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Paris-New York

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Boring Saturday afternoon [22 Nov 2003|03:18pm]
[ mood | bored ]

Todays a boring day nothing to do and the sight of my mom at times drives me crazy. I think chrissy thinks im annoying at times although she says im not and she really likes talking to me i think shes a bold face lair and i can red right through her. I'm not going to email her ne more unless she emails me first b/c i dont want to be annoying so yeah. I need friends to hang out with instead of just social lights i have a lot of those but i never hang out with them just socialize at school and thats it. I need to think of colleges i want to attend and stuff like that the years are going by fast and it's crazy. I'm almost 16 and im getting so fucking old it's scary at times my parents want to give me a credit card of my own with my name on it how awesome is that im very responsible so i know how to manage my money well. I have the worst head ach right now and i'm bored at that i dont know what im going to wear monday even though its satureaday right now im a fashion freak and luv to have all my clothes set out for the whole week. I hate my school i mean its a really good skool but it gets boring after a while b/c u know everything around there. I have to buy a year book soon so when i move they can mail it to me at my new residence but im really bored so i'm going to go relax in the subba or something or wash some clothes so ill talk to u 2morrow or possable later on bye journal.

[21 Nov 2003|10:54pm]
[ mood | scared ]

\

BLAH [21 Nov 2003|04:11pm]
[ mood | blah ]

hey journal i have nothing really to say or tell u ne thing new i like this boy in my spanish class named kris he is so cute but yeah ne who other than that alyse is a stupid fucking bitch snd i dislike her a lot even though her pictures are still in my binder and jessica i cant stand and yeah lifes alright i guess and im going to let u go now later journal

Tired [18 Nov 2003|10:02pm]
[ mood | tired ]

Hey journal its really late am im kinda tired so im going to make this a short one today was a good day nothing to exciting but i liked it overall i found out Jenna Jameson lives in the valley how awesome is that. I talked to my baby today and of course i said sorry first ha. Where cool now like always and lifes alright i get braces thursay and im getting clear bands b/c i want them to match with everything i wear cant have fashion fo paw but yeah i got in a fight with henry well he started it and he gets on my nerves always wanting to hook up and stuff I HATE GUYS y dont they all just go away i mean all the hott guys are taken by other guys b/c 90% of gay guys are hella fine but yeah thats enough chit chat for one night talk to you soon blurty later (Write a Wonder).

I LOVE BRITNEY SPEARS [17 Nov 2003|04:02pm]
[ mood | excited ]

Today was a good day, i'm not going to go into details but it was kool. I'm so excited "In The Zone" is coming out 2morrow YES. Well i really dont have much to say so i'm going to get going bye journal (Write a Wonder).

I ABSOLUTELY LOVE BRITNEY SPEARS I WANT TO GET IN THE ZONE

I ABSOLUTELY LOVE BRITNEY SPEARS I WANT TO GET IN THE ZONE

I ABSOLUTELY LOVE BRITNEY SPEARS I WANT TO GET IN THE ZONE

I ABSOLUTELY LOVE BRITNEY SPEARS I WANT TO GET IN THE ZONE

I ABSOLUTELY LOVE BRITNEY SPEARS I WANT TO GET IN THE ZONE

I ABSOLUTELY LOVE BRITNEY SPEARS I WANT TO GET IN THE ZONE

*I LOVE BBBBRRRRIIIITTTTNNNNEEEEYYYY*

The Thought of a Collapsed Mind [16 Nov 2003|12:01pm]
[ mood | distressed ]

My mind is now clear from frustration, taking the time to think about all
the things around me and the anger built up inside me are now gone. The
challenge's of my every day life is expiring and full filling new options for me
to take. My out look on my future and an adult. I think will i even get the chance
to graduate with my class of 2006? The chance to see the world and what it holds
for me? The chance to be successful at what ever i do?

I can't stop thinking about . . . LIFE. I'm scared to be alone, to leave home,
scared that i'll never find my true love and if i do will they feel the same way i do?
Scared to take the world by storm, worried about my first car paymeant and i don't
even know how to drive yet. I'm fifteen trapped in the mind of a 30 year old body.
Scared to work behind a register because i'm affraid i might give the wrong change.
Affraid that my dream of being a famous actress may never come true.

I hate myself right now, hate the way i look, hate the way i think about about myself,
hate the word FATHER because mr not having one for about five year's and suddenly
reentering my life as a teenager has made my life a living hell. He doesn't even
i hate him so much (LOL). He doesn't underatand that not calling or having NE
contact with him for five year's isn't a good enough excuse for hating him. I HATE HIM.

It makes me sick to see little girls calling for there daddy, makes me sick to see
girls on TV saying my daddy bought me this. I can't say that but what i can
say is MY MOM bought me this. With our my mom i don't know what i would do.
I'll tell you one thing though if i where to die today , i would die knowing that all
the dreams i dreamt, and all the goals i had set for myself where probably never
meant for me to accomplish until the after life. Now i don't care because my head is
clear from frustration.

Revolutionary Dreams [16 Nov 2003|11:11am]
[ mood | peaceful ]

I used to dream
militant dreams
of taking over
america to show
these white
folks how it
should be done. i
used to dream
radical dreams of
blowing everyone
away with my
perceptive
powers of correct
analysis. i even
used to think
i'd be the one to
stop the riot
and negotiate the
peace. then i
awoke and
dug that if i
dreamed natural
dreams of being a
natural woman
doing what a
woman does when
she's natural i
would have a
revolution.
By. Nikki Giovanni 1975

OMG . . What Was I Thinking? [15 Nov 2003|05:09pm]
[ mood | sad ]

I just did the dumbest thing ever i yelled at chrissy for no reason what so ever. I told her to basically never talk to me again. It's really funny fighting with her though but i was wrong for doing it because when i do i always make her feel bad. I don't want to be the one to say SORRY first b/c i dont want to be the punk besides she always says sorry first but i think I'll give it a few days and if nothing happens I'll say sorry like always b/c i always start them so yeah. I have to take responsability for my actions and sorry i cant spell but thats alright but i'm going to get going i feel really bad right now later journal (write a Wonder).

Sharing my Thoughts [15 Nov 2003|11:02am]
[ mood | mellow ]

Hey journal what's up? Nuttin much here. I'm just sitting here debating wheither i should finish my essay or not. I hate my boring life in AZ. this place sucks ass and i can't wait to move back home. I know i'm only fifteen but i'm debating on what college to go to. Life's short so you have to make serious choices. I hate when people ask me why i dont have a boyfriend and assume im gay. I dont even look like a dyke but w/e that's life 4 yeah. I can't stop thinking about this design for the inside of this home, i had seen inside this magazine i read it was outstanding. It was the coolest thing ever the magazine is just a book about teaching you the basics of planning great color schemes and arm you with the confidence to mix and match colors in every room of your home. This magazine is really cool its called COLOR for your HOME and it's really good you should pick one up sometimes. BUt yeah NE ways i . . . . . . . . . . don't know what to do i'm really bored and lonely i guess. I'm going to go relax and finish my got damn essay and i'll talk to u 2morrow bye journal (Write a Wonder).

Firday . . . . . . . Alright [14 Nov 2003|06:15pm]
[ mood | okay ]

Today's FRIDAY, and it was a pretty good day. I had a lot of fun in Spanish because West, Emma, and Kris always keep me laughing. Aylse and I still aren't talking, go figure Kris told me today he confronted her and he told her about what I felt and today in math she looked at me like she wanted to say something but I just ignored her completely. O yeah my last class of the day is english and my heart was pounding because I told my teacher my brother helped me with my essay paper but really i did it. You are probably thinking whats wrong with me not telling her I did it alone. well I never do them correct I always get bad grades on them but this time I got a Good-Job Shanice on it and yeah I pulled some strings for that but no one needs to know NE thing. Life is going alright and friends really aren't a factor for me right now. But Ne who i'm really excited because next Thursday November 20, 2003 i get my braces on. I know you are thinking she's crazy but I've wanted this for the longest time and i only have to wear them for a year and a half because they say I have really teeth and they really aren't that bad. But I'm really bored right now so i'm going to work on my Science papers and I'll talk to you 2morrow journal later. (Write a Wonder).

BoYs, bOyS, BoYs GOD I hate THEM . . . . . [13 Nov 2003|04:51pm]
[ mood | annoyed ]

Don't get me wrong Boy's are kool and all and yes I like boys, but they make me so fucking sick one minute their nice the next their fucking ass holes. NE ways kris is bugging the shit out of me in Spanish talking about that so called friend of mine Alyse that BITCh NE ways he ask's me a question all the fucking time about her and I'll anwser it and he'll call me a Madia-Motchos` that means LESBIAN in spanish and I'll tell you one thing I aint no god-damn LEZ thats for sure. I can't stand guys they make me SoOoOoOooooo sick you get my point but yeah ne ways other than that today was fair i guess well ttyl journal (Write a Wonder).

Life, Feelings, and Hope [12 Nov 2003|05:51pm]
[ mood | stressed ]

Life, what does it mean? I feel like giving up everything because I feel like I have no purpose in living. People are just so rude and hateful and disgusting. I feel like giving up on everything school, my future love and all hope. I think to my self if u say you really love someone as much as you say you do and they live far far away go and get them and if you can't do that at least remember their BIRTHDAY. I bet your thinking this girls a fucking weirdo but your wrong I'm just so frustrated with everything and everyone around me, it's like no one ever cares about me no one feels my pain, no one bother's to know i'm their and if they do they leave me out. What to do? Read a book, laugh, write a story and if I do would NE one want to read it? GOD i'm so depressed life's a bitch and then you die i guess. I'm only fifteen and talking like I actually have NE real problems. I know i'm only fifteen but I have never liked someone so much in my life and I would do NE thing to be with this person. I talk to this person everyday and sad to say my pass word is that name and no not ne of these names listed ne where on here haha. I guess life goes on and if it doesn't all work out like you planned you gota keep moving on right? Correct. I just want to cry so bad right now, I can't believe (C.A.B) forgot my bithday I mean my birthday isn't for a few months but (C.A.B) didn't even know it was coming on I mean (C.A.B) just forgot. I told (C.A.B) I wasn't mad or NE thing and (C.A.B) felt really bad but all in all I was a little hurt. But it's okay I love (C.A.B) NE ways always and 4 ever, but I really have to get going hwrk and fashion is left to do so I'll talk to you 2morrow bye (Write a Wonder).

A Curious DrEaM [11 Nov 2003|10:21am]
[ mood | curious ]

I had the weirdest dream. I dreamt of RaInBoWs . . . RaInBoWs a lot of them I mean not just once but a lot of times. That's just weird to me I know I'm not GaY that's for sure, but . . . . I guess I just had "A Curious DrEaM".

COMUNNICATION [11 Nov 2003|10:17am]
[ mood | determined ]

Communication, what does it really mean?

A process by which information is exchanged between individuals through a common system of symbols, signs, or behavior? I really don't know. I've noticed I'm happier when I talk to you. In my mind your're a clock and I'm the second hand sweeping around you sixity times an hour twenty-four hours a day three hundred sixity-five days a year and an extra day in a leap year, cause that's the way, that's the way I feel about you! I can't explain it, it's like the most universal language is music and I want you to think of me as a note. Since mathamatics can speak to the infinite imagine me as 1 to the first power, and Science has the most perfect language picture me as MC*2. What I mean is one day I'm gonna grab your love and you'll be satisfied.

Depression Under Construction [10 Nov 2003|03:43pm]
[ mood | pissed off ]

Hello journal, it's me again. I don't think I had an exciting day today, my so called friend Alyse is like so rude now. I mean I use to always hang out with her at lunch and stuff all the time until she started to hang out with Jessica and now they leave me out. Rude huh. So instead of being pushed away I decided not to talk to Alyse NE more, I herd her calling my name in Math today but I pretended like I didn't even hear her. I always ask myself what does Jessica have that I don't. Why does aylse like her better. I mean hello jessica is so fucking stupid I mean I seriously can't stand her she think's she's the shit but sometimes she can be alright. I know I sound a lil jelous and stuff but I'm really not I mean she is like so rude all the time now like shes been mean to kris and he really likes her I know she likes him to but keeping her thoughts on the down low because Jessica might have something to say. I don't get how people can be like your best friend one minute and your worst enemy the next. I guess what go's around comes around and Aylse will get it I gaurantee that shit. But NE ways other than that school was mormal and life still sucks Christmas is just around the corner and I feel like crying because I dread the day it comes. I HATE CHRISTMAS. It's not about the gifts because I always get a shit load but I don't . . . . want it to ever come I wish I could go to another world and then come back when it was all over and done with. I bet your thinking i hate a lot of things and guess what your right. People think my life is fantastic all the time and I get everything I want but they don't realize that I'm not what they really think I am. They act like I don't have feelings and stuff but I'm just human as they are. A lot of times I feel like crying because I miss my BEST FRIEND kris so much and I wont get to see him until January when I move back to Colorado Springs. It's been about I'm guessing 8 months now, I talk to every once in a while which is good but yeah. I'm going to wrap this up and save some of my sorrow until tomarrow. See YA (Write a Wonder).

Luxury [09 Nov 2003|07:33pm]
[ mood | relaxed ]

I suppose living in a materialistic society luxury to some would be having more than what you need living in an electronic age seeing the whole world by pushing a button. The nth degree might perhaphs be adequately represented by having someone there to push the button for you. I have thought if only I could become rich and famous people would live luxuriously in new york knowing famous people eating in expensive restaurants calling long distance anytime I want but you held me one evening and now I know the ultimate luxury of your love. written by Nikki Giovanni 1975.

I'm not suppose to love you [09 Nov 2003|03:15pm]
[ mood | frustrated ]

I'm not suppose to love you. I'm not suppose to care. I'm not suppose to live my life wishing you where there. I'm not suppose to wonder where you are or what you do. I'm sorry I can't help myself, I fell in love with you. All though we fight and yell and say how much we hate each other I think all in the end we realize how much we trulty love one another and know matter what happens, I'm in love with you. 10/29/03

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