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Wednesday, April 30th, 2003
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4:52 am
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Wha? Time to get up? When is it? WHAT? I've lost HOW MANY DAYS?!
Jeez, and you expect your alarm or the Dibdabs to wake you up. Well, I do sleep like the dead, and I needto be poked and prodded and made to shift my arse out of my lovely snuggly bed.
Shrist, I'm gagging for it. A week has gone past without me giving it to anything, and this is not good. I must search out either  lady_lutetium or agent_lee or anyone else who wanders past. adrian_elsbeth possibly, but then I might be sent to hell...oh, who cares. I need sex. I need lots of hot and horny sex.
Someone shag me, otherwise there might be a bit of a problem and I'll drink the Malfoy's blood again. Apparently, I could infect other people with it....it's a thought, isn't it?
Oh, and I got a letter from the Poof today. He's run out of...oh, just read the feckin' thing
( Read more... )
He's such a poncing wanker. The nanciest vampire ever to have brooded up the nancing stake
YOU GET THAT DADDY? You flaming great HOMOSEXUAL!
current mood:  horny
current music: Vivaldi
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| Wednesday, April 23rd, 2003
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8:54 pm
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*blinks blurrily*
What happened? Why am I wearing these clothes? Where did that traffic cone and the policeman's helmet come from? Why do I have the munchies and the craving for a nice cup of tea with milk and three sugars? Can some one fill me in on exactly what happened last night? Was I drinking something I shouldn't have?
Why is this entire entry in questions? Where are the aspirin? Can vampires dehydrate? How many days have I lost?
Ugh...back to bed and if you come here, don't knock too loudly as I have a flannel over my face and am liable to bite savagely every time someone makes my head buzz...
current mood:  sick
current music: Sweet and blessed silence
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| Tuesday, April 22nd, 2003
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1:58 am - Squeeeee!
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I feel weird. I must go and put on bright clothes cos theze R just TOO blcak! OMG!!!!1!!! HoW cud i liek waRe teze clOthz? Tey R JusT EWWWWWWWW¬!!!!!!!11111!!!!!!!!
Must...fight...the...blood...nO!!!!!! BluD is KEWLZ 2!¬!!!!!111!!!!
Help me...
*everything goes all pink and glittery*
current mood:  happy
current music: Avril Lavine SEh is soW PUNK!!!!!1!!!
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| Monday, April 21st, 2003
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2:25 am
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Lord. The earth moved...well, the Closet moved, thanks to lady_lutetium. Thankfully, I managed to time our orgasm to that our sexual power didn't make the world end, but any quakes of the building we caused by us at it madly earlier.
I do not apologise.
I feel all good. I feel all sated and full up, like a cat who's just eaten a barrel-full of sparrows.
I feel horny. Ye gods, why do I always have to work myself over after sex? Ah, of course. It's the sexual wiles and incredible stamina of a vampire, that's what it is. I must say that I am damned good. Probably the best bloke in the school at shagging.
But who is the best girl? See, Lutetium...woah. You just have to look at The Huge Great Big Giant Book of Elf Sex (all volumes) to see her prodigious talent. But agent_lee - she's software. She downloads things at the drop of a hat, is tireless, is very bendy...
I propose a threesome to see who is Queen of Shagging here in Suewarts. I, will of course, judge. However, tickets are on sale in my Closet for anyone who wishes to spectate, and the extended DVD version will be out in the summer.
current mood: horny
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| Sunday, April 20th, 2003
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3:56 am - *stretches happily*
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Mmmmm...must try and strike up deals with more people about getting their hands on the Twin's blood. If that sexy agent_lee is anything to go by, I'll be rewarded extremely well.
I like those created by The Mainframe and are actually software. Extremely...able, you might say. Bit like that Data in Star Trek - The Next Generation. Programmed with so many different ways of bringing about pleasure.
Not that I watch Star Trek, obviously. Although there is something desperately sexy about that android that I just can't put my finger on.
Now I'm in the mood for a post-shag shag. Ah well, that Hand I stole from Borgin and Burkes when I was in Knockturn Alley will do the trick. Far prefer having another hand on Little Alexander rather than my own, even if it is disembodied and partially mummified.
current mood: horny
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| Saturday, April 19th, 2003
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7:08 pm
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[Letter to Severus]
Bill for the reclaiming of my Closet due to an...accident...that occured involving your nephew.
1 set kingsize silk sheets, crimson/black
1 kingsize four poster bed dating from 15th century
1 minifridge
1 Cocktail maker
2 Chanel nail varnishes in Chanel Rouge and Licorice
1 Vivienne Westwood rubberised tee-shirt dating from c.1977
1 pair New Rock black/silver knee boots
6 units of my special blood (you know what I mean, Severus)
Please send cash a.s.a.p. Spike sends his love and says he'd like to meet you again very soon. Oh, and I accept any major credit cards
Alexander, Lord Brecon
My closet is trashed due to those little bitch twins from Hell. adrian_elsbeth apologised, which makes most things better.
However, I am rather worried about what those twins really are. I managed to catch one of them in the back with a well-flung meat cleaver, and she bled, but as I watched she healed up like some sort of invincible and obscene cockroach. Someone with big feet (shinyshinyooh perhaps) stand on them please?
The upside is that I have enough of their suspiciously greenish blood to perform Dark Magicks. Anyone want in on that?
Later, I shall perform more cleansing spells on my Closet. But now? now I just...relax
current mood:  annoyed
current music: Wagner - Ride of the Valkeries
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5:02 am
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Holy FUCK! The twins! Ugh. In here. Im MY CLOSET! Broke in and make everything pink and shiny and all...I feel sick. I need the lavatory. I must vomit copious amounts.
Gah! Gah gah gah! Icky
I've fumigated the place after chasing them away with a meat cleaver. They...hugged...me...and...oneofthemkissedmeandnowIthinkIhavetostakemyself. I feel so filthy and used and disgusting.
And...adrian_elsbeth...it is all YOUR FAULT! You snarky little bugger! How could you DO that, you bastard Childe of Hell and Hades. May shiny fairies make your clothes have sequins and your hair tumble down your back in rippes of perfect gold. May you be cursed with Happy People. May you turn out to be a Flammasari. May your cuteness be used in a story so saccharine sweet that your fangs rot, so cutesy that you marry some stupid giggly bint with no more brains in her head than a turnip. May you...you...you little BASTARD!
current mood: infuriated
current music: Beethoven's Eroica Symphony
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| Thursday, April 17th, 2003
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7:17 pm
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Lovely day outside today, very sunny, very warm, and utterly beautiful. Suewarts was looking rather fantastic, so I decided to outside and sketch madly. However, forgot the Ring again and managed to slightly be toasted before I gave the most terribly girly scream and sprint back into my Closet. Now I have NO IDEA who thought it would be amusing to give me a Closet to myself (good) but thought that it would be amusing to have it facing the morning sun (bad). I am not a morning person. I hate mornings. I get up and find some clothes and go out while still being mostly asleep. I don't think and therefore EVERY FRICKING MORNING I get slightly crispified. It's not good.
I have therefore welded the Ring to my finger with a small flamethrower and a lot of silver wire. It looks rather vampishly sexy, really. It's also charmed that means that if anyone tries to steal it, the snake will bite them. How...Slytherin of me really. Severus will be terribly proud.
Today, I thought I would appease my fangirls and decided that my black demin tight shorts were in order. They are...just...frayed enough and cling to every bit of me in such a delightful manner, especially my lovely choir-boy like arse. Of couse, these were not all I wore. Foolish readers! Wore my lovely metalled knee boots with the platforms (which made me almost 5' 10"!), my spikey collar and cuffs, and my nipple rings. Spike got a little carried away when we were in the 70's, and put safety pins through them for fun. But they do look so pretty and shiny.
Must stay away from that drag queen or he'll be leering over the shininess.
Anyway, I am currently outside in the sun, laying on the grass, drawing madly and artistically smeared in charcoal. It's very very nice to feel the sun on my skin and the grass tickling my thighs. In a moment I shall lay down and have a little nap. At least I found my sunglasses. They make me feel like Lolita though, for no man should really look this good in dusky pink Jackie-O's with pink lenses. Plus, I found cola-flavoured lollipops, so am practicing my sucking technique (though it is already perfect).
Dammit, I'm sexy. All I really need is to have sex with something and then my day will be complete. Also, note to self. No need to bother with Narcissism classes - I can't get any more egotistical or other people will be affected by the pull of me and may die in worship.
current mood: amused
current music: Ear-splittingly loud Bowie on the radio
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| Wednesday, April 16th, 2003
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4:03 pm
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I have the strangest feeling that adrian_elsbeth wants to make trouble for me because I'm a) looking out for him and b) shagging his uncle into the next dimension. Therefore, I am going to Apparate up to Hogwarts and have a little chat with Seveus myself. I will be back in a few hours
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[Few Hours Pass]
...
Christ, I feel good. My Severus...saw...everything from my point of view. Those little bruises on his throat means that he'll be wearing high collars for the next week.
I'm so good at persuading my lovers.
Take that, Adrian. I am currently poking my tongue out at you, Childe. Uncle Snape is on MY side so ner ner ner ner ner!
current mood: horny
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2:54 am
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Ugh, I feel truly awful. Anybody out there willing to give this vampire some cuddles and love and put me to bed would be most welcome. I'm a flaming VAMP! I'm not supposed to come down with Sorting Sickness, which is very much like Muggly flu but more infectious. It's everyone bringing their nasty foreign germs from all over the place, though I am rather glad that it isn't SARs.
Anyway, Better write my letter to Severus about that Brat adrian_elbeth nephew of his. Why had I been lumped with making sure the Childe doesn't get himself staked? Surely he's old enough and ugly enough to look after himself. It's not like I'm responsible for it - all I did was have a raging passionate affair with his uncle. The other gaggle of Snapes don't concern me, but apparently this one has to
[Letter to Severus]
( Read more... )
I think I will go and talk to lady_lutetium about her demureness. I think I should take note of this, for it would be helpful in my Evil and Nefarious Plans. Wonder if she'd like to come to my closet and share an AB Bloody Mary and a few nibbles. I've always got things around for young ladies to suck, and that sort of thing
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| Monday, April 14th, 2003
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11:11 pm
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I am terribly hungry, so time for a rhesus+ Bloody Mary. Oh the irony of that phrase with all those edible Mary Sues running about. One day, when my Evil and nefarious plans are complete, I shall demand a bloodbath. My plan of action is as follows.
1) De-soul my Sire. He's very angsty and broody, and he has poofy hair. Angel used to be far more fun before he went all secret agent man on us and buggered off to LA. Have to say that the office block is a bonus, but there we are. He needs to be de-souled in some way so we can go back to Scourge of Europing around and eating people.
2) De-chip Spike. Then I shall be able to have that sexy body doing all that even sexier killing and then shagging me. Okay, he shags me, but it's not as exciting as when he's properly evil.
3) Sort out my little problem, the problem that has led me here. The problem that no-one knows about and the reason I live in my compact, bijou but utterly stylish cupboard.
Darla and Dru can go hang for all I care. I'm in a road trip with two gorgeous vampires mode.
Other items to be discussed
1) Severus. Will he make up his mind if he wants me or Remus sodding Lupin. Though my experience with werewolves is very good, I hate sharing. I'm beautiful and delicious and he must choose.
2) Evil part: introduce Lupin to Daniel Osbourne. Watch the werewolf slash fly, and then sneak off with Severus and shag him in the back of the De Soto.
Mmmm. All this plotting has made me terribly horny. Time to take matters into my own hands and delight my legions of fangirls by being naked, on black and crimson satin sheets, and touching myself all over. That is naked apart from the collar, obviously. Just in case someone comes along and feels like dominating me.
[Letter from Spike]
( Read more... )
current mood: amused
current music: The Pirates of Penzance by G&S
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| Sunday, April 13th, 2003
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1:42 pm
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Lord, have you any idea how difficult it is trying to find a little picture of me? I have been drawn in pastels and oils, in watercolour and pencil, by Aubrey Beardsley and Augustus John. I've had passes made at me by David Hockney. I've shagged Francis Bacon. I've even ventured into the streets of Covent Garden and had a caricature done.
Nothing.
Stupid imbecilic fools. I am desperately tempted to go all Scourge of Europe on them and wish they had never been born, but I just can't be bothered.
Lord. Over to more important matters. Sex. Oh, don't look at me like that. Look who my Sire was. Angelus shagged anything, Darla almost died because she caught VD or something, and Dru. Dru ran off with a bloody horned demon. Broke Spike's heart that did. Bitch. Just because he preferred me because I screw like a mink doesn't mean he didn't love her.
I could stake her for that.
Anyway, sex. List of people who I'd willingly do.
* Prof. Palazzo. He may be competition, but the little frisson that is going on there is rather divine
* Lady Lutetium. Female. Bad point. Earthshattering sex (literally) Good Point. Likes leather. Even better
* Thor. Bit young, bit naive. Just how I like them.
This list will be expanded. By a lot. I promise. God, you know my libedo has no bounds.
Must write a letter to Severus - he's wondering how that brat nephew of his is getting along. God knows why I have to tell him. I hate children unless I can drain their blood and follow that up with a glass of chilled Zinfandel. Californian variety, of course
current mood: amused
current music: The Clash. London Calling
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1:19 pm
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Alexander stretched his long legs out in front of him, and grinned in his Evil and Nefarious manner. Today. What would he do today? Flirting incessantly with whoever seemed to be around seemed an excellent plan of action. Even though this lot were Sues they could do with a bit of Alexander lovin' in their strangely dull lives.
He was also pleased to see that his ego was working fabulously well.
Getting up, totally naked so that any fangirls in the vicinity could drool, he pulled on his clinging leather trousers and his customary silk shirt. He couldn't be bothered with his boots today, so bare foot he padded out into the sunlight.
All that could be heard was a long sqcream of 'fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck!'
Smoking gently, slightly on the extra crispy side, the Lord pelted back into his closet. He always did that. Every morning, without fail.
Alexander decided that he really should just wear that blasted Ring all the time and have done with it. Sulking, he pulled a phial of red liquid from a rack, tipped a minature bottle of vodka into it, and drank it down. Bye bye pain! Hello delightfully buzzy sensation.
With that, looking a hell of a lot less burned than he did a few minutes ago, Alexander stalked out into the corridors of Suewarts, sexual magentism cranked all the way up to full and gagging for it
current mood: amused
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| Friday, April 11th, 2003
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2:16 pm
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*wibbles wibbles the scene goes all wibbly and you end up in a burgandy and ancient oak cupboard thing*
You are in the small and elegantly physics defying secret closet of Alexander, Lord of Brecon. Do not be alarmed. I repeat, do not be alarmed.
If you find yourself here, you are quite possibly in the wrong place unless I sent for you to be my lunch. If you are of the latter, please remove any clothing that you may be wearing, lay down on the chaise longue, and someone will be along presently to drink your blood and possibly ravish you. If you are lucky, both will happen at the same time.
If you are the former, please remove any clothing that you may be wearing, lay down on the chaise longue, and someone will be along presently to drink your blood and possibly ravish you. If you are lucky, both will happen at the same time. This is because the only way I like to let people out of here is with a lower haemoglobin count, unless I happen to like you. Then I may treat you to cigarettes and alcohol and some rather excellent 70's British punk. And then drink your blood, but only enough to make you feel randy. Then we will have sex.
If I am not here: Write your messages on the parchment that is provided in the slot to the left of the sacrificial altar. Please use a magnet to place on the fridge that is keeping my emergency blood cold. Don't magentise things to the microwave because it tends to explode if you do. No snarky notes about my decor, my clothing or my taste in music. Comments about my hair are to be kept to the minimum unless you want to end up a dried-out and bloodless husk. And I won't even turn you.
Please remember to say hello to the gargoyle. He gets offended otherwise
current mood: amused
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