Buddha Baby's Journal

Friday, November 8, 2002

11:50AM - Drive fast

im really unlucky w/ my car !! i had a lot of problems w/ that fuckin car ! now, everytime i drive, i feel like im going to loose a wheel. i know its impossible but... elo?n told me that her sister lost a wheel one time. some guys wanted to steal her rim and they didnt finish the work... elo?n knows how to confort me !!!!! (thankful) everytime i heard a noise while im driving, i totally freak out !!!!! my god... fuckin car !
lately, i feel unlucky in everything i do...

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Thursday, November 7, 2002

11:06PM

i wish i could fly from this building, from this wall. if i should try, would you catch me if i fall?

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11:05PM - boys boys boys...

i want a boyfriend !!!!!!! yeah, its really great to be single ! yeah ! a lot of fun ! but my god, sometimes, i really need a boyfriend ! but, blame it on me... i know... it?s my entire fault. i want too much ! i need that and that and that. the list is endless. i just cant convince myself to date a guy that i dont REALLY like. and, at the time, there?s NO guy that i REALLY like ! so, yeah, it?s my fault. but, hey ! where?s THE guy ?? #22
you know, sometimes i feel like ally mc beal. (before the 4th season) you know, looking for love, but never satisfied w/ what she has and too crazy to find a guy as crazy as her. Oooh yeah ! i feel too crazy to find a guy as crazy as me... but ally mc beal found Larry. I found nobody. ok, she was around 30... but i dont want to wait that im 30 ! oh no !

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8:34PM - John

im studying english. im not english speakin so i just dont want 2 think bout mistakes. just catch the general meaning. i wanted 2 make conversation exchange w/ an english speaking guy but what i'm goin to say ??? things like "hullo my name's blablabla and im blablabla and blablablaboringblablabla !" maybe HE will be boring !
its like, u know, a "blind date". maybe he's cute... oh ! i didnt think bout that ! maybe he's smart... maybe he has sense of humour... maybe he's jude law... =) i dont know why but im sure hes not... :-(
i have to call him. he can call himself ! why me ? HE has to ! he's the boy ! ok, its not a date but... its quite similar, no? when i take the phone, thinkin "ok, call him call him", i just put it down thinkin "ok later i have ALL the time".
it's been 2 weeks that i've all the time ! but he cant call ?
please call

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8:15PM

why pple want to write a diary ??? on the net ???? are they so pretentious that they think their life's so exiting ?? well... maybe... maybe not... my life's not exiting @ all !!! my god ! feel like waiting something and i don't know even what !! boring boring boring boring: THAT sums up my life... and i want to write it on the net ? am i crazy or what ?

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Wednesday, November 6, 2002

11:58PM - Addiction

hum... to turn cordrazine right up. hum... so good therapy.
there are some rare music that u listen w/ your ears, your blood, your heart, your bones...
it's just an orgasm.
clearlight, memorial drive or even crazy...

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12:37AM - Lena and Elo?n

i lost my best friend, Lena. not 'lost', like 'dead', just 'lost'. ive changed she havent. that's the deal. i just want to shake her all day long. but what can i do ? just say "ok, now, it's time to go, to live separate life, just dont speak to me anymore" that's too cruel ! i mean she's still my friend, well i dont hate her; i just cant put up w/ her anymore !! i have enough to be the only one to make efforts. Can't she see that there's something wrong ???? last night we're drivin in my car. i cant find a topic of conversation !!! we stood there, in my car, without speakin ! my god !! that was.... boring #5 . and i wasnt quite @ ease...
above all, i met a girl last year, Elo?n, i went on with her. we have so much fun ! but Lena doesnt really like Elo?n. And Elo?n has a problem to talk w/ Lena, coz she cant find a topic of conversation. just like me now ! she makes efforts all the time but Lena doesnt. i thnik there's nothing to do ! and i dont want to do something ! but it doesnt want to get out of my head !!!!!!!!!!!!! pleaz ! get out !!!
i dont care i dont care i dont care
ok, i care.
but i dont want to !!
aaaaaaaargh ! #106

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Tuesday, November 5, 2002

8:37PM - Trainspotting

choose life. choose a job. choose a career. choose a family. choose a fucking big television, choose washing machines, cars, compact disc players and electrical tin openers. choose good health, low cholesterol, and dental insurance. choose a starter home. choose your friends. choose leisurewear and matching luggage. choose a three-piece suite on hire purchase in a range of a fucking fabrics. choose DIY and wondering who the fuck you are on a sunday morning. choose sitting on that couch watching mind-numbing, spirit-crushing game shows, stuffing fucking junk food into your mouth. choose rotting away at the end of it all, pishing your last in a miserable home, nothing more than an embarassment to the selfish, fucked up brats you spawned to replace yourself.
choose your future.
choose life.

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7:12PM - Oooh... feelso stupid...

my village called. their idiot is missing.

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