| 12:56a |
I think this is supposed to be the happiest time of my life. Didn't I say I wanted this? I did. But it wasn't supposed to be like this. Not in my wildest nightmares. Where is the "happily ever after" here?
I swore I'd never be the kind of person to be upset when they found out she was going to have a baby. And really, I'm not angry about it. I've just always felt that things happen for a reason, and I'm having a hard time seeing why this happened at this point in my life. For the first time in my life, I'm absolutely... terrified. Ashton already found someone new that he likes. And here I am, between the emotions, scared beneath it all.
I'm so tired. I've been berating myself about what I did, feeling guilty, trying to think of a way to make everything better. But it's beyond that now. And now of all times. I don't want to bring up my child in a broken home. It's even worse than a kid having divorced parents, when their parents weren't married in the first place. He was honest with me... said something that upset me. I reacted badly. I guess I'm not so ready to move on...
I know I'll be okay. Things will work out in the end. But.. fuck me, I'm not a smart girl. |