whether Agent C will offer me represententation. The answer to all of these questions was some variation of "yes."

WHOA!!!!!!!

But then I started doubting the validity of the answers. I mean, that is too much good stuff. So, I asked, "Does Dwayne love me?"

It said, "Very doubtful."

I suspect that Dwayne really does love me. Unless the 8-ball knows something I don't know! So, I'm wondering whether it has been lying to me all day or if it just got irritated that I asked another "tester question." I am resisting the urge to ask it to clarify.

(FYI: I don't really believe in the Magic 8-ball. At least, I don't think I do. But if all these things do come to pass, I might have to start believing my Mom's theory that The Devil is in control of Magic 8-balls. Except... why would The Devil be able to predict the future? That seems like something only A God would be able to do.)

6 comments|post comment

Nightmare of You. Ash. [25 Mar 2008|09:24am]
[ mood | contemplative ]

One of the bands who opened for Ash on the 17th was Nightmare of You. Neither Dwayne nor I had heard them before that night. Since then, I've become quite obsessed.

Nightmare of You's set started out a little rocky: the bass player couldn't get any sound out of his bass. For over five minutes, he messed around, trying to figure out what the problem could be. The other band members tried to help him. They were checking cords and switches, and brought out in a new head to switch out. But from up high where Dwayne and I were hanging out on the balcony, we could see that the bass tuner was on which was the thing causing the lack of sound from the bass. (Okay, I didn't know what I was seeing; Dwayne told me.) I had a feeling it could be a long, long time before they figured out the real problem so I sent Dwayne down to the main level to save the day. And he did! He couldn't get the band members' attention, so from the floor, he simply reached up onto the stage floor and turned the tuner off. Instantly, the bass started working. Magic! There was applause all around and the lead singer went up to the mic and asked Dwayne, "Do you want to play bass for us tonight?" So adorable.

I liked the music right when they started playing, but it wasn't until their song "I Was Never a Normal Boy" that I was completely won over. Afterward, Dwayne and I talked about it, and he said that was the song that did it for him, too. This is one of the things that is so cool to me. In a Venn diagram of Dwayne's and my music tastes, there are plenty of things that fall outside the convergence, of course. But overall -- lately, at least -- the songs and bands that we like best have been along similar lines. I love that we were both moved by the same song at the exact same moment.

We bought their EP "Bang." Also, Sunday, I ordered a full-length CD from 2005. Nightmare of You is playing a U.S. tour starting soon and will be in Seattle in May. I really hope we can make it out for that.

Anyhow. Ash was the main event, of course, and they did not disappoint. For being such big fans who have all their CDs and who flew across the country to see them, it's pretty odd that Dwayne and I didn't know the band members names or what they look like. We were sure we wouldn't be able to spot them in a crowd. I did point out a guy whom I suspected to be a member of Ash, and as it turned out, he is the bass player. So, score one for me!

The lead singer - whose name I still don't know, although it would be easy enough to open another window to look it up - was very polite and charming and modest. Or that's how he came across. He seemed like he was geniuinely glad to be there and thankful for the turn out. The bassist was moodier-seeming. But I liked that about him. The drummer, well, I didn't pay much attention. Despite being married to one, I rarely pay attention to drummers. Sorry!

I was surprised by the set list and by the crowd's reactions to the songs. Dwayne and I had never even heard of Ash until "Meltdown" even though in the UK and elsewhere they've been around for ages. The next CD we got was "Twilight of the Innocents," which is their newest. Then I got "1977." After that, I ordered all the rest on the same day.

These are the albums in order of my preference:
1. Twilight of the Innocents
2. Meltdown
3. 1977
4. Free All Angels
5 & 6 (toss up). Trailer and Nu-Clear Sounds

Dwayne likes them in this order:
1. Meltdown
2. Twilight of the Innocents
3. Free All Angels
4. 1977
5. Nu-Clear Sounds
6. Trailer (Although he's hardly listened to this one because I listened to it in the car and he never uploaded it to his iPod until after we got back from NY. I suspect he might like it better if he'd heard it more than twice. Maybe.)

Anyway. So that's where we're coming from as fans. In general, we both feel that their song writing has gotten better over the years. We were hoping and expecting to hear a bunch from the two latest albums with the occasional oldie-but-goodie thrown in. They did play some from each of the newer albums, but really, they were playing stuff from every album pretty equally I'd say. I was amazed by how many songs they chose to do from Trailer and 1977. Those songs are SO OLD. I think they have a lot of charm in that they were written by teenage boys (and they feel like it, too, I think). But those old songs were the ones that the crowd went crazy for! The songs from Meltdown and Twilight didn't get nearly the same reactions. Well, except from us.

I'd say that the only real disappointment of the night was the they didn't play "Starcrossed" which is the song that originally turned Dwayne and me onto this band in the first place. But they did play the title track of "Twilight of the Innocents" which is my favorite song of theirs of all time. I wasn't expecting to hear it live, but it ended up being the last song before the encore set. I was so happy, I almost cried.

15 comments|post comment

I'm back! [21 Mar 2008|04:46pm]
[ mood | tired ]

I feel like I've spent most of the day getting caught up on correspondence today. I don't even know what the the hell I've been writing about!

I'll do a big old NYC post later. But for now I'll just say that we had an amazing, but exhausting time. I did everything I'd set out to do: watch the Ash show, meet with an editor, and see "The Starry Night." And I did much more besides! We were in the city what amounted to three full days and it just wasn't long ENOUGH.

Photobucket
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