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In the middle- JEW |
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Kayy. Time for an update. =). I'm kinda.. split in two right now. Part of me is so happy and bouncy and carefree, then the other half of me is bitter, angry, and hurt. Now, I don't know what you guys think of this, but I dont think it's a very good combination. I'm happy and such because, well honestly.. I just am. Yanno, I'm happy with me, and my life and the way things are going right now. My friends are phenominal, my family rocks, as always.. sometimes, School isn't too bad and on top of everything, I have a Justin, that still.. in despite of everything, hasn't asked me to prom yet.. lol but.. hopefully soon. I got a bunch of stuff from the Florida college, most likely got accepted, and I'm really looking forward to going but at the same time, something is telling me not to do it. Something is telling me I'm not ready for it, or something. I just.. I really don't wana be that far away. What if something happens? And, I'm 14 hours away..? So, there's Lehigh Valley College, which used to be Allentown Business School, but now.. they are LV College. A guy called me tonight. He saw some of my work from School and is very interested. So, there's a positive. It's kinda away from this area, but also, it's close enough in case something happens I can be home. Yep, and of course, as always, there's a downfall to all of this. My downfall is Dana. She's soo excited about us going together. I'm in a position where someone is going to get hurt, or be unhappy. No matter what, it'll always be me. If I go, I'll be happy but I'll be upset because I know My Mom will be, and my Dad and brother. Along with, Justin, Marcus and a few others. But, Dana will be happy. If I don't go, Dana will be upset and such, and I will be because she is. At the same time, My Mom and everyone will be happy because I'm staying. I really think everyone is making a wayyy big deal over this college thing. It's MY life, it's my career, shouldn't I go to school based on where I want to go? Yep, I believe so. But, of course, I'm not going to worry about it today. Or, probably even tomorrow. =) Next Friday I have an interview at LVC. My Dad and I are going up. I'm semi-excited. Haha. I've realized I get excited very easily. And, I find it interesting. =) BTW, Justin is very beautiful. Lol you guys NEED to see this boy. Whenever my scanner gets fixed.. I'll post hella pictures.
So, My sister told me Adam was leaving for Florida on.. Sunday, I think? Yanno, I reallyy don't even give a fuck. Lexi, Leesha and some dude came to the house tonight, so Mae could sign a card for him. They asked me to, and I was like.. Absolutely fucking nott. And, Leesha just looked at me and Lexi was like.. why not? Why not? Hm.. I'll tell ya why not. Let me ask everyone this. How many times have I lied for Adam? ME! I NEVER lie for ANYONE. Yet, I did it for him. How many times have I been fucked over because of Adam? Exactly. And, I always let everything go. Well, guess what guys. Part of growing up is realizing when you're putting too much into a relationship whether it'd be a friend, a significant other, whatever. With Adam, it was all and nothing. Yeah, most people have heard of All or Nothing.. well this is All and Nothing. I was putting everything I could into trying to be friends with Adam and I was receiving nothing but a hugee fuck you, thanks for everything. How many times has Adam lied to me? "Oh, I'm not lying. I wouldn't lie to you." Fuck that. You bitches ( not that you're bitches, just stating) might believe everything fucking word that kid says, but what do you expect. You're young and such and not that it's a bad thing, I'm not saying that. I'm saying you just don't get it because you haven't learned enough to get it. Take it or leave it, I don't care. If anyone is offended by what I'm typing, at this very moment, I'm sorry.. but get over it. This is my journal and I'll say what I want and if someone doesn't like it then don't read it. I never asked you to. =) Anyway, so I told Lexi now and went in the house because I was cold and we were getting ready to leave to go for Chinese, and she was like.. Juliii.. can I have a hug? And, I said No. And, closed the door. I wasn't being mean. I was just cold and not in a hugging mood. I'm tired of everyone defending Adam. I did it for a long time and I did it for Bobby, too. I knoww how Kaiser kids work.. and when I see Leesha, Kayla and Lexi defend him and whatnot, it makes me angry. It makes me angry because he fucked them all over so many times.. and all he has to say is "I'm sorry" or "No, I didn't do that. Believe what you want." And, they do. They believe him. Friends or not, people are fucking retarded. They know when someone is jewing them over. It's called intuition. And, it only works if you listen to yourself. Anyone can read this and think I'm fucking retarded and I'll laugh at you. Sometimes, you need to look at things open-mindedly. If you can't do that, you're screwed, straight up.
My brother got in a fight at school and got suspended for five days. It's to the point where my parents just let it go. He didn't get grounded, lectured, anything. And, I completely understand why. It doesn't do anything. He does whatever the fuck he wants and that's it. He's failing ninth grade.. again, for the second time. The boy will never get past ninth grade and I believe he will have a long, hard life ahead of him if he doesn't get a clue soon and realize this world doesn't revolve around Matthew. ANd, nobody has to bow down to him. He'll realize that right quick when his ass is chillin in Columbia County and he's bending over for someone else. Haha, that was a joke but it made me laugh. Anyway, I love him and I hope he grows up right quick but I have little hope for him.
Last night I worked from 4-10 and made $20 in tips. That's awesome.
I think I'm finished. Good night.
-Juliiiii
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