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Below are the 25 most recent journal entries.

	2010.01.01  12.32 Shucks! The pain i feel in my heart Its like i'm the bull's eyes and you are the dart Why am i feeling this way? Is there anything new? Is everything okay? The thot of you with another guy Feeling jealous but i dunnoe why You got every right to pick who you hang out with Does it really make any diff? I'm just a friend, that's all i have ever been I dun think the other side of me you have ever seen So many times i just want to scream out! I wanna fight, i wanna punch, i wanna stand, i wanna shout! So much disappointment that happens in my daily life It all seems fine on the surface, but deep down its a plunge, its a dive Do i look like the kind whose words you can't take seriously? Especially if i said you look hot or pretty? Does it reach a point where its hard to differentiate? When is it hard to believe a single word i've said? When is it sweet talking or when is it being truthful? Don't you know i'm genuine when i tok to you? When it comes to compliments i'm neva stingy Coz that's who i am, that's just me I rather brighten up someone's day Even though my skies are grey.

	2009.12.03  10.22 useless nothings As i sit here at the corner of my desk Looking at the piles of paper in a mess Thinking to myself is this how's it gonna be? Is this what is expected of me? I've just broken up with my girlfriend The relationship is no more, its the end We had our good times and the bad Times of happy and times of sad Moments of frustration moments of pain Getting each other pissed off time and time again I'm always taken for granted since as long as i can remember All the way from January to December Am i the kind that get stepped all over? Can i get any lower? Am i too nice that i lost people's respect? When they get to know me is that what they expect? Anyway, i'm resigning from my job and starting anew Frankly speaking, my action is way overdue Sick and tired of being judge prematurely The performance of my work base on wad they see Yet another birthday alone Committing this mistake i am prone Regrets i have many For those who really know me. I think i'm gonna enjoy my singlehood Enjoy the things in life that are good Gonna enjoy the time with me, myself and i The company i'm with no money can buy I dunnoe why i bother to update here in the first place Having this website is a waste of space No one bothers to come and have a browse To no one's interest i did arouse My blog isn't the normal one Others like it, i have seen none Most people will talk bout shopping, eating, doing what and meeting who Get it into your head that most ppl can't give a damn bout you oh well, i'm starting to complain isn't it Laying out all the nonsense and bullshit I can't find anyone else to tok to People who lend a listening ear usually end up toking bout themselves rather than you So i got no choice but to babble on in front of the PC Coz it is the only one who really 'listens' to me It won't change the topic or interrupt me At least i'm able to finish one sentence completely.

	2009.05.11  00.24 constant babbling I noe that its been a long time since i last update I sincerely apologize for the wait. I have just embarked on my new career Crack open the champagne, have a beer. Enough about me lets tok about something What has happened left me in no mood to sing I noe maybe most of you dun noe or dun care Question you should ask is, are you aware? When are we gonna stand against what is wrong? When will we get to sing the same song? Certain things we should not condone Certain things that makes me sick to the bone. Dun get me wrong, i am all for woman's rights I believe ladies deserve to reach greater heights But wad's with the support for same sex relationship I dun like it at all, i dun like it one bit Please dun misunderstand me I love gays and lesbians but i hate homosexuality Its like when your loved ones has an illness You love the person but hate the disease, hate the sickness When God created humans, He created Adam and Eve He didn't create Adam and Bob, John or Steve What we are showing the kids, is it right? When they see the same sex kissing, how do we explain the sight? No matter what we say or what is being taught Some things the kids pick up, some things are caught How to tell the kids its wrong when we're doing it? How can you tell them its right, this question to you i submit So little answers to so many questions So much tok and so little actions The world is getting darker day by day The only thing i can do is pray.

	2008.12.23  04.52 Christmas! Hey hey Christmas is here! It is the best season of the year! The most meaningful because of all the love around It's the day that Love came down As good as the fact that people are giving It still ain't the reason why angels are singing Its a good time to spend with friends and family But that's still not good enough for me When you think of Christmas, dun think of a white-bearded fatty Santa's actually Satan when you rearrange the letters, dun you agree? Getting rewarded by being naughty or nice? I think it'll be easier for me to win by throwing the dice Let me tell you of another person who loves you whether you're nice or naughty Who loves you no matter what your sin may be He got borne many many years ago For our sake, for our soul He's the only human that's borne to die So that towards hell, you can say bye bye Brothers and Sisters when you go and celebrate When you had drink drank, eat ate Always remember that He's the only reason That we may enjoy this season

	2008.12.23  03.58 The Joy Of Movies Let me share with you something i enjoy doing since i was a little boy No it ain't being on a swing, eating an ice-cream or playing my favorite toy It ain't playing with marbles or seeing a programme on the tv But rather it is the fun of watching a movie Getting absorbed in the cinema for that short time span Usually with a tub of popcorn and a coke in my hand Being transported to anytime and anywhere Be it to the great walls of china or Madison Times Square Dinosaurs running at full speed in Jurassic park Or screaming at the sight of Jaws, this hugh white shark Being touched by the story of E.T or laughing at the amusement of Wall. E Looking at the sky, hoping to sneak a peek at Apollo thirteen Mouth gaping as the full moon fills the screen Crying as Jack died and fell into the deep sea below Amazed at the way the story's being told Breathless at every action movie sequence And if the hero gets shot, silence goes the audience Tickled by Carrey, Schneider , Williams, Ferrell, Black They're all part of the comedy fret pack Hannibal Lector still scares me to this very day I would never wanna know how my brain tasted, yucks no way! Hoping that Don Corleone would be my Godfather To give my enemy an offer they would never forget, them motherf**ker My dream is to own a light saber, join the dark side, i would With Darth Vader as my master who cares which side is good? Travel all the way to middle earth of destroy a stupid ring Seat through for 5 hours of Return Of The King Going up down and under on a broomstick Looking in awe as Hermoine performs another magic trick That's the joy of movies for me Whether watching at Cathay, Eng Wah, Shaw or GV I will always enjoy my movie experience Clap my hand at the brilliance of all the performance.

	2007.12.26  00.55 What You See Ain't Really The Real Deal. God help me through I noe i've not been a good son to you Its been a real bad year So many times i couldn't feel you near Its been a real bad year for me My life has been a rollarcoaster you see I broke up with Jordan or rather, she left me Put me in this state of depression and misery I neva felt so down before Like i had to reach up to touch the floor Cried and cried till no more tears could come out At times i weep with pain and others just an angry shout Why did she have to leave me all alone Coz putting up with me is not an action she could condone I gave her so many reasons for her to go So much more than wad my frenz noe It pains me everytime i think of her Think back of the moments that we were together My birthday just passed last week Though i felt really like shit She wasn't there to hold my hand and wished me a happy birthday That wasn't any sms, no calls to me in any way She's really that heartless? I noe she's really do well, can't she spare a thot for me who's in a mess? I was there during your birthday baby Why couldn't you be here for mine? for me? I took you out for a movie, dinner and even bought a gift for you Why do you treat me like crap? Like dog poo? Was i really being too nice considering all these was after we broke Laugh please! Coz i really do feel like a joke My uncle passed away this yr as well This year is far from being swell He left for another place far better than this His presence will be very much missed Honestly i wish i could join him in that better place up there All this pain, there's only so much that i can bear All the best uncle Paul we love you so much I believe i'm one of the many whose lives you have touched Have fun with God, Jesus and the Holy Ghost They're the one who matters the most Say hi to grandma for me k? Tell her we'll soon see her again one day. My parents left church due to a disturbing event Got very disappointed to how the ordeal went Felt that the way the leadership dealt with it was real bad It was done like how it would be done on the streets i might add Got no reason to stay in this church anymore I wish i got that zeal like i did before Wish the upcoming yr will be better Please God, make me forget her.

	2007.09.09  20.21 Wad's going on? Recently read bout this NSF surname Teo His name appeared in the papers did you know? He awol from camp bring his weapon with him All this because of a break-up so it seem He was due to ord a month later Did he do this because of her? What were you thinking man? Don't you know there are other girls in the land? Did go thru a major break up as well I'm sure me and him both went thru hell But the difference, here am i and there he is locked away He's stuck there while i'm around to roam today The moral of the story is this No matter how depress, how sad or how piss You are, remember to do things with thinking Remember how much sadness to the people close to you you bring Pick yourself up no matter how far you fall Soon again you'll be able to climb back the wall You may be very down by far But how fast you pick urself up, shows how strong you are.

	2007.08.25  03.21 The Body I just injuried myself recently While i was doing my SOC No worries, nothing much, i just hurt my thumb No really pain but its just numb I had a hard time getting around today Had a slight problem in returning my food tray Made me think bout those missing an arm or a leg Those people you see everywhere having to beg My thumb will heal in time, no more pain no more sore Some of these people might not even heal at all I thank God for the creative Man He is The idea for how a human body operates is His How one little part could effect the rest function How one little injury could affect every single action That's how the body of Christ work You may think she's a bitch or he's a jerk But he or she will still mean something You will neva know how much Joy that someone can bring Stop hurting each other The body of Christ is like a human body, we all need to work together You may think you're just a 'thumb' or the small last toe on the feet But without you, the body can't be complete Do i cut of my thumb now that it isn't well? Do i put it in a bag and bid farewell? Of coz not! I'm gonna take care of it Nurse it back to being fit When your brother or sister in Christ is down Hold her or his hand, whisper to their ears saying that you'll be around They be up again on their feets one day They'll be grateful that you've been that and that you pray So dun discard your brothers and sisters in Christ though they're no longer new I'm pretty sure i'll need my thumb, don't you?

	2007.08.18  08.56 The Crucifix Cru-ci-fix -noun 1. A cross with the figure of Christ crucified upon it Was on the train back home when i saw This middle age lady sitting next to the door Smiled cause i saw a cross around her neck But what she was doing made me go 'what the heck?' At first i thought that the book on her hand was the daily bread But as i looked closely, i realised that on the cover its a picture of buddha instead Her hand was holding on the prayer beads How is this possible when she's wearing a crucifix? I don't shun people who wears crosses cause i wear one also Because of the significance not because of it being part of a fashion show I wear a cross on the inside of my heart I guess that is where many have missed the part The Crucifix or Cross is a symbol of one Man's sacrifice for the whole earth So much more than what most people think its worth On it was the weight of the whole world's sin Where one life ended but many begin Remember this the next time you wear a cross, Remember how much it cost Jesus gave His life on it for our redemption Not because you can use the cross as a fashion statement

	2007.08.16  18.52 I love You To List Down The Things That I Missed Doing With You It Would Take A Day To List Down The Things That I Would Wanna Do With You It Would Take A Week To List Down The Things That You Do That Makes Me Smile It Would Take A Month But To List Down How Much I Love You It Would Take Eternity

	2006.02.09  15.40 movies movies i feel you all shld watched before you die and so do i(based on the academy awards) i will not tell you the shows i watched however i will tell you the shows i haven't with a * Sideways Ray Millon Dollar Baby Finding Neverland The Aviator Seabiscuit* Mystic River* Master And Commander:The Dar Side Of The World Lost In Translation The Lord Of The Rings: Return Of The King Chicago Gangs Of New York The Hours* The Lord Of The Rings: The Two Towers The Pianist A Beautiful Mind Gosford Park In The Bedroom The Lord Of The Rings: The Fellowship Of The Ring Moulin Rouge Chocolat* Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon* Erin Brockovich Gladiator Traffic American Beauty The Cider House Rules* The Green Mile* The Insider* The Sixth Sense Elizabeth* Life Is Beautiful* Saving Private Ryan Shakespear In Love The Thin Red Line* As Good As It Gets The Full Monty Good Will Hunting L.A. Confidential Titanic The English Patient Fargo Jerry Maguire Secrets And Lies Shine That be all for the time being

	2006.01.26  11.37 the new year really... the new year seems promising because of the fact that pastor prince said its gonna be a year of accelaration which is good coz sutff that i'm believing for wil finally come to pass and i can't wait. the world as we know is getting darker while we are obviously getting brighter and brighter... this are exciting times people. honestly a year before today, i wished for rapture to come as soon as possible but after having Jordan as my girlfriend my mind changed, i repented. life with her is great! something i neva ever thot i would have experience in my lifetime. God has been so good to us throughout this 8 months we've been together. of coz like every other relationships there are ups and downs. i must admit to you all sometimes taking the easier way out is always to break up but what victory is there? so many couples now just want to break just break. what's with this rubbish? if you love someone you must commit yourself to that commitment. love ain't a feeling an emotion. when you love someone, you commit yourself to loving that person whether the feeling is there or not. its like salvation. you sometimes you dun feel 'saved' but the matter of fact is you still are. no such thing as heaven bound today and hell bound tomorrow. anywaez. i better dun start preaching. i love jordan and i'm gonna commit my entire life to loving her.

	2005.12.02  18.16 pain I feel pain Looking around At brothers and sisters in Christ fighting with each other In a world full of worries and wars Ain't a church suppose to be where its above all these? Why can't we get along? Why can't we love each other without discremenation? Does it really matter which church we belong to? All that matters is we belong to the church of the living God:Christ Don't you think the world will be confused when we start fighting each other? We're a big body of Christ All have a part to do All i see is the arm beating the leg or the other way around We work along side with each other So what if the ur church is big in numbers? Stop showing off coz that ain't the way to go Stop forcing ur people to give money Ain't our God big enuff to supply without you obliging people to give? Stop it! Lets us repent from this and love one another as Christ loved the church Let the love of God flow thru us to the world we live in Come on...

	2005.07.27  15.59 2nd mth Heya baby wad's there to say? You're making me happy every single day There are times i noe we disagree But those times brought us closer you see I'm loving you more and more Neva, really neva have i felt this way before I love you so much that such a word isn't invented yet The word 'love' juz doesn't have the same effect In this realationship i noe many things are new Both even for me and i noe definitely for you We'll take things one a time... I noe wad eva we do Jesus will have our behind Not with my love i love you Only with His love coz only His love will do Baby i wanna be there for you day and night I wanna hold you oh so tight From now till forever more Coz i noe wad God put together only He can shut the door

	2005.06.26  10.28 1mth i mth finally have pass Though it din seem like even more than a day I wish every moment with you will last I love you in every single way Thank you Jesus for blessing me I noe i reallty dun deserve it Blessing me with someone such as she This relationship into ur hands i commit Baby i love all so much Dun care wad you do but for who you are The sight of you and the feel of every touch You beat every other girls by far On this 1mth anniversery I wanna tell you i love you so Forever it'll be God, you and me After all we stll got (eternity - 1) months more to go

	2005.05.24  03.14 Jordan I Love You Heya Baby, so many things i wanted to tell you I noe i said very little but i'm glad those words got thru Today my heart skipped so many beats When you kissed me and when you held my hand while walking down the streets I'm so glad we commited our relationship to Jesus So that we'll noe that He'll always be there to take care of us You really made me a happy man this day On the 24th of may I promise to shower you with lots of love and care I promise to always try my best to be there I have finally shaven off my beard It feels so good but yet so weird I'm really so glad you're mine Gonna love you till eternity, gonna love you till beyond time All i say here is true Jordan... I really do love you

	2005.05.16  01.42 Hong Kong Yo peeps... How have you all been? I wish you all could see wad i have seen Went to hong kong for 4 days last week Enjoyed myself there though their language i do not speak Stayed at the majestic hotel They have a few adult channels but my parents were there Oh well... Me stay at that hotel was no chance but God-incident Coz the name of the nearest train station was 'jordan' Each thing that i look or touch Reminds me of her so much Went to meet my cousin there Had a fun time with his family no matter where God bless my cousin Coz to with-hold good stuff from us he didn't He blessed my family tramediously My father, my mother and me Ate a lot of good food Even the ones at macs i also include Bought a lot of stuff Somehow i feel its still not enuff Bought a few stuff for her My feelings for her hope that she can concur Oh well, i'm back in singapore already I'm back for you all to see Can't wait for the nx chance to get out Nx yr i'll have no doubt

	2005.05.01  01.58 Gone I feel I've lost all hope That kinda feeling that you're climbing uphill instead of going down a slope Dun ask me why i juz know it Shld i continue or shld i juz quit? Am I really in love or juz feeling deprived? I dun really noe, welcome to my life Everything ain't wad it seems I hate walking down the boulevard of broken dreams I guess i'll stick to singlehood a while longer? Coz i dun think i and her will eva be together? After na na i dun think i got the same confidence and patience as before I'm losing my guts more and more Afraid to wait though its been only a while Hate to go thru any test or any trial There are 2 other guys after her I dun like the competition coz already i feel like a loser They've known her longer than me One 6 yrs, the other 2 and for me months less than three Yeah yeah i noe i shouldn't think too often Coz of the phrase that says twice shy when one's bitten I shld juz commit this relationship into God's hand Though i may not like His way of doing things but i muz still understand He noes best for me Whether or not my future gf is she Dammit.... till now i haven confess my feelings yet I'll wait till the rite time, i will not fret I gotta take things slow man... It really ain't complicated, juz a simple plan

	2005.04.10  02.19 oh babe I noe its been a while since i updated Sorrie if i made anyone waited Been seeing the gal of dreams more and more Been going over very regulary to her store Be it either at jurong pt or junction eight All of our meetings have always been great She'll be on my mind 24/7 One of those time she made me feel i was in heaven First of all she said she likes my hair My heart skipped two beats i swear Then on the way back She said she feels kinda shagged(tired) So she hugged my arm and rested her head on my shoulder At that moment i din care about any stranger or bystander I had difficultly breathing and my heart pounding fast Oh how i wish that moment would last Jordan my love grows for you every single moment I noe we meeting each other was neva a coincident God brought us together for a reason Coz in my life i have neva met you this kinda person You're unique in a very special way Wish i got the guts to look you in the face and say How i feel abt you But this relationship is one of the last things i would wanna screw So i'm juz gonna take things one step a time Hoping by the end of it you'll be mine I noe this poem may sound kinda chessy But so sorrie i can't help it, Its juz me:)

	2005.03.19  04.06 are you winning? Help me out a little here people Have you ever feel that for one pt of ur life the problems seem ample? Come on, be truthful with me Be honest, dun come and act holy Do you eva felt like God is there but not all the time? If He's there always why ain't He doing anything bout this problems of mine? Yeah i noe we muz always put our trust in Him Though the light of our problems may look dim Facing real shit concerning this module in school The amount of work i did could have made any good company to sue Its not that i dun wanna do anything Its that i noe nothing I really feel helpless at times when this module is being conducted Dun really understand wad the hell am i instructed If i really pass this feaking module I will give my praise to whom it is due Jesus Christ my lord my saviour my friend I noe you'll be with me till the end So from now till nx tuesday I'll trust in wad you say That you'll be my help in my times of need I'll follow anywhere Lord, Pls lead

	2005.03.11  00.51 a poem for you You ain't neva gonna see this page anyway So i'm juz gonna say wad i wanna say We met like bout 2 or 3 wks ago? That is the first time i met someone as funky as you Someone who's name is Jordan Chew:) Gal, i was really taken aback by ur friendlyness at first You were wearing the tee shirt that says "Heavy drinker, you'll neva thirst" Kinda glad that i got ur number That particular day, i will always remember Really glad you're starting to go new creation and all Which kinda means i get to see you more and more You bring life into mine When i'm down from time to time When i'm with you its always been refreshing You are one gal i will NEVA regret acquainting You made me forget my sorrows and the bitch My broken heart you have stitch Though we really neva been out on an official date yet It'll be a enjoyable time and i will love it, i'll bet I'll keep on thanking God, i swear i do Coz when He give gifts, He dun give things He gave me you:):) babe i love you

	2005.03.01  01.44 My Dad Oh Lord God i stand in awe of you Simply amazed at the things you do Jesus gave up His life for me So that i can call you God my father, my Daddy Daddy i love ur word not to sure bout the chapter or the verse Where it says that not i love you but you loved me first Daddy God i'm gonna rest in ur love Ur love where i'm the one you always think of I'm gonna live thru this life with heaven on earth Coz Jesus you paid for that. So much more you're worth I ain't gonna live life in defeat as the devil meant for Coz Jesus paid for everything, sickness and poverty, get out of my door! Friends got me down at times i know But those friends come and go but still i have many frenz as my bro Thank you father, daddy for paving the way That we are so blessed that we will say Great is the lord almighty That every morning, new is His mercy Thank you daddy i could have neva done without you Where would i be? i wouldn't have a clue My praises go out to you always Ur love in my heart will foreva be ablaze Thank you God, thank you Jesus, thank you Holy Spirit The best ppl in my life i have to admit Thank you once again daddy Lord God Almighty With long life you will satisfy me

	2005.02.23  02.39 wadeva lor lets break out of tradition I ain't gonna apologize to you Coz i really feel i'm not in the wrong here You nag at me coz you love me as a fren? Forget it then This time i realise Maybe its not always me afterall? You ain't neva gonna visit this place anymore so why bother? I ain't neva gonna salvage this frenship at all Coz i feel that its not worth it You're not worth it Spent so much time for? Spent so much money for? To have you shit in front of my face Ain't neva looking back I'll neva tok to you again So forget about it I paid too much attention to you You dun deserve it Oh well... Wadeva Now i'm juz gonna cut my loss Adios pal... It was painful knowing you

	2005.02.15  02.13 V.dae Every V.dae... ain't nobody gonna give a fuck about me So this V.dae i ain't gonna give a fuck about anybody Ain't gonna buy no 50 flowers ain't gonna waste my money Every yr i'll end up the fool Buying for ingrates in church or school Some for ppl i even hardly knew Spent it at Matt's hse for this V.day Some songs we sang some songs we play Then when the night was done we went on our seperate ways Had a really fun time i guess Create for Matt a real big mess But 1 thing for me was best We had vodka to drink all night I drank till i feel real light Din get drunk coz that ain't rite V.dae seems so much fun when with frenz I decided that every yr i'll do that till the end I could also spent the dae(like i did for the first half) with my Man Christ Came back kana lecture by someone Not dad, not mom juz someone Lecture me until also very LL Dun nag pls pray for me? I need God's grace you see I need to be free......

	2005.02.02  01.39 Love Really...? Can anyone tell me wad the fuck is love? Why izzit damn that to it i'm always unworthy of Must It always end up this way? Happiness one sec and depression another day What is love? tell me please Izzit windy forever or juz a temporary breeze? God show it by sending Love itself: Christ Who becoz of love paid the price If His love is all that matters Why am i still looking for love in others? Emtions, feelings left me dry real dry Here i am looking at my own fucking problem and asking why Now i noe why the pope remain the pope Coz maybe he juz can't cope At this rate i ain't neva gonna get attached Coz with all the gals somehow or another in the end we'll be mismatched Maybe i shld live this life juz for me Wasting my time to chase gals who can't see Wasted so much time becoz of my fucking bloody cock Without it i bet my life would rock Sometimes i really dunnoe whether its my heart or cock thinking I get mixed up even though this 2 are not associating I think for the time being from gals i'll be far Yeah i noe its bullshit coz that's the way things are I can neva distant myself away from them Argh fuck it. that's the way i am Gals, if you're reading this i'm real sorrie It was neva you but it has always been with me Pray for God's grace for me k Pray i'll get out of this mess somehow someway I may look happy when i'm outside But at home, crying i cried, dying i died Will there be hope for me? Will i eva be free?