Blurty for Katie is for lovers........!.
View:Personal Journal.
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Sunday, November 14th, 2004

Time:11:44 am.
yeah, i dont really know what to write. alex is an amazing kid. really you are alex. christina hun, you too. sigh. well. i dunno....nick, gosh. nick. im not even going to say anything anymore....chances are ive already said it more than once. im really confused. this morning i woke up really earlier, and took a walk, layed down in the woods and looked up at the trees, and the colors of the autumn leaves as the sun shined through. it was amazing, and all i can related back to that is nick. yeah. i suck. i know that. ive been crying a lot lately, just to know what it feels like...laying in bed and crying. thinking of how much i hurt. shit dude, im pathetic. i want to go driving and blast music...and listen to it...and look athe the leaves. and just be there. be a live. live yeah. live.
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Subject:In the event of a bombing...
Time:2:10 pm.
Mood: crushed.
Music:Colorblind, Counting Crows..
ah. I do not really know what to say. im really confused. my mind is still all jumbled. i want so much, im so greedy and self centered. all i care about is if people think im pretty or beautiful. gosh. i wish i was. i dont want to be hot. i want to be beautiful. i want to be autumn leaves beautiful. sigh. i went on a walk, and i picked up some leaves i thought were pretty, and im going to press them and make bookmarks, probably write words on them in sharpie or something. im so crafty. im starting to get together my ideas of christmas presents for people, and my family. and the only ones ive really thought up and decided on is...a porn mag for kal. a cd for emily and a journal, a really pretty one. some tshirt for chelsea, fake eyelashes for ashley(maybe) and a copy of the perks of being a wallflower for nick, with an autumn leaves bookmark. my favorite book, for one of my favorite people. sigh. hopefully ill be off groundation soon enough, and i can see him. i want to hang out with him sooo bad, but he doesnt want to hang out with me. oh well. im sure he will get over it. im so afriad he'll think im fat and ugly. cause i am. that he will be like, ew get away. im so afriad ill just start crying, crying hard...cause thats what i do. hes just...beautiful. sigh. anyways, i called joseph yesterday. oh i miss him so much. i do love joesph, one of my best friends....things are good with him, next time there is a show at the juice bar we will probably go together, since he lives up in that neck of the woods. man, he was the best. he really was. sigh. man. i want so much. maybe if nick would tell me he loved me, he use too... i might stop ranting. i do love him, i do. sigh, and all i do is rant about it. how useful is that? not very useful at all. not at all. if nick loved me, im sure i could concentrate more on things. im sure id feel better, but then at the same time..if he hurt me than itd hurt double as much. i wish nick would i dunno....sigh. i should really stop thinking about that star. <3. yeah, thats all i can really say,"<3". well, comment away. alex and christina. nick and emily...everyone. i heart you.

heart the beautiful heartbroken.

ahh...i dont even know what to say. i cant update yet...i know there is more, but i just dont know what it is. Chelsea if you read this, bring your digital camera tomorrow. and anyone...if you know how to post pictures, like from your computer can you tell me? thanks. well, blah...i hate this. all of this. obsession or whatever. i really need something. blah. i want to be a moviestar. i want to be a star. i want to be your star. gosh. im sucha an ugly loser. okay, im going to leave before i have no friends.

"And the Autumn Air is cold.
And the sun is shining on your face.
The wind blowing your hair away.
I see your smile, with a backround of autumn leaves.
I love you."

Shine on star.

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Time:6:21 pm.
Mood: amused.
Music:Tiger Army is for lovers..
alex is an amazing kid yeah darling, you know it. i am really serious. i just get this feeling thinking about you, its weird. anyways. i just got back from stop and shop. i got chapstick, yay! and emo kids shampoo, aka johnson&johnson baby shampoo...NO MORE TEARS. yay. maybe it will work, eh? laughs. well....i really dont have anything to say really. all i really wanted to post was that alex is an amazing boy. he should change his myspace name to alex is katies lover. because, thats the truth. smiles.

and hearts for you too.


this is for you alex:

please, please...tell me what you think of my ugly picture

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Time:7:19 pm.
Mood: horny.
Music:Let me save you, Something Corporate.
ALEX IS AMAZING and he should stop denying it. gosh. meh. people can never take admiration well. blah. i really dont know what im feeling...a little awkward i think. i want nick to be online. i really do. meh, nothing really else on my mind. well actually yes, but within my protection of writing online, and considering the individuals that read this. so i guess ill post one of these things.

Questionaire. for anything that reads this, you are too copy and paste and fill answers.

Are we friends:
Howd we meet:
Do you like me:
More than a friend:
Think im ugly:
Think im beautiful:
Think im beautiful in more than a friendly way:
What do you think about when you see me:
Do you think about me at all:
How much:
Name a song that reminds you of me:
Give me a nickname, and explain why:
Do you love me:
More than a friend:
Do I love you:
More than a friend:
Care about me:
Do I care about you:
Good things about me:
Bad things:
Enjoy these things:
Gonna post this in your journal:

Ahh. now please, Im sorry but i really love these things. they really get me all orgasmic. really. sigh.

for you:

i try and be all cool, and awesome...and cool pretty good lookin. (i fail at all, laughs...sucha lame ass)
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Blurty for Katie is for lovers........!.

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