freak on a leash...'s Blurty Entries [entries|friends|calendar]
freak on a leash...

[ userinfo | blurty userinfo ]
[ calendar | blurty calendar ]

im so stupid [19 Jan 2004|09:22pm]
[ mood | infuriated, sad, defeated, dead ]
[ music | the crawl by Placebo ]

i had a panic attack yesterday. because of my parents. i hate them. i fucking smashed my head into a bookshelf 200 times and im considering doing it again tonight. i figure maybe if i give myself a concussion and die in my sleep it wont b as bad as blatantly killing myself u know.. i also clawed my hands arms and shoulder up pretty nicely tho i dont seem to remember doing that. but y should i expect to, i am crazy after all. my head is killing me. i jus wanna fucking die its not fair i dont care about anything and i want to but i cant and i know that i wont b able to make it thru life that way so i may as well get it over with. maybe i could enlist sumones help so it wouldnt seem that much like suicide.. kinda like euthanasia cept.. more malicious looking. ::sigh:: im sucha fucking idiot i dont wanna b this way anymore i dont want to hurt myself and i dont want to feel like this beacuse i hate it but im scared to do anything about it. and its so frustrating. the fact that im scared to do ne thing bout it makes me angry at myself therefore perpetuating the endless cycle of self hate. im crazy, im insane, a fucking lunatic. i should really b locked up. im sry...

3 comments|post comment

three cheers for the afterglow... [15 Nov 2003|09:02am]
[ mood | afterglowy ]
[ music | breathing by wires by The Juliana Theory ]

i decided to try & get to the third plateau last night. so this shit takes about 2-3 hours to really kick in. after about an hour i was ya noe, disoriented, feelin a bit drippy, walkin kinda funny & then i puked. which really sucks because that was as high as i got. wut a waste. & i must say, i think it was the worst tasting throw up iv ever experienced. ::shudders:: i have the afterglow tho. & my heart is still goin fast. im so dissapointed. i suck. :-(

post comment

[12 Nov 2003|11:11pm]
my first trip to the second plateau. i found it placid and quite lovely. all anger seemed to melt away leaving me feeling "drippy" as they say. i felt like i was a very viscous liquid and i had the robo walk. i enjoyed the afterglow thismorning. its hard to explaine, it was almost a very mild high, and i was very alert and thinking very clearly. last night my heart rate leapt to 145 beats per min [resting] from its average of 72 b/m [resting] there was stuff in the tussin that i didint know about. sped up my heart beat like crazy. it pounded insanely until around noon when it started slowing down. though it still isnt currently at its normal rate even at 11:20 pm the next day. it was scary. i think i'll go to the third plateau next time. do some exploring..
1 comment|post comment

[22 Oct 2003|07:51pm]
YOUR NAME:
(1) The singular boring question: What is your name? Amanda
(2) If you had been born a member of the opposite sex, what would your name have been?: no clue
(3) Would you name a child of yours after you? no, never.
(4) If you had to switch first names with a friend of yours, who would you switch with? hmm, nobody. nobody has the name i want
(5) What's the way people most often mispronounce any part of your name? a-menda, a-monda, and they make my last name into three words steada one.. stupid infidels
(6) If you were to become famous, would you drop your last name (like Madonna, Cher, Roseanne)? no, its like half of the appeal of my first name lol

DEEP THEOLOGICAL QUESTIONS
(7) Do you believe in the traditional view of Heaven and Hell? no
(8) Do you think God has a gender? i dont believe in god..
(9) Do you think science counteracts religion? yes!!!
(10) Do you believe in organized religion? no
(11) Where do you think we go when we die? either into a nice pot, or a coffin.
(12) Do you feel a little funny thinking about the questions in this section? no

HUMOR
(13) How easy is it to make you laugh? easy
(14) What person you know makes you laugh the most? anyone really, as long as they are stupid and sarcastic and speak before they think its all good :-)
(15) Do you laugh at jokes you know you shouldn't? .. u mean like dirty jokes...? hehehe
(16) Do you tell jokes you know you shouldn't? i dont really tell jokes. tho im famous for my perfectly placed one liners
(17) What words instantly make you laugh or at least smile? smock, supurflous
(18) What do you think is the funniest thing you've ever said or written? i dont remember!!
MUSIC
(19) Do you ever dance to music when nobody's watching? i dance whenever, where ever, music or not. theres no stopping me. i swear, i have ADHD
(20) What is/are the worst song(s) you have ever heard? that camel toe song. ARE YOU PEOPLE SERIOUS!!!!!???
(21) What song(s) do you wish you could understand a little better?um.. idk..
(22) What song(s) are constantly in your head? wutever is on the radio on the way to school today its just like a prayer by madonna
(23) What song(s) do you think describe your personality best? anything about being hopless & stuff
(24) If you were to serenade the object of your affections, which song(s) would you use? i dont serenade...
(25) If the object of your affections were to serenade you, what song(s) would you hope he or she used? anything

MOVIES
(26) What movie(s) do you love that nobody else seems to? empire records, Dickie roberts childhood star, & malibu's most wanted [best shit ever!!!! "im frum the bu yo"]
(27) Do you agree with the idea that sequels are always worse than the original? yea
(28) Who's your favorite Star Wars character? YODA!!!!!!
(29) What kind of movie do you think there should be more of? really stupid hilarious ones that make u fall out of ur chair & feel like a dumbass in the theater wen everyone is staring cuz ur laughing really loudly wen its not even that funny :-)
(30) What movie(s) do you simply not understand the appeal of? old movies like the black & white love ones or the ones w the southern hicks. oy lol

FOOD

(31) When eating, are you more concerned with taste or healthiness? taste
(32) What's your favorite kind of cheese? saint andre, ghuda [sp?] & mozeralla
(33) What do you think your answer to the previous question reveals about your personality? that i enjoy molesting lamp shades
(34) If you knew exactly what went into Chinese food, hamburger meat, etc., would you still eat it? i dont eat meat. frum chinese i only get veggie lo mein, pasta & veggies, cant go wrong
(35) Do you ever feel guilty eating meat?dont eat meat..

COMPUTERS
(36) Mac or PC? pc
(37) How much do you actually care about the inner workings of your computer, as long as it works? no..
(38) Do you ever begin preferring IMs to other forms of conversation? yes.no awkward silence, & if u hate the person u can always say brb. & not come bak..
(39) Do you find you're different talking through IMs than face-to-face or on the telephone? maybe a lil bit
(40) Have you ever ended bid on something on eBay and regretted it later? never bidded on ebay. dont have a credit card ;-(

THE BATTLE OF THE SEXES
(41) Have you ever wished you could experience being the other gender? yea
(42) What do you love most about the other gender? how pretty they rr!!
(43) What do you dislike most about the other gender? their huge ass egos, and how they r constantly horny
(44) What do you understand least about the other gender? alot


CELEBRITIES
(45) Do you sometimes see a movie or watch a show just because a good-looking celebrity is in it? no
(46) What celebrity's autograph do you want most? any musician that i like..
(47) Have people ever said you looked like a celebrity, and if so, who? yea, alanis morissette
(48) If there was to be a movie about you, who do you think should play you (in personality, looks or both)? i would, nobody else could master the stupidity just right
(49) Does it ever annoy you when you know someone is a celebrity but you can't remember why? never happend..
(50) If you could enter any celebrity's mind like in "Being John Malkovich", whose would you enter? um....
(51) Do you want to be John Malkovich? hoo?

NUMBERS
(52) Do you laugh when you hear or read the number 69? no, sry lol
(53) Were you lying about your answer to the previous question? no lol
(54) Do you actually know your Social Security Number? no lol
(55) Do you actually know your IP address? my wha...
(56) Do you know what an IP address is? noo
(57) Do you know the four-character extension on your ZIP code? 4..?
(58) Ever thought there were too many numbers floating around in our lives? yeaaaa
(59) Does your head begin to hurt when you think of infinity, imaginary numbers, irrational numbers, etc.? yea, they suck
(60) What do you think of pi? pi is amazing.

LOVE, SEX AND ALL THAT
(61) Did you get a little frightened or uncomfortable seeing this as a section title? no
(62) If someone you had no interest in dating expressed interest in dating you, how would you feel?flattered but bad cuz if i didnt liekt hem then i woudlnt date them
(63) Do you prefer getting to know someone first before dating them or going in "blind"? getting to know them
(64) Could you carry on a relationship with someone with the same first name as a family member? yea lol i do it all the time
(65) Have you ever wished it was more "socially acceptable" for a girl to ask a guy out? no
(66) What's your opinion on sex without emotional commitment? to each his own, but i wouldnt
(67) Have you ever been romantically attracted to someone physically unattractive? well, according to my friends opinion on every guy iv ever liked in any way, theyr all ugly, i dunno, maybe i jus go for ugly guys lol
(68) Do you think the opposite sex finds you good-looking? dunno, dont ask very often.. im sure sum are scared of me tho, being 6' & all.. :-(
(69) Would you be willing to give up sex in exchange for an emotional commitment you knew would last? def
(70) Do you think the number of the last question was a coincidence? no
POSSESSIONS
(71) What is your favorite possession? my computer lol & my pocketbook hehe & my blankets...
(72) What physical, tangible possession do you want most? money.
(73) How badly do you want it? badly
(74) Have you ever seen 'The Exorcist'? nope.
(75) How long did it take you to understand why the last question is in this section? i got it as soon as i read it the chik was possesed.. the section is possessions... do i win?

HOLIDAYS
(76) Does Christmas music too far away from Christmas annoy you? yea.
(77) How old do you think you will be before you stop liking getting older? iv hated it since i was 7 lol
(78) What was the best Halloween costume you ever had? witch in like 3rd grade or "freak" lol in like 5th grade hehe
(79) What was the worst Halloween costume you ever had?last year lol, we all just rolled up out pants and put on soccer socks and had headband things w/ ears. lol
(80) What holiday do you think has still managed to retain its original meaning? hmm, yom kippur
(81) There are currently no federal holidays during August- what should be put there? amanda day.

MEMORIES
(82) How good is your short-term memory? photographic baby
(83) How good is your long-term memory? " "
(84) What is your earliest memory? i have memories frum wen i was lil, i dun noe exactly wen thery frum..
(85) What is your happiest memory (other than recieving this survey)? cant remember any..
(86) What is your strangest memory?lots
(87) What song, movie, etc. do you wish you could memorize? i have all the ones i want memorized down.

TEARS
(88) What movie makes/made you cry? dont remember, it was erm, sad tho..
(89) What book makes/made you cry? none.
(90) What song makes/made you cry? none
(91) What makes/made you laugh so hard you cried?jus stupid things that people say or sumthign that happens

THREE TRULY RANDOM QUESTIONS
(92) Would you like to be cloned? no, like the world needs more of me lol
(93) Do you wish you could be alive when the world was ending, just to experience it? no.
(94) Scaramouche, scaramouche, will you do the fandango? thunder bolts and lightning very very frightning!!

THIS SURVEY
(95) Do you think that one hundred and one questions is too long? no
(96) Do you think the one hundred interesting questions actually were interesting? some..
(97) Are you sorry you began filling it out? no..
(98) What question do you wish it had asked? dunno
(99) How would you have answered it? by eating an ensaymada

THE TWO MOST IMPORTANT QUESTIONS
(100) When was the last time you let the people you love know you love them? erm, i told jc i love her like, 30 mins ago.. does that count?
(101) What do you want the people who are reading this survey to know? that i should die!!!!! nowwwww!!!!!!

<3 me lol
post comment

[said all in one long exasperate breathe] [19 Oct 2003|11:57pm]
im so angry im so angry im so angry. and i dont know what to do, literally, im in a panic, and im scared to death and i dont know why and i cant calm down and i want to kill myself and i dont know why and i think i need medication because im definitely going crazy, no, not going crazy i am crazy i mean every time i lay eyes on sumthing as beautiful and gentle as a rose all i can think is "hmm, are there any thorns on there sharp enuf to draw blood..?" and that is not normal and im freaking out and i just dont want to do this anymore, the world is falling down on me, bit by bit since i was 10 and i mean its really reaching a point where i cant breathe anymore, im so weighed down my all of this shit that i cant deal with and fucking im suffocating, i dont want to be here anymore, i was thinking today about my future and if there was any prospect of me ever having a child, even if i did marry sumone & have the opportunity to have a kid id b scared to death that he/she would end up like me and i couldnt deal with knowing that sumone else in this world feels like i do because of me. ::deep breathe:: ::kicks self in the shins repeatedly::

a week of so ago, me & my exacto blade went crazy on my left hand/wrist. three horizontal cuts on my thumb, 2 vertical on my pointer, 2 horizontal on my middle finger, 3 vertical slashes on the top of my hand. each one of my knuckles is covered in a now scabbed cross-hatch pattern. quite intricate actually. not to mention the very large vertical cut on my wrist directly over that large vein.. u noe the one. a few people actually noticed this time. tho they readily swallowed my exucse, that i fell durring soccer. whut bullshit. there is no way in the universe that sumthing remotely like that could happen to my left hand only from falling in soccer. stupid fucking idiots. my heart is beating really fast. is that bad.. im kinda dizzy and my head hurts. did i mention im addicted to painkillers, shoot me..
post comment

[09 Oct 2003|09:31pm]
i dont know what to do. i seriously dont know what to do anymore. i dont want to do anything anymore. i feel completely helpless and i hate it and i hate everything and i just want to die and nothing is fair and everything hurts, emotionally, physically as well. im never enough. nothing i do is ever ever ever enough. why do i try. i should just stop. nothing i do ever does anybody any good. its pointless. i suck at life. i suck at everything. im still undecided.. get my razor and slice vertically through every vein in my forearms and bleed to death making a terrible mess and traumatizing everyone i know forever, or do just overdose on everything i can get my hands on? take every pill in the medicine cabinet regaurdless of what it does, and wash it down with a full bottle or two of vodka. oh the choices. hmm.. then again i could always lay down on railroad tracks, or snap my neck.. why does this have to be the life i lead? as far as i know, iv never done anything to deserve this. why me. i do all i can to be a good person and im sick and tired of it back firing. being taken advantage of, ignored, and overlooked. they will notice me. it wont be "Amanda who?, oh that tall freak?" anymore.
post comment

im dying [07 Oct 2003|12:21am]
you said your last goodbye
rendering me fatally wounded
my eyes to tired to cry
as u delivered the final blow

at a loss for words i stumble
through pure hatred and disbelief
not understanding why i crumble
you brush me off and walk away

ignoring the severity of this case
not realizing your making an eternal mistake
hot angry tears roll down my face
and you cant help not noticing

now iv done all that i can do
and simply put, its up to u
make your choice and choose it well
i tried and tried but still you fell

-me

its a hopeless case. people can be so blind sometimes. im so angry. at myself, at the world. i need to find a brick wall. and punch it repeatedly. i want to beat the shit out of my hands. maybe break a few bones. if not at least sum nice bruises and cuts. fuck this shit, i may as well kill myself too.
post comment

human kind should die [30 Sep 2003|08:00pm]
[ mood | incredibly atrabilious ]
[ music | the sound of rage beating against by eardrum ]

i got robbed today. i fucking got robbed. $37 and a bottle of codeine stolen from my purse. fucking low ass scum that did it. i want to fucking kill the world right now. that was like everything i had. u dont noe how much i want/need to break down and cry. i want to cut so bad, no i want to lay in the street and have a steam roller run me over. i just really want to be destoyed right now, becuase thats exactly how i feel. it probably doesnt seem like a lot, but that was my life. all i fucking had and sum stupid greedy insensitive person that i dont even know took that from me. i want to hurt myself. i want to break my bones. show just how much it hurts on the inside. ok now im crying. why!? its not fair. why me why does everyting always happen to me, why cant someone just kill me right now. save me from this pain i cant deal with it. :'-( i wish i was dead i wish i was dead i wish i was dead i wish i was dead i wish i was dead i wish i was dead

2 comments|post comment

::sigh:: [29 Sep 2003|09:26pm]
[ mood | in need of death ]
[ music | fucking hostile by Pantera ]

i think my friend may have mono, i think i will hafta sneak into her house one night & kiss her. i want mono. i will b so skinny after that, it would b amazing. i think im either anemic or i have low thiroid, im always tired even tho iv been sleeping 24/7 [wen im not playing soccer and dancing for 4+ hours a day] and im always cold. then again that could jus b frum not eating. blah. i was talking to my friend kelly. the weird drifting old bff turned cheerleader, a mutual friend of ours, paul, talked to me & told me that she was upset that we were drifting and that we never make time for her. which is such bullshit, she is always bizzy with all of her stupid cheerleaders, and giving every guy she meets a blowjob. i was talking to her online. she doesnt even notice that aside frum being a tad bit pissed at her, my total apathy towards the situation is hanging thickly from every word i said. she just types smileys and "jk lol! heheh! * stars are pretty!*** xox bibi! luv ya hun!" sumbody fucking gag me with a telephone pole. i think im going crazy. has there ever been a case where feelings fuel a spontaneous combustion... if so ya'll better watch out. im about to go ne second... KILL ME!!!!

post comment

[23 Sep 2003|09:51pm]
You are... Kurt Cobain!
kurt-kurt-cobain-4100184.jpg>
You are sensitive, shy and opinionated and
completely against racism, sexism and
homophobia. Good for you. Many a depressed
teenager can relate to you. Now jut stay away
from women named Courtney...


Which Front-Person are you?
brought to you by Quizilla
kurt is amazing. i miss him..
post comment

[23 Sep 2003|08:48pm]
"as the blood poures greivously from the wounds, deep crimson pools form and slowly trickle from the source." ouch. cut a bit deeper than i had intended. shiters. that ones gunna take a while to heal..
post comment

[21 Sep 2003|10:22pm]
Season = Autumn
You're Most Like The Season Autumn ...

You're warm, and the most approachable. You have
that gentle prescence about you. People can
relate to you, and find you easy company.
However it's likely you've been hurt in the
past and it has left you scarred so things can
become rather chilly with you at times. Being
the third Season in, you're mature, trustworthy
and loyal to your friends but prone to
depression and negative thinking.

Well done... You're the shy and sensitive season :)


?? Which Season Are You ??
brought to you by Quizilla

The Pope
Circle I Limbo

DMV Employees
Circle II Whirling in a Dark & Stormy Wind

Rednecks
Circle III Mud, Rain, Cold, Hail & Snow

j lo
Circle IV Rolling Weights

Republicans, George Bush
Circle V Stuck in Mud, Mangled

River Styx

my parents
Circle VI Buried for Eternity

River Phlegyas

Saddam Hussein
Circle VII Burning Sands

the people that are sueing people for downloading music
Circle IIX Immersed in Excrement

Osama bin Laden
Circle IX Frozen in Ice

Design your own hell

hahah i created my own hell! ehehee
post comment

[21 Sep 2003|08:22pm]
carrie
You are CARRIE. You have the potential to be an
amazing person if circumstances don't cause you
to go insane and start killing everyone. Your
fanatic holy-roller mother completely ruined
you at a very young age. You only want to be
loved and accepted, but inside you feel that
you will never be good enough. On the bright
side though, you can move things with your
mind!


Which of Stephen King's Terrifying Characters Are You? (with pics)
brought to you by Quizilla
You see the world in Black
Black:
PEOPLE SUCK THE WORLD SUCKS EVERYBODY SHOULD BE
KILLED AND BLEED TO DEATH TILL THE COLD EARTH
SOAKS IN BLOOD. Well, you're angry at the
world. For reasons who knows, but you
definately hate life.
href=http://www.saradover.com>Made by
Sara


What color do you see the world in?
brought to you by Quizilla
haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
post comment

nooo, i hate my mom and she hates me and i want to dieee [18 Sep 2003|10:10pm]
[ mood | depressed ]
[ music | best i am by Flaw ]

erg. i hate my life. i also hate how i feel like all i ever do is bitch and whine, but thats all i feel capable of. got into a really stupid huge fight with my mom about wut i was wearing to dance class. she said i looked like a guy/jock cuz i had a teeshirt & b-ball shorts on. so fucking sue me! america, "land of the free" freedom to express youself in whatever way you see fit. but no. im only an inferior child, i dont deserve rights. so she made me change my outfit, then decided she wouldnt take me. she yelled at me, literally cursed me off, and said "you know what, i always try not to say it but its true, i do hate you, i fucking hate you ok?!" yea. that was the fucking end of my rope. after bawling my eyes out and throwing things for 15 mins she drags me downstairs & tells me that i hafta go, and by this point, i really dont wanna go. she makes me tho. i fucking hate her. stupid bitch, always telling me i treat her like crap and wondering why im so nice to everyone else except her. no matter how many times i tell her, she doesnt seem to get it. she treats me like the same fucking crap that i treat her like. i would never deliberately be mean to someone unprovoked. she doesnt understand anything. especially the concept of being your own person. she tells me im a freak and that i dont fit in and asks why i dont act and dress like everyone else and she buys me preppy clothes and i dont wear them, then she yells at me for wasting her money & tells me i cant buy ne more clothes. how can she stop me, its not like she pays for them anyway. i hafta, me with no source of income except birthday card checks, i pay for my food wen im outside of the house, including school, restaurants and such, pay for all my clothes and everything i happen to need, birthday presents for my friends. i am the sole supplier. i hate her she is the biggest fucking hypocrit i know [besides myself] i want to run away and die. one or the other. come to think of it maybe both, for extra effect. ne body have any suggestions of what i can do to i dunno, help, get rid of, or ignore the problem further..? this among many many other things, is consuming my thoughts of my every waking minute. my mind hasnt stopped running on overdrive in the longest time. i do believe that i am on my way to a breakdown. i cut a shitload tonight. i ran out of white space on my "blood page" i need to start another i guess. ::sigh:: put me out of my misery...

3 comments|post comment

[06 Sep 2003|06:42pm]
HASH(0x83d62ec)
Masochist


The ULTIMATE personality test
brought to you by Quizilla
lol haha these things r great.
post comment

hello... [04 Sep 2003|06:06pm]
::walks in hesitantly, looks around:: *door creaks and slams shut* "what a void to behold, if such a thing can even be said. black walls, black ceiling, black floor. even the air is black aside from a few whisps of fading red smoke. cold, so cold. coming from all angles and swirling around me, though the air itself doesnt seem to be moving, it seems quite stagnant and old. no entrance, no exit, no begining, and no end. jus smoothly drifting in and out. what a void to behold, what a life left untold" ::closes eyes, lowers self to the ground and waits::

ok well that was my lil metaphoric oil spill of the day. pretty self explanitory.
post comment

woohoo.. sorta cant wait till i get home [15 Aug 2003|04:04pm]
yay! wen i get home from camp, i dunno when.. but sumday soon, me & danielle r gunna go get drunk & high & go to concerts. woohoo i cant wait. hehe. o yea, i cut a shit load more. o well. sux for me. i cant wait to go home & like destroy myself. woohoo. iv been sober for over 6 weeks, damn im good. well umm yea thats pretty much it. woohoo bye!
post comment

woohoo/:-( [07 Aug 2003|03:50pm]
[ music | cumbersome by 7 Mary 3 ]

well, being the sick and crafty person that i am, i was able to steal 2 exacto blades from silk screening and they are wonderful. i sat on my top bunk and cut away. i only made 2 new new cuts. the rest u just retraced over old ones that were fading. 8 on my ankle and 2 on my left wrist. i love how nobody noticed. i was sitting there having a conversation with 3 other people from my bunk while im slicing away and either licking the blood off or wiping it in my notebook. people can be so unobservant. and i have all the red cuts out in the open, none hidden. nobody has seen any of them yet. tho i guess i should give it time. i want people to see them and jus know, like o she cuts she must have a sucky life, and just leave it at that. but of course nobody does. either they dont notice or they do and they either ask about it which is awkward, or they jus get scared and dont mention it. i like the ones on my wrist especially, i love the way they bleed more willingly than the rest. plus theyr right there, a constant reminder of everything that went into them. well, i must go and umm.. die or something. bye

2 comments|post comment

[05 Aug 2003|04:10pm]
((i am)) always cold
((i am)) amanda
((i am)) weird
((i am)) crazy
((i am)) cynical
((i am)) ignored
((i am)) considerate
((i am)) kind
((i am)) a dancer
((i am)) a soccer player
((i am)) a mess
((i am)) a sadist
((i am)) a freak
((i am)) a misfit
((i am)) incredibly confused
((i am)) tall
((i am)) hurt
((i am)) very messy
((i am)) lethargic
((i am)) different
((i am)) a slacker
((i am)) not like you
((i am)) hesitant
((i am)) willing
((i am)) suposedly alive
((i am)) a failure at life
((i am)) lazy
((i am)) emotionally unstable
((i am)) a terrible story teller
((i am)) an outsider
((i am)) borderline
((i am)) obsesses with music
((i am)) a waste of space/time/money/natural resources etc
((i am)) uncomfortable
((i am)) sick of people
((i am)) sick of life
((i am)) sick [healthwise]
((i am)) anerexic
((i am)) a cutter
((i am)) sorry...

well, thats my lil thingy for the day. hip hip horray for me. ::drops dead::
8 comments|post comment

[03 Aug 2003|03:26pm]
[ music | anorexorcist by Nirvana ]

kill me. i just dont wanna live anymore. iv found that most of my scars have faded, quite to my displeasure. this simply means that i must make more, go over old scars and reinforce them. and of course make lots of new ones. well, it sjust stopped raining, i should probably leave now before it starts again. i totally dont miond rainm actually i love it, its jus that im wearing a white shirt. well bye sumone mail me a razor... im desparate... i will make a deal with ne one that will send me one. please take my offer seriously..

1 comment|post comment

navigation
[ viewing | most recent entries ]
[ go | earlier ]