Silent Serenity's Blurty|
[Most Recent Entries]
Below are the 5 most recent journal entries recorded in
Silent Serenity's Blurty:
|Thursday, March 20th, 2003|
Dreary eyes manifest,
Thier absence of the peripheral;
Upon where cringing silhouettes
Scream out in envy.
The stone wall shadows.
Smooth, blue, and askew,
With sudorific smiles;
Breeding the hordes,
The unhindered wolves,
Who stroke the streets to coalesce,
Mastication and omnipotence.
What a battle we have waged,
And the malicious fantasy;
Interpreted as deification,
This horrific nightmare,
Through words of defacation.
My walking earth frowns,
As the synthietic snow devours;
|Monday, March 3rd, 2003|
A man is the image of his thoughts
Cindered by their personal reflections of perception
Loathing to love, loving to loathe
As they emmerge to become great tyrants amongst themselves
Echoes, screams, and blissful moans
Unite as one
Entertaining our interpretations
Through perpetually spiralling labrynths
Which convulse across humanity
We shall highlight as a time
One reflected from the past
As a means to the future
Through impeccable existence
To a time void of lucid vanity
And what will be left
Will be the yowl of excessive beauty
Inside the gravitational pull
Of our ever-encompassing mirror
Current Music: Alice In Chains-A Little Bitter
|Sunday, March 2nd, 2003|
The twisted compression
The sounds of inanimate expression
Lingering, Teasing, Inticing....
....makes me smile again
|Saturday, November 30th, 2002|
I have closed my eyes and found silent serenity
A closure within myself, behind a door that won't stay closed
Weeping in the corner, I have made peace with what's inside
But I have yet to make peace with what's outside
Waiting, dreaming of me...and I dream of it
And now it's time to step out
Back into the shadows of what I used to see
For only through confrontation
Can I stop weeping, stop dreaming
And live like I used to be....
|Friday, November 29th, 2002|
Though I have another journal through a different sight, I also have people that know me there, therefore making it difficult for me to express what I feel. I do not care if people respond, but I need somewhere to at least to write what I've let overtake me. And I must be honest by saying that I have, in some sadistic craving, liked it.
I have watched myself transform into a beast, a monster of pent up emotion, struggling to keep inside what always wants to be let out. By my own definition, I am an extremist, making it more difficult to handle the true balance that I know I must seek. Now I am finding that I am letting my old self slip out and I am afraid that I will expose myself to more pain and depression, however I am not so sure that I will make it through another sickness, especially if it is even half the one I have recently escaped...ran away from.
Due to a few certain and ominous relationships within the past year, or more correct, the termination and rejection of those bonds, I have lost trust and faith in relying on people for anything what-so-ever. I feel as though I walk around with an invisible wound that won't stop bleeding, that won't quit reminding me. Siento tan fuerte que nadie me ayuda, pero quiero amar otra vez. Hay un diablo debo...que llora por atencion...por salvacion...por otra.
Now, having just met someone new amongst many that I simply have tossed away due to the defense system set up within me, I fear that I may lose myself again. I can feel it so strongly, and I hardly even know this person, but there is this feeling that just knows. Her eyes make me feel like I used to, and thrive to feel again. I understand now that I'm not emotionless like I kept telling myself, and I have already told her that, which is something that isn't very defensive. It's like I've already welcomed her in, even if she does not know it, and I wonder if this is my chance to break away from the madness that I have come to know all too well.
She has been in Boston now for nearly a week, and is set to come back on Sunday. I think of her everyday, wondering if she does the same, wondering if I will see her Sunday...to feel her again. All over I remember what it was to cherish a person for who they were and not what I wanted them for. Her intelligence blosssoms this warmth within me, her voice and compassion, like the serenity I've searched for, make me smile like a little boy, and I can feel myself cry inside now from the happiness I know that I could give back to her.
The problem is that I don't know if I can go back to the roulette. Everyday I want to cry, but cannot, however all the same crying every second I think. A friend of mine told me I was like an old man in a young man's body. Well after so long in silence, one tends to live inside...not with everyone else. But I am trying real hard to get my balance back...I need this more than anything now. And I fear the consequences if I find myself with a new and much more dangerous madness........