| Back in Action! | |||
| 03:02am 24/05/2007 | |||
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Wow! Talk about -busy-! I get back in town, and I don't even have time to unpack my stuff! The only familiar people are Ramone, Natalie, and Dwayne. Oh... and the new Watcher. And I'm -still- not allowed to scan the books for easier searching. Mr. Giles told me last time that that's a safety measure so another Moloch or Grimoire isn't accidentally created. Heh... Grimoire. That's a long story. You see... somebody... uh, I won't tell you who because I kind of know her, accidentally scanned a bunch of spellbooks of spoken spells so that there'd be an easy to search and cross-reference database of all her spells. Unfortunately, the scanning of the spells caused them to become cast at the moment they were scanned, and the database became self-aware and totally went on a rampage and it was really hard to stop until somebody (that's me) had the bright idea to throw the circuit breaker on the lightpole outside the house. Problem solved. Watcher's council has the Grimoire but I don't know what they're gonna do with it. Probably not use it. I bet it could be put to good use if somebody could reasonably converse with one-hundred eighty-seven self-aware spells. I digress. Anyway! I get back in town, and there's a sewer monster running crazy through the 'stend (That's the "west end"). So we all geared up. I brought salt and standard weapons alotment, which usually means a crossbow, five bolts, and an axe. I never go anywhere without salt on the offhand chance I'll find a demon that actually is bothered by it, and also, you know, voodoo zombies. Anyway, we find the nasty creep by following it around the sewers. Then we get outside, and there it is. It's totally gross. I would use the term "fecamental" to describe it. Anyway, we fight it, and standard weapons just kind of go right through it because it's essentially a hyper-evolved plasmoidial slime mold. Given the standard salinity of a plasmoidal slime mold, and the salinity of the sewers that it had been deriving the majority of its bulk from, I concluded that concentrated salt might in fact be a poison to a creature that fluid. So I cracked the top on my salt grenade and chucked it at the slime mold. I didn't get a direct hit, but when the salt struck the creature, it was pretty obvious that the thing couldn't handle raw salt. So we called up our friend in the city police and had them secret borrow a salt truck for us and lured the fecamental to the empty pool. Once the thing was inside, we dumped the truck onto it and the creature was reduced rapidly in size until it was more manageable. THen we packed up the remains and prepared to send them to someplace safe. And I'm back! Flesh and blood, and back in action! Yay! I missed spending my time with my friends. The new girl is kind of scary. Also, I like her model of cell phone. I want one! Oh! I could come up with high-frequency communicator watches we could all wear that run on cesium slugs. That would be cool. Maybe a three year battery life out of them. Oh! And the fecamental gave me ideas about new ways of subduing demons. It reminded me of the Fyarl demon, and its paralytic mucus. I suspect I could probably synthesize a protein compound based on hagfish mucus, but super-up the viscousity and totally make a working goop gun to subdue demons and bad guys! Also... I bet if I impregnate the mixture with garlic, it would additionally repulse any vampires that got caught in the goop. Imagine a vampire who can't get help getting out of the goop or even fight his way out because of the incapacitating effect of the garlic! Yahoo! Anyway, I have to get back to the lab. Jennifer sent me something. I'm dying to see what it is. Demon Hunting Tip of the Week: Never be afraid to look to nature for means of combatting the things that lurk in the night. From the humble skunk that produces a wickedly odiferous concoction (not unlike using concentrated garlic oil against vampires), to the hagfish (see the goop-gun, above), to the... well, something else... let nature inspire you in your war against the pan-dimensional horrors! |
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| Post | |||
| Transcription of Video Posted by Marvin Caldwell and Jennifer Kinder | |||
| 06:20pm 22/05/2007 | |||
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[I]Transcript of the Video Shot by Marvin Louis Caldwell and Jennifer Kinder[/I] ::image of a mirror. Marvin Caldwell (MC) and Jennifer Kinder (JK) are reflected in it. MC is wearing a pair of glasses with an obscured ear-piece:: MC: I feel silly wearing these glasses. I look like a giant nerd. JK: How somebody sixty-six inches tall can feel like a giant anything is silly. Besides, ::laughs:: I think they look kinda cute. Like a terrified Clark Kent. And anyway, that's the best place to hide a camera since you never wear a tie. MC: Fine... Okay... This is Marvin Caldwell and Jennifer Kinder, and this is our first foray into the nightclub "Nocturne." We suspect this club is a hotbed of undead activity, and thus we're outfitted with scent maskers ::holds up a watch:: to make us seem like demons to any undead there, and a Sophicated Paranormal Object Trace and Recorder, a SPOTR. ::holds up a clunky box with a small screen displaying an arrow rotating:: This is intended purely as reconnaissance. Both of us are armed with holy water to allow quick escapes, but under no circumstances will we seek any engagements with the undead. JK: ::rolls eyes:: You talk like I've got a death wish. MC: You kinda have to have one. These things don't play around. ::brief cut to outside "Nocturne":: MC: You can hear the hypnotic music from inside. The music most likely is used to lull potential victims into a trance to make feeding easier for the vampires and their night slaves. JK: You said vampires don't have night slaves! MC: Sometimes vampires will have normal people working for them, like when they're nesting with blood bags. Blood bags are people who willingly let vamps drink from 'em. Very gross. JK: Sounds like it. MC: Okay, we're going in. ::approach the bouncer, produces a pair of fives when he holds up his hand, and the two are let into the club. The club, like most of its sort, is poorly lit, though among the crowd can be seen whirring chemical candles of various colors, moving in time to the music.:: JK: Wow. The smell in here is terrible. It's like someone stacked a bunch of DDR machines next to each other and a bunch of fat kids played them for twelve hours non-stop. MC: Yep. Stick close. Try to bounce with the music. We don't want to seem... oh crap! ::rapid camera movement as MC and JK move deeper into the crowd. There is much bobbing as they bounce to the music:: JK: What was that, Twitch?! MC: I saw Prof. Rosenbaum! She might be compromised! JK: An old lady in a place like this? Was she with anyone? MC: Yeah. A younger guy. Maybe twenty-five. Not sure who he is. I've never seen him before. He might be a vampire. JK: Do you think he's turned her into a vampire? MC: No. She was in class this morning, and vampires take a while after they're killed to turn into a vampire. We should save her. JK: What if he's her son or something? MC: Not sure. I'll throw some holy water on him. If he screams, run like hell. JK: Maybe he's something else, like a zombie or something? Wouldn't the holy water just make him mad? MC: Nah. Holy water is just water to most demons. I have an idea. Let's go over there. ::more bobbing, moving back to a table where an older woman (Prof. Rosenbaum or RB) and a young man whose image appears very blurry in the video (BB) are sitting:: RB: Marvin! So glad I ran into you. And Jennifer... Are you two going out? MC: Heh... yeah. It's... uh... our first date. Oomph! ::camera briefly tilts down:: RB: What's that in your hand? Some new game? JK: Yep! It's Marvin's Social Pathology of Ongoing Truth and Risker! We call it "SPOTR." BB: Cute. So it's an automated Truth or Dare machine, huh? How's it work? MC: It's uh... very simple. I put it on the table, and it will point at you and display something on the screen! ::pan down to the box, where the arrow points at the young man and displays a "?" below it:: BB: Interesting. What's that mean? JK: It's your turn! You have to tell a truth or take a dare! BB: Strange, but that seems fair. Okay. Truth. Who gets to ask the question? MC: I do! Uh... are you a demon? ::Prof. Rosenblaum visibly blanches, and the young man laughs:: JK: TWITCH! Tactful! MC: Uh... uh... BB: It's okay. You were right, Irene. Marvin, Jenn, please sit down. No need to call attention to ourselves. ::camera bobs downward, JK sits next to MC:: BB: Yes, I'm a demon. Actually, I'm here with Irene discussing some things I've heard recently out of West Virginia. MC: What species? ::noticeable anger in the voice:: BB: Does it matter? I'm human-seeming enough, and I'm not out to cause problems. My type's fairly benign, after all. I'm Irene's contact among the non-violent demon-types around here. RB: It's true, Marvin. Actually, it was Bert who told me to expect you eleven months ago. JK: So... uh... who are you, Professor Rosenbaum? RB: Irene Rosenbaum, of the Akousmatikoi. MC: Uh... I don't think you're really supposed to go around telling people you're a Pythagorean. ::"Bert" and Prof. Rosenbaum both laugh:: RB: Marvin, given your brilliant mind, I was thinking of asking you to join us. You -and- Jennifer. We've been battling demons since one murdered our master twenty-five centuries ago. Unfortunately, our results have been... mixed at best. So many of our members are... theorists. They don't go out and "mix it up" like you do. That's sort of what we were looking for in you. MC: Well... Uh... I'm honored- JK: Me too! I always wanted to know about ancient cults and mysterious rituals and- RB: Slow down, Jennifer. BB: Indeed. Frankly, I don't think either of you belong in the Akousmatikoi. Marvin, you're more of a technologist, and Jennifer, you've got a brilliant career in law enforcement according to your records. Given how staid the Akousmatikoi have become through the centuries, I just don't think it would be a good fit. RB: Are you sure, Bert? I mean, we -need- precisely those sorts of people. BB: I'm certain. Besides, Marvin, you're needed back in your hometown. I can arrange for you to be transferred back to Marshall with no loss of hours. But Jennifer will have to remain here while I arrange for some other friends of mine to take an interest in her. MC: I'm going -back- to Huntington? But there's gotta be demons -here- that need fighting! And zombies and vampires and- BB: Yes yes... all those things. But no Hellmouth, and that's where you're needed most. Besides, your friends back there still miss you. JK: Shouldn't I go to Huntington, too? BB: Under no circumstances, Jennifer. You're going to Wisconsin. JK: The CHEESE STATE?! BB: Yes. Your destiny lies there, despite the little crush you've got on Marvin. Don't worry. My kind's renowned for prognostication. You'll see him again. MC: Huh?! I kill clean! I don't let dames get in the way! All present: Huh? MC: I mean... uh... I can't go worryin' about ladies and stuff when I'm fighting demons and what have you. BB: ::laughs:: I understand. But you'll think differently when you're older, Marvin. And no more patrols until the papers are drawn up. The streets are more dangerous than you think. And despite your experience, you're still not using your mind to its fullest potential against what's out there. In a way, you need a Watcher as much as a Slayer does. MC: Ah... man. JK: It's true. Still... the box works! MC: Yep. BB: It's very impressive. And if you don't mind, I'd like to keep it. Can you build another? MC: Sure. Uh... if Prof. Rosenbaum don't mind me using the lab to build it? RB: Abuse the hell out of your privileges, Marvin. You've earned it. JK: What about me? I'm going to -WISCONSIN!- Don't I get some words of wisdom or something? BB: Certainly. Remember the blackberries and study hard on Unspeakable Cults. You're going to fail that exam unless- ::battery dies in the camera:: |
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| Things Change When You're Having Fun (and not having fun) | |||
| 06:17pm 22/05/2007 | |||
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Wow... I remember so little from the whole being a robot. What I do remember is all in zeros and ones. Stupid binary code. One thing about OSU that is nice is that there's no evil undead or demons or zombies. I'm sure there are those things here, but I don't know any Watchers or Slayers or anything like that around here. Also, Beth and I aren't really getting along well anymore. I think the whole "her betraying us" and the whole "I am a robot" thing was just about the only thing keeping us together. Heh... I reread the post I made. "Manes ex Machina." I like that term. Anyway, I went to confession at the student catholic group last night, and I confessed. Jenn (she's this girl I met here. She's a CJ Major) knows about some of the stuff I did back in Huntington, and she wonders about how I can be still be Catholic. She also wants me to show her how to investigate a demon nest, but I'm not sure I should be taking civillians or even investigating without Watcher backup. Also, I'm pretty disarmed. I gave 'em most of my modified weapons, including my holy water injector bolts, my traffic light changer, my GREMLIN, what's left of the T-100 and a few other things. They're gonna have the R&D people go over 'em and see if they can use them. Anyway. Classes are super-boring. I'm taking twenty-three hours now, and I'm spending a lot of time in the electronics lab with Ms. Rosenbaum. I only have to be in there three hours a week, but it's nice to be able to smell circuits and ozone again. Jenn visits me there a lot. And she wants to know what my latest big project is. I'm not sure if I should tell her. After all, this device isn't really flashy or explosive, or anything like that. It's for my secret work, which I hope I can get back to. I mean, I know there's better people at fighting demons and stuff than me, but Mr. Harris showed that a normal person that cares enough can make a real big difference. I'm not sure I should get Jenn in on my secret work if I start going back to it. This stuff can be dangerous. I almost died twice, and Beth -did- die. But someone's got to do it. Anyway, the machine's almost ready. I'll go downtown tomorrow night and see if it works. I think I've found a place where demons nest. If this things works right, they'll never know I'm human. That'll let me investigate. Demon Hunting Tip of the Week: Expect the unexpected! Zombies are around every corner, and some of them attend college. Most zombies don't eat the flesh of the living, though, and if they're not on some kind of rampage, you might be able to reason with them and get them to go back to being dead. |
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| Some Big Changes Happened | |||
| 06:22am 22/04/2004 | |||
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Sorry I haven't updated. Things have been crazy. Well, crazier than usual. First, the T-100 combat chassis is a success. Durability exceeds expectations, pressure from the hydraulics indicates a near-human maximum of force, and the machine should even be able to react fast than its human operator. Unfortunatley, due to unforeseen accidents that may require the assistance of a witch to fully and properly explain, my soul has been shredded. A fragment, large enough to hedge anything weird out, resides in my comatose body. Unfortunatley, it's not large enough to provide motive force. In essence, it's like there's a thick soul paste where the soul should be. As for the biggest fragment, it appears to have been drawn to the T-100's soul trap, designed specifically with soul fragments in mind. The trap reads 100% full, which it shouldn't, considering I'd studied abortive (a demon caught between dimensions due to a botched transference) souls and they would have topped out at 32.7% max. While interesting and quite terrifying, I'm trying to adjust to the change in location. The glucose furnace, by the way, is a roaring success. Instead of having to charge for 27 hours for eight hours of motive energy, I can consume 10,000 calories and produce enough chemical energy to sustain the T-100 for 23 hours. About five pizzas do me well. Now we can look at where I went wrong. No tactile sensation That's right. While the T-100 provides adequate feedback about how much pressure is applied, allowing it to gingerly lift an egg without breaking it, it can't tell textures or any other tactile sensation. However, temperature is available through external monitoring to allow maximum cooling efficiency of the neural net. I guess some things are still okay there. No olfactory sensation You never know how important this is until you're forced to deal without it. I kind of miss smells. A lot. No sense of taste What's the point of eating if you can't taste it? Now for some recent events: I snuck into church while wearing a blanket like a robe to confess. I haven't really had any carnal thoughts, but I am keeping secrets from my parents. The priest couldn't give me absolution, since I had to continue doing the sin. I hope this sort of thing isn't too big a sin. It might hurt them even more if they found out the truth. Heather helped put the finishing touches on the T-100. I can now communicate efficiently, and all hydraulics are running perfectly. Which makes me feel bad that I pried into her personal stuff to secure Beth's phone number. It's just that I really miss her, and she seemed pretty mad at me before everything went south. She's not a bad person, and she had every right to be mad at the person that killed her. I just hope she doesn't still want to go back to being dead. I mean, I'm kind of like an undead now, too. I found a term in Manes Infernalum that I think might apply to me: manes ex machina, the ghost in the machine. It's latin, I think. Since I'm a soul inhabiting a robot, I think it might be kind of appropriate. Mom and dad aren't handling the me being in a coma very well. I've been monitoring hospital visits. Mom's been coming every day after work. She cries a lot. I wish I could just tell her I was watching her, but that might freak her out, particularly when I try to explain my theory of incidental obsession and resonance waves. I don't think she's ready for the MOTW world I live in now. I only see dad there occaisionally, and he never shows up with mom. I'm a little worried about that. I miss Petey, too. I hope dad's not feeding him every time he goes to the fridge. The last thing I want when I finally go home is to find an overweight dog waiting for me. And Mr. Harris is going to write a letter of recommendation for me. Heather's going to set me up with a SSN and an identity, and I'm going to apply at the University Computer Center. After all, who better to fix the network than someone that can talk directly to it? Enough about me, let's talk about my friends. Heather's okay. I think she's the one who weathered the whole Solstice Disaster better than any of us. At least she was the most prepared. She even got to keep her friendship with Beth. She's the only one who's had a chance to talk to her of late. I'm being kind of mean to her. I don't know why. She just seems so, I dunno, frail. The chemical reactions that keep her motive could easily be knocked out of whack, causing sickness, severe pain, or even death. She's the most normal of us. Maybe that's why I'm mean to her. I'm worried about her. But she can take care of herself. She fixed me, right? Natalie hasn't changed much. She seems sadder, though. And she doesn't want us going with her. I miss the patrols, but it does give me time to conduct additional research and write programs for the combat chassis. She doesn't spend as much time with Ramone either. At least, according to my chronometer, she doesn't. Mr. Prodan's out of the hospital! Yay! It's looks like he's going to make a full recovery. He's really tough, and he can stand up to anything. I hope I get a chance to run an EEG and ECG on him. I'd like to see what makes him so tough so that I can map out the signals for possible duplication later. Ramone seems pretty much the same, too. It's always a magical solution to the problem, when we could just as easily produce a scientific one. Magic is a chaotic, reckless force that sweeps all before it into madness. We saw how dangerous that sort of thing was with Mr. Tolgier. Mr. Harris has been kind of distant lately. Oh, he's still accessible, but I'm kind of worried about this talk about a new Watcher. I knew that he would have to eventually leave, since he's the most experienced, but I don't want him to. Instantaneous access to his vast collection of first-hand information on combating PDH's would be lost if he left us. Certainly, he replacement will bring an interesting skillset, but I have modeled my own future career as a...a what? Is it possible the Watcher's Council might be interested in a freak like me? I might want to ask Mr. Harris about that later. And finally Beth. She never got her present. I've hidden it above what would be the soft palate in a human being. It should be resonably protected there. Although when I give it to her, it might look kind of gross. I have no idea how she might react to it. I hope it's in a good way. I'm logging off the network. I'll post as more becomes known. |
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| Complications | |||
| 02:15pm 18/10/2003 | |||
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I'm not sure what to think anymore. I'll just run down the important facts. Beth's okay! She just woke up after a while. I was nearby when it happened. I hope she's still not mad about the whole "monster from beyond the grave cracks". Beth's boyfriend screwed up a ritual to find this "Spear" dude who's lost between the hells. This "Spear" dude wants to cut off our world from all supernatural influence. This cult, to which the good city councilman belongs, wants to find the Spear dude so he can do this. And I've got a bruised rib. That pretty much sums it up. We fought a demon recently, which leads me to doubt the city councilman's claims of being one of the good guys. This demon is called a T'mochfar demon, and supposedly it's pretty powerful in its circles and it has a slew of slavish followers, but it caves before more experienced demons who chafe at its childish behavior. You see, we had failed to get any new information from the councilman through impersonating journalism students, so we decided to try and bug his house. Beth was a little bloodthirsty by this point, and I was getting worried. So we decided to try to plant some little cameras around his house and hijack his security system so we could monitor his activities. However, I think I made too much noise, and he conjured an evil demon, who proceeded to beat the ever-loving crap out of us. Mitran didn't have a weapon, so I ran back to him with his axe. Unfortunately for me, the monster thought I was a threat (it was right), so it thwacked me with its tail. I got knocked a good distance, and I'm still sore several days later. I've never been hit that hard in my life. The others managed to stop the monster, but we almost lost the councilman. At least until we found him tied up. Ramone had screwed up another teleportation job and left his clothes scattered all over the place. Oh, and Heather's a technopagan. Or a witch. I'm not sure if she owns any fishnets yet. I wonder what Beth would look like in fishnets. Ouch! Bad brain! Remember she's a zombie! But she's just like a person. Anyway, the councilman says that when the Spear dude gets out and all magic stuff gets separated, no more monsters from hell or zombies, or vampires. Which is a good thing, I guess. But what about people like Heather? She's not a monster like the vampires. She's just a normal person. This would be like killing her twice! My brain hurts. The T-100 has begun to make analogies. That's a good thing. That means that its logic nest is working independently. Today, I asked it a question. I asked if Tweety can fly. Here's the output I got: FACT: Tweety = bird. QUERY: Can Tweety DO fly? bird DO fly if bird = OSTRICH or PENGUIN, bird DO NOT fly likely $tring=OSTRICH or PENGUIN 9%. tweety DO fly. Pretty cool, huh? Right now, the T-100 can converse on the level of a three-year old. I hope soon to get him up to a preteen. If we can get him there, we'll have what is essentially a robot person. Or rather, a robot me. I'm thinking about analyzing the MOLOCH program and seeing if I can figure out how it was able to retain consciousness while only a program. If I can figure that out, I can create electronic life. |
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| Doin' a Dirty Deed (for free!) | |||
| 11:18am 02/10/2003 | |||
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Chaos and madness seem to be the order of the day. First is the worst of it. Remember the PDH-ZA? Well, she's sick. Or something. She's passed out. I got her some flowers and a get-well-card. I feel so awful about the way I've treated her. I don't know why. Beth's still a zombie. But I guess she's still a person, too. Nothing makes sense anymore. On a good note, I'm actually proving to be useful to the team. Last night I was at least right three times! Maybe some of Mr. Harris is starting to rub off on me. I hope I can learn to step back and see the big picture like he does. Ramone disappeared last night after trying to warn me about some zombies. We found his empty clothes and cane in a phone booth. I was afraid that the zombies he warned me about were really fast and invisible (hey, it could happen! We've seen all sorts of other weird stuff!), so I warned everyone about the zombies. Elizabeth (that's the girl we met last night) didn't seem to think that I might be right about the zombies, but since I was on a roll, Mr. Harris decided to give me a chance to explain. Natalie went off half-cocked looking for him (I was sure the zombies had picked him clean), driving around in her SlayerMobile. Fortunately, Ramone gave us a call. He was mistaken about the zombies, and a teleportation spell went awry, and it teleported him, but not his clothes. He beamed back to the library, then called me. So I tried raising Natalie on the horn. When she finally picked up, I told her Ramone had just called, and he's in the library. Anyway, after everything else was sorted out, and we told Beth that her ex had escaped, she kind of passed out. I was kinda worried. I mean, I know she's a zombie and all, but she works with us. She's one of us. But because she's undead, she doesn't have any vital signs to check to make certain that she didn't de-animate. So I got the idea to take her back to Ramone and have him check to see if the spell that made her act not dead was still on her. He said it was, so that's a relief. The girls took her back to her room and laid her down. We also tried to read up on this Order of the Spear thing, but we got nada. Only that it's a mysterious organization that nobody knows anything about. I could have told them that. However, I went through Mr. Harris' big book of magic stuph looking for spears that they might be the order of. I tried to focus on the ones that were confirmed lost and the ones dismissed as myth. I think this coded spell might be to find a magic spear lost in a hell dimension. The next day, Ramone did a spell-sweep of the greater Huntington area looking for places of mystic blackness cuz that might be where Nick might be hiding. I guess it was like an IR check like they do on movies where people can turn invisible and checking for what's not hot. This one place in town, along with the town hall, came up black. So Heather and I ran over to the county courthouse and checked up some records to see who the house belongs to, as well as checking his family history and what-not. He's married, with kids, has been on the town council a long time, and he doesn't get along well with Mr. McCallister. That means he can't be all bad. But maybe he's a wizard like Ramone and he knows something bad's going down in town. Heather and I are going to visit him. She's going to have to do most of the talking. I'd like to do the talking, but she's been into this whole Slayer bit for longer than me, and she might be up on the lingo. After all, I've never heard Mr. Harris call anything a PDH. I hope this guy's one of the good ones. If he isn't, I think there might be trouble. Elizabeth, Natalie, and Mitran are on patrol for the undead tonight, so that should leave us bookworms to our libraries. I wish we were as tough as she and Mitran. I really look up to them. They're the only older people who don't treat me like just a kid. I feel like I'm part of the gang. Not one of them talks down to me. It's like for the first time, people listen, really listen to me. Finally, I was able to ping the T-100 today from the library. Assimilation of information is slow. I've given it some standard websites and comics to bone up on. I hope it doesn't cram too much UnderPower. I'd hate to have to keep rebuilding it. If it achieves sentience (as I hope this influx of information will cause), I'll probably need to find some manner of holding a soul. Without one, it might be just as mean and nasty as a vampire. After all, without a soul, you don't have a conscience, right? |
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| Uh-Oh! | |||
| 02:56am 22/09/2003 | |||
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Well, it was pretty standard stuff. Mystic d00d was decoding the magical book (the one I mentioned in passing), and after I had seen "Super Battling Mystic Warriors" I suddenly got the idea that the "unnamed" creature that the nested spell is supposed to locate may actually be named by teh spell, only, just like Daemonion Saed, his name was hidden by an anagram of mystic sounds. I didn't want Mr. Harris to hear that I had such a stupid idea, but I kind of just blurted it out. Now Mr. Harris thinks I'm actually somewhat aware of the world around me. Yay! I don't feel useless anymore. But I do feel weird. You see, I've never kissed a girl. Well, until today. But she said she was feeling funny. She was wound up, and feeling a little out of sorts. I was naturally suspicious of her, cuz she's a zombie and all, but I didn't want to raise any alarm, but then she put some kind of zombie mind hex on me, and I was completely stunned by the mental whammy she put on me. Oh, and her boobies are very big. And, uh, she just kind of grabbed me, and pressed her face on mine. Well, her lips, actually. And I kind of liked it. There was this part of my brain that was screaming at me, saying "This is a PDH-Z(Alpha)! Sanction Blue! Sanction Blue!" But this other part of my brain just kind of switched it off. And I felt a crash coming on. I really needed a double-espresso chocolate shake at about that time. I'm pretty worried, now. Because, it's hard to look at her and see a zombie. Yeah, deep down, I know she's a slithering horror from beyond the grave created by magic of the foulest sort, but she's also kind of soft and squishy and...well, I wonder what she'd look like in fishnets? Oh, mustn't let my mind wander. On an aside, we got a call from Dwayne who told us that there was a nest of ticks hiding out in the old trainyard. So we hightailed it out of there. I tried hard not to pay attention when he turned into a monster and attacked the inside of the train, and instead tried to focus. I remembered that Mr. Harris wasn't freaked out, so I tried not to be. I did managed to de-beheadify my first vamp tonight. I'm going to send it to SmashAtom down in Texas and see if he can get the vibrational frequency of the vamps. I might be able to come up with a disruptor for them that will make a kind of anti-vampire noise that they won't be able to go near. On a happier note, I've managed to get an EEG of my brain, and the T-100's nested processors are reproducing the electrical reaction perfectly. Right now, it can manage a couple of words, but until I'm certain that it's safe, I'm going to leave most of its motor functions disconnected. I've been doing some reading, and what the T-100 really needs is a soul trap, if it's to ever be alive, it's going to need a way of storing a soul. I'm going to ask Ramone if there is such a thing. I'm sure he'll be happy to help out. |
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| I Tried Warning You People | |||
| 05:37pm 02/09/2003 | |||
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Before you read this, go here: http://www.weeklyworldnews.com/news/index.cfm?instanceid=59124 Look familiar? Yeah, I thought so! The undying hoardes are assaulting our very homes with gas to make us more docile for the upcoming harvest! Happy gas! I've gotten a lot of flack for this, and for bringing it up today in class while discussing aggregate statistics and their relationship to poulation centers, but it has to be true! Worse, it now appears that a cloning laboratory has been discovered near Tikrit and that they've been experimenting with reptilian and bird DNA to recreate the dinosaur so as to give the Iraqi army an edge against American troops. I actually understand that there's something even more sinister at work here, but I don't dare warn Mr. Harris. I don't want him to risk anything unless I'm aboslutely certain of the danger. I suspect that the "happy gas" and the dinosaur breeding is related. In truth, a powerful demon known as the "Sleeper in Coils" that has all this reptilian motif going on might be involved. I heard about him in Mr. Harris' Unspeakable Cults book (I hope he doesn't find out I've been reading it). The happy gas is to lull us into a calm state while his vampire servitors gather a blood harvest to begin acquiring enough samples of human DNA to assimilate with the already created dinosaur creatures being bred in Iraq to create a horrible dinosaur-humanoid hybrid fanatically loyal to the Sleeper. It's possible that using magic to accelerate and supplement the DNA splicing could allow a super serum to be developed that the vampires can use to transform housewives, kindergartners, and hobos into slavering, foam and pus-dripping horrors that eat the flesh of the living to satisfy their unnatural reptilian appetites! Perhaps I should warn Mitran! Oh, and BTW, the TWITCH-100 OS needs an MRI. I'll take care of that when I go to the doctor in two weeks. Mom's worried that I might be "getting up to trouble" again. Addendum:: Since I last made this post, I discovered this: http://www.weeklyworldnews.com/news/index.cfm?instanceid=58975 That's right! A zombie hoard being assembled by voodoo houngans for terrorist cells! There's any of a thousand ways that they could make their way here! They could be on rafts, or in trucks, or, and this is the scariest thing: they could walk on the bottom of the ocean! They don't need to breathe! Flesh dripping newly risen horrors from beyond the grave are seeking the end of every man, woman and child in the United States! I've clipped the article and I'm bringing it to Mr. Harris. I hope he can do something about this, possibly recommend an anti-zombie field generator or a counter-ritual to break the terrorists' control over their 1200 strong zombie hoard. Oh, and keep checking the hot sheets. You never know what madness lurks in the corners of the world. |
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| Another Friday Evening | ||||
| 04:09pm 12/08/2003 | ||||
Heather's good with computers and she has the top level access I have to work to get. Ramone's big on mysticism, and can, like, cut guns in half with his mind. Mitran's an A-1 hardcore demon-crackin' scary d00d from far away lands. Natalie can kill a vampire or demon using only her wrist and a toothpick. Dwane can kill all manner of beasties with his big guns (and may be one himself, I'm not sure). Dorian's tuned into the universal consciousness. Heck, even the zombie rates higher than I ever could. I don't know what skills I really bring to the group. Sure, I wrote the program that trapped Molock in the PS2, but Heather could have done that. I dusted a vampire. Big deal, Natalie does that without even trying. All I've managed to do is cause problems. Still, I need to protect the rest from the creeping horror of the zombie before it eats the flesh of the living. Salt doesn't work. Holy water doesn't work. Garlic doesn't work. Stake through the heart doesn't work. Which means my zombie-proofing of my room at mom's house is faulty. I need to read Xander's books about zombies to find out how you ward an area against them. Oh well... I need something that sez "this is how I contribute." Computers are good, but covered. Pure mysticism is Ramone's bag. When we trapped Moloch, Xander did say "Congratulations, you're a technopagan." Maybe I should do that. Apply the scientific method to the dark arts. Hey, I could serreptitiously plant mystical booby traps on demoniac hard drives, keep a digital grimoire, master the arts of summoning, binding, and dismissal, and perhaps even one day develop an electronic seal over the entirety of the world through the internet to permanently lock the earth way from mystical attacks from the dimensional rifts/hellmouths. Hey, that sounds like a good idea. When I get the first cyber-coven's IP address, I'll invade her ISP and see if I can get a log of visited IP's, including newsgroups, chatrooms, and websites. Putting a good seal on my personal b0x3|\| to protect it from demoniac invasion. That sounds like a simple thing. And perhaps I can build a device to disrupt demoniac possession of a person, robbing the demon of its supernatural powers, or perhaps even casting it out of the person its possessing. That could be my bag. Building traps for monsters. And the T-100. I managed to find stolen plans for that glucose engine. I need to use the electronics lab to build the thing. But that's not important. Oh well, the digital information network is calling to me. Must discover technomagic. Monster Hunting Tip of the Week: Holy Water doesn't work on demons. Or anything else except vampires. So keep your holy water, but be warned that it only has specific uses. |
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worried| Wednesday Night | |||
| 02:04pm 11/08/2003 | |||
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I've abandoned the tracking of the Type L. With what I've learned about the Type F's and their relationship and the fact that cute indian girls might not have any ulterior motives when hunting the other type F's. It's possible that not all PDH's might be dead set on the annihilation of all that is holy. Also, we learned that holy water has no effect on most types of demons. I'm sure if x-man were here, he would have warned me about it. Strange that the unholy aren't averse to a little holy water. Also, I met another slayer, who happens to be the girlfriend of a witch...uh...which is a good thing. I've only heard very little about this Willow witch, but she's supposed to be really powerful and disinclined to wear fishnets. She was also responsible for all the new slayers popping up. Someday, I'd...uh...oh, about the PDH-F's! Well, we staged a raid on the local gathering of PDH-F's and their associate PDH-DE. The indians wasted the F's, while the others softened them up. The slayer, foreign d00d, and I took on the DE's. I got grabbed by one of the DE's, and I saw those tentacles on hte back of its head start to writhe and I knew it was over, but then foreign d00d split the thing open. I'm glad he's around, since it can take several minutes to reload that thing. Anyway, we managed to finish them off, and I gathered samples of the DE's (by wringing out my clothes). The slayer chick left last night. I'll miss her and her big ax. The indians left this morning. That's a sad thing, too. I would like to have studied them some more, particularly the indian girl, since she blended being a PDH-F with mysticism. I would like to know if its a synergistic relationship or an opposed one. There's a washing machine on campus, so I used that to clean up my clothes. Natalie came back the next day. She seems eager to get into the swing of things. I am, too. This week was just weird. Weird monsters, carrying a gun, almost getting broken in half, meeting a witch's girlfriend (that's almost like meeting a witch!), and I haven't gotten into the big thing I found out today! While reading in class today, I stumbled across an actual glucose engine. It's a little inefficient for my needs, but I'm certain that if I tuned up the electrical output, I could power the TWITCH-100. Also, I'm going to hit up Natalie to get me an EEG of my skull so I can map the electrical behavior and tune that to the nested processors so I can mimic the behavior of my brain as best as I can. I'm trying to convince foreign d00d to try out my pneumatic assists for his musculature. But I'd have to install a crude engine in him to power the thing. I'm not sure he'd be keen on that. How else am I supposed to know if the darn thing works, though? Anyway, time to check my email. Let's see if those wacky witches have tried to use my digital pentacle yet. |
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| SITREP: One Hour After His Last Post... | |||
| 02:17pm 25/07/2003 | |||
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've been giving some thought to this whole "Army of the Night" problem I have. I'm surrounded by PDH's. And one PDH is a derivative of a creature known for its ability to smell. Reading up a little on Canis Lupis familiaris, I've learned that a wolf can detect an intrusion in its den. This means no tapping the NID. However, I have learned something of interest. Apparently, Sunnydale had a bigger werewolf problem than x-man was letting on. Some research in the news archives reveal that the principal of the school was EATEN back in '97. And not a day later, a zookeeper was found eaten in the hyena cage. Tres bizarro. I'm gonna hit the chat circuit. There may be a connection. Without x-man to verify, we have no way of knowing. But judging from what the friendly PDH-F's have told us about both the windygoes and the totem warrior (both classified type F's until I can find something tha truly distinguishes them), it could be possible that this could be the work of either a windygo or a totem warrior. And every little bit of information could help. Anyway, what got me to thinking about this was how the type F's mentioned that they take on animalistic traits from their chosen spirit. This might mean the nature of the creature they take in. Which would explain the munching on the principal and the feeding of the harmless old zookeeper to the hyenas. I'm cruising the chat rooms looking for that elusive connection even as I update my war journal. Noone who survived the Sunnydale disaster is forthcoming with information. That's a shame. I need that information. Oh well. Maybe I should radio this in? It might be interesting to note a connection. I wish x-man was here. I'm sure he could clear this up. Oh, and as for mystic d00d, I've decided to keep him in the dark (figuratively, obviously) about operations on the TWITCH. In fact, no one should know about it. I'm going into SITREP Green mode, so no one suspects that I know. Course, I did wig out when the Type-Z Alpha showed her true nature. They might suspect that I might be compromised. That explains why I blacked out two weeks ago. And last week... It's all coming together. She's got some kind of mind-control or maybe a blocking power. But why does she disguise herself? This just doesn't make any... Rats. It's just a lot to absorb. I'll let you know if I learn anything else. |
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| Wednesday, Post PDH-Z Alpha | |||
| 08:21pm 20/07/2003 | |||
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Oh, this is good. I've been dodging the others all week long, trying to stick to information gathering. I don't know if I can handle the armies of the night when one threatens my very sanity. Fortunately, I've managed to recoup most of my losses and I now know what I must do. x-man and the PDH-Z Alpha are gone. The slayer's got her own problems. I'm left holding the bag with the PDH-L (hunter-d00d), the PDH-C (mystic-d00d), and the PDH-HC Class Beta (M) (foreign d00d). No sign of the PDH-HC Class Beta (F) (librarian chix0r). Anyway, the PDH-C is conducting is training episode with the PDH-G's (incorporeal phantasmic entitites) that he uses to fill unitards with force. Dangerous stuff. One of them looked like he was getting out of control so I tried to spear it before it could brain the HC-CBM with the handle of that spiky ball thing. Screw this. I'm going back to the names. I'm getting confused by the acronyms. I keep a careful eye on mystic d00d and he gets his glasses knocked off. I duck behind the chest, but fortunately, he has no teeth where his eyes are supposed to be. He's definitely not a PDH-C, since from what I understand, they can't disguise their lack of eyes without sunglasses. But if he ever holds a convention for serial killers, I will have to amend my understanding of how the C's work. However, these indian types pay us a visit and let us know they're looking for x-man. I tell 'em that he ain't here, and they then tell us how they're looking for a critter called a windy-go. Apparently, it's a PDH-G that's bonded with a normal human who's fulfilled some esoteric requirement by this critter and the end result is a PDH-F (F for fomor, a celtic monster that used to be a person until twisted by evil, pretty literary, huh? And people say the yeager seminar is a waste of time). However, from the way they talk, I've determined that the indians are PDH-F's themselves. They call themselves totem warriors, but the PDH-L noted that their power springs from a similar source. That's just creepy. So I dismissed myself. Much to do, much to do. The PDH-L made a critical error. It gave me its home address. I'm going to use my card reader to clone x-man's access card and get my hands on a laptop and plug it into the PDH-L's NID. If he uses DSL, I should be able to get access to whatever information he has. Barring that, there should be a log at his ISP. I could use a little social engineering to get my hands on that. I need to know what this thing's interests are. And its possible ties to the PDH-F's. Since the PDH-F's undergo physical changes when activating their powers, it's possible that the PDH-L may just be a different flavor of the PDH-F. In that case, I will need to revise my classification system. But that comes later. On to the more important stuff. http://www.eetimes.com/at/news/OEG20020326S0038 Yep. There's the target. An important piece of the TWITCH. Without those babies, the 'bot will look like a plastic manequin. With these, we get sweat and blood. THey don't tell me they can be used to transport fluids, but why not? That seems to be a way to build cloned organs to me. Also, I've decided that that TWITCH will run on stored electricity, as well as converting glucose from chemical energy into electrical energy. I haven't worked out how to do that yet, but stored electrical energy seems to be better than a fuel cell. I also need to figure out where to put the data ports. Since he doesn't need to use the can, I guess I could put them in the butt. But that would be weird. Maybe the ears. That sounds like it would work. I could use redundant monitoring devices that would be visible to those that know how to look for them. Now, on to the important stuff: witches. Still no response from the email worm I wrote into the program. I don't think the girls will find it, since I'm l33t enough to bury it in a recurring line. If I can find their IP addresses, then I can find them, and then...well...we know what witches are into. I always wanted to be k3w1 like that. Have friends who were different. Instead, I get dropped into a virtual hotbed of the armies of the night. And the only people who can protect me from the horrors from outside the reality are being kept away from me by a possible sympathizer to them (I haven't NOT seen x-man grow horns). I need a way to contact them. Working together like I did with mystic-d00d, there's no end to the problems we can solve. Imagine a giant electromagnetic/mystical seal on the entirety of hte planet using the telephone networks sealing the Hellmouths shut. And then imagine fishnet-clad witches dancing joyously around me because of my idea. And then imagine...uh...I suddenly feel kinda weird...can't explain it...fingers shaking...huh...that's unusual. Something about dancing witches wearing fishnet stockings make me feel kinda woozy. Huh. Go figure. Oh well, as for a PDH hunting tip: Gather information. As Shang-Tsung said, "There is no knowledge that is not power." |
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| Thursday | ||||
| 09:21am 14/07/2003 | ||||
It starts like a normal hunt. I've got the special equipment, you know, an axe (I don't care what Mitran sez, that's an axe. Just it isn't as big as his). First we go and see Samhaine. It was good. It had some witches in it, which is always a big plus in my book. Nice homage as x-man said. Anywho, slayer grrl and librarian chix0r were watching the morgue where this dead guy who washed up at riverfront was put. And like any good corpse in this town, he decided to get up, wrap himself up in a sheet and go for a walk. Thanx to mystic d00d's blind man mojo, we were able to guess where the PDH was headed, and we rigged up hunter-d00d's hummer with stakes a la grandpa's caddy in Lost Boys. Once slayer-grrrl gave us the signal (by properly dusting a PDH), we stormed in and began our assault. I even managed to tag one of the PDH's with a crossbow bolt. Everyone else did their part too. Actually, they did more than their part. Then I saw some creepy stuff that I thought was really k3w1, but turned out to be downright nightmarish. I'll call her ded-grrrl. I haven't mentioned her a whole heckuva lot cuz, well, she seemed aloof. She didn't like hanging out with me for some reason. Anywho, she almost cuts this PDH in half with her sword. And I think, wow, that's k3w1. And then I remember something inthe back of my mind about slayer-grrrl wanting to take a vamp alive, so I clock him in the back of the head, which he doesn't seem to notice. But somehow we get him on his back (I don't remember how, the whole night from about this point on is kinda sketchy), and ded-grrrl pins him like a butterfly. So he's squirming, and there's a frickin' sword jammed through a foot of concrete, and the only other person I'd seen do something like that was slayer-grrrl, and ded-grrrl is a girl, so I figure, huh, must be a nother slayer. Sounds fine by me. But then x-man and slayer-grrrl comes back with Ramone and Mitran and the rest of the gang and we get into a conversation about how she's not a slayer and I'm wondering how she's pulling this whole "sword through concrete" thing, and then Ramone points out the fact that her heart's not beating and she's room temperature, and some other stuff. Well, that's enough for me! I hose her down with the magic juice. Apparently I made some miscalculation, since garlic is ineffective against all PDH's, but works as a repellant to Type-V's. (that's vampire) Then I remember my haitian lore (researching zombies via comic books, particularly old Teen Titans books). I always carry salt to slow up ghosts, but I remember that if a zombie tastes salt, he remembers he's dead and goes back to his grave where he belongs. So I sling some salt on the PDH Type Z (for zombie). No go. Now she smells like Fazoli's, and she looks really mad. I just know the PDH-Z wants to crack open my melon to get at my delicious thoughtmeats after lulling us all into a sense of security before...argh! She's the PDH-Z Alpha! That's it! I knew there was a zombie master in Huntington! Waitaminute...something doesn't add up. I thought PDH's came from the hellmouth like x-man said? Then they should be in league with one another, but the PDH-Z seems to have some animosity towards PDH-V's and PDH-F's. Oh, and then she did some freaky zombie stuff that turned hunter-d00d into a slavering man-beast with fangs and claws and x-man grew horns and laughed and slayer-grrrl sprouted tentacles and mystic-d00d took off his glasses and there was teeth in his eyesockets and mitran called up his army of the damned and librarian chix0r held up the hard drive with moelock on it I have hid in my basement and cackled about the death of all that is holy and then I woke up on my front porch. I'm not sure if any of that last bit happened since I woke up on the porch. And apparently my brainpan still has weight (I compared my weight this morning to my weight now, and I'm still a manly 130 pounds, sans equipment!). So I didn't end up a snack for the PDH-Z Alpha, but I can only presume that something must have happened. But what? Well, I'm too freaked out to sleep, and besides that, the sun is rising. I can't play Quake. If anything, this proves that there are things I have to do. Things I must finish. The design for the combat frame's core is nearly finished. I'll catch an early bus to Wal-mart and pick up some solder. I'll have to wait 'til this afternoon to big up the breadboard. I hope x-man doesn't mind me not showing up for a few nights. I've important work to do. And I still haven't found an adequate power sorce. Althought I'm leaning towards uranium slugs. Unimportant. The PDH's...perhaps my memories aren't faulty. Perhaps the whole team is corrupted. I don't know. I need coffee. I'll update the war journal l8r with a zombie tip. Until then, I must do research. I must find something that works on zombies. Finish the core by sunrise tomorrow. Have mystic-d00d lock me to it mystically. Then start on the frame. Between class, research zombies and their relationship to O'Tolley's Family Restaurants. I'm going to be busy for the next couple of days. Oh, and check that math homework. Must earn more money. Until then, I am Marvin Caldwell |
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| Friday, Post Capture | ||||
| 03:48am 10/07/2003 | ||||
After some examination of my blood, I can honestly say that the girl at the free clinic detected no fungal spores attaching to my heart. She did ask if I was taking my Ritalin. I lied to her and said I was. I hate these evil mind control drugs these PDH's come up with (Pan-Dimensional Horror, k3w1, huh?). But she also noted that I had an elevated heart rate and blood pressure. Not enough to qualify as dangerous or out of range, but enough to be noticed. Again, I told her a lie. I told her it was because she was pretty. She blushed and dropped the subject. Also, I spent my allowance this morning. I went to JC Penny and picked up a new shirt. If my guess is right about X-man, the reason he knows so many k3w1 people is that he's the consumate PDH hunter. So I should endeavor to be more like him. Because that path lies cyber-witches and maybe fishnets. So I bought a shirt. I'll try to see if I can sneak into the library and get some of his book action, too. Course, I don't want him to know about it. Maybe I could check out his house. I could patch into his NID from outside with dad's laptop (he doesn't use it for anything other than Solitaire anyway). Then I could intercept his internet communiques, assuming he uses a dialup modem or DSL. I hope it's DSL. Verizon is much easier to crack. I spoke to Father McCready this afternoon, too. Apparently, I can't become a priest. This sux. I can't be a priest, cause priests can't date anyone. And they can't associate with witches. That's two big strikes right there. If I can't date, and I can't dream about witches in fishnet stockings, then there's nothing left in this world. Oh, and for the Omega Contingency: With the capture of Moelock, I've been able to form a couple of theories about how I can preserve myself for later generations. The use of the seal with the computers proved that magic and technology can work alongside one another. So that means I need to build a suitably complex computer to house my consciousness should my physical form ever expire (hopefully like a magazine subscription). I understand Moelock once built himself a robot body. If some crusty demon from beyond time and space can manage a crappy robot body, I can build a Transforming Wireless Infiltration and Terran Calculation Humanoid. I'll develop a synthetic skin supplied with nanotubes to create the appearance of sweat and even blood should damage happen to the machine. This will cover a combat-ready frame and prepare its artificial synapses for the reception of my disembodied consciousness. All I need do is form a trap in my own body to hold my soul in place while the artificial body is activated and programmed to seek out my rapidly failing spark, steal the body, and then return to the shed where it will remove its hairpiece, slide back its protective tempest-hardened coating, and then place the brain in the pan, where nanotubes will supply nutrients. This of course, will be the capper, providing the necessary sympathetic magic to place my soul into the onboard computer located behind the power source. Ah, powering the TWITCH. I need to work that one out. I need a never-ending supply of power that is always available, doesn't really have to be charged, and can be contained within the TWITCH. Either a hydrogen fuel cell like the one they plan on putting in cars (but not like the one in T3, that thing's nuclear, not a true fuel cell) or perhaps portable nuclear power. Oh well. I'll ask X-man about that. He's the man to ask about these things. I don't know how I'll pay for this thing. Maybe I can convince Slayer Grrrl I need this stuff for "technopagan rituals." That reminds me, I need to bone up on my paganobabble. Oh, and the Fighting Evil Type of the Day! "When dealing with demons determined to destroy all that is holy and innocent, it is important to remember that demons don't sleep, even though you do. For this, you need an edge. This edge is Ranger Pudding. This takes away the normal human need to sleep when combined with megadoses of caffeine. Ask any Army d00d for teh recipe." |
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contemplative| 07:14pm 08/07/2003 | |||
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Heh. Wow, who'd a thought that that basic OS class I took by mail back in the eighth grade would have led to the capture of an actual, living, breathing demon! That's right, a demon! I almost crapped my pants. Working alongside mystic d00d, we managed to come up with a way to lock the demon down inside an isolated LAN by combining mysticism with my amazing coding skillz. And maybe get some admiration from some cyber witches. Maybe I should start at the beginning. You see, a couple of days ago, we were clued into these weird guys who look kinda similar and all did stuph at the same time by librarian chix0r (she's an older lady that works in the computer library). She lives in this dorm, and the coeds lived there to. At first, using my keen investigative powers, I noticed that most of the coeds had Irish names and the fact that librarian chix0r managed to get their chatlogs, we knew what they were getting up to. So librarian d00d calls up this friend of his (Miles? Lyle? I dunno, I didn't catch the name). Librarian d00d's friend calls up his friends (real cyber witches! maybe with fishnet hose!), and they think that this might be some cultists trying to call up this demon called Moelock the Corruptor. Okay, so I get the idea that if he's trapped in the web and his essence is scattered around and deleted, but these deletions occurred on FAT32 drives, then if they can discover the first letter of his True File Name, they can attempt to recover him. Also, I think that there's something like a product key (like they have in Neverwinter Nights) that keeps two moelocks from being assembled and active at the same time. Kinda a safety switch so that the universe doesn't get overrun with moelocks. Since they have to call him from teh net, I work with mystic d00d to come up with a way to lock them into a smaller network on campus. Using his drawing, I locate ten physical computers and create a smaller network with no means of reaching outside, but capable of receiving incoming information. Pretty l33t, huh? Anyway, these feed into a smaller network consisting of only two computers, that likewise can only receive. Using a TSR of my own design, I loaded it onto these b0xen (a link to the TSR will be made available once the usefulness of it in a non-controlled environment is verified), and keyed it to a specific phile, that once executed, would cause them all to isolate simultaneously. PRetty k3w1, huh? Anyway, while I'm doing this, foreign d00d plays buddy-buddy with the coeds and convinces them he'll work alongside them. I don't know why he did it. The ways of evil are mysterious and boring. I just want to protect the world from evil. And maybe meet some cyber witches. Which reminds me. librarian d00d seems to know some cyber witches and he's got that whole accepting man action going there. Maybe I should be like him. Oh well, I need to tell you how it went down. Anyway, these guys, and they're amateurs, they call up this demon (I think they called it a ph33-0r1) that can spray a supersticky snot out like a foamthrower that the police use in Seattle so it can protect them while they finish calling moelock. Well, I know that's a bad scene, so as soon as I get the go code from hunter d00d's phone, I send the code that locks moelock down inside the intranet. Then, I isolate him down to one old 386 I found in the old library, cut the power, and then pulled the hard drive. I think that as long as I don't destroy the drive, no one should be able to summon moelock without having the drive on hand. At least I hope it works that way. Oh, and the fight! Well, rich grrl and the crew fought this thing and it only took real hurt from silver bullets, so I guess it's like a werewolf. Good thing hunter d00d always carries some with him. Which means werewolves are actually demons, since their resonant frequencies are so similar. And if they're not, then their energy source may be the same. I wasn't there for the fight, but that's what I heard. Now that I've got moelock in this hard drive, I need to build a robot to house my disembodied consciousness should a fate similar to what happened to moelock happen to me. I don't know if I'm brave enough to fire up the box though and try to talk to him. Oh, and I've got some wicked majic type action going with the moelock hard drive. I wonder if that would impress the cyber coven? Oh, and the hint of the day for fighting evil! When faced with vampires, a stake through the heart can be effective. But what if you're not strong enough to hit him hard enough with that stake? Well, never fear! Below is a link to a tranq dart manufacturer. But I bet you're wondering: "what good with tranq darts do me?" Two words: holy water. Two more words: oil of garlic extract. Okay, that last one was four words. But put these in the tranq gun and a vampire's going to have a horrible time while you prepare for the beheading or the staking or just the ol' fashioned burning. Happy hunting! http://www.pneudart.com/ |
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| 05:14pm 23/06/2003 | |||
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Wednesday! Oh, where to begin? Well, more training with librarian d00d. I can kick and punch with the best of them now. Course, sometimes I get tangled up in my own legs when I tried that roundhouse kick. I'll master it tho. Then, no one will be able to stop Twitch, killer of darkness! Speaking of which!!! Oh, this is my favorite part! We were wandering around the graveyard looking for immortal bloodsuckers to slay when one burst from his grave. I tried wasting it with my crossbow, but in my excitement, I pinned it in the shoulder instead. It then took off to the air. I originally thought that my cherrywood bolt had thrown off the beast's equillibrium and that's why it kept slamming into the ground. But tht wasn't it. The blind d00d (his name's Ramone. I won't tell you his last name, cuz you might be an evil bloodsucker looking for victims) was using his mind to throw him around! How k3w1 is that! He says he uses the ambient energy of the universe to power it. I can buy that. If there's evil energy in other dimensions that fuel the immortal hunger of that which should not be, then who's to say this dimension doesn't have its own energy? Anyway, Ramone held it still. Slayer grrl wanted to interogate the foul creature, but I knew in my heart what was best. I posted it with a bolt and it turned to dust. I got under the cascade and managed to acquire an ounce of its matter. I also got covered in the corpse's waste. That's fine. I plan on making an undead paste that resonates with the vampire's frequency so that in the future they might mistake me for one of their own should I need to go on a stealth mission. Oh, and I'm sending some of my dust to my friend in texas to run it through the particle accelerator. The path to the dimensional bomb is that much closer! As an aside...well, something weird happened last night. I just kinda wound all the down at about 11:30 and coffee didn't help. THis is getting worriesome. I need to be alert at all times. What if this happens during a monster hunt? I should investigate this. If I can get access to the biology lab on Saturday, I'll see if I can run a blood workup on myself. Maybe the vampire dust is affecting me with some horrible sleeping sickness, that will cause me to lapse into a coma for three days before awakening as a fledgling vampire. I should not ignore what could be a major danger in vampire hunting. After all, this happened in the last Necroscope series. I must find a cure! |
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| 05:04pm 23/06/2003 | |||
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Sunday!!! Party time! Went to church this morning. I dare not tell Father O'Leary that I'm hunting the unliving marauders of the night, but I need his help. According to Librarian d00d (since this is a public place, I'll protect Mr. Harris' name), Holy Water will burn the unliving hoardes. What would be best is if I could make my own holy water. Maybe I could study to become a priest. Wouldn't that be k3w1? I'd be like that guy in that comic book, the one that hunts demons and is a good Catholic besides... I'll ask Father O'Leary about it on Wednesday Mass. We've got another series of undead hunts scheduled for the week. I'll be training with librarian d00d and Slayer Grrrl to see if I can learn some kung f00. "kick punch it's all in the mind" Ah, I love that game. Well, gotta try to make those holy water injectors for my crossbow. |
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| 12:02pm 20/06/2003 | |||
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Whew! Next day. Last night was great! Today, after class, now that I know where the undead congregate, I'm going to see if I can gather together that gang of folks and find the Heart of Darkness where the undead are spawned. You see, I got the idea for a Heart of Darkness from Dungeon Keeper. Now before you think I'm totally insane, remember what I said about resonance and Higgs Bosons and interdimensional power sources and the disruption caused by certain materials from this dimension when introduced into objects powered by this interdimensional source of energy. You see, a Heart of Darkness is a place where the dimensions touch and the resonance from that dimension leaks through and contaiminates things on this side of the barrier. Things that become resonant with this interdimensional energy source and begin vibrating at that frequency become undead. Those that resonate the most strongly must be what becomes vampires and zombie lords. Those astute at manipulating this pan-dimensional terror would be folks like voodoo houngans and witches. So there must be a place where they're getting their power. And I've got to find it and send a dimensional bomb across the barrier. The problem is, I don't know now to create a radiant energy type that disrupts the unliving. I know sunlight busts up vampires, which means it might carry that wavelength, but I don't know the specific wavelength, and I don't know enough about sunlight to properly dissemble all types of em radiation in it. Oh well, maybe I shouldn't concentrate so much on quickly undoing the zombie threat. But somebody should do something! This Xander d00d seems to think that we can take time off from time to time for training. That sounds like a good idea. Those vampires are a lot tougher than I thought they were. Maybe I need some training. BTW, I started playing RE2 again this morning. Claire Redfield...ah...zombie hunting chickie...too bad our zombie hunting babes don't like the smell of garlic. THat reminds me...I need more salt. OH, and that reminds me! Zombie Hunting Tip of the Day! Spotting zombies is much easier than one would think. Look for the following traits: Blank stare Unintelligible grunting Jerky movements Excessive drooling Awful Smell Of course, this makes it difficult to tell a zombie from your average frat goon or club crawler, so make certain its an actual zombie first. A good clue that goes along with the rest of this is that your average zombie might be found at Impulse (where they don't let me in! I'm certain its because they sense my zombie-hunting skillz). (With special thanks for the Zombie PSA from Great Teacher Largo) |
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| Undead Everywhere! | |||
| 01:36pm 16/06/2003 | |||
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It's true!!! I saw it! vampires! And where there are vampires, there are certain to be other extradimensional intrusions! Wow. What to say? Well, after numerous experiments involving funyums and diet coke, I have come to the conclusion that Coke is indeed an evil corporation bent on the corruption of all mankind through a clever marketing campaign. On to more important stuff, tho. Last night, it happened. I've waited my whole life for proof, and it nearly ate me alive. You see, I learned long ago from the Great One himself, the head Zombie Hunter of the Tokyo Police Cataclysm Division, that the Undead have no taste. Therefore, when I found a creepy professor guy carrying an axe in the middle of the night wearing loud clothing. Unfortunately, I hadn't been observing him for very long, so I seem to have drawn some eroneous conclusions, even tho he does work in the creepy Morrow Library.ANywho, when I arrived on Campus last nite for my usual hunt, armed with my Anti-Zombie Spray and crossbow (I still can't afford that shotgun like the old black d00d had in Nite of teh Living Dead. That d00d rulez!), I noticed that the creepy old d00d wasn't there. I figured he was probably out at a graveyard looking for spare parts for his army of teh night. So I ran to the biggest, creepiest graveyard I could find and there was this creepy black hummer, trimmed in silver (Dracula colors!). I creeped my way in, looking for a zombie overlord and his evil minion chicks. While I was sneaking around, this crazy d00d with this hand cannon makes some noise so I hose him down with anti-zombie spray. He's a little weirded out but he's not a zombie cuz the spray didn't disrupt his connection to his interdimensional energy source that powers his soulless mockery of life. However, he almost put a hole thru me with his hand cannon. He wanted me to pay for his shirt, but if mom ever found out I mistook this guy for a zombie, she'd have my head, so I thought of a lie. I told him my name was the same as the creepy librarian. Then the creepy librarian heard me say his name and chirped up. I was a little startled, so I turned around and pumped him full of anti-zombie juice. He wasn't bothered by it, so I guess he wasn't a zombie. but this chick he was running with grabbed my throat and almost killed me. THe creepy librarian called her off and didn't say what they were doing in the cemetary. At least to my satisfaction. Anyone that runs around inthe cemetary at this time of night is up to no good, not with zombies, and vampires, and what have you running around. So I told him he and his friends should get home because there's dangerous stuff out there. THen these guyz burst from the ground. I thought they were zombies at first. After all, this is a graveyard and everyone knows vampires hang out at Calamity Cafe where they moan about the damned state of their lives. But these guys were gunning for us. THey mostly ignored me until I tried to shoot them with anti-zombie juice. I missed and I also emptied the spraygun. I managed to avoid getting eaten long enough to load a crossbow. Course, while I was loading it, another tough chick comes bursting in and attacks the bloodsuckers. I manage to nail one in the brainpan, but since it wasn't a zombie, it wasn't stopped. But the chick that grabbed me around the throat nailed it with her bow and it turned into dust. After that, we piled into her hummer and headed down to IHOP, where I had some french toast and met one of those weird cat people from SLeepwalkers. I knew he was one of them, cause he was trying to seduce the tough chick that took grave rubbings by asking her if she used stick or powder, just like in that movie. I know he wants to steal our breath. TOday, I'm going to visit the librarian and ask if he has any books on shapeshifting breath-stealing cat demons. And I'll ask if he'll help me kill the zombies hanging out at Impulse. I know they're zombies. That awful smell, the blank look in their eyes, and the bad taste in clothing. Zombie. Certain of it. OKay, and today's Zombie Hunting Tip: A variety of crossbow bolt is used for softening redwoods in preparation for cutting. THis type of bolt explodes on impact. Use the diagram on the following page to attempt to manufacture your own version of these bad boys. Oh, and happy hunting! LINK DELETED DUE TO SENSITIVE CONTENT |
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