f u c k YoU...    and your    u n t o u c h a b l e    face
Saturday, September 6th, 03

Time:2:58 pm.
Mood:pessimistic.
Ever have one of those days where nothing goes right?

Ever have one of those days that last six months..?


I apologize for the lack of updates. I've been so busy and so tired that updating is one of the last things on my mind in a long procession of worries and thoughts. Work.. work is getting tedious. I never get to see my mother, or my friends. Staying in bed for a week ala John Lennon sounds wonderful right about now..
3 Lived Here and Were Home Now

Saturday, August 23rd, 03

Time:6:10 pm.
Mood:refreshed.
Aloha. That means "hello" where I am right now. And ironically, it means "goodbye" as well. Yes, surprise sprise, I took a little unannounced vacation. I haven't booked a flight back home to Los Angeles yet, because I'm not sure how long I'll be able to stay. After all the promo work for Uptown Girls, I needed to escape for a little while. So here I am, in Hawaii. I could go on for hours about how much I love it here, and why this really is paradise.. but anyone who has ever been here already knows what it's like.

Being able to just stop and relax is wonderful. I think I almost forgot what it's like to have some time to just do what I want. But I know as soon as I get back to California, filming for Little Black Book will begin. Who knows how we'll manage to film during the rest of my pregnancy, but we have a schedule to keep, so.. we shall see. I was also scheduled to make my first CD around November, which is when I'm due. Things are only bound to get more difficult from here, but for now I'm taking it easy on this island. He is here with me. Because I asked him to come. It was kind of a last minute thing.. but I'm more than grateful that he agreed to come. I'm not sure where someone else is.. or where he thinks I am.

I may be on my laptop again during this little getaway while I'm resting in my little hut on the beach if anyone needs me, but mostly I'll be enjoying my time here and gathering the courage to be seen in a swimsuit before I go home. For now, I'm off to go play tourist with Matt.
Home Now

Saturday, August 9th, 03

Time:2:52 am.
Mood:indifferent.
::taking a deep breath, she sat before her computer in the darkened living room, determined to write an entry about the past days' happenings before going to bed. An entry had already been written once, but thanks to an AOL bug, it had been lost, leaving the already flustered woman even more irate. Even so, she stretched her arms out to the keyboard, typing quickly so she could go to sleep soon::

It's.. difficult to write here, considering how uncertain and confusing the situations in my life are at the moment. I think the entire world has finally gone crazy. And that calls for another grand update from yours truly.. and all that dramatic hoo-ha.

Yesterday began with chaos. Fights had broken out between friends and strangers, and the two men I feared would butt heads had, all before I even had time to consider if I wanted pancakes or waffles for breakfast. The situation was inevitable, I suppose.. I knew someone would say something, so I wasn't entirely surprised when he approached me, saying that James had confronted him, and asking if I wanted him to stay or go.. ::she paused for a moment, leaning back in her swivel chair with a heavy sigh before reaching for the keyboard, pulling it into her lap to continue typing her thought:: Within an hour he was gone. I had my reasons for reconsidering the reconciliation between he and I, but for the sake of privacy, I won't go into that here. Do I feel bad..? Yeah. I do. I liked being with him again, pretending all the bad things that happened never had.. but when it came down to it, things had just.. changed too much. I don't expect a phone call or.. anything from him for some time now, if ever again. But I am sorry things had to happen the way they did.

After he left, I spent the day as alone as possible. I left the phone off the hook after an emotional conversation with James, avoided this damned computer, and took the time to sit down and do some serious thinking about everything that has happened. Despite this, I was still unsure of what to do, until I talked to him again today.. ::her fingers hesitated above the computer keys, considering what she should or shouldn't say.. after a moment's thought she left the sentence unfinished and continued with something else along the same idea::

I'm still not sure where he and I stand, which.. is sad. I was upset with him after he confronted Ashton, even though I understood why. I have my reasons for being bothered, and he knows. We've talked a few times since the incident, as I mentioned. I'm not.. mad at him for doing what he did. It's been a wild nearly half of a year with him and somehow it's all led to this. What "this" is.. is still yet to be defined, I guess.. ::a rather sad chuckle escaped her lips as she typed now, and she shook her head, unable and unwilling to say much else on the tender subject at the moment. Another sigh was given as she glanced to the clock on her computer desk.. it was nearly 3 AM now, and she was exhausted.. a deep breath was takem as she moved along to something else::

Today (or yesterday, if you want to be technical) was spent on my own, for the most part, other than talking to a few people. Later in the day I went to the beach with Matt, to clear my mind from all the.. troubling thoughts that have kept me down lately. Matt is such a great guy.. he's really much too nice to me. I almost wish the situation was a little different.. but he deserves the best, and he's a wonderful friend.

::she couldn't help but yawn.. there must be something she was forgetting that she had written about in her previous lost entry, but she couldn't remember now, and she was growing apathetic from sleepiness. She barely took the time to look over the entry for mistakes before clicking the update button::
11 Lived Here and Were Home Now

Wednesday, August 6th, 03

Subject:Yesterday..
Time:2:13 am.
Mood:uncomfortable.
Music:The Beatles.
The good, the bad, the very bad.. everything that has happened lately has got my mind racing. My body is about to give from the exhaustion, but the thoughts won't give me a moment's rest. The tense relationships with other people have come down to the breaking point, and today was.. the straw that broke the camel's back.

Ashton and I.. it's complicated, more than I would have ever thought when we met on the set of Just Married. We dated months ago, after we had grown so close on set. I had never been happier then I was when I was with him. And I assumed then that he would be the one I spent my life with. But time passed. Things between us changed. It happened so suddenly that I barely knew what to make of it. After a vacation together, I felt as if he didn't care like he used to, so we broke up. Soon after, we found out I was pregnant, and I didn't stop to think it could be anyone's but his. Suddenly things were completely different. I'm not ashamed to say that I wanted to be with him again, even though we had just broken up. But.. he ran off the next day with Justin. Things were done and over, just like that. It hurt like hell. After that, things were never the same between us. We fought constantly. And when we learned the baby wasn't his.. it seemed as if the tie was cut off completely.

If anyone had asked me a week ago, I would have said that he most likely resented me. I had been hurt, and so had he. As far as I could see, that was the end of that chapter of my life. And yet.. a few days ago I received an entirely unexpected phone call from him. I knew what had happened to him, with.. others. I'll admit, I was suspicious when he called. But he seemed so sincere that I couldn't help but agree to pick him up at the airport that night. He came back to my house and stayed in a guest room until last night, when.. he came to my bed. Suddenly it felt the same as it had when we first started seeing each other. It felt like love all over again. And.. I didn't fight it.

But then.. there's James. Things with him are even more complicated than I can begin to say. Despite everything that has happened, we still managed to stay close. We planned to go out for the day, so we did, starting off at Target. Mostly we wandered around the toy area, with me amusing myself in the baby section, and him searching through the Spider-man and Ninja Turtle action figures. I guess there's something about the obnoxious noises the toddler toys make that bothered him, or the way I would make them all go off at the same time. In any case, it was fun. But then we headed out for lunch..

I wasn't sure what to tell him about Ashton and I, or our relationship. I certainly never intended to say a word about what happened the night before. But.. I don't know what happened.. and I let it slip. There was a look in his eyes at that moment that I can't even begin to describe, but it was more than obvious that he was upset. The table we were using was soon toppled on the floor. A scene was caused amongst the crowd of business men that were dining as well. Words were exchanged.. loudly. And I can't say I don't understand why he was mad. In any case.. eventually things shifted from a shouting match to awkward silence. He drove me back to my place, and neither of us said another word.

Sometimes I wish things were a little more clear cut in life. This is overwhelming. I wish.. I could call Matt and talk to him for a while. I can always count on him to make sense when nothing else does. He's been sick lately, and I don't want to bother him with this, but I could use a little Antarctic humor. I'm just.. not sure what to do now. But I'm not asking Ashton to leave my house..

I don't know what will happen.. I never imagined I would be in this situation.
6 Lived Here and Were Home Now

Monday, August 4th, 03

Subject:....
Time:7:34 pm.
Mood:torn.
Make Me Stay.. )




Edit: I love Milla, despite her love for kitty porn. And Chelle likes to pick her nore, and excessive rhyming gives me a headache.
5 Lived Here and Were Home Now

Tuesday, July 29th, 03

Subject:There was something in the air that night
Time:12:00 am.
When I was a little girl, I was terrified of thunder storms. The flash of lightning, the sound of the thunder as it came closer. I would cry until my mother came to me and held me in her arms. She would convince me that it wasn't the end of the world, and that everything would be okay. Then we'd count the time between the lightning's flash and the sound of the thunder to see how far away the storm was. Soon it would be right there, right over our home and our heads. I would be frightened, but she never was, so I didn't cry and waited. The storm would move right past us, as quickly as it had come, and then it would be all over, and we would be safe once again. We survived every time, just like my mother said we would.

I heard thunder tonight and it brought me back to those days, when a storm was the greatest problem in my life. The distant rumble scared me at first, especially when it came closer, but I thought of what my mother would tell me. And I thought of how ridiculous it would seem if when I have a kid, I act like I'm afraid of a harmless storm. I moved out of my mother's house again last week, after spending some time with her there. She babied me, which was nice at first, but I have to get through things on my own. Like thunder storms. And watching medical shows about babies being born with complications and problems, and seeing their parents cry. And suddenly finding myself crying along with them..

I've been going to the doctors every few weeks because he was worried something might happen or.. go wrong, I guess, since I had been sick earlier in the pregnancy. He seems to think everything will go well from now on, so I don't have to keep going as often, which.. is a relief. It scared me to go every time before, especially since I had always gone alone. A few people had offered to go with me before, but it didn't feel right, so I just went solo. But James went with me this time..

The doctor asked if we wanted to know if it was a boy or a girl when he did the ultrasound thing. We said no, even though I'm getting more and more curious. Plus being asked by everyone and their mother if it's going to be a boy or a girl is getting a bit annoying. But still, it will be.. more special, I guess, if it's a surprise. Either way, we seem to have decided on a name..

Layla/Wheeler )


Things are changing again. I can feel it. The situation has already shifted significantly in the past week alone. I'm not sure what to make of it right now. But I'm not sad. I don't know what it is I feel now, but it isn't sadness.
11 Lived Here and Were Home Now

Monday, July 21st, 03

Subject:...
Time:10:38 pm.
Mood:aggravated.
"I can take a lot of crazy shit from a lot of crazy people." -- Val (Girl, Interrupted)

But you.. you're more than you can handle, and you should know that I'm no superhero. I can't magically save the day. Especially after the stunts you've pulled, after I tried to make peace with you. So I'm through.


FIN )

Enough of this.


Edit: I choo-choo-choose you. Like some crazy modern Bonnie and Clyde.
1 Lived Here and Were Home Now

Sunday, July 20th, 03

Subject:Maybe we faced the fire side by side
Time:1:40 am.
::taps her fingers on the computer desk:: I want to update. And I usually don't want to, so I'm going to take advantage of the moment. Carpe Diem.. or however the saying goes. I might cut it short though, since I'm so tired I could sleep for a week, after an impromptu "girls night out" with a few old friends. But anyway, here we go.

So. Friday. I went on a date. That's right, a date. I was horribly nervous before Matt got to my house, because it had been a long time since I last "dated," and.. well, men aren't exactly jumping at the chance to date a pregnant lady. We worked together on the film "Summer Catch" a couple of years ago, and if anyone has seen the movie.. well, they know that our characters were.. more than willing to be close? So it wasn't like he was a complete stranger, but still. I was a little anxious. As soon as he got to my house, it felt.. I don't know how to explain it. He was.. a soothing presence, as weird as I'm sure that sounds. His optimism never ceases to amaze me. We went to a restaurant with a funny name that I can't remember and we talked. We must have talked for hours, but it seemed like only a few minutes. I don't even remember if I actually ate my food while we were there (though I most likely did, because food just ain't safe around a woman that's five months pregnant). And the things we talk about.. we can go from serious to "king and queen of Antarctica," poptarts, and the Simpsons in two seconds flat. The best part was that we were practically finishing each other's sentences. We think alike. Which is.. actually kind of scary, but still cool. In short, it was a great evening. Finding the Clyde to my Bonnie.

On an entirely different note, but definitely worth mentioning.. I've decided to keep the baby, instead of giving it up for adoption. The people I did tell about the situation didn't know what to say. Most agreed that I should do whatever I thought was best. But I honestly didn't know what to do with myself. I was so confused with this whole baby thing, and.. other things, that I was too scared to make up my mind. But before long I got to thinking. All things must happen for a reason. And if I was meant to be a mother at this time in my life, then why should I even dare to question it? I guess I really do believe in fate.

Lastly, thank you to all the people I've been talking to at stupid hours of the night lately, especially Ali (my faithful wench) and Maggie (my Little Buddy) for making me laugh when I needed it most. Everyone needs a good friend to laugh with, even a pirate captain.. or.. the Antarctic Queen.

So much for a short entry. Oh well. And my "daughter" just called me Captain Manatee.. ::bursts into laughter:: The sad part is, I'm not insulted.

The change was sudden. I feel like my old self again. And it feels wonderful. Goodnight, Moon.




P.S. Pirates win. The end.
8 Lived Here and Were Home Now

Wednesday, July 16th, 03

Time:11:10 pm.
Mood:hopeful.

Thank You For the Music )
2 Lived Here and Were Home Now

Monday, July 14th, 03

Subject:Where is my happy ending?
Time:1:07 am.
Mood:exanimate.
..feh. I can't think of anything to update about that wouldn't sound completely depressing and pathetic. Today was awful. Talking about it won't help. No one can make it magically better. I don't expect anyone to say anything to make things easier. So I've decided it would just be smarter on my part to not say anything about the situation to anyone anymore. It obviously makes people uncomfortable. If I had a dime for every time someone has said "I don't know what to say" in the past week.. ::shakes her head:: I guess things are better left unsaid. If I can't help myself.. why expect anyone else to be able to do it?

My musing of the day has been.. why are all of my friends men?

Nothing ever stays...
1 Lived Here and Were Home Now

Saturday, July 12th, 03

Subject:...
Time:1:14 am.
Mood:numb.
http://www.calib.com/naic/pubs/f_pregna.cfm
6 Lived Here and Were Home Now

Friday, July 11th, 03

Subject:You and me against the world
Time:10:42 pm.
"I think that sometimes we love people so much, that we have to be numb to it.. because if we actually felt how much we really loved them, it would kill us."

Worth a thousand words )
2 Lived Here and Were Home Now

Thursday, July 3rd, 03

Subject:If there's anything I've learned all these years on my own..
Time:12:29 am.
I have a feeling this entry will be all over the place. But oh well.

The past few weeks have been extremely crazy. As easy as it would be to just blame it on hormones, of the fact that I'm stressed out, I'm not going to do that. But I feel like some.. whacked out, psychotic version of myself, like the Hulk, minus the extreme growth and colour change (and the oh-so fashionable purple pants). I've been so moody and touchy that I end up picking fights with people I care about, or lashing out at them and doing weird things that I regret two minutes later. So if anyone is actually reading this that has been the butt of my tempestuous rage, I'm sorry. Again.

I spent most of the day with my mother. Time with my mom has always been therapeutic for me. We went shopping, laughed too loudly at the smart-assed shirts at Hot Topic and got stared at by "punk" teenagers. And, of course, there was the customary awe over tiny pink and blue baby clothes in the children's clothes shop. As the day wore on, I started to get overly tired and hungry, and she kept mentioning things I didn't want to think about. And.. I snapped at my mother. My own mother. It was a very painfully surreal moment.. she got very quiet, and we drove home listening to Elvis, not saying a word to each other.

Despite this, I'm going to be staying with my mother for a while. Staying at my home alone all the time is really starting to effect me. I could use the time to cool down and.. reflect. With everything that has happened, I've lost sight of some of the things I value in life.. my independence, my strong will, even my sense of self. There's more to me than all of this. A line from the Lion King keeps replaying through my mind.. "Remember who you are." And with the baby due to make its appearance in four and a half months.. well. I need some time to make amends with myself and the people in my life.

Katharine Hepburn passed away. Hearing this broke my little thespian heart. She was one of my idols and role models, as an actress and as a woman. I've been buying all the newspapers with memorials to her. One of them talked solely about her love life. She thought marriage was ridiculous, and vowed after a divorce to never remarry. Instead, she had a 26 year love affair with Hollywood great Spencer Tracy. People say he was the love of her life.. and yet all those years, he refused to divorce his wife because he felt guilty. She was quoted later, saying of the affair that "not everyone is lucky enough to understand how delicious it is to suffer." I had to stop and think when I read that. What a woman.. how strong she was..

I want to be strong again. I just have to remember. And now that I have the overwhelming urge to watch the Lion King.. I will leave this entry with the habitual abstract song.

anticipate )
13 Lived Here and Were Home Now

Wednesday, July 2nd, 03

Subject:...
Time:8:46 pm.
Mood:annoyed.
Music:Snap crackle pop.
A note the the fucktards around my house setting off noisey fireworks and the like: It's not the God damned Fourth of July. Wait two days and I don't care if you blow your frigging hands off, but it's the Second of July. As far as I'm concerned, this day has no relevance to making things explode.

Yeah. No. Bad day, I guess.
2 Lived Here and Were Home Now

Monday, June 30th, 03

Subject:This melancholy that I carry makes me feel so grown up
Time:1:50 am.
Mood:somber.
Music:Ani Difranco.
I can't sleep at all anymore. The baby starts doing strange gymnastic moves at night, and it's impossible to sleep. I've been watching a lot of late night TV, eating too many midnight snacks, and spending too much time alone. I can't help but feel lonely at night. There must be something about the prospect of a cold, empty bed that gets me down. So I guess it's another late night with Comedy Central and some DVDs.

Justin came for a short visit last night, just as I was calling him. It was a little creepy, but it was good to see him. Our relationship has always been a little odd, considering he was the one Ashton went to after we broke up, but I've never felt any ill feelings towards him. So I was grateful that he showed up at my house, even if it was only for a little while. I haven't talked to him today, but something tells me there's something going on in his neck of the woods..

I'm growing closer to Mena. We worked together in a movie once upon a time, and she was an absolute joy to be around during filming. Needless to say, I'm happy as a clam to have her around again here. She's dating Ashton, I guess. And no, that doesn't bother me in the slightest. Ashton has always been a good friend, long before we ever dated. Mena and Ashton was in Argentina now, I guess. I called her while she was on the plane, but the conversation was short. She asked me something that's still a little sensitive to talk about. But what can you do? Life goes on.

And there's always Tobey. My dear, sweet Spidey. Sharon Booby will always love her Screech for going shopping with her and not laughing too loud at her when she gets out of control. And, of course, for going with me to erotic stores that only freak the both of us out. We're going to go trick-or-treating on Halloween. I still think he should be a Koala.. and James should be Captain Eo..

Lastly, Marshall has been like a rock for me lately. At times he's been brutally honest, but always supportive nonetheless. Our friendship is.. well, I can't explain it. After 8 Mile, we dated very briefly, but it ended quickly and on good terms. It's too bad most people don't know him well enough to see what he's really like. I have to admit, I wasn't too sure what to think when I first met him, but he's an amazing and talented guy. Even if he thinks I'm like an annoying little sister, and I get violent when he's mean. That's not what matters. Really.

Hrm.. I didn't expect this entry to be this long. Oh well.


Rock paper scissors )

..why do all these songs make me think of him?
Home Now

Sunday, June 29th, 03

Subject:You've been running and hiding much too long..
Time:2:33 am.
Mood:groggy.
Music:Eric Clapton.
Things don't need to be so complicated. He was right, and as much as I hate to admit it, I know it. I've known for some time now. I'm tired of this game being played out day by day, and the fighting and the.. indecisiveness. Something needs to happen. Something is going to give..


Layla )
1 Lived Here and Were Home Now

Friday, June 27th, 03

Subject:If you lived here, you'd be home now
Time:6:57 am.
Mood:drained.
I've never been so physically and emotionally drained in my life. We promised a while ago that we wouldn't fight anymore, but tonight.. the dialogue opened my eyes to something I knew deep down, but didn't want to think about. It's overwhelmingly painful. He knows how I feel. And I don't know what he's thinking anymore, or how he feels, after tonight. Maybe I really just expect too much. Maybe it would be easiest for everyone if I just gave up now. I worked so hard to be independent and strong, but in the past few weeks that has all come tumbling down, and I'm helpless to stop how I feel or the rush of emotions. I hate to admit that I need something like this, but for the two days I stayed away, the entire time.. thoughts of him consumed me. I worried and wondered, and wanted nothing more than to be with him again. My mind kept taking me back to the night at the park that, even with the psychotic killer ducks, had made me feel good for the first time in a long time. I remembered how it felt that night, and suddenly it seemed silly to be away at all.

And now.. I don't know what to do. I'm suddenly afraid that I'll lose him, even though it's beginning to look like I never had anything to begin with. Words are just words. And I don't know what to believe anymore. What more can I say or do without looking pathetic and clingy?

I'm not looking for pity. And I don't need anymore advice from anyone, though I do appreciate the concern. But this is something I'll do on my own. Any decision made will be my own. I've thought about this long enough, and I know I'll be thinking about it a lot more.

Despite the situation, all I know is that I'm willing to go through hell and back for the sake of this child. Everything has changed in my life, from the minute I discovered I was pregnant, to the instant I realized he was the father and not Ashton. My world has been turned upside down. And yet I already love this baby more than life itself. It seems so strange that suddenly, I'm living for someone else, and not just me. And I'm beginning to understand why mothers do the things they do for their children. It's like a kick in the butt to figure my life out. I don't want my baby to grow up feeling as if he or she isn't loved, or that he or she was just.. something that happened.. because it's so much more than that. It's something I can't explain, but it's all so clear in my own mind. It amazes me.

All this stress isn't good for the baby. I guess.. I should have just stayed gone. But I don't want to leave again.. I didn't want to leave him tonight, but how could I stay knowing what I knew?
1 Lived Here and Were Home Now

Thursday, June 19th, 03

Subject:One liner (and then some?)
Time:4:03 am.
...what a day..

Now to just make every aspect of the current situation work harmoniously, so no one is disappointed or scarred, particularly this soon-to-be-baby that brought everything to where it currently stands. How am I supposed to do that? I don't expect "perfect." I would be completely satisfied, at this point, with settled, or at least less chaotic. I have.. five months to sort out the confusion?

But for now, I sleep. Or at least, try to. I don't really sleep anymore. I think and worry and cry and laugh. But I've had several dreams about the baby. Is there some sort of rule that if you dream the baby is one gender more than one time, that's what it'll be? Mother's intuition tells me I'm having a-- well, I'm not going to say. We'll see if I'm right in November.
Home Now

Tuesday, June 17th, 03

Time:5:59 pm.
Last night was.. well, it was probably one of the most difficult days of my life. I was afraid Ashton would call, but he eventually did in the evening. There was a lot of quiet pauses, but.. he already knew. He kept asking who it was, if it wasn't him.. and then he hung up on me. I felt awful. Even with everything that happened between us, I felt so.. so bad. But I couldn't lie to him about it. It's not as if I did any of this on purpose...

Later, I spoke to James.. ::clears her throat a little:: That.. wow. I don't even know what to say about that. But I didn't cry. I almost did, several times, but I stopped myself. And I just.. said what I needed to, as much as I could. It was.. something. I don't even know. I kept getting that feeling inside me like my stomach was about to escape through my mouth. I could hardly look at him without wanting to faint right there. It was.. just.. strange. It was certainly not something I thought I'd have to live through, to say the least..

So.. I couldn't sleep at all last night. My emotions were too crazy. I tried to watch Moulin Rouge, but it made me cry, so I had to turn it off. Tried watching the Lion King, but that made me cry too. Tried listening to music, but (gasp) it made me cry. So I played Solitaire all night long.

As for today.. I went to my appointment at 3:00, once again by myself. The doctor did an ultrasound and said that.. the baby was the typical size of a 17 week old fetus. The new due date is calculated to be sometime around November 16, which is.. three weeks earlier than the original due date, I think..

Today's Sonogram )


So yeah.. that's.. it. I was amazed that it actually looked.. like a baby.. since last time it really didn't look much like anything. It just.. blew me away. And I cried. Again. I didn't cry for sadness this time, just in awe..

And now. I don't know. I don't know what to think of this situation, and I don't know what to do about it. But.. I'm not.. afraid. Slightly anxious, and unsure, but not afraid..
2 Lived Here and Were Home Now

Monday, June 16th, 03

Subject:Yesterday..
Time:1:54 am.
Father's Day. I never was a fan of the holiday. My father left my mother and I when I was a little girl, and was never really around like a father should be. I always resented Father's Day because I felt like I had been gipped out of ever having a "real father." And now... well, just look at me. No, it's not my kind of day at all. I have no reason to celebrate it.

I went to the doctors, though, on my own yesterday. I've been gaining.. a lot of weight in the past two weeks, which I thought was a bit abnormal.. ::sighs softly, resting a hand on her stomach instinctively:: The doctor suspects that I may be.. eh.. more pregnant than I thought. And.. that the date of conception I originally calculated might be a few weeks later than the actual one. Which... doesn't add up.. ::sits back in her chair, biting her bottom lip thoughtfully as she sighed:: I had assumed I got pregnant when I was on vacation with Ashton, but now... ::shakes her head:: We didn't have time to do an ultrasound during the visit, to see how big the baby is to make a more accurate guess on the actual date of conception. I made an appointment for Tuesday to go back and see, and find out if the due date has changed, among.. other things...

I don't know what to think right now. I'm a little freaked out, because.. well, this could change everything, in every way. I'm very unsettled right now, but I don't know what to say to anyone..

For now, I guess I'll just go to sleep, and tomorrow I'll go spend time with my mother. I can still trust her.. and I could use a little motherly wisdom and advice right about now.
5 Lived Here and Were Home Now

Missed some entries? Then simply jump back 20 entries.

Alright... Asshole

__Writings;;;;
__Associates;;;;
__Schedule;;;;
__User Info;;;;
__User Pics;;;;
__Stellar;;;;
__The Posse;;;;
;;;;Facts;;;;
full name: Brittany Murphy
D.O.B.: 11/10/1977
height: 5'2"
hair color: Originally Brown
eye color: Hazel
residence: Los Angeles, CA
birthplace: Atlanta, GA
nationality: American
occupation: Actress
filmography: Family Prayers, Clueless, Freeway, Double Jeopardy, Drive, The Prophecy II, Bongwater, Phoenix, Zack and Reba, David and Lisa, Falling Sky, The Devil's Arithmatic, Drop Dead Gorgeous, Girl Interrupted, Common Ground, Trixie, Angels!, Cherry Falls, The Audition, Sidewalks of New York, Summer Catch, Don't Say a Word, Riding in Cars with Boys, Spun, 8 Mile, Just Married, Uptown Girls
likes: Jazz. Acting. Singing. Kisses. Shopping. Broadway.
dislikes: Cheating. Dishonesty.
description: Horny. Loud. Outspoken. Smart. Funny. Hot.
status: Taken
im me: click here
;;;;Personal Quotes;;;;
"Well, I lost my virginity in a car. But it wasn't a very nice one."
"I dont read the script a zillion times, I dont like to analyze things and my mind can go there very easily"
"This film is just a kind of lovely film to be part of. It had all of the ingrediants that one could possibly need and want and more. It was kind of just a perfect movie making experience."
"So these are some of the tribulations and trials I have to go through at work, but they pay me a lot of money, so I deal with it."
"Murphy? She's such a little twit. ... People tell me that I look like her sometimes, though."
"I always envisioned her looking like a spindly blonde, but she looked like me."
;;;;Close Friends;;;;
Matt: Antarctic king. The Clyde to my Bonnie.
Tobey: I miss you.
Ashton: I don't know what to say..
Maggie: My beloved pseudo-daughter. Hi there, Little Buddy.
Milla: Hakuna Matata. Just don't hog the kitty lube <3
Ali: ARRRR wench.
Sarah: Our babies will be lovers.
Freddie: Orange thong?
Chelle: ::picks her nore::
Drew: Love you, babe. You made E.T. unscary.
Angie: No more chicken jokes.
Jess: I'm there, if you ever need me..



;;;;Feel Me;;;;
In February 2000, she appeared [with "Girl, Interrupted" costar Winona Ryder] in "The Vagina Monologues", reading a chilling story of a Bosnian woman's rape camp experiences.
During the filming of "Girl, Interrupted", the filmakers had to reshoot the scene in which Winona Ryder finds her after she commits suicide, because Winona was too good and Brittany couldn't help crying.
Was set to star in a biopic of Janis Joplin, but the film was grounded over battles for the rights to Joplin's songs. She had won the role over Courtney Love and Emily Watson.
Sings before shooting scenes
Her favorite music is Jazz, especially Cole Porter. She also likes Björk, Beck and The Rolling Stones.
;;;;Extra 'FO;;;;
Perhaps it was being born in Atlanta, Georgia and raised in Edison, New Jersey that bestowed Brittany Murphy with the adaptability that has allowed her to conquer a fairly prodigious amount of projects for her 25 years. Brittany first honed her acting skills in regional theater at the age of 9. By age 13 she had signed on with a manager and began appearing in television commercials. In 1991, at the age of 13, Brittany and her mother moved to Burbank, California where she landed her first television role on the show "Blossom" (1991). This lead to a starring role on "Drexell's Class" (1991), a series that proved to be short lived. Brittany's major breakthrough film appearance was in Clueless (1995), the Emma meets "Beverly Hills, 90210" (1990) comedy, in which she starred opposite of Alicia Silverstone. She has gone on to demonstrate her versatility and talent for not only comedy but drama; Brittany was nominated for best leading female performance in the Young Artist Awards for her role in the television film David and Lisa (1998) (TV). Aside from the 25 screen appearances since her Clueless (1995) breakthrough, Brittany has leant her vocal talents, established in the early 1990s as a lead singer of her band Blessed Soul, to the cartoon "King of the Hill" (1997) as the voice of Luanne. She now resides in Los Angeles.
Layout by: Angelina

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