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| 04:10pm 24/04/2004 |
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mood:  blah music: Nickelback- Figured You Out
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Yeah new journal. My old one is full. So fun times. Yeah so I guess im ok... stayed home last night. It was funny. I was smoking a cigarette in front of my house. And this girl who lives like three houses down and has been there forever and she’s lives sixteen I think but yeah she walks by and she says. “Wow your so cool you can smoke” but all sarcastically right. And I go bitch you better shut your moth I know where you live. Hahaha. She gives me a scared look and walks on. Im like that’s all to myself. Cause she looked kind of bad ass. But I guess she cant back up what she says so she shouldn’t say it. Get herself in trouble one day. I mean if someone’s afraid of me that’s kinda sad also. Crazy world I suppose. I really fucking want kaleb to call me. Me and his ass need to have a good long talk. I wish I had his number. But I don’t. So boo fricken hoo aye. Its kinda weird people are so hurt over high school drama. My friend nessa. Always calls me and tells me how this girl was all like this and this boy was all like that. And it really effects her. People just don’t get that’s not even that much. I personally know most kids can be little fuckers. But most kids are immature. I mean all these cliques and everything. Its really stupid. When they are senors or maybe even juniors. They’ll realize how lame they were. But not all people grow out of there immaturity I hate to say. But most do. Right now its just fucking im not going to be your friend cause what you look like. And its really sad. Now I might not have the option to say this from some peoples point of view since I am a freshman myself. But still. I realize a lot more about the world then some do. I’ve been threw a lot more then some have. I know every has shit in there lives. But they keep using the negative or even positive stuff to do wrong. Im probably not making sense now sorry. But I feel like talking about this. Cause it bothers me that high school is so much more drama then people need. The “ popular people” and the “not popular people”. Fuck it. Someday everyone who thinks there better then others will realize everyone is equal. We all fucking bleed. We all hurt. We all can be happy. We all can smile. And those who get hated on say fuck those preps or whatever. That is all in anger because they don’t accept you. No matter what you say its there. But saying that also makes you as bad as them. And your not making anything better. Just creating little wars. I knoe shit like this is going to be there forever. Because people are stubborn and stick with what they want to. And I guess that’s fine. But by just changing your thought a little. Everything would be a little better. Not so many kids would commit suicide. A lot of kids who commit suicide, commit suicide because they are lonely, have no friends, or were teased to the point they could not handle there lives anymore. How fucked up is that. A person who could have been something amazing. Is dead. By his or her own hands. Some people who tease even go as far as to kill. I’ve read several stories of young boys being killed for being gay. What the fuck is that shit. And I don’t even think they did anything but be themselves. Society has such standards. It tears people up inside when they cant be what they see. Skinny is in. If your even a little overweight your fucking thrown to the ground every day. Some overweight people who are funny get in with “ the cool kids”. But if your overweight and just nice. That’s no good enough. Even if you are funny. Unless they’ve known you for a while you aren’t shit. Even if they were friends with you and you gained weight they would stop. And teasing about weight often leads to more serious things. Like anorexia, and bulimia. Which are really nothing you should mess with. I myself I have been in the struggle with both. I lost weight I gained weight. Never really got me anywhere. Maybe a hospital or two. Which is to be expected when your starving yourself to death. And for bulimia. Every time makes your body worse and worse. The acid from your stomach burns and tears your throat up. And desenigrates your teeth. Lots of nasty stuff. Its awful how much depression has taken over the world. Seems everyone is so sad these days. And its rare to find someone who has not been abused in some way. I know one to many. I was just walking my dogs with my sister last night and we heard screaming. Sounded like a couple. The guys said fuck you something something. And we heard a thump. Right across the street. We wernt sure but I don’t wanna even think about it. I’ve gone threw abuse. My sister has gone threw abuse. My mother has gone threw abuse. So has my brother. Its quite sad. I seem to be the only one stupid enough to not leave the abuser. I wear bruises and cuts like jewelry. Plus my own self inflictions. Which are not very friendly looking. Or so im told. Yeah sorry im going on to me. I don’t really like talking about me I don’t much matter. Hey the kids at rocklin thought I was dead. Maybe they’ll read this little bit about me and realize why I am not a rocklin. But they wouldn’t care till there older anyways. Haha. Yeah. Well I guess that's all.
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