Creating dreams before my eyes
| 10.29am 23.04.2004 |
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.Crap. She closed her journal! What was she thinking? Now whos life am i going to envy? ... Naw i shouldn't say that, i should envy my own life. On that thought it would be cool if someone envied my.. but who would envy my pathetic exsistance right now? Lets see... my life in a nutshell: *Alarm goes off at 7, hit snooze till 7:15 then fall out of bed. *Drive down Bangeter for 15 miles as fast as i can to get to work by 8. *8am: Login, take phone calls (tech support) Break: 10am Lunch: 12pm Break 1:45pm. Get off at 3pm. *Go home and sit at my computer trying to talk to my Bf, who works from 3:30-midnight at the same company. Its usually really busy so he cant say much, Which is why i'll have the TV on to give me something to listen to or watch when im super bored. *Most of the timeabout 6pm i'll take a nap till 11pm. *11pm - wake up and watch animal precinct while talking to Zak, again. *12:20ish - Zaks home...yay!. If i took a nap Im able to stay up till 2 or 3am. We'll cook dinner then usually we watch a movie/tv, talk or play on our computers together or come up with something else to do. *Ill go to bed around 1-3am. *Zak comes to bed about 5 or 6. This is my favorite part my whole day, when he cuddles me and sleep with me. *Alarm goes off at 7. See, very uneventful. It was funner when we worked together, but because im an idiot and threw something at him while at work, they dont think we should work together (hence the half hour between shifts so we dont even see each other at work). At least we have the same days off still, Mon & Tues. We pretty much stay home except for the days i have to go see the doc or his parents beg for a visit. Tuesday we have our ritual of watching Gilmore Girls together. We're both pretty poor right now so we dont go out much anymore. I remember going out to eat every mon and tues night, seeing tonz of movies, going to Blue Boutique, and Dr. Johns, hanging out at Blue Kats, Going to the Sanctuary (Gothic/industrial club), finding other misc/fun/interesting things to do around SLC.. atho theres not much of a nightlife here in utah after 11pm. We, well I, would love to move out of here, to another state, especailly to raise our kid outside of Utah. I'm looking into Southern Cali, Seattle, Chicago, Fl, and NY, but for now we're kinda stuck here. Zak wants to get his CDL, and I want to go to this bartender school type place and get certified for that, but we both have to wait till July for our 21st birthdays. |
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| 08.17pm 22.04.2004 |
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So we found out im having a boy... Now i need boy names. The list: Chauncey Wesley Shayde Racer Darkness Acher/Asher I just havent found any commoner names that i like. i dont want him to be 1 John out of 7 in his classes and work while growing up.. I like the old time, victorian feeling of Chauncey and Acher. I worked with a guy and i always thought his name was Shayde... turns out it was Shae, i was just hearing the rest... but i thought Shayde would be cool name Racer - is from my uncle and Darkness is Zaks imput for his sons name. *shrug* need to find more names. |
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| 08.12pm 22.04.2004 |
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Im sick of work. No.. Im sick of the managers and owner of the ocmpany being dumb and taking on more work than our little call center can handle. Then complain that we arent doing our job to the best of our ability. Im gonna apply to be a teamlead which would lessen my call volume.. but still, its unfair to everyone else. On the plus side: I did find a Tattoo that i want tho. |
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*Lè Sigh* |
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| 11.20pm 17.04.2004 |
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 I started to make a "to do" list... but it consisted of 2 things. *Make new journal layout *Get digital Camera fixed ASAPv(to take pics of my new hair cut... that i love!) Ive come to realize im very dependant on people, and the lack of people in my life isnt really helping right now. I really only have Zak, the roomates im really starting to hate and the occasional chat with Dave on MSN. Zaks the only one i really do anything with: watch movies, eat out, hang out, work with and chat with. Of course im not complaining or anything. I love Zak, But now that we have different work schedules, i spend a lot of time at home by myself... doing nothing really and it makes me really depressed. If i had a dog that would really help, Give me something to do at least instead of fight with my betta fish. I wish i had Seir still. I miss him. Im still really upset about that. Stupid, lying shittly landlord. It would also be nice to talk to Pam. Especaily now - to have a girl-friend i can talk to and be with and relate with ... Being pregnant sux sometimes, and im sorry, but i dont think guys really understand what its like. It would be nice just to have someone to talk to about it. My parents have pretty much abandoned me - they started out all supportive and now... they dont really talk to me. I thought they would be better than that. They made me belive they were. Just cause me and Zak arent married... Its like im the embarasment that theyre trying to hide... welcome to Mormon parents... and they wonder why i have a problem with the Mormon religion. I dont know if it was the email i sent to my dad one night (it was kinda harsh but i did say sorry and tried to make things better) or if it was the night when they asked if it would be alright to tell family members that i was expecting. I said yes... but then they went into "it would be better if we could give them news of a marriage" and i said something like 'well theres not'. But they've stoped talking to me. That night when we discussed telling family members and what to tel them was the last time any of them said anything to me. It really hurts, cause when I need their support, or anyones support, theyve just abandoned me instead. They've started making summer plans without me, not just without me, but they dont include me or include inviting me... not even to the Brady Family Reunion. They just say im unavailable. They didnt even ask me. How do i know all their plans then?... because they post them all on our family message board, its like they forgot i check that or something. anyway... just talking about that is making me depressed and i can be depressed at work, it wouldnt be very good. *shrugs* Like i said: . i need a hug . |
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crappy| 06.21am 17.04.2004 |
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I haven't been updating regularly like i want to because Im just kinda sick of the internet right now. If i had a goal or something to do... like make some stupid website or something... then i wouldnt be sick of it. I just get bored sitting there... *shrug* It happens. Besides that - I've been kind of busy doing pretty much nothing. Seriously. . I need a life . Anyway... if anyone out there reads this... and for some unknown reason ever gets the urge to want to buy me somethig to cheer me up (yeah right) or give me something to do one of these would do nicely. The Invisible Man, (box set 1) The Invisible Man, (box set 2) The hitch is you have to be in the UK, or find a seller who will ship it to the US. anyway... because im at work... and have pretty much nothing to say right now... you can look at him:  |
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| 08.05am 11.04.2004 |
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I thought that the fact that my parents made plans for easter without me this year, and that i would miss out on the egg hunt and a chocolate rabbit would put me in a really depressed/bad mood. And Zak doesnt do holidays, at least hasnt really shown much interest in them. So i didnt expect much. He crawled into bed and held me till my alarm went off. Usually i hit the snooze button (doesnt everyone) to get an extra 10 mins of sleep, but he seemed anxious for me to get up. I figured it was just cause i was almost late for work yesterday. Eventually i did get up and get ready for work. I dont know how i missed it, but i didnt see the huge basket on my desk till i was ready and just wandering around the room. This thing was stuffed with 3 or 4 different chocolate rabbits, and more cadbury eggs and misc candy that ive ever seen in an easter basket. And just when i thought that was more than enough, i notice the bottom or the basket, if there was grass in there i didnt see it, there were so many kisses and little chocolate eggs! Complete with roses and stuffed bear.  I dont know how to express my gratitude/joy when i get gifts. I think when people expect me to be suprized i am, i just dont express it in the way they expected, therefore i dissapoint them somehow. This basket is so much better than the one ive wanted for years, in so many ways. And i love zak and am so very happy/grateful that he got it for me. It made my day, and proably my whole week. I just dont know if he knows that, because i wasnt jumping all over the palce, and my voice didnt get screethy and i didnt start talking really fast... But i do love it. And i was suprized and happy when i saw it. I didnt want to go to work. I wanted to stay home and hug Zak as long as i could, but i couldnt.  Anyway, Happy Easter to whoever has taken the time to read this.  Hope it was a good one. |
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giddyDear Journal |
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| 02.06pm 10.04.2004 |
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My favorite time of the day... The thing I look forward to most of the day, especially the bad ones - is about 5:00am-6:00am. Of course when I go to bed its nice that he cuddles me &/or lays there for a while with me. But 5-6am... Thats when he crawls into bed next to me. Sure it wakes me up, but its ok, 'cause thats when I get to fall asleep with him while he holds me. I love the nights when he goes to bed at the same time, I miss when it happened everynight because i could stay up later (stupid chnging work schedule). But it still happens sometimes. Its my favorite time of the day.. altho its late at night or early in the morning - dependin on how you look at it. I dont know why... It seems to be a common thing with girls... But i like to lay on his chest and listen to his heart beat while i fall asleep. Its just comforting or reassuring i guess. I just feel safe, and it just confirms that hes there... with me. =) I wish he would spend the entire night with me, just hold me while i sleep if nothing else. Its selfish i guess. but it would be really nice. I just get really lonely lately, and a few times this week and last ive has some weird/bad dreams and its nice when someones there to tell you its ok and just hold you. *shrug* **ramble...ramble...ramble*** im sor bored, but i think i got this babys sleeping pattern down. Hes like zak. Hes 'asleep' most of the morning, and waks up in the afternoon and stays awake till late at night. I only assume that because i cant feel him move at all in the morning while im at work, then little movments around 1-2ish. At about 5 hes really active for a few hours. then aroun midnight hes still moving just not as much. Last night i was up till around 2:30-3 and could feel him kicking even while i was trying to go to bed around 2:30ish. Its really weird yet cool to feel him in there. It was hard to belive i might be preg at first cause i never got sick at all. and I wasnt really showing at all, im still not showing much, not as much as i should for 25 wks. Seeing the baby in the ultrasound made it more real but feeling him move insie me... its just cool ... i guess... in a weird sort of way. |
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who needs a title? |
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| 12.49pm 07.04.2004 |
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I feel like ive lost my writting ability... if i ever had one. I tried to write something and i couldnt. I couldnt even scribble a few words down. I used to write stuff, like poems and stories, but i havent for a while. Is it possible to loose that? Do you ever truely forget how to ride a bike? No, i guess my Muse as just left me for a while, I'll just wait for their return. *sigh* ... time to get back to work... .save me. |
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| 09.47am 21.03.2004 |
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- rude roomates/housemates - lack of sleep for me - work being incredibly boring and agrivating (everyone is still a moron.) - Landlords refuse to let me have a dog... im not even gonna start on that again... I miss Seir. - I burned pizza last night. How the hell do you burn pizza?! i must be the worlds worst cook. and a hungry one too. - landlords moving out but not really giving us any details, like if a week ago they said "hey, we're moving next saturday so we need you to clear out our dresser and kinda clean your room so we can get both the dresser and bed thats ours out of your room." that wouldve been nice, but they told me thursday giving me a two day notice. they told me it would be evening too which was good cause then zak could sleep, but then friday night they said it would be 10:30 in the morning. Of course that means zak cant sleep and he deservs sleep. so he went another 30 hr day again without sleep. - Having to get a new bed, in the mean time using an very uncomfortable one. - Still cant get ahold of Pam. My goal is to be in a good mood all week starting today. If i can do that then maybe i can be happier more often. I Cant let a few little things upset me. I mean ive got all kinds of things and im grateful for them: - I have a job and a source of income thats pretty reliable. - Stupid people who pay $100 for something thats "haunted" on ebay. (of course i bought it for $30 because they claimed it was haunted about a year ago) - My car. It may by 16 yrs old, and look a little boxey, but im the second owner and it runs great. Paint is still really good too... then again its white so its hard to tell. thanx to zak putting his sub and amp in my car after mine was stolen the car sounds great. AND its all paid off, so its not some finacial burden for me. - Zak. He's great in every way. I dont show him enough appreciation. He does a ton for me and i think it just rolls off my back like i dont care, but i do. - Kazaa and Edonkey - Brand 'X's fries. They went really cheep on the hamburger buns so that sux tho. - My betta, Asmodeus, is 2 yrs old this month proving that i can indeed take care of a pet and have it live more than 6 months. (bettas dont normally last that long, normal is maybe a year - but if you take really good care of them the most they can live bumps up to 4 years.) - My talents. I dont draw, write or even do anything with music anymore but i know i can and now that my horrible landlords are gone i can start playing again and writting music too. It'll give me something to do after work. - Its FINALLY spring - Since its spring i can get another collard lizard soon. - Vacations. |
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contemplativeMy rant for the day. |
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| 10.27am 19.03.2004 |
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package #1 - Laptop. I buy a laptop off ebay, and in my haste i neglected to look for the overnight pricing and just go with Ground shipping. No biggie, ill get it in 7 days right?... wrong. It was coming from New Jersey, Status: [Re-Scheduled] Rescheduled Delivery: Mar 24, 2004 Shipped to: BONANZA, UT, US Shipped or Billed on: Mar 11, 2004 Tracking Number: 1Z 11Y 4R5 ** **** *** * Service Type: GROUND Weight: 13.00 Lbs Package Progress: Date Time Location Activity Mar 17, 2004 12:00 P.M. SALT LAKE CITY, UT, US ADVERSE WEATHER CONDITIONS DELAY Mar 15, 2004 1:10 P.M. VERNAL, UT, US DELIVERY CHANGE REQUEST TO BE PROCESSED;RECEIVER REQ. DELIVERY AT ALT ADDRESS 12:53 P.M. HODGKINS, IL, US DEPARTURE SCAN Mar 13, 2004 4:02 A.M. HODGKINS, IL, US ARRIVAL SCAN Mar 11, 2004 9:23 P.M. LAKEWOOD, NJ, US DEPARTURE SCAN 7:24 P.M. LAKEWOOD, NJ, US ORIGIN SCAN 3:23 P.M. US BILLING INFORMATION RECEIVED So it departs on the first day, doesnt arive in IL for 2 days, but i guess thats normal for driving/ground speed. All is well up to this point. Then it says it departed on the 15th... "why the 2 day delay?" Im thinkging but then i shrug it off. Now in the mean time during the past 2 days i've noticed that its shipping to Bonanza, Ut - there is no such place. So i wrote an email to the guy i bought the laptop from and he calls them and corrects the address with them. They never confirm or change the details, they just make a note on the 15th that there was a delivery chage request *shrug*. Then two days later theres an entry from SLC, UT, they day before it was scheduled to arive saying that there was a weather delay. At this point im like WTF? cause its 689º outside and not a speck of rain or snow, so if its in SLC why wont they just deliver it? So i called UPS. And the lady was dumber than a door nail. Vernal (Vern-all) turned into Virnel (V-ear-nail); Moab (Moe-ab) turned into Mob; Lakewood (Lake-Wood) turned into Lickword; Utah (Ute-ah) turned into Utar. And it wasnt a accent, she was in Washington state and she sounded perfectly fine till she tried to pronounce these cities. Anyway, She couldnt figure out where my package was so she sent a "note" to the people in the "Virnel" office and they would call me back telling me what was wrong with the weather in "Utar". A guy from Vernal called me back, and told me he could see where the confussion came from. It wasnt actually the utah office that claimed the weather was bad, the Package was still in IL, sitting in a truck and hasnt moved cause they have 18" of snow there. More proof, this years snowy weather hates me. Package #2 - Corset suit thing from Blue Botique. B.B has already screwed up my order from Early Feb. They sent it 3 weeks late. To make up for the delay he promised me a gift certificate and to overnight it at no extra cost. I got it about 6 days later (obviously not overnighted) and no certificate and the corset was the wrong size (way too big). They contacted me and said a new emplyee screwed up and to make up for it I could keep the big one and they would send me the right size, send it overnight and include the certificate... all for free. So theyre trying to make things right... But UPS goes and screws it up again. Status: Billing Information Received Shipped to: WEST JORDAN, UT, US Shipped or Billed on: Mar 17, 2004 Tracking Number: 1Z 13A R47 ** **** *** * Service Type: NEXT DAY AIR Weight: 1.00 Lb Note: UPS has received shipper's billing information electronically. Billing information received does not indicate shipment pickup or drop-off. Please contact the shipper for more details. So i call them ... again. And they tell me it hasnt been sent because the sender didnt specify wether to drop it off or that i would pick it up. What the hell? Dont they normally drop off unless specified? So i ask since im the reciver, can they just drop it off and they say no - it has to be the sender that specifies the delivery method. Ive sent stuff overnight with UPS and they never had me specify wether to drop off or pick up. Why are they being so mean to me? K so my question to UPS is: #1, when someone gives you something to ship to a non-existant city, cant your computer detect that it doesnt exist? It would save you a lot of work wouldnt it? I mean it gets to the state and then you find out it doesnt exist so you send it back to the sender and they have to correct it and you send another package... maybe its your scheem to get an extra $20, or maybe your depending on the zip code to deliver it to the correct place, but if the cities wrong whats to say that the zip code is correct? #2, If i have the correct tracking number and ive confirmed that i am indeed the reciver why the hell cant i tell you how i would like to recive my package? In most cases, especially if its something being sent from the store, i paid for the shipping of the package so i should be able to choose how i recive it. I might not have paid for this package but i did pay for the original package. Over all: most people would be mad at the Ebay Laptop sender guy, or BB for all the delays... not me. Its clearly all UPS, and no one else who is a complete moron. |
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pissed off
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