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[26 Dec 2003|08:53pm] |
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so i went to see the family this week. it sucked as always. my baby had a good christmas, though. ;D he got lots of stuff. i got some cool stuff, too. my dad didn't care to see me, as always. -shrug- no stories necessary. i'm talkin to aaron... fun stuff. ;D i'll write more later if i feel like it.
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| movin to dallas |
[22 Dec 2003|01:56am] |
i went to dallas this past weekend. and it was truly amazing. nothing short - of amazing. the people that i hung out with, well.. i'll just make some shoutouts.
aaron - you rock my world. you're fucking incredible. you're funny, smart, a very interesting person to talk to, and you're genuine. you see me for who i am, and i couldn't appreciate it more. i need alot more people like you in my life and i'm really glad we got to hang out. thank you for everything this weekend. without you, i don't think my stay would have been nearly as pleasant as it was. tell kodi and b i said hi. i'm really looking forward to talking with them, and getting to know them better. it's going to be a good time. i'm glad to got to hang out and i can't wait for the AWESOME times ahead of us. ;] saddle up cowboy, it's gonna be an adventurous ride. ;] double a's all the way. -turns a few pages- my muffin = good. ;x
brit - you're fucking, awesome. there's not even another word to use. you're one girl that i can totally see myself gettin close to, and we all know how i feel about girls. ;] i fuckin hate em. rofl! you're a cool chick and i can't wait to see what the future holds for us, in all it's many surprises. ;] i fucking love you, girl. i can't thank you enough for everything you did for me this weekend. without you, i don't think it could have been done, and i don't think i would have realized alot of things without you takin me to dallas. you fucking rock. i can't wait for us to get closer and hang out more. DALLAS HERE I COME!! ;]
shaun - babyboy, what have i told you? i think that email just about wraps it up perfectly. ;] you amaze me. the things you say. the way you talk, the way you carry yourself. you're everything i want to be when i grow up. you're nothing short of astonishing, and i can't wait to see what's in store for us. i loved seeing you friday night.. it was one of the best times i had while i was there for this short weekend. you're the best friend i could have, and i love how close we're getting. 'you love it girl! you love it!' - i really do. ;D i can't wait to spend time with you when i get there. bring heather along, we can all get together and make it a partaaayyyy babyyy! ;] keep your chin up. and you know that if you ever need anything, don't be afraid to ask. i'll do it if i can. it makes my day to see you smile and know that i can do it for you. i love you, sweety. don't ever doubt it. ;]
jonathan - what to say about you. hmph! i wanted to see you so bad this weekend, OH so bad. i was really looking forward to some of the things that we could have done and some of the time that we could have spent together. you're mah babycakes, buddy. ;] i freakin heart you. you're an amazing, caring, beautiful person. you just need to let other people see that. ;] you need to believe in yourself, and the rest will fall into place. i respect you, and i want to help you. i want to be what you need. i can help you - you just gotta let me in. ;/ i miss you, babes. definately. i'll see you in 3 weeks!!! if not before then. ;D i heart you baby, just remember that. ;] 'i smile the prettiest when you make me smile' ;D
so basically, that's it. i'm moving to dallas. i really feel like i don't have another choice. the people talked about above are my main reasons. they showed me the best time in dallas this weekend. while i was there, i was the happiest i've been - in almost 2 years. i surrounded myself with people that care, and it felt really damn good. they see me for who i am, and they LOVE it. they don't judge me about the things i've done in the past. i can't believe how much these people mean to me. brit has the best boyfriend, and i'm so happy for her, she deserves it. shaun is talking to someone - and she makes him happy, that's all i can ask for. but shaun - you better let her know that i don't take shit from no one when they mess with my boys. ;D she fucks you up - i fuck her up - beyond repair. ;] aaron is just a kickass guy, and i'm gonna help him get everything he needs. he deserves to be happy, and it seems like lately, no one can do it for him. jonathan is just an astonishing person and i can't wait until i get to know him on a more personal level. ;] he definately interests me. but that's it. me + dallas = 3 weeks. that's all there is to it. HELLO TO ALL MY FUTURE D/FW NEIGHBORS!!
...god, i'm gonna love this.
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[17 Dec 2003|08:57pm] |
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mood |
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Kody Hartman - God called you home today at 11:37 am. You will be very missed. You're in a better place now, and we couldn't ask for more. RIP sweetheart. Always remembered.
2.19.1984 - 12.17.2003
He lived a short while, but Kody always wanted to make the best and most of every situation. I was informed by his aunt, that Kody rolled his mom's car this morning, and died at 11:37am. Remember this... make the most of every moment you have because you never know when it's gone. RIP K-Bear.
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[17 Dec 2003|04:23pm] |
i don't think i'm going to like christmas too much this year.
happy people.
spending lots of money ON these stupid happy people.
food that makes you gain 15 lbs.
not getting anything on your 'wish list' - always happens to me, every year, without fail. i take it th wish list doesn't mean much to the fuckers in my family.
wow, i'm a hateful little girl today and i'll stop there, i guess i'm kind of a grinch. ;/ it just makes me wish my family was still together, i guess. it's hard not bein able to sit down with your mom AND dad on christmas. ;/ it's really hard. i want to be able to see both of them, at the same time, but they can't even be in the same fucking room together. -kick- i'm sorry, dude. i just had to bitch for a minute.
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[17 Dec 2003|04:18pm] |
What Finding Nemo Character are You?
brought to you by Quizilla
not sure if i believe this one too much. O.o i guess it's whatever. -sigh- anyway. was up for awhile this morning because i couldn't sleep. ;/ i can't believe i'm even awake right now because for some reason i'm still DEAD tired. ;/ -dies- i'll be okay, if anything i'll just go take another nap in a few minutes. <333 bye guys.
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[16 Dec 2003|08:35pm] |
i feel better today. no more bein sickies. ;[ i miss dan, casce, juila.. the whole group. i don't really talk to anyone anymore. -sigh- my fault, too i suppose. blah. anyway...
got a new outfit, that i absolutely adore. i look so damn good in it. i'd do myself if it was possible. -=]
i love you.
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[13 Dec 2003|01:51am] |
i'm so fucking sick, dude. i've got a headache from hell. my fever was 103.2 earlier. ;/ god! ;[ i've been takin medicine but i don't think it's helpin all that much. chris has to work tomorrow so i'll probably end up sleepin all day. ;[ man i feel shitty. just thought i'd update a bit.
had a good week, tho. goin on day 3 of bein sick. got a bit of cleanin done and stuff. i wish i could sleep. i'm so restless.
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[11 Dec 2003|10:33pm] |
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i've got the flu.. i feel like shit. i'm bein put off for someone else. i dun like that. ;[
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[10 Dec 2003|12:24pm] |
when it rains - it FUCKING POURS!
-screams-
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| my party |
[07 Dec 2003|02:51pm] |
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well, this weekend was bad ass if i do say so myself. roll call: me, michelle, melanie, angie, keri, sarah, topher, steve, eric, crispy, seth, and ali. we all hung out lastnight, drank quite a bit, and went to ihop at 2am. -=D haha. it was a damn good time. -=D i feel pretty good this mornin. -=] no hangover or anythin. i got to see my baby yesterday, too. -=D i love it. i really wanted to see casce, dan, juila, marcus, storm... and all you guys friday night but i couldn't get a hold of anyone. -=/ -shrug- what can ya do man? i missed you guys. -=/ i couldn't get a hold of any of you guys about lastnight either. but that's okay i guess. anyway.. we're gonna go get somethin to eat real fast.. so i'll update more later if i can think of anythin. the point is.. i had a damn good birthday. <333 -=] thanks to everyone who attended. ;D
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| urgh |
[04 Dec 2003|01:11am] |
ok so i'm not sure what's goin on for this weekend.
i've been told lots of different things. -=/
my friend angie is comin into town on friday, and she wants to go downtown and get some free drinks for us and whatnot. since it was my birthday 2 days ago. -=/ she's gonna be here for a week, so we'll see.
i derno what i wanna do this weekend. i've only got $40 to spend, and i dun wanna spend it all on alcohol, coz i wanna get brayden somethin for christmas, atleast SOMETHIN! i dun want him to not get anythin from his mommy. -=[ i'll hate myself if that happens.
i don't know what i should do. i want to get alcohol, and get drunk.. and spend time with my friends and all that. but it's so hard not bein a millionaire. -=/ i guess we'll see how things go.
casce, dan, storm - i'm not sure if i am DEFINATE about plans on friday.. but i will be sure to let you guys know what's goin on. -=]
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| -=] |
[03 Dec 2003|01:14pm] |
what's the middle name of the first person you slept with? patrick
what kind of underwear are you wearin, what color? a red and white glittery thong that says 'special delivrey' on the front. ;D
what song do you want played at your funeral? 'hero' by mariah carey.. 'wind beneath my wings' good song!
what is the number of your sluttiest friend so that some of your single friends can get some action? 246-8541 her name is amy. atleast, that was her number 2 years ago in highschool. i still consider her my sluttiest friend, even though i haven't talked to her in a while. ;]
what would your last meal by before bein executed? taco cabana
beatles or stones? i hate bugs, and - i throw rocks at boys. <33 [i know what this question is about - i just don't care either way] haha.
if you had to pick one person on eatch to die, who would it be? DIE? i don't wish death on anyone...
the person whose problems you wouldn't want to hear? anyone that isn't important to me...
what is the most important thing to you about the preferred sex? respect [along with that comes trust, honesty.. etc.]
do you secretly hate some of your friends but are to nice to reject them? no. if i don't like you - you know.
if you could have any superpower, what would it be? to make people happy... TRULY happy.
favorite hangover cure? eating. drinkin good flavored drinks.. coz they taste SO much better when you're hungover. ;D haha.
how many drinks does it take to get you drunk? 3-4 smirnoffs... not sure how much of anythin else. 1-1 1/2 rum and cokes. ;D
favorite outkast lyrics? 'don't wanna meet your mama, jus wanna make you cum-ah' hehehe
hair color you most like someone you're datin to have? it doesn't matter.. just not gray. too old for me.
if you had to be blind or deaf which would you choose? blind.. music is my life! but.. i'd want to see my son, too. but see, if i was blind.. i probably wouldn't have him.. this is too hard of a question. i think about shit too much.
do you have any psychiatric problems? tons. -shrug- i won't lie. my head is all sorts of fucked up.
siblings that should go to rehab? if any, it'd be me.
least favorite month? september. nothin excitin goes on - and alot of bad stuff happened that month. except melliebellies birthday. <333 -=]
favorite hateful thing to do to somebody? hateful? dood, nothin. man, that's fucked.
favorite movie you remember seeing as a kid? any disney movie. <333
favorite person in the whole world? right now? shaun and melliebellie are tied. they're pretty damn important to me. <3333
when's the last time you went on a date? i don't even fuckin remember - honestly.
do you like violent or dirty movies? both. -shrug-
fall or spring? spring.
person you most wish you hadn't made out with? uh.. i don't regret anythin i've ever done.
if you are straight, what person of the same sex would you do it with? angelina jolie, jenna jameson, penelope cruz... the list goes on. haha.
where do you want to live when you are old and brittle? in my home - in the country somewhere, happy.. with my family surrounding me.
who is the person you can count on the most? shaun or melliebellie. dan i can count on. mike... a few people.
if you could date any celebrity, past or present, time and age are not a factor? bam margera. dood, that boy.. i dun even know what it is. he's such a hardcore guy.
what books have you pretended to read? none. i hate readin books.
what's a word you'd use to describe your life? chaotic.
what's your favorite drinkin game? any game that i play that i can get drunk playin. ;] haha.
what did you dream about lastnight? i didn't dream i dun think.
what's the last thing you'd ever tell someone? about somethin that happened when i was younger.
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| hooray! |
[03 Dec 2003|01:28am] |
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well, overall i had a good birthday. went to my moms. me, joey, chris, craig, jessica, and david all went over there. my mom and sister were just hangin out and stuff. ;D it was a good time. my sister made the cake, and it was really yummy. ;D although, the icing was slidin down the cake... it still looked pretty good. ;D i ate some of it, but it was hard as hell to swallow. haha! i also drank some arbor mist - that shit was YUM! heh. i liked it alot. ;] NEXT! my dad called - while i was over there... i cried, the whole time i was on the phone with him. i haven't talked to him in almost 5 months. it made me realize.. you know.. i've got alot of stuff in this life to be thankful for. everyone makes mistakes. my dad was bein distant because he's got so much stuff goin on in his life. he has a new girlfriend, a job that takes up alot of his time. the number that he had - for where he thought i lived - wasn't the right one. so now, he has my new number... and we'll see if he calls. i'll give him the benefit of the doubt. it's my daddy, you know? i can't just give up on him like that. he's done alot for me in the past 19 years, and i atleast owe him this much. he really is a good man. it just stresses me out... having those feelings of doubt that my dad really loves me, you know? it's hard dealin with that. i say things when i'm mad.. that i shouldn't say. but fuck man, i can't help it sometimes. i just get so pissed that i don't know how to handle myself. and it takes alot to piss me off, but when i feel like my dad doesn't care about me.. it truly makes me upset. so i'm sorry i haven't been the best daughter in the world, and i'm sorry i've said things i don't mean. you've done it too. you know you have. i'm sorry. i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry. it won't happen again. NEXT! i need to quit stressin, i really do. i stress too much lately, and i think i've got ulcers because of it. my stomach hurts every time i eat. and it's not like... HURTS, it just feels like my belly is really irritated. it's 1:30 and i'm already pretty sleepy but i dun wanna go to bed yet. coz then i'll wake up at freakin 8am - and i don't wanna do that tomorrow. this is gonna be long, i have a feelin. so just be prepared. ;D NEXT! melliebellie is comin to austin this weekend. ;] i think i mighta already said that. -=] but it's ok.. you wanted to know again. this is my birthday weekend, so i think we're gonna party like it's nineteen ninety-nine. ;D it shall be fun. she said she's gonna pay for my dinner if we go eat somewhere. i gotta make sure this is the best trip to austin she's had. -=] it'll be fun! it has to be! i wanna go get a tattoo this weekend, but without an id.. i don't think that'll work too well. -=/ i really really wish joe hadn't thrown it out the window. that freakin sucks. i need a cigarette but i hate goin out there at night.. it's scary. NEXT! so all in all - i had a good birthday. i got money, 2 new shirts, cards from my mom, dad, and sister.. and i got my daddy back - hopefully. i really hope so. i need that man in my life. i really do. -=] anyway... that's all for tonight i think! -=P
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| fill this out, hookah!! |
[02 Dec 2003|09:51pm] |
1. Give me a nickname and explain why you picked it.
2. Am I loveable?
3. How long have you known me?
4. When and how did we first meet?
5. What was your first impression?
6. Do you still think that way about me now?
7. What do you think my weakness is?
8. Do you think I'll get married?
9. What makes me happy?
10. What makes me sad?
11. What reminds you of me?
12. If you could give me anything what would it be?
13. How well do you know me?
14. When's the last time you saw me?
15. Ever wanted to tell me something but couldn't?
16. Do you think I could kill someone?
17. Describe me in one word.
18. Do you think our friendship is getting stronger/weaker/or staying the same?
19. Do you feel that you could talk to me about anything and I would listen?
20. Are you going to put this on your Journal and see what I say about you?
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| i'm addicted |
[02 Dec 2003|10:56am] |
journal entries: 58 Comments: Posted: 109 - Received: 35
comments posted in last 28 days - 24
comments recieved in last 28 days - 6
journal entries in last 28 days - 26
that's an average of...
almost 1 comment posted a day
almost 1 comment recieved every 4 days
almost 1 journal entry a day -=D
it's just interestin -shrug-
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| ugh |
[02 Dec 2003|10:12am] |
Who You Are
You're a pillar of strength.
You're a woman with a very balanced personality and lifestyle. You believe in making room in life to relax, think, and have fun. You refuse to settle long-term for a boring job or doing something just because it's expected of you. Love is the same way. You know what real love feels like and you'll accept no imitations! You pride yourself on not being the "typical woman." You're more honest and straightforward than most women. But just because you don't "wear your heart on your sleeve" doesn't mean you lack deep feelings. In fact, you're deeply committed to your loved ones and the causes you believe in. Women as truly balanced as you are very rare.
What's dating all about to you?
Finding a loving relationship is a mission for you. You have clear goals and even a timeline in mind. Falling in love is an especially magical experience. You're suddenly free from the rules and thinking that guide your life. You usually keep your feelings and life under control. But remember, the bigger the dam, the bigger the flood when it breaks!
You face two major challenges in finding the love of your life. First, because your mind is so busy making sure you say and do the right things on dates, it's hard for your deeper and caring self to come through. It feels risky to share this part of yourself. Second, although having a vision of what you want can be helpful, the risk is that your high standards and rush to find the perfect man can get in the way of loving a real-life imperfect man.
How unique is your type?
Your personality profile is similar to a number of women your age. Looking at over 10,000 women who have taken the test, about 6% (or 1 in 16 women) have very similar beliefs, values, and habits. Of course, the way these qualities are expressed in you is what makes you so unique.
Quirks men notice
Like all women, you have your strengths as well as your quirks and shortcomings. Ultimately, you want to find someone who will love and accept you "warts and all." Though you have lots of friends, it's important to have at least one person in your life who understands.
You have a pretty even-tempered personality and may not have any especially annoying or quirky habits. Of course, seeming to be "perfect" could be seen as a flaw by some, in which case you may just want to pretend to have a bad habit!
Do men like your type?
Notice that 35% of men are generally attracted to your personality type. 8% say they are VERY attracted.
How many men are attracted to your personality? 27%
How many other women have personalities like you? 6%
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| -giggle- |
[02 Dec 2003|08:42am] |
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wow... wtf? i went to bed at 1:30 lastnight! i actually laid there until a little after 2 before i could fall asleep.. but i did. ;D today is gonna be a good day - i'm not lettin anyone get me down.. no sir! today is MY day - i own this bitch... therefore, if anyone fucks with me, and tries to ruin it - it's their teeth! ;D anyway... i'm goin to my mom's later. again - if anyone wants to go for cake/alcohol/a damn good time - let me know before 3pm please. ;D i can't wait to get all prettied up! hehe. bye guys!!
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| happy birthday to me!! |
[02 Dec 2003|12:02am] |
it's my birthday and i'll cry if i want to. ;D i just wanted to let everyone know how thankful i am for you guys. ;] it's been a rough 19 years, but i've made it this far... thanks to you guys. alot of you have helped me out in ways that you don't even know - and i can't thank you enough. i'm thankful first and foremost.. wait.. i feel like i'm on mtv. haha.
anyway - my son. he's the light of my life and i can't imagine what or where i'd be without him. he's made me who i am today.. so all of you that love love love me - thank him. ;D
this birthday is gonna be a blast. i've got my mom - who cares about me deeply - my sister - who i couldn't live without - and my friends, that mean the world to me. seriously. you guys are the best! i love all of you! <3333
i'm gonna drink some more dr pepper and stay up all day - that's the best way to celebrate right? haha. the important people have my number. ;] and if you don't - ask. if i think you're worthy - i'll give it to you. ;] i'm up for chattin all night long!! hehehe!
the big 19 baby!!! thank god i've made it this far. i love you guys!!! ;]
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| yay |
[01 Dec 2003|01:29pm] |
my birthday is in... 10 1/2 hours.
oh my goodness. why am i so excited? nothin good happens on your 19th birthday!
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| blah |
[01 Dec 2003|02:49am] |
today has been a good day. went and hung out with matt, topher, eric, sarah, crispy, and alicia. haven't seen them in awhile. well, except crispy - i live with that retarded ass! haha. i miss shaun. -=[ he needs to get back to dallas, NOW! my mom is havin a birthday party for me on tuesday. not sure what we're gonna be doin, but i know she's makin me cake, and probably some alcohol will be in the mix. ;D if anyone wants to go - let me know. -=] you're more than welcome - you guys know who you are.. -=D anyway...
my mom told me that my dad got me somethin for my birthday - she got it from him while she was in la. not sure that i care to even accept it. you know - my dad KNOWS i'm hardheaded... so why even try to be there for me.. after it's been this long - and he hasn't even made a simple 1 minute phone call? i may be... over-reacting i guess.. but it's just hard. you know? whose to say that yeh.. he lets me back into his life - and 6 months from now.. does the same thing, and just cuts off all contact with me? i couldn't handle that. this isn't some boy - this is my FATHER. the man that has been in my life for 17 years... good god. i don't even care to talk about it anymore.
got lots to do tomorrow. cleanin, laundry, sleepin, eatin, etc... ;] casce - i need to talk to you, asap please.
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