man im confused...just utterly confused. like i do love matt. but then i think about what laura said. and if he has realli changed or not. and i mean, he says he has grown from laura dumping him. but i have no proof of that.
and then someone..who shall remain nameless is trying to warn me about matt...like his past, and how this person had the same conversation with laura...and this person was telling me how matt is a serial rapist..like wtf. i do not beleive hes in it for the sex. AT ALL! but then again. we have been dating for 3 weeks and hes sure ready for that between us. when i am clearly not. i just dont know how to explain what im feeling right now. i guess im just confused. like ussual. and as my day was already bad..this is just making it worse.
like...i will love matt...until he lets me down. and by this i mean. cheats on me in any way! he has one chance, and one chance only. to prove he has changed to me. if he cant do that. then it will be over faster than it begun. and cheating to me is the following
1. serious hittin on ppl through msn in person or over the phone(or in rare cases in letters :s)..such as "i wish u were in bed instead of me alone"...or "i bet ur pussy tastes great" ahem
2. a kiss, on the lips, longer then 30 seconds. is a definate passionate kiss...and therefor is regarded as cheating
3. grabbing the ass, boobs or pussy of ANY girl is cheating...unless im there and i know its just a joke.
4. doing anythign sexual, saying anything sexual (unles i know its a joke) with/to another girl.
5. lieing....yes i know its not ACTUALLY cheating, but i consider it cheating like...u cheat in a board game. its a faster path to gettin what u want. and i consider that cheating.
now...im not a demanding girl. like ever. but i do wanna be respected in a relationship. one slip up..from any of those catagorioes and its over. and i feel so. bossy. and controlling. and i dont want to. i just dont wanna be hurt again, u know? and i definatly dont wanna be just another laura. but i think what i mentioned, anyone would consider cheating.
neways, bye for now i guess
Current Mood: confused
Current Music: marilyn manson