Within the Darkness' final words [sorrowful times|ones i leave behind|my passing months]
Within the Darkness

[ my light | my lies ]
[ through the pain | my thoughts ]

[15th January 2004|10:18pm]
http://www.blunttruthgame.com/takesurvey.cfm?uid=530098&sn=%n



its a little thing u fill in 1-10 about me
2 bleeding wounds|slit my wrist

hahahaha [15th January 2004|06:44am]
NO SCHOOL
NO SPANISH QUIZ
NO FUCKING BORING LAB
just one bad thing...no ciggerettes left....

AHHHH
slit my wrist

[1st January 2004|09:04am]
Invisible Lyrics



What are you doing tonight
I wish I could be a fly on your wall
Are you really alone
Still in your dreams
Why can't I bring you into my life
What would it take to make you see that I'm alive

[Chorus]

If I was invisible
Then I could just watch you in your room
If I was invisible
I'd make you mine tonight
If hearts were unbreakable
Then I can just tell you where I stand
I would be the smartest man
If I was invisible
(Wait..I already am)

I saw your face in the crowd
I called out your name
You don't hear a sound
I keep tracing your steps
Each move that you make
Wish I could be what goes through your mind
Wish you could touch me with the colors of your life

[Chorus]

If I was invisible
Then I could just watch you in your room
If I was invisible
I'd make you mine tonight
If hearts were unbreakable
Then I can just tell you where I stand
I would be the smartest man
If I was invisible
(Wait..I already am)

I reach out
But you don't even see me
Even when I'm screaming
Baby, you don't hear me
I am nothing without you
Just a shadow passing through...

[Repeat Chorus]
slit my wrist

so here i am again [31st December 2003|08:59pm]
so here it is again. the end of another year.
- tears
- liquor
- sex
- regrets
- ciggerettes
- drugs
- fights
- funerals
- partys
- laughs
- new friends
- lost of old ones
- broken heart
- rebirth
- battles within
- carnivals
- movies
- the mall
- rings
- broken promises
- being alone
- accepting who i am
- letting go of the past

there is much much more. but thats just the main things. 2004 will probally be the hardest year i ever face. with the changes to come and the money problems. new year just means new chapter of our lives to fuck up. its not anything new our problems are still there just for one day we celebrate our fuck ups and get drunk do stupid shit and blame it on the new years spirit. i am "sleeping" over my friends house tonight for their new years party. which in fact i am not. i am going out and doing something esle. its new years so fuck it. i wont be able to do this ever again. for alot of reasons. my resolution is...

let the past go look toward the future.
fuck love
not be such a bitch
if i do get into a relationship be faithful
not be so pissed all the time.
slit my wrist

[31st December 2003|02:36pm]
Do you drink [alcohol]?: yes i cant right now though
Do you party a lot? How often?: well i used to party alot. but i kinda mellowed out but during the summer every damn man
Do you use drugs for recreational purposes?: used to
How often do you use the word like in an average hour?: not much if it was the word fuck i would say over 100
Do you skip classes? How often?: its a pain in the ass to do i dont even only if i need a cig
Do you have casual sex? Protected?: we know the story behind that one...
Do you steal?: yeah
Do you wear inappropriate clothing?: with fuck on it yes. slutty no im not someone esle. =]
Do you drool over celebrities?: orlando bloom and johnny depp only 2
Do you watch a lot of TV?: sometimes at night
Do you ever watch the News?: in the morning just to see which nigger killed a cop this time
Do you even care about world issues?: who cares we're all gonna die anyways
Do you read books often?: never
Are you failing a lot of your classes?: umm 4 of them
Do you spend most of your time with your friends?: lately not really but we used to
Do you smoke cigarettes?: yes...speaking off i need some
Do you hang out a lot in malls, or at Seven Elevens?: yeah at the malls or at my house
Do you often find yourself with a crush on someone?: fuck that whole bullshit i am happy not liking anyone
Do you cuss a lot?: yeah half the time u cant understand me cuz i said fuck to much
Are you desperate to fit in?: no
Are you intelligent?: with certian things spelling isnt one of them

The Goth Stereotype

Black lipstick?: naw
Black eyeliner?: yeah alot
Black eyeshadow?: yeah
Black trenchcoat?: no...do i look like richie to you.[sorry i had to say it]
Black boots?: yeah i got em wore them for graduation lol
Black fishnets?: yeah so what
Black nail polish?: yeah cuz u cant see the grease from my car under my finger nails then
Cigarettes?: how is smoking gothic?
Heavy metal music?: yeah
Marilyn Manson?: sometimes
Kittie?: i like
Cradle of Filth?: hell yeah
Constant frown and perpetual angst?: maybe
Are you an intellectual?: yeah
An atheist?: yeah
Horrible home life?: no
Hopelessly depressed?: at times
Suffering with suicidal idealations?: ahhh sometimes Self-mutilation?: yeah and if i dont do it my jeep does it for me

The Punk Stereotype

Plaid?: pj pants
Big black boots?: i got em
Mohawk?: only hair i wont ever have
Excessive piercings? [Especially facial]: surely
Loud, confident and opinionated?: yeah
Wild hair colors?: --looks up-- woops
NOFX?: no
Rancid?: older stuff is good

The Jock Stereotype

What's your IQ?: i have no idea
Do you watch a lot of sports?: hockey football and racing
Play a lot of sports?: drag racing?
Talk a lot about sports?: only racing
Do you do anything, really, but think about sports?: yeah i do
Are you arrogant?: i can be
Are you a male or female whore?: female whore
Are you homophobic?: im half one and most people i chill with are soo
Do you tease other people a lot because you want to seem confident?: no i just say shit because people are useless
But really you're a quivering mass of insecurity?: i learned not to give a shit
Boobs = i have em
Parties = hell yeah
Dropping out of high school and flipping burgers = dropping out yes why flip burgers if u can be tossing some salad lol

The Girl Stereotype

Do you spend a lot of time on your appearance?: on my hair and make up yeah
Have you ever been on a diet?: eat right. exercise dye anyways
How much did you lose?: --^
Was it not so much a diet as it was an eating disorder?: no
Make yourself throw up?: i have before
Make-up?: yeah
Low-cut tops?: hehe yeah
How big are your boobies? [Cup size]: D so u decide
Do you flip your hair when you talk, even if you don't realize it?: i dont have hair to flip
Giggle a lot?: yeah
What's the deal with boys?: what about the girls too lol. i can live without em but its nice
Thongs?: ahh yeah =/ -turns red- lol kenny
Pretty bras?: as long as they hold up my tits i dont care wtf it looks like
YM, Teen, Cosmo, et al?: yeah
Who's the weaker sex?: men
Are you a feminist?: no
Do you think Brad Pitt is hot?: no
How often do you shave your legs?: not much cuz its winter and razor burn
How about your armpits?: hairless
Are you emotional?: im bitchy
Especially when on your period?: haha im bitchy all year around
slit my wrist

[29th December 2003|01:35am]
I Don't Want You Back
by Eamon

Album :
Submitted by : Bebe
Corrected by :
Rated : 9.1 (53 votes)


(woh, oh, no no no)

Verse 1:
See I don't know why
I liked you so much
I gave you all of my trust
I told you I loved you
Now that's all down the drain
You put me through a pain
I wanna let you know how I feel

(chorus 2x)
Fuck what I said it don't mean shit now
Fuck the presents mine is well gone now
Fuck all those kisses they didn't mean jack
Fuck you you hoe, I dont want you back

Verse 2
You though you could
Keep this shit from me yeah
You burnt bitch I heard this story
You played me
You even gave him head
Now your asking for me back
Your just abother act
Look elsewhere cause your done with me

(Chorus 2x)

ohh ohh uh huh yeah (4x)

Verse 3:
You questioned, did I care?
You can ask anyone
I even said you were my great one
Now it's over
But I do mean what I said
It hurts me oh bad
I can't swear that cause I love the hoe

(chorus 1x)

oh oh uh huh yeah (11x)
*Fades out*
slit my wrist

it haunts my dreams as i sleep...torments my thoughts as i am awake [28th December 2003|10:08am]
the never ending battle..

this haunts me as i sleep
torments my thoughts as i keep awake
its a never ending battle
between me and what lies behind
hate the way it makes me feel
to think of all the troubles i caused
didnt see what i had in front of me
until it was too late
its a never ending battle
of things i need to say
my mind is always in a different place
my hearts been gone for some time now
in deninal of everything
just let me go
wheres the numbness
when things become to much
dreams used to be my excape
from my reality
now they haunt me from what i seek
could get lost in thought for hours
now i dread even thinking one
it all comes back
i never thought it would still hurt like this
its a never ending battle
with the path to come
nothing makes sense
if it did maybe i wouldnt feel like this
the melody of a song
rings threw my mind
like a bullet impacting the skull
the wound is deep
though it should have healed long ago


ill finish it later i got interuppted

john -- i love you thanks for always listening to me i know i havent been myself lately and u hate the reason i aint but still i love you i dont know what i would do without you. i am sorry i am a pain in the ass and i am mean to you alot of the time when all you do is try and help.. but yeah you understand...
slit my wrist

gonna try and remember last night [28th December 2003|08:52am]
alrighty. well. first of off i was just chillin not really doing nothing and people kept calling and shit and just pissing me off with the party i was about to be like fuck you let me just cancel this shit. but then i got to be around 5 and people were showing up so i was like what the hell. we are all just chillin people kept coming and than we ate and after i let them drink. some people are never drinkin again with me because they cant hold it of like to act drunk. so than after people fell down that stiars grinded hooked up on my fucking bed... and couch and we got pictures. lol. they ate again. and again and again. there was more people out in the hall way then in my room and its fucking small out here. so we all actually didnt play sex dice. its a little hard to remember the shit but i know it was fun becuase yeah we were all laughin and shit. or it could just be in my head. it might sound boring here cuz i havea pounding headache and it i mention names of anything that has happened people will get in trouble with there boyfriends and girlfriends and ill get bitched at for thing ()=] i wasnt that bad. hmmm maybe later when i feel better ill write in detail what happened i cant find my new staind cd i am gonna kill someone i love that cd and i just got it. i need ice for my leg and i wanna munch on it ooo yeah denist is in 2 days. and no more braces. at the party they were talkin about me having another one. i think im gonna havet o recooperate from this one. and my nice clean room is gone. i had a good time i hope everyone esle did. people looked like they needed to just let go. and some of us really did let go. its all i wanted for them. god i am sore. but it was fucking worth it. the funny part is my mom knew people were smoking up outside. and she had no idea about her daughter witht he liquor it was enjoyible. and i had it lie all over me cuz i was pour and i kept missin the cup. shit good times. im sure ill have one. but not my sweet 16. my family is crazy enough i gotta invite people that i can get plasterd later after my family leaves. ahh i got 64 days
1 bleeding wounds|slit my wrist

i dont think i actually updated in a while.. [27th December 2003|09:02am]
well here i am lisa is over. we arre just chillin. i clean my whole room yesterday 8-5 it was fucking tiring. all for a party which is gonna fuck ti up. i got liquor last night not to much cuz its expenevise. went to the rink WHITE TRASH. lol the drama and im inot involved for once i love it. so i just made fun of it. saw a picture of me and jj when we were together i got rid of a good one. becasue im stupid. -sigh- shouldnt have i miss him. but oh well. i dont knowwhato write about my x-amas normal fought with my mom like every hoilday got alot of shit. most i wont use some ill never stop. my party is tonight i hope it off the hook but who knows. and i sware if anyone pressures me to tell my parents about something ill kill em. blah im not evne in the mood to update i just was thinkin and yea when dont i stop fuckin thinkin never soo yeah. blah. not much to say just tired. of everything.
slit my wrist

up again [26th December 2003|05:57am]
wtf i didnt sleep well last night either. god. and i am wide awake at 5:30
slit my wrist

black out [24th December 2003|12:07am]
[ mood | lonely ]

well. there was a black out. i hated it. i wanted to shoot myself. i am lonely. no one to call my own. okay i fucked up AGAIN. but not like i actually cared. hmm. whats there to write about. NOTHING of course. well nothing i can be open about.

x-mas eve right now.

and i hate it

1 bleeding wounds|slit my wrist

-sigh------ [23rd December 2003|03:44pm]
I Will Remember You
I will remember you, will you remember me?
Don't let your life pass you by,
Weep not for the memories
Remember the good times that we had?
I let them slip away from us when things got bad.
How clearly I first saw you smilin' in the sun
Wanna feel your warmth upon me
I wanna be the one

I will rememeber you, will you remember me?
Don't let your life pass you by
Weep not for the memories

I'm so tired but I can't sleep
Standin' on the edge of something much to deep
It's funny how we feel so much but we cannot say a word
We are screaming inside, but we can't be heard

But I will remember you, will you remember me?
Don't let your life pass you by
Weep not for the memories

I'm so afraid to love you
But more afraid to lose
Clinging to a past that doesn't let me choose
Once there was a darkness
Deep and endless night
You gave me everything you had, oh you gave me light

And I will remember you, will you remember me?
Don't let your life pass you by
Weep not for the memories
Weep not for the memories
slit my wrist

blah [23rd December 2003|01:39pm]
Artist : Dido
Album : Life For Rent
Title : White Flag

I know you think that I shouldn\'t still love you,
I\'ll tell you that.
But if I didn\'t say it, well I\'d still have felt it
where\'s the sense in that?

I promise I\'m not trying to make your life harder
Or return to where we were

Well I will go down with this ship
And I won\'t put my hands up and surrender
There will be no white flag above my door
I\'m in love and always will be

I know I left too much mess and
destruction to come back again
And I caused but nothing but trouble
I understand if you can\'t talk to me again
And if you live by the rules of \"it\'s over\"
then I\'m sure that that makes sense

Well I will go down with this ship
And I won\'t put my hands up and surrender
There will be no white flag above my door
I\'m in love and always will be

And when we meet
Which I\'m sure we will
All that was then
Will be there still
I\'ll let it pass
And hold my tongue
And you will think
That I\'ve moved on....

Well I will go down with this ship
And I won\'t put my hands up and surrender
There will be no white flag above my door
I\'m in love and always will be

Well I will go down with this ship
And I won\'t put my hands up and surrender
There will be no white flag above my door
I\'m in love and always will be

Well I will go down with this ship
And I won\'t put my hands up and surrender
There will be no white flag above my door
I\'m in love and always will be
slit my wrist

blink [21st December 2003|09:09pm]
"I Miss You"

Hello there, the angel from my nightmare
The shadow in the background of the morgue
The unsuspecting victim of darkness in the valley
We can live like Jack and Sally if we want
Where you can always find me
We'll have Halloween on Christmas
And in the night we'll wish this never ends
We'll wish this never ends

(I miss you I miss you)
(I miss you I miss you)

Where are you and I'm so sorry
I cannot sleep I cannot dream tonight
I need somebody and always
This sick strange darkness
Comes creeping on so haunting every time
And as I stared I counted
Webs from all the spiders
Catching things and eating their insides
Like indecision to call you
and hear your voice of treason
Will you come home and stop this pain tonight
Stop this pain tonight

Don't waste your time on me you're already
The voice inside my head (miss you miss you)
Don't waste your time on me you're already
The voice inside my head (miss you miss you)

Don't waste your time on me you're already
The voice inside my head (I miss you miss you)
Don't waste your time on me you're already
The voice inside my head (I miss you miss you)
slit my wrist

blink [21st December 2003|09:09pm]
"I Miss You"

Hello there, the angel from my nightmare
The shadow in the background of the morgue
The unsuspecting victim of darkness in the valley
We can live like Jack and Sally if we want
Where you can always find me
We'll have Halloween on Christmas
And in the night we'll wish this never ends
We'll wish this never ends

(I miss you I miss you)
(I miss you I miss you)

Where are you and I'm so sorry
I cannot sleep I cannot dream tonight
I need somebody and always
This sick strange darkness
Comes creeping on so haunting every time
And as I stared I counted
Webs from all the spiders
Catching things and eating their insides
Like indecision to call you
and hear your voice of treason
Will you come home and stop this pain tonight
Stop this pain tonight

Don't waste your time on me you're already
The voice inside my head (miss you miss you)
Don't waste your time on me you're already
The voice inside my head (miss you miss you)

Don't waste your time on me you're already
The voice inside my head (I miss you miss you)
Don't waste your time on me you're already
The voice inside my head (I miss you miss you)
slit my wrist

-sigh- [21st December 2003|08:19pm]
I AM: bitchy
I THINK: no one should be alone on x-mas
I KNOW: things will never be the same
I WANT: my life to be back to normal
I HAVE: alot on my mind
I WISH: things would change
I HATE: love
I MISS: having a significant other
I FEAR: never loving again
I HEAR: my parents fighting
I SEARCH: for answers to questions i know i will never answer
I WONDER: what if things turned out different
I REGRET: everything that didnt make me stronger
I LOVE: things i cant have
I ACHE: all over
I CARE: about people even though i dont show it
I ALWAYS: hide who i am
I AM NOT: true to myself //happy
I DANCE: when i need to get my mind off shit
I SING: when i am sad
I CRY: myself to sleep
I DO NOT ALWAYS: lie
I FIGHT: with everyone
I WRITE: my thoughts down
I WIN: battles with in
I LOSE: interest too quick
I CONFUSE: love and trust
I LISTEN: to people talk when they need someone
I CAN USUALLY BE FOUND: on my computer
I NEED: to find myself
I AM HAPPY ABOUT: that nothing lasts forever
I SHOULD: let things go

1.Full Name: Jennifer-marie bella barone
2.Birthday: 02-29-88
3.Age: 15
4.Zodiac Sign: fishie
5.Where you live: sayreville nj

WHO
6. If you died tomorrow who would you leave everything you own to? i rather have it burn in hell with me than give anything to anyone

7.If you had to go live in Borneo for the rest of your life and you could take one person on this earth, who would you take? someone even though they wouldnt go willingly

8.Who is the one person that you could stand spending a straight 24 hours with and not get the slightest bit annoyed with? no one

9.If you woke up one morning and noticed that your leg was missing who would be the first person you would call? 911

10.Let's say your dad came in your room one day and told you that you had to get married in the next week but you can pick the person but you have to stay with them for the rest of your life no getting out of it, who would you pick? well.... ummm.....

11. What if you woke up tomorrow and you were someone else completely, who would you be? god.

WHAT
12.What would be the first thing you would do if you woke up one morning and you were the opposite sex: jerk it and then go fuck some chick just to see the reverse of what i feel

13.If all of a sudden you had the ability to do one thing better than everyone else, have one amazing talent, what would it be? x-ray vision >:]

14.If you could change one thing about yourself, what would you change(personality and looks)? my thighs

15.What is your dream career? porno film maker

16.What is the one thing you just have to do before you die? tell him everything i really think and feel

17.If you could be a member of any band that has ever exsisted, what band would that be? axle rose

18.What is the thing you care about most in your life? getting threw the next year sane and my baby sabbath [rat]

WHICH ONE
19.winter or summer? Winter
20.the beach or the mountains? mountains
21.pop or punk? neither
22.rock or rap? Rock
23.new york or L.A.? ny
24.milk chocolate or dark chocolate? dark chocolate
25.dogs or cats? dogs
26.britney or christina? Christina
27.leno or letterman? leno
28.mtv or vh1? mtv
29.country or classical? classical
30.day or night? night
31.lake or ocean? lake
32.waffles or pancakes? waffles
33.soccer or football? football
34.baseball or swimming? baseball
35.chocolate or vanilla? chocolate
36.sugar or spice? spice
37.grisham or canyon vista? vista
38.eminem-please stand up or please shut up? shut up

RANDOM
39.If you could be in any movie as the lead role what movie would it be? a walk to remember or the chick that fucks nova in american pie
40.If you could design your perfect mate what would he/she look like and be like? 100% italian, taller than me, big penis [hey im being honest] tan,nice cut body, funny, isnt all about the pootang, actually wants love, loves me for me
41.If you won the lottery what would you do with your, let's say, 18 million dollars? by me germany and take over the world. kill all the couples and then by a rubicon
42.What is the single most embarressing thing that has ever happened to you? i was so drunk i was laughin and i pissed myself

HAVE YOU EVER
43.fallen in front of someone you thought to be quite good looking? yeah
44.run into a wall? yeah
45.sleep walked? Yea and fell down that stiars
46.gone skinny-dipping? noppe
7.kissed someone of the same sex? yup
48.snuck out of the house at night? yeah
49.gotten in a car wreck where you are the driver? yeh
50.laughed so hard that what you were drinking spewed out your nose? noo
51.started laughing really hard so you just spit out what you had in your mouth cause you couldn't swallow? no cuz i always swallow
52.swallow a bug? not that i know of
53. have you ever actually kept a new year's resolution? once..
54.say a few things about the person who sent this too you: ...
BEST FRIEND
Their Name: i am in high school there is no such thing
Location: haha
Birthplace: haha
Age: 68

YOU
[outfit] starting from the bottom: tommy socks, jean,t shirt
[ mood ] upset
[ make-up ] nope my tears took that shit off
[ music ] you got it bad
[ taste ] mint
[ hair ] messy
[ annoyance ] people think i should say sorry for shit i didnt even cause. welll fuck that
[ smell ] my perfume
[ thing I ought to be doing ] cleaning
[ book ] none
[ toe nail color ] pink
[ finger nail color ] sparkle
[ refreshment ] water
[ worry ] cleaning my room in time... getting the liquor in my house....
[ crush ] fuck that
[ favorite celebrity ] to many

last person:
[ you touched] diana
[ you talked to ] alisha
[ you hugged ] dani
[ you instant messaged ] jen
[ you yelled at ] kenny and john
[ you had a crush on ] jon
[ who broke your heart ] i deserved it.. =/
[ kissed ] if i say it will cause alot of shit...

who do you want to:
[ kill ] well there is a skanky slut i would like to kill... but mainly just everyone
[ slap ] ditzy stuck up bitch
[ tickle ] no one..
[ look like ] no one
[ be like ] no one
[ talk to ] ..well

1) Single or Taken: that is questionible..hell i dont even know
2) Sex: female
3) Birthday: didnt i answer this before
4) Sign: and this
5) Siblings: 0
6) Hair color: black and blue
7) Eye color: brown
8) Shoe size/height: 9 1/2, 5'2

R e l a t i o n s h i p s

1) Who are your best friends?: haha
2) Do you have a boyfriend/girlfriend: well... kinda and kinda not

F a s h i o n S t u f f

1) Where is your favorite place to shop? online
2) Any tattoos or piercings? my ears.. soon to be tat
T h e E x t r a S t u f f

1) Do you do drugs: did
2) What kind of shampoo do you use: panteprov
3) What are you most scared of: being alone
4) What are you listening to right now: rappers delight
5) What vehicle do you wish to have? rubicon
6.) Who is the last person that called you: ummmm alisha or sharon
7.) Where do you want to get married: in the church my rents got marryed at
8) How many messenger buddies do you have on right now: 49
9)If you could change anything about yourself, what would it be? everything

F a v o r I t e s
1) Color: blue
2) Whats your fav. food?: hm
4) Boy's names: i have been trying to think of one...
5) Girls names: fayth, serenity
6) Subjects in school: jewlery
7) Animals: elephants
8) Sports: off roading

H a v e Y o u E v e r
1) Given anyone a bath: yeah
2) Smoked: yeah
3) Bungee jumped: nope
4) Broken the law: yea
5) Made yourself throw-up: yea
6) Went skinny dipping? no
7) Ever been in love: yeah
8) Made yourself cry to get out of trouble?: haha yeah


F i n a l Q u e s t i o n s
1) Do you like filling these out: when i got shit on my mind its good
4) Gold or Silver: silver
5) What is the last film you saw at the movies: matrix reloaded
6) Favorite cartoon character: south park- cartmen
7) What do you have for breakfast in the morning: anything i feel like makin
8) Who would you love being locked in a room with: tehehe >:]
slit my wrist

worked my ass off [21st December 2003|04:17pm]
well i did my bio project for 3 fucking hours. and still isnt done. and then i realized i had to go to work. but haha woops. i didnt. fuck them. i quit. so i just gotta pick my pay check up. sooooo. anyways. didnt do much this weekend. but do i ever. no pfhh and i like it that way. i am getting the liquor friday. or so i am hoping for cuz johnny gotta work all week. i gotta clean my room. i didnt even start. i was gonna today but yeah did my fucking project all day. and now people are over. who arent related they are friends of my parents soo i am up here cuz i cant be bothered. i dont know wtf is going on anymore with anything. i really gotta get my list togehter for this party. but yeah i am lazy and i just dont feel like doing it. i feel like takin a nap. haha lol. wow i feel like i am 5. well i just did eat turkey. i dont feel like going to school tommara but i have to. of course. basterds. i need cigs. i think i might jsut go out and get my own. but im lazy. pointless shit as always
slit my wrist

its gonna be a busy fucking day [21st December 2003|05:30am]
well its gonna be a busy busy busy day. i have to do my cell project get in contact with johnny and not forgot to do that. to tell him to pick me up after school. tell my parents there is a "meeting" after school so i can get the liquor but first i have to steal 20 bucks off my mom to get it and then start cleaning my room because if i dont start now i will never do it. i know how i am. shit plus my dad wants to go out and get x-mas presents for my mother. well he can do that on his own i did that on friday. and tonight i gotta go to the hosptial to see my uncle seems like thats where i spend alot of the x-mas time at. its gonna be weird seeing johnny again. i dont know why i guess it just is. maybe cuz it always is. i wish my head was together. i wonder how much everclear costs. cuz i dont wanna just get vodka. i needs cigs to. jesus i am gonna die without them. so my next 2 days are jam packed with shit i really dont wanan do. for what a party that has just been a pain in the ass
slit my wrist

this whole party situation [20th December 2003|05:01pm]
this whole fucking party situation this is why i didnt want to have it. and i am really fucking thinking about just saying fuck everyone. so god damn close. cant make no one fuckin happy with anything. when i am gone everyone will fucking see how much they fuckin need me. and will realize treating me like shit got you nothing. i am about to rip my fucking hair off. i wish my parents never said i could have it. i wish i never even planned the fucking thing. i still need to get money to get liquor gotta talk to johnny about seeing me after school monay and getting it for me. gotta clean my fucking room. thats a 3 day god damn project. for what? just to be more pissed off than i am now so everoyne can be happy and get there little minds off shit.

everyone needs to die.


i am deciding on callin the whole thing off as of now.
1 bleeding wounds|slit my wrist

hahaha [20th December 2003|12:43pm]
jesus christ. that was funny.

dani- u know what i am talkin about DESPARATE!!!!!!! LOL.

slut.

i love you.
slit my wrist

someplace other than this hell
[ deadly harm | deathly events ]
[ go | before the death of me ]

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