||Tantric - i don't care
I really don't know how to explain everything i feel at the momment. It's all these thing's rolled up into one. I just hurt. k? k. I really and utterly don't want chris to move at all, i know it's only like 20 minutes away and he's gonna be down here all the time. But i mean it's just the thought of him moving and not being just down the street anymore. -_- I don't know i just really don't want him to move. I trust him with my life, it's just i keep thinking for some odd reason he's gonna find someone better than me, and then i start hurting really bad.Or that we'll start to separate from eachother. I really don't know, im so confused of everything and nothing is making sense, and im getting such a headace from it all. Im just afraid i guess and i really don't know what to think or say. I've been feeling this way ever sence Chris left last night, when his parents came to pick him up. -_- That was the last i saw of him, and i won't get to see him forever now. -_- we basically just sat there on my couch crying. He was actually crying. I have never ever in my life have anyone cry for me or towards me. And he kept repeating "I Love You Miranda". I was so sad, it was unbelievable, i just kept crying and crying. Even after he left i had to go to the store with my mum while she went in i just sat in the car staring at the parking lot road, and cried so much. I have seriously never cried so much. After i got home and off the phone with Chris i cried myself to sleep. -_-
%#% It was just indescribable . . . . there were no words#%#
I've been so distant with everyone at school. And everyone knew something was wrong with me, because i hardly talked at all. . . I just went to all my classes doing what i was suppose to, not talking to anyone. Basically the only time i talked to someone was when i was in science on help for the test? Thats it___ Atleast i was alittle cheery today? I had to take a science test today and it was like worth 200 points! and uh i got 200 out of 200. So i got an A. oh yeahhh i didn't miss one ^_^ go meee. but im still really sad.
+ It's just horrible, It's like finding out that someone ripped your heart out and tossed and stomped on it everywhere then gave it back. I just don't know. +
Like i have no one here for me, my mum is like out there in her own world caring about what's going on with her and Ray and fucking Omar. Im sick of it. She's never around anymore and when she is im always getting bitched at for doing something wrong. It's always me doing something wrong. My sister doesn't do fucking anything, she never does chores or help out with stuff, or give advice. Im always the one. I do it all. And all i get from it is crap. . . pure crap. -_- im just tired of it. And like i feel like shit, i feel so sick that it's not even funny. I hurt so much. i have cat scratches all over my right hand and it hurts so much to do anything with that hand. The scratches are like all over my nuckles and like it's not [pretty.] Plus like my stomach, head, neck, nose, throat,tongue, and ankle is hurting me really bad -_- K i hurt. And my eyes are really sore from crying so much. I think i may just go lay down for awhile. . . and wait for Chris to call hopefully. k? k.
[ black eyes___; blue tears