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|12:01pm||Thursday 15 April 2004| |
I received a call from a lady complaining that she received email messages from people she doesnt know. Apparently, this problem is being caused by a worm/virus and she already knew it was the problem. She already informed me that the attachments have a w32 virus, as it was detecteted by Norton. As I tried advising her on what to do, she interrupted me and told me about her "gut feelings" with regards to this problem.
She told me that she is supporting this congressman who happened to be against gay marraige, and she usually sends email to this politician to express her support for his cause. Her "gut feelings" told her that some "people" were able to learn of her email address and are now sending her emails to wreck her pc. She was telling me that those people were maliciously sabotaging her life.
I told her that this is not the real cause of the problem. I informed her that she already know that it's the virus that was sending her those email messages. I explained to her that that virus randomly acquires email adresses from the net and it sends emails to those addresses. But, then again, she told me she trusts her "gut feelings". Gut feelings it is.
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|07:30am||Saturday 22 November 2003| |
What would you do if you like a guy who feels the same way towards you but he happened to be in a relationship and it seems like he wanted to get out from that relationship?
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| Who I Want to Meet |
|05:19am||Tuesday 18 November 2003| |
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mood |
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Numb |
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music |
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Chicane - No Ordinary Morning |
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I never really scare people away from me. It is I who walk away and get scared.
Raver accused me of being apathetic. Maybe it's true.
Ed wanted me to get out from my shell. I didn't give him what he wanted.
I feel indifferent when it comes to making new friends. It's just hard for me to do that.
I don't socialize much with straight guys. I know why.
I know why I'm all these things. You.
Until now.
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|02:52am||Monday 17 November 2003| |
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music |
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The Beloved - The Sun Rising |
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| I would cry with you if I need to |
|04:52am||Friday 07 November 2003| |
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music |
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Shawn Mullins - Lullabye |
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I am jaded for the past few weeks. I am so cynical about men and relationships after my first heartbreak five years ago, and that sentiment seems to culminate for the past month after hearing my friends' own romantic tragedies. My best friend might be right when he said we belong to the Broken Heart's Club. I'm starting to doubt the power of love.
I would never want to be skeptic about love. If there's one thing I preserved from my heart-shattering experience few years back that's my belief that love works and it's here to remain.
At the same time I was struggling to wake up from my depression caused by an unrequited love, I was zealously protecting "love" from my own disillusionment. It was painstaking to be optmistic about love when I was too torn apart to even fight for myself. If there's one thing about myself that I would applaud to, it would be my faith for love. I would always convince myself that love really works - even if it's not for me. Maybe, that's the reason why I got through tough times.
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|06:37am||Saturday 01 November 2003| |
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music |
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Beyonce - Fighting Temptations |
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I was on the way to the bakery to buy myself bread for my breakfast and I was walking through my usual route. The church is located between my house and the bakery - all three in the same block.
As I was passing by the church, I looked through the open doors. I saw my mom on the church's lectern. She's today's lector. I'm having breakfast.
Ironic. My mom inside the holy place and me walking apathetically outside the church's ground. She's a devout Catholic and I'm agnostic.
But we get along well.
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| Breeding Sexual Violence |
|05:26am||Saturday 01 November 2003| |
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mood |
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Hopeless |
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music |
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Duncan Sheik - Songbird |
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My mom received a letter from an anonymous sender last Thursday. At first she thought it was a concerned parent, but I told her, it was probably written by another student. The sender told my mom that this female student will be dropping out from school. My mom teaches in a public high school in Quezon City. Usual public school setting - poor students and overpopulated. I personally witnessed how students failed to finish high school in that school. When I was younger, my mom brought me along with her to her school and I would listen to their stories. Also for the past three years I'm the one who writes my mom's action paper for the school. I did some studies on the drop out rates in her school and I read several testimonials and surveys about the students' problems and dilemma.
But the news from the letter shocked me. I was stunned for a moment after reading it. The student who wrote the letter confided to my mom that this girl was raped by members of the fraternity she belonged to (probably her own classmates). The poor teen is 2 months pregnant and ran away from home with her boyfriend (I assumed he's not one of the rapists). The bf is a drop-out too, no work - the usual tambay. The sender must be a friend of the girl raped because you can feel the concern from her. I'm concerned for the rape victim. I'm sure there were other cases too. A few years ago, days before Christmas, my whole family visited one of a student of my mom who was raped by his father. She was staying in an institution in Alabang that shelters battered and raped women. After a week she was tansferred in a center inTagaytay. I don't know what happened to her now.
My father was fuming mad after reading the letter; my mom is deeply concerned. Both the letter sender and the raped girl don't belong to her advisory class, but it's a good thing the sender trusted my mom enough to tell the story. I'm hoping there would be justice for the girl and to everybody else who shares the same tragedy.
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| Paramedics Please! |
|01:31am||Wednesday 29 October 2003| |
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music |
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Forest Sojourn from Carribean Dream |
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It took me two hours to finish my very first (complete) beginner's yoga session.
I improvised a yoga mat using a woven tribal blanket made from Baguio. I burned vanilla scented oil. I opened the windows to allow fresh air into my room. I intentionally didn't turn on the air conditioning or the fans - they cause too much noise. I queued new age tracks on winamp to play during the yoga exercises. I thought it the session would be a breeze. Not!
I had two months of no strenuous exercise. My muscles have tightened and probably my bones were cracking.
I started with Savasana or the Corpse pose then with the Easy pose for my breathing exercises. I tried to shift into a Lotus position but, damn, it feels like my leg muscles were burning and stretched to its limits. At this point my two younger brothers entered my room. They were giving me funny stares. Si Kuya weirdo, hehe, yun siguro iniisip nila. At least, MJ knows I'm doing yoga.
Like most physical exercises, yoga has warm-up exercise. Easy and relaxing. My favorite part of the session is the sun salutation. It took me half an hour to perfect this 12-step yoga position. I was catching my breath after that, hehe! I lost my breathing rhythm.
And the most difficult parts followed. I was sweating after the Sun Salutation and I'll be sweating more. It looks like after some serious yoga sessions I'll end up as an acrobat or a contortionist. I was testing my flexibility. Ang HIRAP!!! I was losing concentration and my breathing rhythm I was sweating and I can feel my back aching na. Pero sobrang fulfillment after I made the head stand. It was a scary stunt. Two similar poses followed. Tapos puro stretching na. When I tried doing the Crow pose, I fell flat on my face. Masakit! Buti na lang cool-down session na after that.
The session ends with the final corpse pose. Sobrang sarap ng feeling doing this asana. I was imagining that my mind was a still lake. No ripple or any kind of movement until I dive into the center of the lake. I was lying down on the floor for ten minutes like a dead man. It's so relaxing. Hanggang ngayon I feel my mind relaxed.
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| Umaarteng Nanay |
|12:55am||Wednesday 29 October 2003| |
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mood |
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excited |
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music |
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Bjork - 107 Steps |
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I'm so excited for Mama!!! Stage actress ang drama, hehe! There's this unknown small theatre club that will be staging a play in my mom's school for ten days on December. Sa Ngalan ng Ama... ang title nung play. I guess it's something about the patriarchal structure of the family. She's playing as the wife ata. She came home late tonight dahil nag-rehearse daw sila. She showed us pa the small poster nung stage play. Siyempre ganda-gandahan ang mudra ko.
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| Alaala ng Perya |
|12:27am||Tuesday 28 October 2003| |
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mood |
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reminiscent |
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music |
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Inner Musings from Natural Concentration |
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Ngayon ko lang napansin may perya na palang nakatayo sa barangay namin. Kung hindi ko pa napansin at narinig yung mga pagtili ng mga babae, hindi ko malalaman. Tatawirin ko lang yung bakod sa dulo ng compound namin, nasa perya na ko. Kaya pala medyo maliwanag sa parteng yun. Mga ilaw ng chubibo. Medyo maaga pa para magka-perya sa amin.
May natatandaan ako na perya na ganitong panahon pa lang nag-ooperate na pero nasa grade school pa lang ako nun. Yun yata yung unang perya na nakita ko. Sa may Imelda Park sa harap ng munispyo ng Pasig. Undas din no. Nag-aagawan ang sementeryo at ang perya sa mga tao. Isang malaking karnabal sa araw ng mga kaluluwa. Mga kandilang nagliliyab sa kaliwang bahagi ng kalsada at mga de-kulay ng mga bumbilya sa kanan.
Grade 3. School Fair. Kakatapos lang ng field demo namin. Nagsayaw kami ng ati-atihan. Kaya kahit may bahid pa ng mga dinurog na uling yung katawan ko, niyaya ko yung kapatid ko na sumakay sa Octopus. Ayaw sumakay ng tatay ko kasi madali siyang mahilo. Hindii pumayag na kaming dalawa lang sasakay. Buti na lang nandun si Kuya Roel, high school student na malayong kamag-anak at kapitbahay namin. Second guy na naging crush ko. Katabi ko siya sa octopus ride at nakakapit ako sa kanya.
May isang beses na dalawa nagtayo ng perya sa amin, isa malapit sa may hi-way at yung isa sa may bakanteng industrial lot malapit kina Peng. Sobrang lapit nung perya kina Peng, pagsilip mo sa bintana nila akala mo dederecho na sa bahay nila yung caterpillar. Mas gusto kong puntahan yung kina Peng. Mas maraming ride kasi saka malawak yung perya. May tent para sa mga magicians at mga acrobat, may tsubibo, caterpillar, octopus, rat race, may booth para sa babaeng sirena, babaeng ahas at sa paborito namin nina Joan na si Junggala, ang babaeng gubat.
Nag-ooperate yung perya pagkatapos ng Undas hanggang katapusan ng Enero. Pinaka highlight ng perya pag nagsimula na yung piyesta sa amin. Sobrang saya yung piyesta.
3rd year ng High School (ata). Piyesta. Nasa amin yung mga classmates ko. Nagkakagulo sa room ko. Si Jay kinakalikot yung pc ko, nakatayo ako sa tabi nya katabi ng bintana. Pagsilip ko may nakita kong 2 taong nagme-make out. Bale yung katabi naming bahay sa kapatid ng lolo ko. Sobrang nagulantang yung mundo ko tinawag ko sina Jay at Cha para makita din yung make-out scene. Yung part na naabutan nila nakahiga na yung babae (malaman isa sa mga tita ko na dalaga pa that time) tapos nakaibabaw na yung lalake. Hindi ko alam kung dry fucking ba yung nangyayari o nagse-sex na habang may damit pa. Sobrang shock kami. E dapat aalis na kami papuntang perya. Na-delay tuloy. Mineet na lang namin yun grupo nina Sean sa perya mismo. Ang saya-saya ng mga bata.
Gusto ko pa ring mag-perya, hehe! Go ako para lang i-chaperone yung mga younger brothers and cousins ko.
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