| im so stupid |
[19 Jan 2004|09:22pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
infuriated, sad, defeated, dead |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
the crawl by Placebo |
] |
i had a panic attack yesterday. because of my parents. i hate them. i fucking smashed my head into a bookshelf 200 times and im considering doing it again tonight. i figure maybe if i give myself a concussion and die in my sleep it wont b as bad as blatantly killing myself u know.. i also clawed my hands arms and shoulder up pretty nicely tho i dont seem to remember doing that. but y should i expect to, i am crazy after all. my head is killing me. i jus wanna fucking die its not fair i dont care about anything and i want to but i cant and i know that i wont b able to make it thru life that way so i may as well get it over with. maybe i could enlist sumones help so it wouldnt seem that much like suicide.. kinda like euthanasia cept.. more malicious looking. ::sigh:: im sucha fucking idiot i dont wanna b this way anymore i dont want to hurt myself and i dont want to feel like this beacuse i hate it but im scared to do anything about it. and its so frustrating. the fact that im scared to do ne thing bout it makes me angry at myself therefore perpetuating the endless cycle of self hate. im crazy, im insane, a fucking lunatic. i should really b locked up. im sry...
|
|