| feeling the cold shoulder |
[11 Dec 2002|02:59am] |
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mood |
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 confused |
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was i seeing things? i feel like this is a game. one minute im ahead and know where im at and whats going on.. the next minute i have no idea whats going on.
i dont like this game.
theres no rules, or no one told me the rules.
anything goes.
theres more wild cards than any other game ive played.
walls and barriers pop up out of no where sutting me out.
and wheres the end? does it just go in a circle or loop?
i quit. im gonna go curl up in my corner. maybe cry. maybe die. the only person i can trust seems to be myself.
so when your done with your game...
come wake me up.
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| sometimes i feel so worthless, sometimes i feel discared, i wish i was good enough then id know that |
[11 Dec 2002|12:33pm] |
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mood |
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 depressed |
] |
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music |
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Fuck Christmas - Fear |
] |
sometimes, every once in a while... you feel forgotten. lonely. you wonder where it all went wrong. other nights, everything is all right. complete.
tonight. im nethier. just floating in and out of realities veils. wondering whats true and whats not. am i left out? or am i protected? are they there for me or am i only there for them. do i fullill them or do they me? where do i fit in... do i fit in? or am i just imagining it all.
love and relationships - maps and directions. nothings for sure. a wrong word, or a missing road... ive seen them both happen. things cant be seen as set in stone, cause theyre not. there was a road there, and it was a cruel comment. but none the less, all can be fixed.
junk mail. i hate it. who doesnt. i get about 80 a day. what gives? im just bored right now. writing whatever comes to mind. not a lot of it pertains to me. just popped in my head at the moment. its past midnight, and ive got to be up at 6. just thought id wait up for someone who obviously isnt getting on tonight. is it to ignore me? it might be. or maybe hes just tired. either way, ill be over it by morning. its not like he said hed be on tonight. just thought he might be.
but i hate not knowing. for the most part im patient, but if someone were to wave a $100 bill in front of your face telling you, maybe they'll let you have it, or maybe they'll just keep it to themselves. lock it up and hide it from everyone cause they werent ready to share... what would you do? id personally be curious after a while. id want to take it, or better yet have them share it with me. even if its .05 cents and i cant do much with it... at least they shared. at least they opened up and were willing to share. id support their decision 100%. *sigh*
its late. ive got to get up early. and when no ones on to talk to it gets rather boring. i start rambling on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and.....
you get it.
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