friends pics info me

3.27.2003 | 18:52
mood - chipper
music - linkin park - easier to run

*wakes up, rolling over, smiling when he sees him there, face relaxed and peaceful**tenderly kisses his closed eyes then slips out of bed, walking quietly into the bathroom, starting the shower up, checking the water temp before stepping out of his boxers and into the shower*

...Love. Something I frankly thought would never be within my grasp, at my fingertips now it seems. i cant help but feel like this is all some magnificent dream that ill soon wake from...*bites his bottom lip, letting the hot-warm water hit his back, the steam from the shower filling his lungs**inhales deeply, leaning aginst the cool tile*...but it is. He loves me. Lance Bass loves ME. I never thought id be the one to say that...of all the men, women, whatever he can choose on this planet, he choose little old me. im nothing special. just some poor church mouse who got lucky...always the runt, always not quite enough, having to run faster just to keep up, having to try harder than anyone just to be up to par...what does he see in me?

*sighs softly, reaching over, grabbing the soap, slowly soaping his body up from head to toe, grateful for the almost endless supply of hot water, just standing there, lazily rinsing himself off*....i dont know...

but i have the most beautiful man in the world laying in my bed right now...no no nothing like that happened. *bites his bottom lip**licks his lips slowly*...nah im letting him pick the pace of this relationship...i dont wanna rush him into anything, as much as that would be utter paradise...you know, everything ive dreamed about for years...every fantasy....but i refuse to rush this. i honest to god refuse...

*starts to sing quietly, reaching over, grabbing the shampoo, squirting a little into the palm of his head, taking his time rinsing his hair, letting the hot water run down his body slowly, hoping his singing dosnt wake Lance up*

sing me a song

3.23.2003 | 22:28
(hey everyone, just lettin you know im not dead, just waiting for the date to be over with hehehe)
sing me a song

damn it 3.11.2003 | 00:03
mood - drained
music - something on tv..what the hell IS it...

*looks around his house, sighing, rubbing his eyes sleepily**rubs his arms, checking the thermostat*...its not that cold...*sighs* you always get cold when your sleepy...

*yawns and goes upstairs to his room, laying back on the bed, staring up at the ceiling for a while before reaching over, calling lance, chewing on his bottom lip, listening to the phone ring, sighing softly as he gets his voicemail*

Hey Lance? Its Chris...Just uhm...Was calling. Wanted to hear your voice but yeah...I guess your busy *small smile* just...call me back...or...come over or...whatever youd prefer

id prefer for him to be in my arms right now...hearing him...smelling him...everything...its too fucking cold in this house alone....

...*bites his bottom lip, saying quietly* I love you *hesitantly hangs up**sighs, laying on his side, picking at the pillowcase, tired but dosnt want to and is unable to sleep*

103 - sing me a song

aint that funny.. 3.8.2003 | 19:28
mood - loved
music - cyndi lauper - i drove all night

*walks into his house, dusty from being on his motorcycle all day, punching in the security codes behind him, then fumbles for a lightswitch to the foyer**sighs, walking up the stairs slowly, reaching his room, peeling his clothes off except for his boxers**glances over at his laptop on his bed, turning it on**cracks his knuckles and begins to type*

He loves me too. I dont wanna rush but fuck HE LOVES ME TOO!

My god, do you realize how many years Ive DREAMED about this? WANTED this? Felt totally incomplete because I didnt have this?!...Fuck, I loved Dani to DEATH but it STILL didnt compare...it just couldnt...

I dont know why I was shocked when me and her didnt work out. Maybe she could sense it...that no matter what, my heart belonged to him. That no matter how much I wanted her, I wanted him more. Still with her? I truly loved her...Then to find out she really didnt care? That to her it was all just some game? yeah well...

I never thought Id even try my hand at this again. Nobodys been able to get near me before or since. Im too used to people leaving me anyways...

But then theres him....hes so different from anybody...hes been a constant, moreso than even the other guys...while they have all been off doing their own thing, lance hasnt forgotten to call you, he hasnt forgotten to remember you exist...*swallows hard*...

I love him. And I see the lonliness that hovers over his head like a dark cloud...Why? I dont know why. I dont know why someone didnt snatch him up already...But now I have my chance. To show him. To be near him...to finally do what Ive been wanting to do for so many years...

I dont know, for the first time I feel free...

please god dont let this fuck up the group...our friendship...friendships...oh my god. whats my family gonna think!

*swallows hard*...i dont care what they think....

I love him.

*clicks update, shutting his laptop then walks to the bathroom, peeling off his boxers, then steps into the hot shower, leaning his head aginst the wall with a heavy sigh*

51 - sing me a song

sometimes it feels like the worlds on my shoulders.... 3.5.2003 | 06:12
mood - lonely
music - al green - tired of being alone

*stares blankly at the ceiling of his bedroom, the light from the tv blending with the light leaking through the curtians as the sun comes up, every blink of his eye making him flench, sore from yet another insomnia-induced night of staring at the tv*

*reaches over, fumbling for the remote control, turning the tv off**sighs, getting up and pulling the curtians back, wincing at the bright yellowish light of the sun comming up over the trees*

....you carry something around within you for years.

Many many years.

You ache, everyday you look at this person. Your heart screams, cries, twists, begs, pleads....

if it HAD hands and knees, it would be on them. begging. "fucking kill me or let me say it goddammit"

but you cant. it would change everything. everything....could put things at stake...at least that was your excuse when he was just too young....too young to even look at like that...

*bitterly laughs, resting his forehead aginst the window**sighs slowly*....i cant really say that anymore can i..

problem is...

i still cant tell him.

*shrugs*....why the hell cant i just find a nice girl and settle with her?

you know, have the 2 kids and a dog, a white picked fence....

*licks his dry lips, sighing*...because i love someone else.

*Shrugs* and my family would never allow it....dont think he would allow it....

im totally on my own here....flying by the seat of my pants. my heart gets colder, my head feels just a bit heavier and riddled with cobwebs....my form of 'therapy' has been liquid and bitter tasting, making my throat sting far too much for my liking...

fuck im so tired of living this way...*sits on the edge of his bed, looking down at his feet sinking into the carpet*....

im so tired of being alone...

*gets up abruptly, walking into the bathroom, flipping on the light, staring at his reflection in the mirror with a heavy sigh*...time to put on the happy mask for the day.

57 - sing me a song

3.4.2003 | 04:00
mood - complacent
music - dashboard confessional - the brilliant dance

Hmmm....

*tilts his head, chewing on his bottom lip* well Whats to tell?

Im Chris Kirkpatrick. Im 31 years old and Im usually more well known as one of the 'backup singers' of Nsync. *chuckles* oh dear that sounded pretty fuckin' bitter, didnt it.

I like being where I am if you want me to be honest.

I love them 4 guys. They are seriously my family and THEN some...I know alot of people make assumptions about us all....

*trails off, biting on his bottom lip, thinking*....Its funny though because I guess we all do put up masks...

Ive been putting the masks up since I was a child.

Laugh now, Cry later.

*taps his fingers on his desk lightly*...I wonder when my "Later" will come?

Its hard playing the 'funny man' all the time, you know? always having to be the "strong one"...

theres stuff that Ill take to my grave that nobody in this world can and will know...But see, Im not so sad about that...

*Shrugs*..I mean I have it made. I live in a million-something dollar home, motorcycles and cars out the yin yang, more clothes and useless crap than I know what to deal with....

More than I think Im frankly worth...*blinks*

*looks down at his hands*....It gets hard to be the funny man all the time. When all You wanna do is break down and cry, scream, flip out....

But instead, you smile.

Still waiting for my "later" to come...

*blinks slowly*...*says quietly* doubt it will...

*sighs*...Anyways.

I guess thats a good enough insight into my mind. Its got cobwebs and dust but...its still rather interesting....*chuckles*

25 - sing me a song