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Saturday, August 13th, 2005
2:44 am
well I havent updated in a long long time. I wish I had a happy tale to boast about but life hasent given very much lately. I try to stay optimistic but I feel like I am just trapped. I am so confused about everything, I feel heart broken, like I lost my best friend. I know things are going to get better. Why does and end to a relationship hurt so much..... it had alot of good but the bad was just to bad but I never saw it as the end... geezz I dont knwo Its been a long night. time for bed

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Thursday, May 12th, 2005
2:33 am
well I just got home from work today. Its crazy there I worked 13 hours today. I barely get any time for myself anymore. Ashley I promise I will call you one of these days. I have fridays and saterdays off so if you ever wanna hang out it would have to be on one of them days. and If I remember correctly you owe me a trip to the bean!!!! HA HA HA! I look forward to that still! anyhow I have a differnt job then I did when I last updated. I work in a giant freezer now. yep -25 degree I love it its so cole the moisture from your eyes collect on you eyelashes and they freeze together. lol But the good news is I get more free icecream than anyone you know! So that makes me the SHHHHIAAATTTI finally bought a new cell phone so you all can call me again. well goodnight everyone Its way past my bed time.

current mood: crazy
current music: straylight run~~existentialism on prom night

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Monday, April 18th, 2005
7:06 am
well I started a new job today, and thanks to the managment making a mistake I already got a better job. I walked in and the hired to many people for the job I was doing so they gave me a better job. so I got to go home and I get to work a later shift but thats awsome to me.

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Sunday, April 10th, 2005
9:44 pm
Well today I am having a bon fire. Thats always fun. maybe I will drink some beer you know, have a good time. but anyhow today has been pretty good. my Uncle stu is back around and thats always fun. He will be home for good in aug hopefully in july sometime. thats when the real partys will happen again.

Going to canada on wed we got a hotel room and it will be fun. anyhow I am off to start the fire you all have a good night!

current mood: happy

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Saturday, April 9th, 2005
11:28 pm - well well
It's been a whole month since I last wrote, ok longer than that but whatever. Life is crazy I am no officially and uncle Bret Andrew Brodie (the latest addition to the family. And the even crazier thing is theres anouther on the way. Yep my sister will have her new baby in october.

Hey ash sorry bout lisa, you know I love ya. we should go to the bean and catch up with each other someday!

as far as lisa.. its a hectic relationship. we have probably broke up 100 times this month already. It always seems like we will have a good day just to have a fight. she has done som messed upi things already so I am sure this will probably not last much longer.

I go bowling every thursday at vison lanes so if anyone is bored just come up there around 10
10 bucks all you can bowl its a blast.

anyhow i am out I hope to be writing more for everyone.

current mood: energetic

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Monday, January 17th, 2005
11:21 pm
well Its been a while since I wrote, somehow life never seems to become less complicated. well mostly only because of girls, they drive me nuts. Allison calls me and tells me that she loves me and misses me, but then she talks about her sex life, like I wanna know what guys shes fucking now. I know I told her some things after we broke up but that was alot of me jut being hurt. and ashley and me got a chance to hang out a few times, there is always somehting funny about me and her, I love her to death but there will never be my fairy tale ending like I wanted. and of course theres lisa, I have cared for her more but the reality of that relationship going any furher is not likely. its weird though I am doing well and I am telling everyone that I am doing well, but really i am not doing so well, I am deppressed but I am being proactive about it. I am in the gym and being healthy but i just feel like I missing something. I don't know maybe i will figure it out later....

current mood: blank

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11:21 pm
well Its been a while since I wrote, somehow life never seems to become less complicated. well mostly only because of girls, they drive me nuts. Allison calls me and tells me that she loves me and misses me, but then she talks about her sex life, like I wanna know what guys shes fucking now. I know I told her some things after we broke up but that was alot of me jut being hurt. and ashley and me got a chance to hang out a few times, there is always somehting funny about me and her, I love her to death but there will never be my fairy tale ending like I wanted. and of course theres lisa, I have cared for her more but the reality of that relationship going any furher is not likely. its weird though I am doing well and I am telling everyone that I am doing well, but really i am not doing so well, I am deppressed but I am being proactive about it. I am in the gym and being healthy but i just feel like I missing something. I don't know maybe i will figure it out later....

current mood: blank

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Wednesday, December 8th, 2004
5:07 pm
Well I havent wront here in a long time. I guess its cause there is alot in my life right now. Ashley and I are talking again. It's really been great but I am trying to not get my hopes up. Ummm me and allison still talk. I am trying to do my best for her, its so hard to be there for her when most of the time she dont want me there, I guess I am making things hard on her.And lisa is being a good friiend, considering everything. Matt is trying to be a good friend but he usally just ends up hurting my feelings, it seems like I just am careing too much. All my other friends are the same. except aubry. he thinks i am going to go talk to him when all he does is insult me, well lets see who wins the pigheaded stuburn contest, ohh yeah thats me, you rub me the wrong way and I am never going to talk to you. so sorry aubs as soon as you stop insulting me I may think of talking to you but till then fuck off you pussy bitch. Life has been extreamly hard lately. Thats why I cant wait for the new year. Maybe things will finally get better for me. Well maybe I can make things better. I dont know I am looking for a big turn around this year. anyhow i am going to go relax I need to chill out for a while.

current mood: crappy

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Monday, October 18th, 2004
4:40 pm
Well I havent herd from allison in a week, that makes me sad, but I guess I will survive. and then me and kay havent talked since we had that fight. I love kay alot, and I value her friendship. But when it comes to allison I dont think either of us can get it right. but yeah so thats pretty much all thats going on with that. me and lisa have been hanging out, playing some cards. thats always one of my favorite things to do. but anyhow, I guess I am just writing because I miss allions. I hope me and her can be someday......

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Thursday, September 30th, 2004
10:51 pm
well me and karen got in a huge fight about allison. It's crazy, she says I am hurtung her. All I am doing is what she told me to do. She said allison needs my love and support, And I have given that to her. Allison is hurting because she loves me and can't be with me. How dare Karen blame that on me. SO I SOULD BCK OFF OF ALLISON!! YEAH, I will back off, when hell frezzes over. I am not in this for my pleasure, I am in it because I love somebody. AND SO WHAT IF WE ARE NOT TOGETHER RIGHT NOW. Is there anything wrong with want to be together. TELL ME THAT! IS THERE ANYTHING WORNG WITH TWO PEOPLE BEING IN LOVE WITH EACH OTHER, TELL ME THIS KAREN!!!!



Everyone thinks they know what is best for allison. but has anybody asked her what she wants!?!?!?!?!? Cuz let not let this convo be about me and karen, but lets make it what its really about. This is all about whats best for allison. For someone to tell her thats she's not alowd to love me is wrong. ALLISON IS NOT GOING AWAY FROM MY LIFE, NO MATTER HOW MUCH ANYBODY WANTS IT. LET ME AN ALLISON BE. If we love each other support us. DON"T NAY SAY!!!! Allison is hurt because she can't be with me. NOT BECAUSE I AM HURTING HER! The fucked upi thing is if allison was with me, and could be with me. Non of this bullshit would be an issue. KAREN YOU BARELY KNOW WHAT LOVE IS. HOW DARE YOU TRY TO TELL US HOW TO LOVE EACH OTHER.WHY IN THE WORLD WOULD YOU NOT SUPPORT YOUR FRIEND.

Its time to go to bed. ALLISON I love you baby girl!! don't be sad baby! Everythign will be great in time!

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Wednesday, September 29th, 2004
9:56 pm
well I talked to allison today. It made things soo much better. I love that girl. Things for one are looking great. but then again only time will tell...



My new Friend ashley is big into poetry, and Its really awsome. and I am going to share some of her work. She is a very talenteed poet!!!!!!!



My Odyssey
Written by:
Ashley LeAnn
On:
September 29th, 2004
11:49 am
* * *

My odyssey has brought me here,
From many miles away.
Across the sands of troubled times,
You called me here to stay.
Across the rocks of burden shame,
To make a friend with you.
Though I regret my horrid past,
And things I've put you through.

A piece of mine I gave to you,
My heart cries out your name.
Yet part of it vestiges with you,
And I with it the same.
A brother you became to me,
From more than just a friend.
And tides or trials can change it not,
In standstill till the end.

You never have betrayed me once,
Or led my path adrift.
In times of somber woefulness,
My spirits did you lift.
You saved me from my poisoned mind,
Brought justice to my soul.
And in the wake of everything,
You still maintained control.

My life it seems will fade within,
But you will prove your strength.
To carry me, you've always done,
In Great measure or great length.
My heart I gave to you before,
The past recalls the date.
And I shall trouble you no more,
With burden or with hate.


current mood: ecstatic

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Thursday, September 23rd, 2004
10:43 pm
Well I worked today. Thats never fun. Its been a rough week. T.J. is on vacation so I have to work twice as hard. but its ok only one more day of work then its the weekend, but I do have to work saterday, But I Love over time. Anyhow I didnt hear from allison today, I was hopeing I would but obveously didn't. Umm I might give her a call tomorrow, I hope she is home and not her whol family. lol anyhow, I am pretty tired I have been falling asleep pretty early these last few days. the weeks are just flying by for me. I hate that. I wish life would slow down a little bit. Before you know it I will be married and have kids. geezzz thats way in the future right?? I hope so... anyhow I think I am going to go lay down for a while and if I am up I will give ashley a call and talk to her for a lil bit. Then It will be off to bed for me cuz I am tired like a mother fucker. good night ya'll

current mood: crappy

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Wednesday, September 22nd, 2004
10:16 pm
Well today I worked my butt off. I am feeling really good lately. I am not too sure why. Maybe it's because I have been getting alot of exercise, and my knee has'nt felt this good in a long time. I think the doctor finally did something right. That and I have been taking really good care of it, you know doing all my streaches, and iceing it everything. Me and ashley have been talking and its been good. Allison has been talking to me and that makes me really happy, I really missed having her in my life. Myabe we will get to talk more as time goes by. I know I will be here for her.

umm yeah, well ashley is workign really hard I am really proud of her efforts. I hope she don't get burned out to soon. But she is a strong idividual, but she don't know it.

DAMN IT I MISSED ALLISONS CALL AGIAIN.

I hope she dont think I am avoiding her... ... ohh nooo I do love her. Alli I love you Don't give up on me!!!!!

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Sunday, September 19th, 2004
9:13 pm
This week has been one hell of a mind trip. Things really have'nt been going my way all month but that is ok I know I can bounce back. It's kinda funny because alot of my friends have always respected me for, well just being me. Its kinda funny because they see me as suck a strong willed person. Its tough for me to think of myself as strong most of the time. But then again I know all my own weaknesses, so I guess that makes perfact sense. So that makes me a good actor right? anyhow I will write more later. Just writeing for the sake of writing.

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Friday, September 17th, 2004
1:23 am - New Journal
Well, my last journal was really starting to bug me. I got kinda sick of talking abotu all my problems to everyone, and decided it was time to move on with that journal and start a new one. I am sure I will still write in it from time to time, but will probably use this one.

Tonight I went to the football game, yeah the Jr. Varsity game. They won, It was nice to watch a football game, even if I couldnt get a single one of my friends to go with me. I went out after the game to play pool with aubry. So all and all a good night. I got home and decided to talk to ashley, and of course that mead me upset. I don't know why I keep exposing myself to someone that obveously does'nt care for me, and even if she really does shows it in a really shitty way. I don't know. Allison called me I did'nt get to talk to her I was in a movie. I actually really miss her and I hope that me and her get to talk soon. I really need a supportive person in my life, Something I havent had in a long time, well in a while anyhow.

For the most part I am trying to turn my life around, and hopefully I will. With a few new friends and some positive influences in my life I think I should do well. I have alot of stuff to look forward to and hopefully god prviding, I will do well for myself. on that note good night ya'll

current mood: discontent
current music: Whole Lotta Love Led Zeppelin

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