Uhm [..(062403*10:34AM)..] mood sick MOVED! New journal= needlesspanic.com/~wacky add me there.. if you need an account we'll talk, i've got PLENTY of codes :D (IM me at rawr its mellie) *edit* you don't have to take me off your friends list because i'll still comment and read your journals =D I changed my mind.. it'll kinda be hard commenting on peoples journals both at needless panic and blurty. Remember, the offer still stands for a code :D 4 obsess

Haha :D woohoo for quizzes [..(062303*01:13PM)..] click the link for the quizzes.. ( Read more... ) obsess

arg. [..(062303*11:43AM)..] mood anxious *vent* I can't stand my mom yelling at me constantly for no reason. I am a SAINT compared to how most teenagers act. I don't drink, I don't party, I don't do drugs, I don't smoke, I don't have sex, and I never fucking leave the house. And, before this year I had never gotten below a B on a report card.. um this year was just chaos. I swear to god she must be trying to push me to the edge, see how much of her shit I'll take before I just say fuck it and give up on everything. I wanna be out of highschool NOW and I wanna be 18 NOW and I wanna just get the fuck out of here NOW. Just when I get optimistic about things, everything always crashes to the ground, which is why I guess I can't get too happy about *******. I suppose it's nice to think about, but I'm still not sure it's all real. And even if it could be real, it wouldn't be a possibility until I was out of highschool. He could do much better than someone like me. */vent* obsess

Frozen inside without your touch without your love [..(062303*11:26AM)..] mood quixotic music Evanescence- Bring Me To Life I'm gonna make either an evanescence layout, lifehouse layout, or a lonestar layout. Help me make my decision lol. I'm swaying more towards evanescence. I'm not exactly sure when I fell asleep last night.. (or..early morning). All I know is that I felt as if I had been lying in my bed for hours and hours. Lately I've been sleeping in the absolute dark, hoping that it'll make me overcome my fear of the darkness. I don't think I could have been awake for too long though because usually crying drains out all of my energy and I go to sleep fairly quickly. I don't know though, I had unplugged my clock so I had no sense of time. The latest I could have been lying there would have been 2 hours. I haven't cried myself to sleep in a while and I feel like a wimp, I should just suck up everything and be tough. I just read again what I wrote (not my entry, something else) and it kinda pisses me off because I was kinda planning on hiding and buring everything inside and not letting it all out. Oh man! It's sunny out! woohoo -.- I think I might just go to the beach. Aimee might be coming over today and sleeping over and it would be cool cause I haven't really talked to her much since last year.. and I miss her :D The beach party was canceled cause I get they'd all thought it would rain, but it didn't lol. And I just told Katie how she's gonna live with me this summer lmao. Not ask, TOLD. Wow. This thing is still open? I just got off the phone with katie. Did everyone know my real name is Melissain? hahaha DONT ASK. Katie had to go because she had to shave before she went to the beach. HER MOUSTACHE AND HER BEARD! AHHAHAHA ..bad thoughts ..more bad thoughts.. FOR HEAVEN SAKES MAKE THIS STOP@$)(*@$ :( I'm okay. HONEST. now bye. 3 obsess

[..(062203*11:43AM)..] It better stop being all rainy and cloudy outside because tomorrow i'm probly going to that 8th grade beach thing to see all my old friends ;D woohoo and then afterwards emily blankschen might sleep over! yay! okay.. buhbye 2 obsess

[..(062103*04:08PM)..] mood quixotic music lonestar- i'm already there <3 i don't wanna close my eyes.. i don't wanna fall asleep cause i'll miss you babe and i don't wanna miss a thing cause even when i dream of you the sweetest dream will never do i still miss you babe and i don't wanna miss a thing im making a list of goals of stuff to do or stuff i want to happen in the future romantically because i'm a sappy dork with no life! WOOOOOO ;] -kiss in the rain cause i think thats cool -kiss at the beach under the stars because woop i think thats cool too -mmm... have a guy kiss me on the hand cause thats so sweet and previous "flings" were too cheesy and fake to do something that sweet -share a bed with a guy without anything happening.. except cuddling wooooooooooooooooooo -another strange thing: take a bubble bath but be like somewhat clothed like bathing suits or something but again nothing happening. i want to see if a guy can just not thinking about sex ;p and plus the waters all warm and its nice and cozy OH AND I WANT CANDLES TOOOOOOO -lay under the stars and just hold hands i'll think of more later oh and. i think guys should be putting their hands less up girls' shirts. hands should be on the face or neck and idk back. OH manda I need to talk to you but I'm unsure of how to say what I want to say. BUT I NEED YOU GIRL SO COME ONLINE-- omg shes online. WOOHOO this is just a FRIEND i was talking to... stars replace the screen name :P devil d0rk: okay but devil d0rk: the thoughts devil d0rk: they're not really bad they're just ***********************************: wow! devil d0rk: inappropriate devil d0rk: they're actually good thoughts but *******************: what are they? devil d0rk: they're bad at the same time devil d0rk: THEY'RE TOO BAD TO TALK ABOUT *********: are they like you fucking marshmellow? lol devil d0rk: its like devil d0rk: LMFAO! devil d0rk: IM LAUGHING OUT LOUD.. devil d0rk: HAHAHAHHAHA devil d0rk: NO WAY! devil d0rk: HAHAHHAHAHA devil d0rk: okay *stops laughing* ******************: rofl rofl rofl devil d0rk: hahahahah devil d0rk: even though like.. what i had said about jon and what i say about *********** is the same devil d0rk: its not the same devil d0rk: its almost like.. the other times didnt count. i was confused and didnt really feel what i thought i felt (random amount of stars so no one knows who 'tis :P) *****: well - jon was like - just there you know? *************: like he was just a guy devil d0rk: he was nothing special ***: you liked him but you didnt REALLY like him devil d0rk: exactly ************: i think you really like ******** I'm shutting up now. Now I'm gonna go watch the lion king so stfu cause I like that movie. And the second lion king is good too :P 2 obsess

:P [..(062003*06:10PM)..] mood thoughtful music brad trying to send his cellphone beeping thing over aim talk :P i like sos and sos= ****** ****** 1 obsess

You. Are. A. PSYCHO. [..(062003*04:59PM)..] mood cold music Jewel- Intuition *vent* You fucking WENCH! All I have to say is.. KARMA.. KARMA MY FRIEND. You'll get what you deserve in the end, especially when it's judgement time. You are so fucking pathetic and obnoxious and cruel and weird it's not even funny. You belong in the NUTHOUSE! @$)(&!$)(&!$ */vent* I'm not in a bad mood or anything. I just felt the need to get all that out. I could have chosen to write a name but I don't like the petty drama. But then again, it's my journal. Oh well. The person this is about doesn't even read my journal... don't even think he/she knows of it. Now I just wanna thank Manda for being the bestest friend I've ever had, hadn't had in the past, I will ever have, etcetcETC. Now I'm done obsessing. No, I'm not. You know, when I'm somebody special and important when I grow up, you're all gonna wish you were 2498742 times nicer to me. Cause when I have a lot of money, I'm gonna help out everyone who respected me and was kind to me and didn't backstab me. I'm just sick of being treated like I'm nothing more than dirt, I'm tired of never being good enough to be anyones friend, I'm tired of being left out, I'm tired of "friends," and I'm tired of accepting it all. I know I'm a good person and I know I'm a good friend to people and if you all can't see that then, I guess that's your fucking problem :) And I don't appreciate being called selfish or conceited because first of all I have the self-esteem of a pile of dog shit, and I'd put anyone else before me... even people who treat me like crap. So just remember that. All I ask is to be treated with a decent amount of respect. I just get pissy and bitchy when people are purposely hurtful and try to put me down. I act bitchy so no one thinks it really hurts me.. when while I'm being all bitchy I'm probably crying. My worst fear and the thing I try to avoid most is being disliked or hated. But I suppose you all brought this on yourself. Now you can click the fucking [x] cause I'm all FUCKING done and if you don't like me saying FUCK then I'll just say it some fucking more JUST to fucking piss you all off. obsess

[..(061603*01:52AM)..] im pretending again. pretending i dont care. pretending like im over it. am i? hahaha no. 1 obsess

[..(061403*04:25PM)..] I'm just a tiny little speck in her memory obsess

asshole [..(061303*07:00PM)..] mood indescribable music asdfdsfghsjg I find that the only way I'm able to lose weight is if I completely starve myself. Without doing that I don't lose anything. Lately I've been eating obsessively because I've been really idk sad and angry and my mom is making me so fucking angry I feel like hurting someone real bad. Um..yeah. I still think she reads my things but she can't really do that cause I delete all my conversation logs but she probably still reads my journal. I don't care though. Every second it's a struggle to keep myself from bursting out into tears and idk what's wrong with me.. maybe my periods coming or something. All I know is that I can't handle anything, and my mom isn't helping me. Emily said when her mom found out how she used to feel that her mom would be careful about what she said and would be nice to her. My mom just treats me worse, it's as if she really wants me to do something. Idk. I just really wanna run away. And there's no fucking way I'm having two days of resource for the rest of high school. So fuck that. I just want my mom to go away for one day so I can get my head on straight. She doesn't even understand how cruel she is, she'll just tell me I'm getting more digs in again. Everything I say is to hurt her and according to her, my goal in life is to destroy her life and ruin every special occasion our family has. FUCKING PSYCHO 5 obsess

[..(061203*03:54PM)..] mood sad My aunt died 5 years ago today, but I'm trying to be happy. They're happy tears, I swear. I don't know how it's possible to make the day that my auntie hung herself into a positive and happy day, but for fuck's sake I'M TRYING. 4 obsess

Ahh. [..(061103*05:54PM)..] mood weird music christina aguilera- infatuation (in my head) Quick quick update :D Tuesday- just another boring day until me and manda went on a sexy, sexy, VERY SEXY walk and we got slurpies and i got a big one and it took a while to finish and it kinda tasted bad. AND when I got home my feet felt like they were gonna fall off because I had walked a lot that day before me and manda went on our little journey ;P They would have felt better today BUT..... Wednesday- ME AND EMILY WENT TO THE BEACH AND THEN I HURT MY FEET AGAIN! I lived near a beach my whole life and you think I could tolerate walking on a rocky beach with no shoes or socks. HMPH. We also played cards and played battleship because my house is so boring :D Then my dog decided to eat pink lipstick. UMMMMMMmm....... RIGHT NOW I gotta go studddddy *whine* Tomorrow I have to have my new tutor person -.- Her name is Mrs. Mahon and Emily says she's mean and my mom said she sounded mean. GREEEAAAT. *Misses Mr. K* Umm... I also gotta do oodles of laundry. Well, not oodles. Just one load :D I'm super nervous about tomorrow.. I was just getting used to Mr K! If I don't get all my work done too I gotta go to summer school but no worries cause I'll get it all done. Finals next week.. I gotta go in and take them even though I'll have no idea what I'm doing except on the math one :D I'm tired. And I'm still stuffed from eating like 8 of those little rice cake things.. haha. OINK. *tummy hurts* I'm gonna go do some studying for like.. 3.. 4 tests now? GRRRRR. I ate too much today. Tomorrow will be better! Byeee obsess

[..(061003*07:08PM)..] ( Read more... ) 3 obsess

This summer is gonna blow so bad... [..(060903*07:30PM)..] mood lonely music christina aguilera- walk away I'm worried that my mom is gonna come read this. If she does I'm gonna go nuts and won't talk to her >.O SO! more news. yesterday i lost 4 pounds ;P YES THATS RIGHT FOUR POUNDS IN ONE DAY! Miracles do happen ;] I have had 850 calories today.. I think that's too much because I didn't do much exercising today because I'm all sore. I only rode my bike (for like 5 minutes) and played basketball and lifted weights and did 50 situps. Which compared to yesterday that was nothing. I'm so excited cause.. it's gonna be so fun when all the popular stuck up bitches try to be nice to me :D Cause then I can laugh in their faces :D OOh especially sara langan. Yeah that piece of shit. COMEBACK OF THE YEAR: Yesterday I got called a loser faggot! :D HOW ORIGINAL AND HURTFUL! (and strange?) lol. It hurt deeply.. you can even ask emily ;) It's fun to sit back and laugh at people, knowing they're just so immature and psycho. Finals are next week.. probably for me too. Idk if I'm gonna have my new tutor person tomorrow.. my mom doesn't even bother to call. But I guess I gotta understand cause her back hurts. I'm just being selfish. PEOPLE ARE BOTHERING ME: SHOWOFF STUCK UP WEIRD PSYCHO ASS RETARDED BITCH!@(*$@ ahhhhhhhh, i feel better :) The thing that is unfortunately related to me is bothering me too. Everytime he talks to me I refuse to say hi to him, which makes my mom mad and she said if I do it again I get grounded for 3 summers. But that doesn't matter cause I never leave the house anyways ;D. If I see him, I want to hurt him. Like, push him down the stairs or kick him in the you know what. He makes me SOO angry that just seeing him makes me want to throw up. I hope he moves far far away. Mom says she's gonna go out with a guy next weekend or something but the last like 2 times I got my hopes up nothing happened. There's always some excuse. But I guess this is just me being selfish again -_- My mom's been pissing me off lately. It's hard to live with her always sometimes. I just wish she'd see how she hurts everyone. Sometimes my brother mike comes to me crying because he was upset about something over her. And everytime I'm finished on aim I gotta make sure to delete all my logs because she probably reads all my conversations. It's so wrong some of the things she does. Last mother's day i was gonna make her a breakfast like i usually do on mothers day and her birthday but she'll never come down and eat it while it's hot.. she'll come down hours later while its cold and barely eat anything. And I spend hours cooking everything and washing things, so everything's for nothing. I don't wanna grow up to be like her. 4 obsess

don't feel like typing it out... enjoy lol [..(060803*07:31PM)..] i did this about a week ago but just said this to emily :P devil d0rk: u know danielle digerallmo? whatever? devil d0rk: well devil d0rk: i saw her at costco devil d0rk: i was in the car devil d0rk: and her and her grandma pulled up but didnt see me in the car devil d0rk: so i found french fries from kfc from the night before in the car devil d0rk: and chucked em at their car messy butterfly: HAHA devil d0rk: and it landed inside the car and on the hood devil d0rk: it was soooo funny devil d0rk: cause then they came out and was like OH MY GOD devil d0rk: and im on the car floor hiding laughing my ass off devil d0rk: so like when they turned their car on it must have stunk up like french fries devil d0rk: lmfao devil d0rk: because some of them went under the hood obsess

BEST song [..(060803*05:36PM)..] mood happy music christina aguilera- trust the voice within ( Read more... ) Today was pretty cool. I played basketball and beat some boys at football haha. I now have 3 hours of computer time on weekends and 2 hours on weekdays. I suppose that's semi-fair. SOMEONE SHOULD GET BACK RIGHT NOW! Idk if my snoop-of-a-mother still reads this so i gotta watch what i write -.- I shouldn't have to, but I do. Buhbye obsess

booorrrrrrrrreeeeeeeeeeeddddd [..(060703*07:06PM)..] mood tired music christina aguilera- the voice within ( Read more... ) 2 obsess

Wow. [..(060703*03:06PM)..] mood bored music nothing Well I've been grounded for the past week and 2 days.. not sure if I still am? But.. yeah. So anyways.. my mom read my journal and all my conversations... I don't think she'll be reading my journal again and I deleted dead aim because she's a snoop and read everything *HEAVY SIGH* Okay so.. I just wanna thank everyone for their oodles of calls while I was gone :) It ment a lot to me knowing I still had friends. It's okay though, I made friends with myself ;) I lost 5 pounds in 2 days and I'm feeling DAMN proud. And I know how I did it too.. and it's a secret. I'm so full of energy now!!!!!!!!! I would tell you why but.. it's a secret. Hahaha. So um....I missed certain individuals while I was on grounding..yeah =/. I have sunburn on my face but the rest of me isn't burnt but tan. The sunburn should go into tan within the next few days because it wasn't bad sunburn :P I'm so bored right now.. it's surprising because I was looking forward to coming back on the computer and now I can't think of anything to do and before I would have stayed on for hours and hours at a time. I'm so excited about going back to school next year only cause I'll be pretty and then I won't get made fun of! Heh..heh. Uhh I think for like the past 3 weeks I had my tutor guy but I get someone else tomorrow cause his wife's having a baby. He was pretty cool. I finished to kill a mockingbird in a few hours lol. That book was so great.. I almost cried! OHHHH and I also had my choir audition which went very awesome because I only shook and freaked out alot instead of obsessively! WOOHOO! And they all said I'd definitely be considered for moving back up to chamber singers again so ..YES!!!!!!! I want a popsicle.. I'll go get it when my computer time is up.. in like 30 minutes. Oh man I sure hope my mom doesn't read my journal again. Um this summer is gonna be pretty uneventful because.. well it's simple: last year I had ONE friend, this year I have no friends :D It was nice being friends with kristen in the sense that she invited me places and such. Looks like I'll spend most of my summer hours in the filthy beach water! I can't wait. NOT. And I don't wanna go to the Y because there's lots of people around and I'll be all >_< in a bathingsuit. So last summer was fun and this summer will just be. BLAH. But we're getting season passes to lake compounce and it's no six flags but it'll just have to do. I guess my future will make up for everything I'm lacking now.. I'll have a nice house and have my own little rich fancy pool. So there. Ohhh man there's no one on! I'm thinking I should get off now and save my computer time until someone's online. I wanna mention again to everyone how I fucking hate ya'll for forgetting about me :) And not knowing my number is a WONDERFULLLL excuse. I'm confused how some people are real friends to all their other friends and then with me it's different. It's okay though.. I'm finally excepting it all. 9 days away from the computer showed me I don't need negative people in my life. I think I'm gonna stay away from the computer too even if I'm allowed on again. Some of you really need to look in the mirror and realize how what you do hurts people. By how being "friends" online and then not offline really hurts and makes people feel not worthy of being around. I know that's kinda hypocritical of me seeing as I don't invite people much anymore but.. I wanted to see what would happen when I stopped taking the initiative. And what happened was.. I had no friends. People would come along when I invited them, but really.. if they wanted to be friends they'd do something about it. Whenever I'm out of the house lately, it's 99% of the time my doing and arranging or asking to go over someones house. For that other 1%, i'm invited, it's because I whined about it or said something about never being invited anywhere. I can't believe I'm saying this but, I miss being Kristen's friend. I miss it a whole lot. Stop raining please....... kbye. 9 obsess

[..(052903*08:48AM)..] well i'm here crying hysterically. okay so.. won't be online for a long LONG time. 3 obsess