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Helena Bonham Carter and Johnny Depp - A Little Priest |
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As some of you may already know, I didn't pursue Cebu for practical and sentimental reasons. Lemme enumerate the reasons that made me stay:
1. My mom. She's not that old, but she's not getting any younger. She's also not as strong anymore. She's a widow, and we, her kids, are all that she has. I don't mean to sound morbid, but she's 57. Nobody knows what will happen, when our lives would end, but realistically, let's give her 15 more years tops. I'd be happier if she'd be with us longer than that. But she's quite open about death, too. She'd often say she'd rather die right away than be ill and be a burden to us should that day come, and huwag naman sana. It reminded me tuloy of Meryll Streep and Renee Zellweger in One True Thing na sobrang tearjerker lang. I can't find in my heart to leave her kapag naiisip ko 'yun. Sure, I wanna be independent, but do I really have to speed it up? Why am I such in a hurry? It will come in the right time and when it comes, I know that I will be very prepared.
2. Status Quo. I'd rather stick to it for now. Sure, I blogged about wanting to move out last year because my eldest sister was always invading my privacy, my mom and I were always fighting, and I felt like I'm a sore thumb at home. But my sister is now respecting my privacy, my mom and I have not fought for the longest time, and we're keeping out of each other's throats, and maybe my being a sore thumb was all in the mind because I chose to antagonize them. I guess it's all about demanding change. I demanded it, and it's now being given to me. And maybe that's all that I need for now. I have my own private space here at home, and I intend to beautify it for this year and really make it my home.
3. People and Places. I attended about 4 send-off meet-ups for me, and it made me realized all the places and friends I took for granted simply because they're here and very tangible. And thinking that I was about to leave, it made me appreciate them all the more. I love them all, and do I really want to leave them? My heart answered with a resounding, "NO!"
4. Poor relocation package and hotel accommodation in Cebu from HR. There's a 15k relocation package, but it's reimbursable. What the fuck?! Papagastusin pa muna ako bago ibigay sa'ken?! What if may nakita na akong place to rent and I need to pay the down payment and deposit na, where will I get the freaking money?! There's a free 2 week hotel accommodation in Parklane Hotel, and it's really a classy hotel, no problem with that, but I'm gonna be sharing my room with 2 others. Thinking about it now really wants me to back out. Imagine sharing the room with 2 others for 2 weeks?!?! Mag-aagawan kami sa banyo! Waaaah!! And I won't be able to sleep in the nude hahahaha! No, thanks!
And so that's why I'm still here. I know that my reasons are very valid, and I've thought about my decision long and hard. The only regret that I had was that I didn't make the decision sooner. Kung kailangang may plane ticket na ako. And kailangan ko pang kulutin ang HR para ayusin ang relocation ko hahaha! I just was so overwhelmed and thrilled and enthralled by this opportunity. Nanlibre pa tuloy ako ng 'di oras for the despedidas mwahahhha! Pwede kayang ipa-refund 'yun mwahhaha!
Naisip ko lang, sayang din naman 'yung opportunity, but it's not the be-all-end-all of opportunities. I can easily find ways to work and live in Cebu if I really want it, but I feel that's not what I need anymore. I'm very thankful for all the people who wished the best for me and supported me, and I very much appreciate the people who wanted me to stay. I really feel loved. Mas lalo ko naiisip ngayon why would I want to leave them. Some people don't even have friends, and I have lots. Many people don't have places they can call home, and I have a pretty one. I'll just count my blessings for now.
Pero panalo talaga si Ate Jeje. When I told her that I was having second thoughts leaving, ang balahurang bunganga ni bakla umariba agad, "E hindi ko naman kase alam kung bakit pinagpipilitan mo 'yang Cebu e alam mo namang mali! Ano bang meron sa Cebu, gitara at danggit?! City girl ka, hindi ka bagay dun! At ganito ang mangyayari sa'yo jan: malulungkot ka dun, maho-homesick ka. Gigimik ka, aalis ka, gagastos ka. Mauubusan ka ng pera dun, hindi ka makakapagipon. At bakit mo ba pinagpipilitan 'yang Cebu e hindi naman Madrid 'yan! Hindi naman nila dinoble ang sweldo mo!" Hahahaha! Definitely the best in-your-face advise I received for the longest time.
Oh well. For what's it worth, check out my despedidas here (hahahhaa!):
with Family
with Berns and Angela
with Kim
with the Girls of KillBelle
with the Barkading
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