Brynn Jones' Blurty Entries [entries|friends|calendar]
Brynn Jones

[ website | I'm Brynn, and sometimes I lie. ]
[ userinfo | blurty userinfo ]
[ calendar | blurty calendar ]

& i'm waiting for my rocket to come [19 Aug 2003|08:58am]
[ mood | annoyed ]
[ music | " Wrong Way " Sublime ]

Home sweet home. . .
( Now Open! )

I miss you. . . [24 Jun 2003|09:45am]
[ mood | determined ]
[ music | Born To Make You Happy - Britney Spears ]

| Brynn rushed to her computer a couple hours after her last post with a dorky feeling running through her viens as she typed quickly onto the keyboard. |

I just wanted to say that I miss my Marc very much. We need to hang out more. He is my best friend, not your's.

. . Random? Yes . . very, but I do miss him.


We'll teach you point of view. . . [24 Jun 2003|07:17am]
[ mood | annoyed ]
[ music | You and I Both - Jason Mraz ]

| Brynn sat infront of her shiny computer as she typed furiously against the keyboard with the tip of her tounge hanging out of the corner of her pink lips. It was that time again, English paper. Mr. Stanton was probably her most challenging teacher out of her four years of high school, considering all the stories she's heard. Busting her ass for those A's, she woke up early this morning to make sure she at least started on her paper, but one thing stopped her from getting any further than her introduction paragraph. A fucking thesis. She sat there with a frustrated expression as her dark brown orbs glanced from the wide Microsoft Word window to the lower left corner of her computer screen. 7:20. Any normal people my age would be asleep and what are you doing, Brynn? Writing a fucking paper. Her hands rubbed along her smooth skin of her arm, then rested over her face. It was too early to be so hard on herself and be stressful over nothing. All she needed a thesis. A simple thesis. Rubbing her face for a few seconds, she moved them up and over her head, so the loose pieces of hair were stroked back. Her eyes couldn't help but glance over at the clock again. 7:21 and I still have nothing. Focus Jones. . . She read what she had already and made a few adjustments before she saved the work. Brynn closed the screen and let another one pop up. Taking a deep breath of air, she started to type in a familiar white box while taking a loud sigh that echoed through her room. |

I missed the B.B.Q. because I had to work, and there's this. . other party going on that I don't think I'll be able to make either. I haven't been very social lately, but that's mostly my fault. The only person I remember seeing outside of school this week was a new kid, Sebastian. We didn't talk much, but he looked like a cool kid. I think he mentioned that he was at the University this year, I think? Ah, I don't know. I really need to start focusing when people talk. Hell, I have to get my ass out of this dorm and be social again. I miss the old Brynn, the careless Brynn. I miss talking to Marc or Gideon. Lord, you have no idea how much I miss G. I haven't seen him since. . . since London. What kind of friend am I? I've even passed one of the Height brothers on campus without a simple hello. I've become the girl in the shadow recently and become quite comfortable with it. . until now.

But once I think about it, I'm kind of glad I've taken a slow break from the fast lane. You'll be amazed at the gossip I hear while I take a quick smoke in the quad or courtyard. Dover Academy never ceases to amaze me sometimes. We're so cliche. It doesn't matter how kind hearted you are. If you're quiet and you don't look like the coolest person in town, you're automatically judged at what kind of person you are. The Academy is no longer about the brightest of the bright. It's turned into teacher sandals, pregnant students, popularity contests to see who is loved by the most, and who has the best boyfriend. I'm sick of it. I don't think I belong in an atmosphere like this. Believe me when I tell you this, it's not the end of the world if you don't have a boy by your side for the Homecoming Dance.

| Brynn chuckled softly while sitting infront of the glowing screen. She couldn't believe what she just wrote and she wasn't even sure it made sense. It was her small rant or vent. It was probably because she was so frustrated with her paper or maybe because she homesick. She couldn't tell what was up with her lately. A loud groan escaped her parted lips once she heard Christina Aguilera's CD start. Her hand moved over to a small remote control, then she quickly pressed a button to signal the stereo to play Disc 3. A smooth voice echoed throughout the quiet room. Jason Mraz soon became her favorite and it probably was the fact that he was so real. It made her come back for even more. |

" Maybe that party would do me good. . . "


Make me a song. . . [18 Jun 2003|05:29pm]
[ mood | bitchy ]
[ music | I Miss You - Finch ]

| Brynn's small frame sprawled across the wooden floor of her dorm room. Big, black headphones covered her ears while a beat flowed out. Her tosseled brown hair gathered together in a messy bun. She woke up this morning with a slight wave added to her hair but she didn't bother with it. Today was a day for relaxation. Kylie Dean's " Make Me A Song " could barely be heard outside of her headphones and her body was positioned so her forearms were her support. Bobbing her head to the Timbaland beat, her chin was lifted up and down as the beat took control over her. Hanging on her hips were white terry cloth pants and a pink sports bra to match. Her silver laptop sat infront of her as her fingers arched over the light keys before she started to type. |

Senior year. It isn't exactly what I thought it would be. I'm still contemplating whether it is better than what I thought or if it is worse. I always thought senior year would be the best year of my life. I'd be with an amazing man, starting point guard for the basketball team, maintaining my great GPA, and still find time for the people I love the most. Things aren't exactly what they were supposed to be.

I've been seeing myself at Louisiana more often, not physically but mentally. I miss it so much. I miss momma's home-cooked meals, Gyps' conversations about stupid girly things, Randy's creative music, and just the feeling of being back home. The strange thing is. . the minute I start to miss it, a piece of Louisiana comes to me. Hell, i can narrow it down even more, a huge piece of Kentwood came to me. Gyps and Randy are in town. They moved. And did I miss them more than ever. Our friendships ending were the hardest thing, but I brought that upon myself. I never really made an effort to call or write or whatever.

| A small wave of guilt started to wash over Brynn. She knew she shouldn't have been so hard on herself, but it was only the truth. Not once did she try to make contact with them, and when she did think about it, she'd be terrified of their reaction. Gyps was the one girl she could trust with her life, her deepest secrets, and her everything. Then there was Randy. . . Her dark orbs concentrated on the glowing screen infront of her while she tried to sort her thoughts out that ran a million miles per minute. She took a deep breath before she started to type again. |

Gyps was one of those people you could trust without a second thought. Everything about her was so genuine, so real. I don't think I ever found a friend like her before, and I don't think I ever will. We were pretty good friends back in Kentwood, but there was something that stood between us after awhile. The only problem was, I was completely oblivious to the problem until I left for Dover. Randy, her older brother, and I started to date. We'd be Kentwood's favorite couple. You'd see us constantly smiling when we were around one another, we would never let one another down, and we would never let anything get between us. What we shared was. . something special, for sure, but things ended so quickly. I never gave him a reason and I never realized how selfish I was being until . . recently. I pulled Randy away from Gyps; Randy pulled me away from Gyps. I think that was our main problem that we never actually took into consideration.

I ran into each of them the other day. It was. . surreal. I never imagined seeing them again and there they were. They were here in Vermont. . they were here at Dover. I just have to think of a way to redeem myself.

I met another new kid the other day, Jared. . right?

| She let a light, airy chuckle escape her slightly parted lips before she continued. Raising a hand to tuck the free strands of hair behind her hair quickly, then she went back to the keys. |

He's a pretty cool kid. Our conversations are just. . chill. No drama. I gotta tell you. They're probably the most refreshing conversations I have. I forget about all the drama that goes on my life and just hang out with my friend. Now, how many of you can say that?

Oh yes, one more thing before I go, I'm still thinking about quitting the team this year.

| A relaxed smile crossed over her lips as she pressed her mouse quickly, then rolled onto her back with the headphones still blaring. She patted her stomach to a certain melody before she actually closed her laptop and cleaned up her mess. It was time for a meeting with the coaches. |



[14 Jun 2003|10:05pm]
[ mood | anxious ]
[ music | Gone - *NSYNC ]


Welcome to the 2003-2004 Dover Girl's Basketball Team Try-out! We, your coaches, are very excited for this year's incoming students and athletes. Last year was by far our most challenging and our best season yet, but we are hoping to move up further this season. If any of you ladies are interested in trying out, please sign up here.

1. Brynn Jones
2. Aimee Sorenson
3. Lixi Summers
4. Mariana Hertz
5. Liyah Montero
6. Chloe Glover

This love has taken its toll, he said goodbye too many times before... [14 Jun 2003|05:50am]
[ mood | sleepy ]
[ music | This Love - Maroon 5 ]

| Brynn laid on her bed with her dark brown orbs hooked onto the celing. Her nose was stuffy and her face was slightly hot. It wasn't so much that she was sick, it was the fact that she had her heartbroken. . yet again. She played the fool many of times, and she hoped things would change. She couldn't be mad or angry with him, but this time, she was scared. He left with no word again. She didn't know where he was. Her emotions were tangled and this time she knew it was the last time. Reaching over the edge of the bed, she grabbed with her silver laptop that she seemed to be ignoring lately. It was mostly filled with entries while she was in Europe, but those slowly faded. Once the screen started to glow against her delicate skin, her fingers arched over the keys weakly. |

This is the last time I will ever talk about him. This is the last time I will ever see him. Ryan Corst and Brynn Jones are over. Tonight, I will have my last cry. . the last tear will drop because I have spent too many on him. Tomorrow is a new day, and . . I'm going to enjoy my senior year without him. To tell you the truth, I really thought we had a chance for . . forever. I actually thought I was going to get that amazing white wedding with him, but as always, I thought wrong.

We were supposed to go to the Bahamas this week and miss the first week of school. Obviously, that didn't work out. The first week was a drag, but I got through it. I even managed to stop by Marc's place a few times here and there. However, I could mostly be found in my room . . lying here. . in my pjs. . listening to old records.

| Jesus B, you're going to be fine. A closed fist lifted up to rubbed against her eyes as she tried to wipe the sleep away. Her much longer brown hair was tangled up on her pillow and one of her feet were peeking out on the end of he bed. Moving her gaze from the computer to her surroundings, she realized that she really had to get over this whole " Ryan - stage ". She knew it was getting old, and everyone was tired of it. |

I sick of the games. I'm sick of them.

| Brynn's mind started to drift off into a series of scenes that played the past few weeks. She scooted Ryan's faced away for awhile and thought about England. England was fun. It was. . the last time she remembered how happy she really was, and coming back to Dover? Well, let's just say Dover is no England. She always thought about going back. |

Surpringly, my summer break was quite enjoyable. London, England with a few of my best friends. What more can a girl ask for? I had the time of my life. It was surreal when I stood infront of Big Ben or when I fit in just like a student at Oxford. You don't get a feeling like that too often. You just don't. I met Marc's older brother too. Spitting image of him. His family. . my god his family was beautiful. They all looked so. . happy.They lived in a smaller town just about 15 minutes from the city. The scenery was stunning. Nothing you'll find in the states. If you ever get the chance to go to England, I suggest you take every waking moment in while you're there.

| A small curve on either side of her lip started to curl upwards into a small smile. With a loud sigh, she rested her head back on her pillow before closing the top half to the little machine. She couldn't write anymore. She was tired of thinking about Ryan, and this will be the last time he did this to her. Forget about it Brynn. He wasn't for you. |


Read Please. [03 Jun 2003|09:02pm]
[ mood | bitchy ]
[ music | Faint - Linkin Park ]

Short Hiatus and Short OOC Note )

I didn't know I was lost until you found me, I didn't know I was blind but now I see . . . [01 Jun 2003|06:27pm]
[ mood | pleased ]
[ music | tideisHIGH - atomicKITTENS ]

| Brynn's hair was pulled up in some messy bun ( of some sort ). The golden blonde and fire red streaks would contrast against the sun, making them stand out even more in her lighter hair. Her wavy, bed head was not working with her this afternoon, but she tried to make it work to the best of her ability. She came out from underneath her table, bumping the end of her end in the process. |

" Oww . . . "

| Delicating touching the lower portion of her head, she rubbed it in a circular motion. Her french-tipped fingernails scratching slowly, over the mass of hair. A pinkish tounge skimmed her lips as it peeked out of her part as the sun beamed through the window. The outskirts of London was the only view from her balcony, and she loved it. This is her dream. She is in London, England. Brynn still had to let it sink for another two hours before she actually believed she was here. It was surreal. Once she had her laptop up and running, a screen popped up with a click of the mouse. Arched fingers were settled over a set of keys while a loud exhale was let out. |

I'm in London, guys. Now, how many of y'all can say that? It seems as if everyone made a little trip somewhere after graduation. Some to random exotic islands, some went back home, but Marc and I decided to travel to Europe. It is absolutely stunning here and I am still in awe. Marc was my own person tour guide today, but we ended up in some plaza, goofing around, and shopping. I couldn't help it. I always wanted to see how the shopping was really like in Europe, and being me, that was how we ended the day.

Before we landed, I pinky promised Marc that I wouldn't talking to Ryan until tomorrow. That plan fell through. The second I got settled in my room, I picked up the phone and called him. I miss him already. I know that's pretty pathetic, but it's true. The day before I left for London, I had a little surprise for my lovely boyfriend. My parents decided that since we've been through so much this year, Ryan and I, that we deserved a small vacation. Two tickets to the Bahamas were sent to me in the mail the other day and I quickly made my way to Ryan's room to give them to him. He wasn't looking all too well, but the sound of a vacation made him light up instantly. Poor baby is sick in bed right now, but he should be up and running when I return from London. I was planning to fly to Kentwood before summer ended as well, so my summer is pretty booked.

| Before another word was typed, she cracked her nuckles which recently has become a bad habit for her. Her white, toothy smile was seen infront of the computer as she typed about Ryan. Her life seemed close to perfect recently. She thank the lord above for it every morning and night. |

I should be back in a few days, so I'll be back in Dover for about a week before Ryan and I take off. This summer is going to be the best yet. I can taste it.

| Brynn's neck turned once she hear the connecting doors open with Marc's mass of hair peeking out from behind it. He started out with a dorky grin and asked her where she wanted to go for dinner. She thought about it for awhile, looked at the computer screen, then back him. |

" I don't know. You tell me. You're the expert. "

| And with that being said, she decided to cut the entry short. Her updates not being the best ones lately, but she couldn't find the time or the brains to write a long one. She mentally stuck a note in her head to call Robbie or Gideon the next morning to see where they were. Her Seven jeans were smooth and ready to go, and her brown girl's wifebeater hugged her upper body. Reaching out for one of her favorite hats, she rested it on the top of her head before grabbing her sunglasses. |

" I think we should hit that place we found earlier. See what they have there. "


I'm so sorry, got to the station a little too late . . . [30 May 2003|06:50am]
[ mood | tired ]
[ music | theSEED - theROOTS feat. codyCHESNUT ]

| Groaning quietly in her empty bed as the bright sunlight beamed across her tired face. It's been hell the past few days for her. Finals were taking the best of her, and he hadn't even talked to Ryan . . . or Bliss for that matter. She pushed herself away a little, a tiny habit she picked up. Truth be told, she was afraid to face reality. Once she started to think about things, her mind would just go straight to Bliss and Ryan in the bedroom, then to when they were talking next to the car before he left. You can't blame her for being angry the first time she heard it, but now . . now, as it slowly sunk in, she started to see how much he actually cared. He's right, he is only human. She couldn't stay mad at him forever, but of course, it still hurt. Her dark orbs were hidden slightly behind her eyelids, squiting the light away. Her head turned to the side, glancing at the clock for the time. 6:15 . . . Figures. I haven't had a good nights sleep in days. Brynn crawled into bed every night knowing that he's right across campus, but she was too stubborn to go there. Her legs were thrown over the side of the bed, then crawled into a pair of pink fuzzy slippers ( her favorites ). A hand raised to brush her brown hair back, then, with a press of a button, she booted up her computer. |

I've been trying to figure out what to say the past few days about this situation. It's hard with the overwhelming weight on my shoulders, but . . I have to say, it was the second thing on my list. Finals kicked me in the ass, nice and hard. I don't think I have ever taken finals like I did this year. You know what they say, Junior year is the most challenging year. I'm not too sure on how I did, but thank the lord, it is the last day of the year. Looking back, it's been one hell of a year. I never expected to be the girl I am today, never in a million years. I was the . . shy one, slightly nerdy if you would like that too. I was rooming with the most popular girl in school, and the biggest bitch if she wanted to be. Drama just called out when you were rooming with Gem . . but one amazing thing came into my life. Just as I thought this year would be hell, Ryan stepped in.

We've been through so much . . so much, and I do have the heart to forgive him now. I know he loves me, and Bliss cannot change that. It was only one night, right? I mean, it wasn't like we were together or anything. I was just shocked. I am so sick and tired of fighting with him, I can't do these sleepless nights anymore. This is our summer. Our time to just . . make up for lost time. I just hope he feels the same.

| Brynn's fingers left the keyboard for a second to scan plane tickets that sat next to her computer screen. One of them was booked for London, of course. She couldn't wait. Hell, the girl was packed a week ago. A week or two in London? With Marc? Maybe even Robbie and Gideon? How the hell did she get so lucky? It's a dream come true. The other ticket though, it was something she hasn't shared with anyone. A matching ticket laid in her back pocket, and she rubbed it with two fingers before she actually decided something. She changed the subject quickly before she had to leave. |

I leave for London this weekend. Be jealous. I'm going with my twin.

| With that being said, she clicked update with a small chuckle. Getting up out of her chair and adjusted her jeans, she grabbed her keys before heading across campus with a red cap pulled down over her eyes. |


I wanna be self-centered and make everybody feel sorry for me . . . [27 May 2003|08:32pm]
[ mood | aggravated ]
[ music | Self Cenetered - Bowling for Soup ]

| Brynn's hair was tied down in the normal pigtails, that she's grown quite fond of, and entered the room with a loud bang. The sound of the door made a few girls jump in the hallway, but she didn't care. The only thing that could go through her mind right now, that the face that she was just overwhelmed with a huge amount of information . . from a stranger and the love of her life. |

" I really need to get myself together. Get it together, B. You've been through tougher times. You will get through this . . with Ryan. "

| Her Bowling For Soup CD started to play with a push of a button. The shuffle button always came in handy, and the first song that started to play was " Self Centered ". A bitter snot echoed before the lyrics started off, thinking how ironic her situations have been today. |

" My sister . . my fucking sister. I didn't even know I had a sister! He knew before I did. On top of that, he tells her everything about my past, present, or future . . pratically everything. "

| A thick southern accent started to hang on her every word. Once Brynn started to ramble or let her emotions flow out, that southern drawl of her's came out strong as ever. Never did she once notice until people started to point it out. Her footsteps paced the room, her flip flops making a loud ' clip clap ' with every step. Once things were placed in it's original position and her computer was finally booted up, she logged on to her on-line journal. In this journal, her deepest thoughts and feelings were placed. |

I think I'm taking a vacation now
I'm on holiday and maybe I won't rest
Until I've thrown it all away
Yeah I've got it down

You guys will never guess who I met today. My sister. Yes, I have a sister, but there's a catch, I never knew she fucking existed until today. Obviously, my father had a little fun down in Flordia while he left my mother and I with nothing in Louisiana. I guess, I am just . . still holding a slight grudge about that. I need to start getting over things and stop holding this stupid grudges agains them. So anyways, I have a sister. I didn't talk to her much though. Only for the fact that she slept with Ryan, but that's beside the point, right? Right?

I'm gonna feel sorry for myself
I want to blame it on everyone else
I want to be self centered
And make everybody feel sorry for me

" I can't do this . . not now. I just can't talk about this so quickly. It only happened a few minutes ago. "

| Brynn leaned back in her office chair as her eyes landed on a picture frame on the top shelf of her desk. A picture of Ryan and Brynn at Memphis. Good lord . . Her hand lifted up to turn the picture down, just for now. She couldn't handle all of this . . all of this . . drama. She knew that she was the drama queen of them all, but things were just starting to look up for her. I need to get out of here. I need to do something. Marc? Gideon? She spinned around in her chair to the left, those big, beautiful, dark brown orbs landed on a leather, orange ball. Curving her lips upward into a crooked smirk, her body was lifted out of the chair, grabbing the ball, and grabbing her duffle bag with her things. |

" Basketball . . "

| The only sound left in her room was her radio, now playing quietly, and the soft sound of the door being shut closed. It was her time to think, to calm her emotions down, and to actually have some Brynn time. Every girl needed an escape. This was her's. |

So cry me a river... [25 May 2003|04:40pm]
[ mood | animated ]
[ music | Clocks - Coldplay ]

| Brynn entered her dorm room quietly, just getting back from work. Well, it's been one hell of a day. Two fingers reached behind to her back pocket of her light denim jeans while pulling out a baby pink cellphone. A hand massaged the top of her head, moving her hair along with it, and setting her phone and keys down on a counter with her free hand. What I need... What I need is a vacation. The thought of a vacation put a smile on her face. The first thought that came to mind was Marc and her in London, then later meeting up with two of her favorite men, Gideon and Robbie. They would show her the sites and one of her dreams would be fulfilled. It was always her dream to travel the world before she got married, and going to London would be her first step. Not being out of the states didn't help her. Another trip would be somewhere exotic, she always wanted to plan a trip with Ryan to someplace other than home. It would be a trip of a lifetime, that's for sure. Once her computer screen was up and running, she sat infront of it for a good ten minutes, trying to think of what to write about. There's so much I could say.. |

Thinking that I want you,
And you know that I coulda got what I want,
Anybody feel that,
When you know,
But your heart lets it go 'til it's all gone,
It's not like I don't see it,
When it's coming on,
Still I feel like I don't belong

To start things off, I'd like to say I'm sorry to my friends who feel as if they're being pushed away. Talking to Max made me realize that I really was pushing away a lot of my friends, and they were not liking it one bit. Honestly, I thought it was for the greater good of everyone. I much rather see y'all happy, than me bringing you down with my problems. It seems as if my plan fell through, and it just made a few of you angry with me. I love you guys, I truely do, but sometimes, a girl's just gotta keep to herself now and then. I'm trying to push you away because I can't just let my problems flow sometimes. Talking about my... " problems " just makes me feel weird and stupid. It's not one of my best points but that's just the way I am. I am sorry though.

| Her mind returned to Max's conversation earlier. It really broke her heart for him to yell at her, telling her how shitty she's been lately. I just hope things are better now. She knew she wasn't the only one with the broken heart though. Josh Stevens. A light chuckle echoed through the room as she moistened her lips, then continued to type loudly on the keys. |

The trouble with me is,
I'm the sum of the parts of something wild,
It's a little big thing,
And I know it,
The trouble with me,
Is I got the heart of nobody's child,
But I don't wanna be free,
That's the trouble with me

Josh Stevens. What's there to say? I'm sure half of you have heard about him or have seen him yourself. He's a great guy when you really look deeper into him. Something just keeps you hooked, and as weird as it sounds, his laugh was always something I loved about him. It would be so heart filling and so honest, nothing was like it. To say the least, I broke his heart last night. I don't know who we were trying to kid by going to the prom together, but we pulled it off for the first five minutes. I said yes because I thought we would have a good time, a really good time. The minute I would step into the room, I thought things were going to be okay and those feelings would be pushed to the back of my mind. I thought that I would be happy again, with someone other than Ryan. I thought that I was over Ry, and that I could move on with Josh, find something greater in him. He wasn't the one for me.

Thinking that you know me,
But it's just when you think that,
You know it,
You're wrong,
Wishing you could show me how to stay,
But I can't anyway,
Not this song,
Don't you know that I get weary,
I get so lonely but it's just no use at all

In the beginning, I loathed the boy and I didn't want to be near him, but I just came back for more. It turned into another infatuation with those.. remarkable kisses. Those weren't just kisses Josh, they were filled with these strange emotions, but we both knew what was going down. Just when you think life is going perfect, it takes a sharp turn.

You try to make sense of it you try,
But it's not really me who's saying goodbye,
It's like I got some kinda split personality,
You know nothing ever gets control of me like this,
What can I do?

| Brynn started to remember how good he looked last night, in that tux they picked out together. She remembered the look at his face when they were dancing, the look on his face when she went to grab something to drink, and finally, the look on his face when she told him that this was wrong. No way in hell could she sit there for another minute and pretend as if everything was alright when they were so wrong. The wave of guilt started to run through her body, but just when she thought things were going down hill that night, she remembered another conversation. |

But as one door closes, another opens. That door that opened was an old door, but nonetheless, it opened up to me again with open arms. Ryan Corst is a man like no other. I thought my world was over until he came back into my life. We danced underneath the stars last night because he promised me a dance, and since he couldn't make it to prom, we did it out in the courtyard. I felt so silly with him being in those sweats and me being in a prom dress. It reminded me of our first date. When it was raining and he wanted to dance in the street. It made me feel like that little school girl all over again, giggly and such.

Then we kissed.

It was the first time we kissed in.. days.. weeks actually, and my god, I almost forgot how much I loved it. How everytime his lips would touch mine, I would fall in love all over again. He wanted me back. Not only as his girlfriend, but his fiancee. It took me a second before I answered him. Last time, I said yes in a heartbeat.. after the shock. This time, I didn't turn him down but I didn't say yes either. I know that I will marry him one day and I will have the best future with him, but right now, it isn't the time. We're not going to rush into anything this time. One day at a time, right Ry? There's not doubt in my mind that I don't love him anymore. From now on, it's Ryan and Brynn [ RyBrynn. Lmao. I had to do it Yuri. ] forever. Now, forever seems like a long time, but I can't help it anymore.

| Biting her lower lip, she hid that crooked grin with her teeth. I'm happy. Her cheekbones were distinguished in that beaming face of her's. The mere thought of it made her so happy. I have to call momma... As Coldplay played in the backround, a soft knock was heard from her door. She actually wasn't too lazy to get up and answer the door. I wonder who that could be... The door was swung open, and a small squeel escaped her parted lips. |

" Marc!! "

And when the stars are falling, I'll keep calling, I will still love you... [23 May 2003|06:50am]
[ mood | happy ]
[ music | From The Bottom Of My Broken Heart - Britney Spears ]

| Brynn awoke to the light sounds of her stereo alarm going off. A hoarse groan was heard, but barely echoed around the room this time. Her throat just got worse. Her latest brown hair was tousled upon a white fabric that covered her favorite pillow, and her ears perked up when she heard was playing in her disc changer. If Marc only caught me listening to Britney Spears... |

I'm sitting here alone up in my room
And thinking about the times that we've been through (oh my love)
I'm looking at a picture in my hand
Trying my best to understand
I really want to know what we did wrong
With a love that felt so strong
If only you were here tonight
I know that we could make it right

| The melody was heard throughout her empty room as she turned her head towards the empty bed. I really should just move into a single room. It would save me a trouble of a roomie. Her hand reached up to tangle her slender fingers in the soft new haircut as her head turned to check the time. Another groan escaped her lips when she read 6:30 in bold, glowing letters. I need to learn how to sleep in. |

I don't know how to live without your love
I was born to make you happy
'Cause you're the only one within my heart
I was born to make you happy
Always and forever you and me
That's the way our life should be
I don't know how to live without your love
I was born to make you happy

| Brynn laid in her bed for a few more minutes until she finally kicked the covers off her body which exposed her shorts and sports bra. Her head was released from the pillow and her lower half hung off the edge of her bed. The tune was catchy, and before you knew it, she started hum it so the song would travel down her throat and into her head. |

I know I've been a fool since you've been gone
I'd better give it up and carry on (oh my love)
'Cause living in a dream of you and me
Is not the way my life should be
I don't want to cry a tear for you
So forgive me if I do
If only you were here tonight
I know that we could make it right

I'd do anything, I'd give you my world
I'd wait forever, to be your girl
Just call out my name, and I will be there
Just to show you how much I care

| She sighed quietly as she sat up and entered the bathroom as the song faded to an end. Her extended hand caught a toothbrush as the next song began. These songs were all too familiar, almost as if they were her own. Her thoughts lingered in the back of her head while she brushed those pearly whites. Once she was finished, she walked over to her closet, every step making it's own sound. |

"Never look back," we said
How was I to know I'd miss you so?
Loneliness up ahead, emptiness behind
Where do I go?

And you didn't hear
All my joy through my tears
All my hopes through my fears
Did you know, I still miss you somehow

| The song was all to familiar to her now and things were clicking left and right. The song contained most of the weight on her shoulders, but it didn't give her an answer. She was the one who had to make a choice, and she had to make it soon. It wasn't fair to either of them. In the back of her mind, she knew what was going to go down, but it was merely her own vision of things. You can never predict the future, B. Slowly, she changed into her little school girl's outfit which she hate dearly, but always remembered how much amusement Ryan got out of it. |

From the bottom of my broken heart
There's just a thing or two I'd like you to know
You were my first love, you were my true love
From the first kisses to the very last rose
From the bottom of my broken heart
Even though time may find me somebody new
You were my real love, I never knew love
'Til there was you
From the bottom of my broken heart

| Her head dug into her closet to find a certain pair of shoes that she could wear for the whole day and not complain about her toes being squashed. Black shoes covered the tips of her fingers as she set them on the ground, moving back into the bathroom. Tucking her hair behind her ears, she reached out to grab two bands to place her hair into ponytails. I can be such a girly girl... She laughed at herself for such the thought since she rarely hung out with the girls. |

"Baby," I said, "please stay.
Give our love a chance for one more day"
We could have worked things out
Taking time is what love's all about

But you put a dart
Through my dreams through my heart
And I'm back where I started again
Never thought it would end

| Once she was done with a little bit of powder and chapstick, she grabbed a few things on her desk that she needed every morning. The song still played in the backround, but her timer would turn it off soon. She gave the room one last look once she was at the door. A loud exhale was released from her parted baby pink lips as she started to move out and locked the door with a click of her keys. |

You promised yourself
But to somebody else
And you made it so perfectly clear
Still I wish you were here

"Never look back," we said
How was I to know I'd miss you so?

And I don't scream and kick, when his shit don't fall in my hands... [22 May 2003|09:09pm]
[ mood | amused ]
[ music | Material Girl - Madonna ]

| Brynn bounced happily into her room with her freshly cut short, brown hair. It's about time you got a new start, B. You deserve it. Her insides were warm and fuzzy, but she really had no reason for the feeling. Sometimes, a girl just has to be happy. She wasn't planning on pouting around forever, and she hoped it stopped now. It's been awhile since she actually talked to Josh or Ryan, but she knew the space was doing her good. Her brownish gaze switched towards the clock as she thought to herself, " Enough time for a quick one... " With every step, her feet made a crack in the wood which caused it to echo lightly throughout the room. Once she made it towards her computer desk, her body comfortably sat infront of her silver laptop. |

I don't have much time, but I just wanted to tell y'all that I got a haircut. Fresh start. Clean slate. I know this attitude won't last for long, but hell, a girl can try, right?

The prom is this weekend, and I think Josh and I still have plans to go. We went out the other day for his tux and I have to tell y'all that he looks pretty fine in it. He's going to make everyone jealous at how good he looks. Anyways, you probably know about my small love triangle. I'm still slightly.. torn. Okay, not slightly, I am majorly torn between them. But let's not think about that right now, okay?

| Brynn sat infront of the glowing screen shaking her head and added a soft chuckle here and there. She really didn't know what she was going to do from here on, but she did know who she loved and how she felt. She just isn't ready to say it aloud yet. No matter how hard someone would get it out of her, she couldn't say. Afraid of hurting one of them, she tried to push the thoughts aside. With her delicate touch, she reached over for a cap after she put her new hair in low ponytails and settled it on the top of her head with a firm nod. I'm ready to go. Her body bounced out of the room as Madonna's " Material Girl " faded off once she walked down the hall. |


Since you've been gone, my world has been dark and grey... [21 May 2003|03:30pm]
[ mood | crushed ]
[ music | The Seed 2.0 - The Roots feat. Cody Chesnut ]

| Her cold continued to get worse and worse, and her head spun constantly. Her thoughts were driving her crazy and she tried her hardest to wake up everyday with a new attitude. Underneath a few layers of blankets, you found her tiny body curled up with a few tissues thrown around the room. A silver coated laptop rested over her thighs as she opened up the top of it as her eyes were rubbed from her free fist. Once the computer was starting up, her delicate touch moved to her throat and started to massge it softly. This is getting worse and worse... |

Torn. That's what I am. Nothing but torn. I love Ryan, but then there's something new I find in Josh. I've already fallen for one, but falling for another. What would you do in this situation? It's hard watching Ryan with other girls around campus, especially with someone I know and when he's smiling like he never had an ounce of pain in him. I know that is far from the truth, but it just feels like it. It is merely a human instinct to get jealous, right? To see him with.. with other girls that are gorgeous and smart. How could I blame them? He's a keeper...

I called you last night in the hotel
Everyone knows but they wont tell
But their half hearted smiles tell me
Somethin' just ain't right
I been waitin' on you for a long time
Fuelin' up on heartaches and cheap wine
I ain't heard from you in 3 damn nights
I put your picture away
I wonder where you been
I can't look at you while I'm lyin' next to him
I put your picture away
I wonder where you been
I can't look at you while I'm lyin' next to him
I saw ya yesterday with an old friend

But when I'm with Josh, things just seem to light up a bit. I'm about to lay down the truth here, but it is better than me lying to y'all. I still feel as if I'm on the rebound from Ryan, and anything serious that tries to come along will scare the shit out of me. I don't know what Josh wants, and I don't know what he's planning on for us. Hell, I don't even know where we stand. I guess we're both just.. dating around? I don't know...

Truthfully, I'm not ready to settle down. I'm 17 years old and I fell in love once. I think it's slightly safe to say that I was slightly jaded from the experienced. The only real comfort I had was running to someone else or hearing Ryan tell me he loves me still. It's pathetic, I know, but I am not that strong. I'm vunerable, scared, jaded. Hearing that Ryan wants closure scares me. I mean, that's it. This is the end.

Everybody’s talking
But they don’t say a thing
They look at me with sad eyes
But I don’t want the sympathy
Its cool you didn’t want me
Sometimes you can’t go back
Buy why’d you have to go and make a mess like that
Well I just have to say
Before I let go

| A white tissue lifted towards her nose as she blew into it. With a flick of her wrist, it hit the tip of the trashcan, but fell to the floor softly with resistance. Her passionte eyes were now puffy and red. She spent the day curled up in her room after class and she didn't even bother showing up at practice. Once a little piece of the old weight lifted off her shoulders, a new load would just drop back on her. She wanted to feel peace with herself, but it didn't seem like it was coming anytime soon. The sunlight that beamed from the window made a glare on her small television screen. Her eyes squinted to glare into the TV box to see what show it was on. How ironic, an old episode of Dawson's Creek was on. |

In the end of Dawson's Creek, Joey picked Pacey and she was perfectly content with her decision. How the fuck did she make a choice like that? Someone please tell me.

I miss him..

Off to college
Yes you went away
Straight from high school
You up and left me
We were close friends
Also lovers
Did everything
For one another
Now you're gone and I'm lost without you here now
But I know I gotta live and make it somehow
Come back to me
Can you hear me (Callin')
Hear me callin' (For you)
For you 'cause it's

It's been too long and I'm lost without you
What am I gonna do
Said I been needin' you, wantin' you
Wonderin' if you're the same and who's been with you
Is your heart still mine
I wanna cry sometimes
I miss you

If you want to, I can save you, I can take you away from here, so lonely inside so busy out there... [20 May 2003|11:42am]
[ mood | moody ]
[ music | Girls Not Grey - AFI ]

| Brynn promised a few people a decent update by today or tomorrow night, but she thought she might as well get it over with. She hadn't eaten a good meal in awhile since she came down with a common cold; she had to force herself to eat. It was one of those feelings where you were so hungry, that you couldn't even eat. She was basically miserable all day in class yesterday, and her nose would not work with her. Her cheeks turned into a light shade of pink from all the sneezing and coughing that would come out of her little body. Ugh, whoever passed me this thing, I swear... It wasn't helping the fact that there was a game today, but she wasn't sure if she should just suck it up or warm the bench for her teammates tonight. She'll have to think about it a bit more. Her body was wrapped around with merely a towel and her hair was dripping across the wooden floor and over her shoulders. Something came to her, and she needed to write it down. |

Miss independent
Miss self-sufficient
Miss keep your distance
Miss unafraid
Miss out of my way
Miss don't let a man interfere, no
Miss on her own
Miss almost grown
Miss never let a man help her off her throne
So, by keeping her heart protected
She'd never ever feel rejected
Little miss apprehensive
Said oh, she fell in love

What is the feelin' takin' over?
Thinkin' no one could open my door
Surprise. It's time
To feel what's real
What happened to Miss Independent?
No more the need to be defensive
Goodbye, old you
When love is true

Have you ever been torn between two people that make you so completely and utterly happy? You could only go one path and leave the other. Usually, I'd be the one to run away in a situation like this, but I can't do that anymore. I have to start facing my fears. I thought long and hard about this, and everything was fine until Ryan came back. I am not trying to say that Ryan dragged me down, but he sure put my head in a daze. Caught between two men who already hate one another for things they have been told, and I have to pick. I don't want to lose either of them because they've been such a bit impact on my life. It almost seems if I'm living one of those Joey Potter things ( if you don't watch Dawson's Creek than excuse that statement ).

| She chuckled at her Dawon's Creek simliarity. Now, how many times have I been told that one? As odd as it sounded, she found herself in a lot of the same situations as Joey. Joey ran from everything before a solution could arise, and that is exactly what Brynn did. Her baby pink lips parted from one another to sigh, making sure she was ready to do this. Her freshly painted fingernails rested on top of the white keys as she started to type once again with a smile. Just remembering what they used to have, it was magical. It was a fairytale, but fairytales never last forever. Aside from all the fighting and arguments, she loved to look at the up sides of their relationship. |

First, there's Ryan Corst. This gorgeous, tall, charming guy; any girl would be lucky to have him. He's got an.. amazing smile and an amazing set of eyes, a girl could get lost in them forever. They play their own little tricks and games with you, almost like little teasers. They'll catpure you with their genuine looks and never let you go once they have you. It's a powerful feeling, and I don't think I'll ever get it from someone else. Then there's the fact that I fell hard for this man, too hard and too fast, anyone would agree. It was only a few months ago that I met him, but the timing was right. Well, it seemed right at the moment. I was engaged a few weeks later to him, and I didn't have a doubt in my mind that I would be his wife. That was I could think about, all I could dream about, but that all ended when he left. That was the end of us because he loved football. I could never let him pick between us again because I know who will win. As much as he tries to convince me that it will never be number one again, I know in the back of my mind that I'm not strong enough to listen to that. I know him too well. I know him better than I know myself. Although, he tends to have a few surprises up his sleeve that makes you think what the hell he's going to do next. My past, my first love, my best friend.

Misguided heart
Miss play it smart
Miss if you want to use that line you better not start, no
But she miscalculated
She didn't want to end up jaded
And this miss decided not to miss out on true love
So, by changing her misconceptions
She went in a new direction
And found inside she felt a connection
She fell in love.

And then there's a new spark of hope running through me, Josh Stevens. No, I've never had something like him come into my life before. What first started out to be the battle of the sexes turned out to be nothing less of some sort of infatuation. Without my knowing, he read most of my journal and figured me out in seconds. It took me 17 years to find out what he has in merely 2 minutes. He knows what happened between Ryan and I, and that makes me uncomfortable. Why? I have no clue, but I do know that there's something about him that makes me coming back for me. Something addicting, and then the infatuation takes over the best of me.

When Miss Independence walked away
No time for love that came her way
She looked in the mirror and thought today
What happened to miss no longer afraid?
It took some time for her to see
How beautiful love could truly be
No more talk of why can't that be me
I'm so glad I finally feel

Aside from all that above, I got to meet a few people this week, Jamie caught my attention. We've talked like.. twice? People make too many assumptions about the Heights. They're great kids, and I have nothing but respect for them. They don't put up with shit and anyone who does that has my attention. Jamie and I though, I guess we kind of clicked. He told me he was comfortable talking to me, and I'm really glad that he feels that way. The boy needs someone to talk to, you can't run away with drugs for forever, right? There's just something about him that makes me want to just.. lecture for hours, but I cut him loose once in awhile. He's go so much to offer, yet too blind to see that. I know his past was hard and it changed him, but maybe another change wouldn't hurt? He'll surprise you with how talented he really is.

| Her eyes cornered on her clock as she groaned quietly. She honestly didn't feel like playing tonight; partly because she was sick and partly because.. she hasn't been giving her all towards the practices lately. |

There's a game tonight. I'm nervous, scared even. I really hope I see Marc or Gideon there tonight. At least it could slightly calm my nerves to see some of my best friends there. I can't help but feel completely guilty when it comes to Marc. When was the last time we actually got to hang out? We are so caught up in our own little world that we haven't had the time to sit down and goof around. London will do us good. We're planning on meeting Rob and Gideon there, shows us the ropes, even though Marc knows most of the city. I really do have some of the greatest friends. Now if I could actually get some girlfriends, I would be good to go..

I think I'm some kind of addict... [18 May 2003|07:43am]
[ mood | sick ]
[ music | Addict - Jessica Harp ]

Cry me a river
You’re so sad, you’re out of your mind
Let’s see some tears
I wanna know what’s making you blind

I start leaving fast, driving pace
Fueled by your pretty face
Knowing that I require more
Wait a second turn around
I can fall further down
As my car drives me straight to your door

I’ve got this problem baby
It’s somewhat unhealthy
I guess that you could say
That I’m just burnt out
I need someone to push me around
Drag me and kick me down
I think I’m some kind of addict

The cold shoulder
You’re so sad, I think I might cry
I am so sick of seeking peace in finding out why

I start running fast, don’t need to try
Racing from your pretty eyes
Honey I’ve seen that trick before
Oh but honey hold your horses I turn back
My conscience seems to be in lack
I’m knocking on your door

I’ve got this illness baby
I’m needing you to see me
I guess that you could say
I’m just burnt out
I need someone to stand down to
To love and tell me what to do
I think I’m some kind of addict

And I've got the remedy... [17 May 2003|10:12pm]
[ mood | disappointed ]
[ music | Let's Fall In Love - Frank Sinatra ]

| Brynn entered her empty room with a small sniff, partly from her cold and partly from the previous tears. Her blonde locks were hidden underneath a black hoodie, a basic white t-shirt covered her upper body, and worn out jeans fit comfortably down her legs. Her small hands were hidden in the front pockets of the hoodie to keep warm as one peeked out to toss her keys on her desk. As usual, she pulled up a familiar window box on her computer screen. With a depressing sigh, she started to stare at the white box for minutes. You know what you're feeling Brynn, just write it. There's not much to hide. They both read this fucking piece of trash. Bitter again. She hated the feeling, she truly did, but she couldn't help herself sometimes. She would turn sarcastic, bitchy, and stubborn when things started to go downhill. |

So, like I said earlier, Ryan's back in town. He came back from me, he said, but can I really trust him word for word? I used to be able to. Everyword that came out of his mouth somehow stored in my head as a private journal of his words, but that all changed. It changed in a heartbeat. I woke up one day and he was gone. No words. No letters. Nothing. The day before he " disappeared " to Florida, he told me how much he wanted things to work out between us. We were planning things so quickly. Fuck, we had a house being built for us in Memphis. A house. It was his father's early wedding gift, but... we never did get to that wedding day. I just want to know why, but I can answer that question. Plain and simple, the man lives for football and nothing else. Football is his life, and nothing could stop him. Number one in his life is that leather ball, and sometimes, a girl can't handle being number two. I'm just that kind of girl, and it hurt. I'm in a strange position knowing that I will always be number two in his life, so he left. He went for the scholarship, and left me here in Dover. I don't blame him actually. Who would pick me over a chance of a lifetime?

| Her slender fingers rose to her watery eyes and rubbed them furiously. She hated crying, especially over something as silly as this. She thought she had changed. She thought that she grew so much stronger, but boy was she wrong. She was far from being the strong one; if anything, she grew weaker. |

And then there's Josh. Everyone saw it coming before we even knew what hit us. Oh god, that boy made me so frustrated and so angry, but that was just a passion that grew on me. It grew on me so much, that I couldn't just stand there and play dumb. I kissed him. Any other girl in my position probably would too. We were nothing more but friends. He never claimed we were more, so I didn't either. Honestly, I have no clue where we stand, but having Ryan back is crazy.

Of course, the two met earlier today. It was horrible, really. Ryan was talking for me, and Josh was just making Ryan's temper worse. A few push and shoves, but I couldn't let anything go out of hand. I couldn't help but just feel like Josh was right. I deserved an answer. Ryan told me he left because I deserved better. God, that is such a lie. All I wanted was the truth from him, that's all. Of course, there's this big, huge, soft spot for Ryan. He was my first love, no matter what people said. We couldn't be any more in love with one another. The feelings ran past the shivers down your spine and the silly giggles. There was chemistry, hope, and faith between us. It was something that people wait their whole life for and we found it in one another in an instant.

| Brynn moaned inwardly as she read over her feeling that started to pour out. She needed sleep. Yes, I need to sleep on it. Tomorrow is a new day. Her hand arched over the white mouse just like any other night as she clicked update. |

I'm Sick of smiling
And so is my jaw
Can't you see my front is crumbling down?
I'm sick of being someone im not
Please get me out of this slump
I'm sick of clapping
When I know I can do it better for myself
I'm sick of waiting
Sick of all these words that will never matter

I wire all these nerves together
Hoping for a chance to think on time
And I'm tracing over your letter
To see if your intentions are as good as mine

Please just don't play with me, my paper heart will bleed... [17 May 2003|12:52pm]
[ mood | jealous ]
[ music | silence is golden ]

| Brynn rushed herself into the library and took a private room in the back with a computer. She shut the wooden door behind her and dropped her stuff on the corner of the chair. The computer screen's glow casted along her face in darkness. Once she took a seat, her elbows rested along the desk as she rubbed her face with a loud sigh. A few seconds later, she pulled up her journal off the internet with a dazed and confused expression. Her heart was still floating from the sight of him, but then she was would think of his email. I've met someone.. someone that you'll like. He wrote something along the lines of that and she already didn't like the chick. She hated her in fact. |

Ryan's back. I don't know for how long, but I wouldn't be surprised if he wasn't here the next morning. I am not sure if he's here to see me, but I doubt it. Who would want to come back to the junior that broke your heart before? Seeing him again was.. surreal. I don't know what to do, and I still can't think straight. I hate the fact that he has some sort of hold on me; a hold that can make me do whatever he desires. I promised myself I wouldn't put myself in this type of situation ever, but I did. Now, I don't know what to do. I can't think. I'll update later.

| She rubbed her face once more before closing the window and leaving. |


I am beautiful, no matter what they say, words can't bring me down... [17 May 2003|07:22am]
[ mood | lonely ]
[ music | Love Me Tender - Elvis ]

| Brynn laid in her bed, curled up with the blankets. Her nose was a light shade of pink from rubbing her cold away and her cheeks were slightly flushed from her recent sneezes. A red cough drop could be seen rolling around from side to side in her mouth, in hopes that it could help her out just a little bit. She sniffed a bit as she rolled on to her back which caused a broken spring to squeek with every movement. The blanket was pulled up to the tip of her chin so her head was the only thing you could see. With her hair sprawled out on the pillow, her hair was tossled which gave her that cute ' I just woke up ' look. Her tiny fingers danced out of the covers to reach for her reading glasses, resting them on her nose with her delicate touch. The hand was returned to the tiny drawer that sat next to her bed to grab another cough drop, but she hit a picture instead. Her lips parted to let a groan be heard throughout the room. She knew what the picture was of, and she decided it would be best for her to just face it down. You really need to get over this Brynn. It isn't fair to him and it isn't fair to you. You always said that you wouldn't put yourself in this position. He's at college; living in a better dorm, surrounded by gorgeous girls in short shorts and bathing suit tops, and he's probably a lot happier there than he ever was in Dover. Get the fuck over it. She was slightly bitter still, from the whole situation. The poor girl was heartbroken, there wasn't much she could do. Ryan was living his life in Flordia and she was stuck in Dover. They chose different paths, different lives. It was bound to happen sooner or later, right? Since when did Brynn Jones get a happily ever after? The thoughts were pushed away as she looked over at her shinning laptop. No, just got back to sleep. There's no way he emailed you.. |


Stripped of all the make-up... [16 May 2003|06:53am]
[ mood | mellow ]
[ music | The Remedy - Jason Mraz ]

| Brynn's body was curled up in one huge blanket, her body hidden underneath the only sorce of warmth she had. Her hoodie covered her blonde locks while a pair of reading glasses sat on the bridge of her nose, as usual. She was dressed down in her regular PJs that hung low on her hips as she passed a few entries here and there, and finally clicked on her own journal. She had a lot to say. |

Yesterday was quite a day, but before I go any further, I just have to say I am sorry to the ones I lost contact with in the past few days, or even weeks. I have been going through a tough time with all the weight on my shoulders, and being the selfish one I am, I never took the time to see how my friends were doing. I really make myself sick to my stomach because all these thoughts arose when Bennett came over last night. I really forgot how much I absolutely adore hanging out with Ben. He always has a smile on his face and just knows how to make another person feel good about themselves. Our night was cut short though, we were both pretty tired. He did ask me for a favor though, and I would be more than happy to help him out on that one. He knows where to find me.

| Brynn smiled at the paragraph, a genuine smile. She remembered when she first met Ben, but the smile soon faded once she remembered the mini drama series she pulled into his life. She was torn between him and Ryan, and it was obvious who she chose. They both looked beyond that though, and she gave him time. Of course, he forgave her but he could never forget. It was something in her past that she would never be happy with. Brynn usually didn't play games like that, but she found herself in the middle of them both. Then the whole drama between Gems, Raine, and Aryk started up. The memories floated back and she couldn't help but chuckle at them now. Drama, drama, drama... Her tiny french tipped nails rested back on the keys as she continued on. |

Jason Miller and I continue to run in to one another early morning or late at night. The boy is very, very cute. He kind of gives of a " bad boy " look to him, which is always nice. He's a charmer, that one. He is the kind that carries your books, walks you to class, and kisses your hand. He told me it was a nice excuse for us to hang out for a few minutes. I found the gesture really sweet, so I took him out to breakfast, cutting second period with him to go to the diner. We talked, we laughed, and we ate. For some reason, half of the boys I meet are surprised at the amount of food I eat. What? I'm not a stick, and a girl has to eat. No crime in that. Ryan always thought I was crazy because I didn't gain an ounce.

Scott Parke was another one I met yesterday night. Sweet kid, another one that kisses the back of your hand when you do the whole introduction gig. He was just coming back from the pool, and man oh man, did that boy have one hell of a body, great smile too. That's always an added bonus though, right? Anyways, we talked for awhile and somehow we got on the topic on how we get to sleep. He swims, I eat ice cream. Ice cream just settles in my stomach and puts me to sleep for some weird reason, so he offered to grab some ice cream down the street. I agreed, so we hung out for a bit. Just one innocent trip to the ice cream parlor.

| Brynn laughed at the past entries as her blonde hair shook from one side to another. She pulled the blanket over her shoulders more to keep the heat around her body. Her toes wiggled awake while they were covered by pink fuzzy slippers, the wood was always too cold in the morning for her. I really need to get more girlfriends. |

And I know what you all want me to update about, Josh.

| A long, content sigh was heard out of the part of her almost perfect lips. It was a night she would remember, but it made her even more confused. A delicate hand raised up to push away strands of hair that fell into her view. She believed she was still on the rebound from Ryan, and she didn't want to hurt Josh. She has done enough of that, but then again, she thought too much into things. It was merely a kiss. |

He entered a local sports bar that doesn't card, who does in this town anyways? My eyes immediately landed on him from the Laker game. He looked tired, restless, and just worn out all together. The first thing he did was order four shots and downed two easily. I finally had the courage to go up to him and talk a bit. My heart went out to him the minute I saw a single tear drop. Josh never seemed like the kind that cried in public, but he couldn't hold it in. I know that I like things to go back to normal when the going gets rough, so I offered him to come sit with us and watch the game. Instead, he offered me to sit with him. I couldn't just let him sit here and mope around. I got him to crack a small smile, then dragged him to a hot dance spot.

We entered the club with ease, I know the DJ that spins on the weekends. Anyways, y'all know me, I was the first on the floor, dead center. This guy.. this horrible guy. He was trying to take advantage of me, and I knew it was coming. I pushed him away and took care of it myself, but the next thing I know, Josh is up in his face and he took a swing. We needed to get out of there.. fast. I was embaressed, angry, and.. in complete awe. It was a sweet gesture, and I just kissed his cheek to thank him. That was it a simple kiss on a cheek, but soon enough, he wrapped me up in his arms for a kiss. This time it was him, all him. It felt good, reall good actually. I just can't help but feel a little.. weird. I mean, how long as it been since Ryan?

| Brynn thought it was good to end it there, she didn't want to think into it too much. She looked over on her desk that sat there. It sat there so lonely and helpless, but she didn't want to pick it up or touch it at all. It was an application to UCF that she finished the day before Ryan left. She was planning on attending school in Flordia, but that plan was no longer going on. A little piece of paper sat next to it, and another sigh was heard throughout the silent room. RYAN'S CELL was written in bold letters, and she knew she needed to call him for some closure. She needed to know that she was going to be alright, she needed to know that he was moving on, and she just needed some sort of ending to them. She was going to be alright. |


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