Caiaphas' journal

> recent entries
> calendar
> friends
> profile
> previous 20 entries

Monday, February 9th, 2004
7:23 pm - random ness

Are you left-handed or right-handed?: Right

Are you smart?: Is this a trick question?

What's your middle name?: Ashley

How many personalities do you have?: how many licks does it take to get to the enter of a toosie pop? The world may never know………

How many piercings do you have?: 2 in the ears

Can you do a cartwheel?: Yup! Sometimes I even land on my feet!

Do you have bangs?: nope I never have had them

Do you have contact lenses?: yes and God bless them! I can see!

Can you drive?: Yup.

What do you drive?: My white ford taurus (also my sign) His name is Dover (come on Dover move your bloomin arse!

Do you snore?: No

Do you drool in your sleep?: Like a dog, and my cat will forever shake her head at her in ablity to change that

Do you lick your envelopes or use a sponge?: Lick.

What languages do you know?: French and a wee bit of elvish (still learning) I can read braille too (grade one)

What's the best awards show?: The Screen Actors Guild Awards. Would say the Oscars but must see what they do this year first ( GO PJ!)

Do you like onions?: nope make me sick

Do you like cotton candy?: were? Were? I wants it!

What instruments can you play?: Highly skilled at the kazzo…would love to get paino lessons

What words do you overuse?: Ummmmm…. sushi

What do you sleep in?: soft lose clothing

What's your bedtime?: latly around 12 cruse Pippin!

How many pillows do you have?: Have or use?

Do you like to dance?: Yes diffenlty as the 8 ball would say

Do you like to sing?: Almost as much as I like to dance.

Are you any good at it?:I never can find out people leave so quickly…..

How many cds do you have?: not enough

How many times have you moved houses?: twice

Do you like where you live?: home is were the cat is…was..I miss my kitty!

Is your room messy?: Is the pope catholic?

Do you like to finger-paint?: on purpose?

Do you sleep with stuffed animals?: yup my pound puppy fred

Do you sleep with socks on?: NO!

Are you ticklish?: yes mostly because I’m not a touchy feely kind of person

Are you shy?: People who have known for a while foret it but yes I am.

Do you talk to yourself?: don’t interupt me when I’m talking to myself and the other objects in the room!

Are you a morning person?: More so then a night person but college is changing that

What's your favorite outfit?:anything a cloak goes with

Do you believe in ghosts?: Yup.

Do you believe in bigfoot?: well my step dad ….

What do you do when you're nervous?: rub my nose

Who's your role model?: Beauty my (late) cat My mother, Lon chaney, my 8th grade teacher…

What celebrities do you act like?: Been told sandra bulluck in miss congenalty


Called You?: Julie

Slept In Your Bed?: me.

Saw You Cry?: my families both of them

Made You Cry?: I think it was at Return of the King, actually. . .

Spent The Night?: Julie

Shared A Drink With?: ruthanne

You Went To The Movies with?: Julie

You Went To The Mall With?: my mom

Yelled At You?: Beate my teacher

Sent You An Email?: julie

Said They Were Gonna Kill You?: were’s my list….


Been To New York?: I wish

Been To Florida?: Yup.

California?: Please GOD let me go !

Hawaii?: Nope.

China?: Nope.

Canada?: Yup.

Danced?: yup

Stalked Someone?: no

Had A Mud Bath?: Nope.

Have you been close to death before?: Yup.

Wished You Were The Opposite sex?: Oh, yes. Damned menstruation.

Had An Imaginary Friend?: yup

What Are You Going To Do After You Finish This Survey?: Go post it on my livejournal,

What was your last meal?: what I could identify? Um pine apple and capten crunch

current mood: nerdy

(comment on this)

Sunday, February 8th, 2004
5:04 pm
I'm bord very very very bord. I've clean the room I've eatin i went shopping the only thing I have yet to do is my homework, oh I even did my good ded for the day and replenshed my coke supply.wish I were home I want to see my kitten and play bunny with him and my mom to snuggle and watch movies with her while eating cheese and fruit. sigh, I hate being bord, it's boring.... maybe I will do so tests online always a time killer

current mood: bored
current music: new age station on netscape radio

(comment on this)

Monday, February 2nd, 2004
6:06 pm - have been reading LOTR fanfic...
I am Elrond, Half-Elven. My brother Elros and I had
the choice to remain immortal or become mortal,
he chose a mortal life while I stayed immortal.
I am considered one of the greatest Elves
because I have experienced many things in
Middle Earth like the Battle of the Last
Alliance against Sauron, I witnessed the
slaying of Sauron and if I had possessed the
One Ring, I would have destroyed it then and
there. I ruled Imladris for many years after
that. I sailed to the Undying Lands along with
the rest of the Ring-bearers at the beginning
of the Fourth Age.

Which Elf Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

(comment on this)

Thursday, January 29th, 2004
11:03 pm - luney days
I'm thinking it must be a full moon or something people are acting odd many are stress depressed and all sortsa stuff. basicaly insane. but for once it's not me so ring the bells and celebrate.Right now and latly I've been on task with school and life and I'm doing well. I don't ask for much more then that well maybe a handsome hobbit at my door but hey we can dream of that

You are Form 9, Vampire: The Undying.

"And The Vampire was all that remained on
the blood drowned creation. She attempted to
regrow life from the dead. But as she was
about to give the breath of life, she was
consumed in the flame of The Phoenix and the
cycle began again."

Some examples of the Vampire Form are Hades (Greek)
and Isis (Egyptian).
The Vampire is associated with the concept of
death, the number 9, and the element of fire.
Her sign is the eclipsed moon.

As a member of Form 9, you are a very realistic
individual. You may be a little idealistic,
but you are very grounded and down to earth.
You realize that not everything lasts, but you
savor every minute of the good times. While
you may sometimes find yourself lonely, you
have strong ties with people that will never be
broken. Vampires are the best friends to have
because they are sensible.

Which Mythological Form Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

current mood: good
current music: canterville ghost theme

(comment on this)

Monday, January 26th, 2004
9:32 pm - hey I wrote a new story!
thanks to Luthien who edited it.

This is who I am. Me. This body, this mind, this person. No mystery, no frighteningly powerful darkened soul, just a man. If you were to try and guess who I was simply by my words, I do not think that you would find me out. It is amazing what appearances can do to a person's view. What rumors and whispers can achieve if you do not answer them, and simply stay silent in the shadows. You see, if you saw me, you would not believe me. But with words, I have a chance. With words, I can tell you that I am the monster people say I am. After so long in hiding, I have become those whispers and rumors, because I haven't fought back. I am who I am. I am the basterd that calls you names; the dark; the hand that squeezes the hope out of your heart. I am like the manifestation of anger from those who do fight against the cruel words of untruth shouted at them. And yet somewhere inside, I may still have some part that was once me, the one who could stand out in the sunlight; the one who could speak the truth in my mind and heart. I am someone who, long ago, had to understand that when this fight comes to an end I might have lost myself completely. Dumbledore once told me that courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgment that something else is more important than fear. And in truth, everything in world seems easy after living in my own shadowy world. But, in my heart, I fear everything. I fear that when this is over, no one will care who I am, only see what I have become. Dumbledore has given me faith and trust that he knows who I am. I just hope one day Harry be able to know who I really am, and that the hated anger in the darkness from me is really hope unspoken asking to one day be really seen.

~From the pensive of S.Snape

current mood: satisfied
current music: rain

(comment on this)

Friday, January 23rd, 2004
6:26 pm - Still not king yet...
Not much going here, resuppled cokes finished comentary on TTT. V. good. and read though very secret diarys. last part obvius. still miss my kitty. school going well. snuggle in new room is good much warmer in this dorm although no more snowball fights. major bummer. got these quizes from Luthien:

Your wings are BROKEN and tattered. You are
an angelic spirit who has fallen from grace for
one reason or another - possibly, you made one
tragic mistake that cost you everything. Or
maybe you were blamed for a crime you didn't
commit. In any case, you are faithless and
joyless. You find no happiness, love, or
acceptance in your love or in yourself. Most
days are a burden and you wonder when the
hurting will end. Sweet, beautiful and
sorrowful, you paint a tragic and touching
picture. You are the one that few understand.
Those that do know you are likely to love you
deeply and wish that they could do something to
ease your pain. You are constantly living in
memories of better times and a better world.
You are hard on yourself and self-critical or
self-loathing. Feeling rejected and unloved,
you are sensitive, caring, deep, and despite
your tainted nature, your soul is
breathtakingly beautiful.

*~*~*Claim Your Wings - Pics and Long Answers*~*~*
brought to you by Quizilla


To which race of Middle Earth do you belong?
brought to you by Quizilla

current mood: silly
current music: firei n the head

(comment on this)

Sunday, January 11th, 2004
9:42 pm - I want to be brave...
I'm tring very hard to be brave but i still feel so empty. for awhile I'm fine and I can function ok but I don't know i feel numb like nothing can get inside this deep hole. hot cold hungry thusty I feel them but I don't. i just feel like I'm missing something like there is a big hole near my left sholder. I want to go home and cry in my mom's arms, but I can't I have to keep going and i am trying but some how my world seems to... I only larn this yesterday that my kitty was gone, some ho it seems like it has already been far to long without her, I feel like I haven't gotten to say my goodbye yet. I just wanted to say goodbye in the manor proper for my kitty with a hug and a kiss and a gentle touch to the cheek. I want to cry but i shouldn't right? I want to cry, I want to cry

(comment on this)

8:43 pm - Ashley's worst meomry
My kitty passed away. so I'm just sad, I miss her so very much and will forever until I get to see her again. She was my sister my mother and my best friend and I love her very much. I feel empty and lost, like I can't find what I'm looking for. But her picture across from me says buck up kid we've got jobs to do and places to go but we'll see each other again, we alway come back togther in the end. and you know she is always right. And I was told to always do what the cat says!

current mood: sad
current music: memeory

(comment on this)

Wednesday, January 7th, 2004
9:41 pm - la de da
not much going on litioning to TSO thinking about the sushi, wanting to get some sleep or read or do somthing not to susre what .... hummm the verdict is in this enrty is completly pointless the end

current mood: blank
current music: Angel came down

(comment on this)

Monday, January 5th, 2004
1:19 pm - my walet is sobing
Oh my poor bank account is crying I just payed my tution and my books and because I lost my scholoship it is coming entierly out of my pocket ouch i may have to cry. I am only taking 4 classes but get this I have 11 freking books. 11! Agggggg. I had to cash in bonds. It hurt it really did but it's my own stupid fault, but believe me i think school means a bit more now that it's my money paying for everything.

I think i need a hug

I have a picture of beauty on my desk her llok says plainly "get to work kid"

You are going to Marry Josh Hartnett. He is really
shy, but don't let that fool you. He is really
outgoing and sweet with those he loves and will
be loyal to them for the rest of his life.

Which male celebrity are you going to marry? (10 results that have pics!)
brought to you by Quizilla

I don't know who he is but I won't say no.!(14%20outcomes%20with%20pics%20for%20anyone)

Elijah Wood
Please rate this quiz I worked hard on it thanks
and I hope that you had fun

What Celebirty are you going to MARRY?!(14 outcomes with pics for anyone)
brought to you by Quizilla

I'll take him!

current mood: worried
current music: if I could find the cd: ROTK Into the West

(comment on this)

Wednesday, December 10th, 2003
2:34 pm - randomess in attempt to take up time before study session
just looked at the thanksgiving pictures from this year, and man is my face readable it says very plainly in quite a few shoots"will you get that damn camra out of my face!?" I'm not sure if this url will work but it's me and my family and I'm dying to put captions on them.

Me mom and scott are just not partiers, it's out only elf like tendencys othwise we are very much in every aspect of our lives hobbits.... or hobbitscross breeded with Cat philosophies

yuck... do i really have to go and study for math? I know it will get me to canada that much quicker... sigh just tommorow morning and then I'm done with the whole wreched semester. (GLORY GLORY HALAJUA!)

SELENE: You are selene!
Beautiful, vivacious,
fierce and seductive, Selene vowed she would
destroy Lycans after her family was murdered by
the werewolves. So ruthless is she that selene
is a member of the Death Dealers. This elite
Vampire warrior class's mission is to make the
Lycans extinct. This 127-year-old
"aggressive hunter of the underworld"
combines a mastery of ancient weaponry with
modern pleasures, such as driving Jaguars and
using computers. However, Selene's ambitions
are suppressed by Kraven. She longs for
Viktor's reawakening so that he becomes the
Vampire's regent once again.

Ever wish
you could be a vampire?
Click Here to become a Vampire!

Which UNDERWORLD character are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

never seen this show but hey whatever.

current mood: bouncy
current music: LOTR fellowship theme

(comment on this)

Tuesday, December 9th, 2003
11:56 pm
Stupid hobbit, that all I've got to say on myself at the moment, just being stupid

current mood: crushed
current music: that tune that plays when you do something stupid

(comment on this)

Saturday, December 6th, 2003
1:21 pm - to a personality test on line
pretty accurate I'd say

I'm a O90-C41-E37-A83-N22 Big Five!!

Check out my Morality! 69% liberal, 31% conservative

too true on these things these where neat tests (and real ones not something like quizila) introsting I think we should take them and compare all of ours be introsting to see where we stand on the morality parts too, I never would have said I was liberal.... I just have my own brain.

current mood: contemplative
current music: none right now

(comment on this)

1:33 am - randomness late at night
As if you were born into a world of tears, you
always tend to look at the darker things in
life. Inside you crave attention yet push away
society, and you're a hopeless romantic. Drawn
to things like the occult and mysteries, you
spend your time daydreaming of

What Type of Soul Do You Have ?
brought to you by Quizilla

You have a dominant kiss- you take charge and make
sure your partner can feel it! Done artfully,
it can be very satisfactory if he/she is into
you playing the dominant role MEORW!

What kind of kiss are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

Your soul is bound to the Solitary Rose: The

"When I wake up alone, the shades are still
drawn on the cold window pane so they cast
their lines on my bed and lines on my

The Solitary Rose is associated with loneliness,
melancholy, and patience. It is governed by
the goddess Merope and its sign is The Sword,
or Unrequited Love.

As a Solitary Rose, you may be summed up as a
hopeless romantic. You desire love and have so
much love to give, but thing just never seem to
work out the way you want them to. In life,
you can be very optomistic, even when things
are gray and nothing works out to your

What Rose Is Your Soul Bound To?
brought to you by Quizilla

You don't suffer from OSD! You enjoy every minute
of it... :D

Do you suffer from OSD (Obsessive Snape Disorder)?
brought to you by Quizilla

You are a Conservative Snapeist.

Like the Orthodox Snapeist, you acknowledge that
Snape often behaves pretty badly in the books,
but you prefer to focus on the mitigating
factors, and the fact that Harry doesn't
entirely understand what he's observing. You
may write/read stories exploring Snape's return
to Dumbledore, and the redeeming sacrifices
he's made to protect Harry and the wizarding
world in general. Hey, the guy's been through
a lot -- cut him a little slack!

What kind of Snapeist are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

You are "Bittersweet" by Fuel. You
observe the inane and volatile world around
you, knowing that you are a part of what has
been happening. You accept what has happened
and take responsibility for the consequences.

Which song representing Severus Snape are you? ( Harry Potter based quiz )
brought to you by Quizilla

current mood: sleepy
current music: Happyness (your a good man Charles Brown)

(comment on this)

Saturday, November 29th, 2003
11:00 pm - Suriver Thanksgiving
When last the tiki torch was passed on.... Just kidding well sort of ... a majorty of the family has now left (thunderus appause!) just the grandparents remain. I'm surprized beauty has not booted them physicaly out seeing as they do not understand her supreme intellegentcene and position as leader of the world.. Speaking of her highness I have now givin her two shots on my own. (go me) and seeing as i hate needles with a passion thats saying alot but I will do anything for the well being of that cat. Coke update is good becauase of two wonderful people who brought me not one but two caes of coke... bless them. Mortis is still on the mend he feels better while soking but still very stiff and brused. but he contiuses to type on.. I will try to get in some relaxing time in tub and in bookstore before I must depart but i do have lap oblogations to fufill for the cat. until then this is kai and mort signing off and thinking about warm covers.

current mood: tired
current music: I will survive

(comment on this)

Friday, November 28th, 2003
5:10 pm - Thanksgiving mayhem
Thanksgiving bad holiday but good food. is it time to go back to school yet? heeee at least for grandpa's party I get to sit next to reltive I like and not the ones that have sticks up there arses that and my grandfather gave asked me to rea the poem he wrote to his wife. ( it'sa there 50th anniversary) so :P to all the relevtive that are crummy! me and my cusins are watching galxey quest now while we get ready to go and eat. Mortis is still sore and in his cast but doing well he just wises gloves were an opption with tonights outfit...actully I have no idea what I'm going to wear tonight...something to show of the figure though or rather lack of figure. (Edited comment that should not have been made because it wasn't nice) rolls eyes. Not to long till canada! beaut is telling me to get off my tail and get dressed in my good furs now so bye!

current mood: bitchy
current music: We've got Magic to do just for you......

(comment on this)

Saturday, November 8th, 2003
9:10 pm - Long
Dear God... please give me a normal boringly advrige day in which nothing more remarkable then wearing the same t-shirt as someone else happens....please?

My mom just called to tell me that my kitty is diabetic. Anyone who knows me will understand imeddetly how this would effect me, one I'm glad it's as simple as that and that we've caught it, but also that this is the kind of thing that I might needed a bit of comferting on because it is my kitty. And don't get me wrong I'm glad my mom told me and I'm glad and I told her so. but sometimes I wish she would let me just feel what I need to feel She seems to think I need to be toldthen we should move on to a safe topic like napkins for halloween when I despratly have been looking for someone to just listion to things that have been troubling me and simpathize and and ...I guess what i'm saying is I wish I could just be able to say that Ineed someone to just hear this sympathize and that way I could feel like someone knew what I'm doing and whats bothering me and then they could just give me a hug say it's ok pat on the back and then I would be able to move on, I've done it for her but.................. uh I don't know what I'm tring to say. Everyone I know including my parents had bothers and sisters to talk to about things that go on in there life someone else who is sharing similer experences or has been though then before and is willing to just listion. I don't know. I just talk to myself, and for the most part go everywere in life thus far on my own so that I make mistakes and misunderstand things that others have had people to explain things to them. Take collage for example, I didn't understand what it was really, I mean it I just didn't know. My mom graduates from collage in the 70's, things have changed a hell of alot since then. I'd never had any frineds that were close enough both in friendship and in situation that could give me somewhere to turn to, by the time I've taught myself the ain't just sailed all ready the whole damn crew has gone suviner shopping in the next port of call. I mean don't you think it's sad when your mother stops in the middle of a joke and says to her 19 year old daughter "do you know what an orgasim is?" I mean come on! Doncha think that question was coming a bit late from her? I must say though that learning these sorts of things from a computer by youself and from movies is not the idel way to learn it. I mean jee wiz! But the thing is that I feel like life likes to though me in the middle of things first see if i adapt to it and then send me back to the beginning and learn all the things that would have helped had I known about it. Yes I realize I get myself into my own messes and I've had to get myself out of them too and It's really my own stupid falt for getting into lost in the first place I feel like God could have at least meantioned something that there are easier ways to get there then what I......... I have no idea what I want to say. i can't even explain this fully to myself. Oik wia t maybe tis example is better. when I get sad or upset what I want people to do is to just sit next to me and hug me and hold me and let me know that even though _____ happened they are there to say hey your not alone. I guess when I was little I must have just kept making things sound worse and worse and tryied tooo God I don't know. I wish I had a mirror image of myself that I could talk to that could answer back to me so i could sort things out. but then I guess in the end I'd still be talking to myself wouldn't I? I just need my kitty she always let me explain everything to her and even after she'd still be there just letting me hold her. I can tell beauty the worst things about me and in the end she doesn't care about it because she loves me and I love her. I think I was emnt to be a cat.

hell what am I going on about? I must sound like a pscho. I don't think the paragraph even makes sence anymore does it?

(comment on this)

Tuesday, November 4th, 2003
11:56 pm
I have coke and sprite I am at peace with the world.

You're the smirk,a frown-smile hybrid that's a
little bit cocky and usually associated with
evil or arrogant,but attractive people.You
probably just don't give a damn,but it's
everyone else's fault if you don't because
you're too awesome to have any real faults.

What Kind of Smile are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

current mood: calm
current music: Queen -bicycle

(comment on this)

Sunday, November 2nd, 2003
11:05 pm
I had a great weekend but by the end of rehersal I was in tears. anytime I try to gain order and be a SM the older pompuss asses decide to be hypacritcal as all hell. The worst was when one did that and then later he came to appologize (ya julie the one with the nice voice) an I cried. I almost ran out into the street in hopes a semi would put me out of my misary. my directer seemed determined to snap and argue at me to, Also for some reason If I suggest anything it is instently wrong stupid and amicherish. But If one of my asm's says anything they respond nicely with thank yous and such. Nobody even said goodbye to me or waited for me at the door. The worst thing is is that there is no place to go and just cry and scream and get eveything out.

I have to keep wondering why I am here at school at all. I seem to be just costing poeple time and money and it seems like I'm just in the wrong place. I wish i had been intellgent in high school and had picked a college, I just didn't understand and didn't want to leave but now that on mistake has fucked up my life permintly (sorry for the langue but I don't care really) I am nothing here and I am just messing it up further and wasting peoples time. But I can't find a place were I can stay out of peopels way. I need a shrit that says "third wheel". Thats what I feel like.

right now i just want to go home and hug my kitty and tell her I'm sorry I left her and . I just wish I could make things ok with my grades AND SCHOOL AND MONEY AND KNOWING AND stupid caps butten! I just need a hug and and some way to talk with my mom. I need a hug a bath and a large sleeping pill.


After reading though Luthins journal I feel bad for complaining. and yet it's nice to no that someone is in the same boat ( or rather rapidly sinking peice of wood flooting in the water) the only reason I wasn't yelling I quit in pippin tonight was because I got to enjoy my weekend and was able to forget about some stuff for a bit and have some good meals under my belt. I still need a long talk with my mom , well at least were she just hugs me close lets me cry and say what I need to say cry get huged and she can tell me that everything will turn out ok and give me a direction to go in.

current mood: crushed
current music: stupid pippin music

(comment on this)

Tuesday, October 21st, 2003
12:51 pm
Wow I had a request to update fancy that. well lets see tonight I'm auditioning for a play called the Illusion and I really want to be in it it. Let me say that again I REALLY WANT TO BE IN IT! clear enough? there is a wizard very akin to Snape and that part MUST BE MINE IT MUST BE! I have been practicing and reading the damn play over and over again, but I think in the end I'll get to the audition and do something diffrent I just hope I get the part. I really want the part with all my heart. i've read the play in the origanal french I've researched it I've done nearly everything short of bribeing the director. just cross your fingers and pray for me!
In other news I got to see a really cool dance company from colorodo called Cleo Parker Dance ensamble, they were really good and really duncon like. I also got to take a master class with the preformers so that was fun and hard! but I can now strech much further then could at the age of 8 so GO ME! Right now I'm putting off rewritting a paper on this terrible play called "Fefu and her friends" The title says it all folkes! It's hard to write something intellagent with a name like Fefu (feh-foo). I also need to write a couple of diffrent papers on the dance I saw two 3page papers in my dance classes and one for my theater class. oy. errg that fefu thing in due in an hour half of which will be spent walking to said class. errrrg I need a nap

On the up side no Pippin rehersal tonight because of auditions, so at least a few more hours until I have to hear Magic to do again. although the cast did diside my Harry Potter charecter would be Snape.... what are they saying about how I stage manege? hummmm... *snape like smerk*

it's the little things in life

Catherine. Pippin's lover! She is sweet,
understanding, caring, and compassionate.
"A widow with a small boy and a large
estate." She inherited the estate from her
deceased husband.

Which Character From The Musical Pippin Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

current mood: determined
current music: Morning Glow (ya it's from pippin)

(comment on this)

> previous 20 entries
> top of page