What a completely miserable night. I did something stupid. I can admit that. I regret it, and I'm not going to do it again. But who the fuck are
you to reprimand me?
You have no idea what I'm going through.
You have no idea how it feels. And I'm tired of being chastised by
you every time I try to talk to
you. It's obvious
you're not interested in my life, only the life of the baby... fine, I can accept that. But
you could at least ask me how I feel, because if something happens to me, something happens to this child as well. Heaven forbid that should happen, but I live alone. I don't have friends visiting me often... if ever. If something were to happen to me, no one would even know. Tonight is a prime example... I was suffering, and in a moment of blindness, I drank a bottle of Smirnoff Ice. One bottle. I doubt it will have any affect on the baby, but I felt guilty as hell afterwards. I even went to
Justin, of all people, to ask for help, because I was afraid I'd do something else. I didn't want to say anything to
you, because I knew what
you would say. And I was right. I felt guilty enough, did
you think it would help if
you yelled at me, swore at me, and forced me out of
your home?
...I love all of my friends. I don't know what I would do if they all left. But I still feel alone. It's as if I'm isolated from the entire world, but they can still see me as I'm wandering alone, desperately lost and too proud to admit just how afraid she really is...
*sighs* This is too much..