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Friday, October 17th, 2003

    Time Event
    2:08p
    Less than an hour...
    until my road test! booyah! yeahhhh holla lol. i really hope i pass. i don't see why i wouldn't, ive been driving really well. idk. by the way, mite i add how much i enjoy these little hamster icons? bc i do!
    so during psych today we were in comp lab, and i was reading people's journal bc it was fun, and i found some ppl from j&h and it amused me to no end. seriously...holla! lol. the health test wasn't bad like i though it mite be lol. yeah.
    we were talking about characters for our stoies in english, and i got struck by a lightning bolt of inspiration! ok, so idk what my story's going to be about yet. but my main character is zane. he's a 17 year old boy. and i describe him as "quirky, a loner, more of an observer of life; not particularly attractive, pretty much the average kid who blends into the crowd. not quite sure of who he is." and i know the name zane is stupid, but we were talking about forrest gump, and i thought of tom hanks. then my mind suddenly thought of billy zane. why? idk lol. OH I KNOW bc we were talking superheroes, and i thought of the phantom lol and THEN billy zane. AHHH it all makes sense now. yay! and i made up the 3 other main characters: jeremy: "zane's best friend. 17 yr old boy. cocky, arrogant, but very insecure. unsure of himself. extremely attractive. his ego covers up his emotional instability." i got inspired for that one reading one of the journals during psych lol. then theres annie: "17. zane's best female friend. light-hearted, genuine, sweet. gets taken advantage of a lot." then there's harley: "23 yr old neighbor of zane. very rich, but he's very easygoing and not uptight at all. counsels zane on his problems" yeah, i got inspiration for some of them from real people that i know(like zane and jeremy) but shh im not telling who lol. does that sound good so far? i have no idea what this story is actually going to be about lol.
    OMG im leaving like 5 minutes to take my road test!
    LEAVE ME A COMMENT on my other post if u want me to do you...and then write up a little thing about why i love you...lets all share the love here...
    g2g...WISH ME LUCK!

    Current Mood: artistic
    Current Music: i have Disneyland from Smile stuck in my head lol
    3:44p
    BLAH
    BLAH i had a mean bitchy woman and she FAILED me. bc i was going to go, and there was a car like a billion feet away...and she told me it was too dangerous...and i was like wtf! so she failed me. she was such a bitch arghness. lol it doesn't really matter, i can still drive the same that i've been driving, just not by myself, which i prob wouldn't want to do anyway bc im me lol. yeah. so i rescheduled it for december 9th in freeport, and since that is so totally the birthday of both mike caravella and jesus-on-a-pancake zai, maybe it'll bring me luck. lol.

    Current Mood: irritated
    Current Music: someone's IM just meow-ed
    5:16p
    haha
    no itw for me...boo friggen hoo lol. now i remember why i stopped doing shows at the stage lol. honestly, i really don't care. would i have been good? more. story of my life lol. at least i got fame and joseph(yay lolol) coming up...its not like i never do shows lol. later

    Current Mood: indifferent
    Current Music: um...none lol
    11:53p
    The Proclamation of My Self-Esteem
    so it took me this long to say it. here it goes, my epiphany. my realization of my self worth. im pretty, maybe even beautiful sometimes. im talented. and theres nothing wrong with the way i look. after years of enduring shit from people, i finally realize why. maybe they're jealous of my goals, or that they are actually achievable for me. im not afraid of myself anymore. i just can't believe it took me this long to find out.

    idk what brought this about, but all of a sudden i have this confidence that i haven't ever felt before. idk. maybe it comes with the territory of recognizing who my friends are, and actually coming to grips with the fact that people love me for who i am and not what i pretend to be. this struck me in the car coming home. idk, maybe im just so excited at the thought of college and being able to start over again with new people and new opportunities, that i have a new sense of who i really am. which is a good thing. so i don't care if you don't like what i have to say, but now i think im starting to like myself. bc theres a lot for me to like. and theres a lot for anyone else to like too.

    and on that note, i would like to add that any guy or anyone in general who hurts me is just a stupid piece of shit. im not going to let any stupid asshole's pathetic behavior get to me as much as sean's did. bc theres just no excuse for being a fucker like that.

    and that kiddies is the end of my rant. feel free to comment if you wish.

    Current Mood: satisfied
    Current Music: Only Hope -Mandy Moore-

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