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Ascendancy// Trivium |
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My hair is falling out in masses.
I dyed my hair again.
You know
To free myself of the salt & pepper look.
Bald is in.
Soooooooooo
Wonder why I suck at answering texts?
As I've always sucked at answering my phone
Well, let's try 80 hour work weeks.
It leaves me with little motivation to do anything but piss and smoke cigarettes
&sex.
I can never be too tired for that. At least with Cam[mmmmm]
Ma said last she checked I was at like $2600+ for two weeks.
No, I don't make that much.
I've been working that much to accumulate such a bulk.
5am-9pm.
XD
I hate my employees.
NONE HAVE ANY FUCKING COMMON SENSE
No one respects me 'cause of my age.
Fuck age, do they not realize I had power to hire them that I can easily fire them?
I'm having a staff meeting.
There will be an ultimatum, kids.
And Caroline, who has been here just as long as I have- who should be my right hand man by now-
IS WORTHLESS
"Stephanie where is this
Stephanie how do I do this
Stephanie we're out of this
Stephanie we need your help
Stephanie Stephanie Stephanie Stephanie"
Mother fuckers.
I am not omnipotent.
I can not do it all, though I am having to try!
God, that woman... if I could I would do some serious wicked awful things to her flesh.
firefirefirefire
My body wakes me up at 5.30am automatically anymore.
That's fucked I say.
I can't wait for this paycheck.
I can't wait to see their faces when I pull this through.
I'm 23 yrs old & I'm going to own this place.
Well, If I ever live passed all this micromanagement.
LET ME DO MY JOB LEAVE THE FUCKING STORE YOU'RE IN THE WAY JESUS
I have the most insane boss. No... really.
Ask my mom.
She works at the restaurant as their accountant.
She comes over to the store to help sometimes.
RadioHead and Trivium have never been better friends to me as they have been these days.
As well as the Pixies and Placebo.
&Cameron.
God, if not for him... the lot of you would have received invitations to my funeral a long time ago.
suicidesuicidesuicide
I could write how awesome he is to me for... an annoyingly long time in this bulletin...
I'll spare you.
Just know,
I'm a certain kind of a woman
& he's a different kind of man
&when we're together, I feel like a whole person.
Not some whack job trying to live in a world with other aliens.
My scars go invisible,
& I want to help myself-
for myself for a change.
Not someone else.
'cause when I'm happy
I can make someone else
just as happy times like
a million
eh?
I haven't seen one skullfuck of a person I've ever hung out with in my coffee shop.
IT'S A MOTHER FUCKING COFFEE SHOP IN GOTDAMN ORANGEBURG-YEAH KINDA BIG DEAL A PLACE TO HANG OUT BESIDES WALMART
GRAB A FUCKING BOOK YOU ILLITERATE FUCKS AND CHILL ON MY COMFY COUCHES WITH A FUCKING AWESOME CUP OF COFFEE AND GOOD MUSIC IN THE BACKGROUND
Do you like being miserable?
Treat yourself.
I just got in a snickerdoodle coffee, lol
HEY don't judge me
There's a demand for it
besides,
it smells great.
Who's known me long enough to remember how I wanted to own my own coffee shop?
Anyone?
It's kind of nostalgic being manager here just for that fact,
Makes me want to pull out my old blue prints for "Tujours Volupte"
It would be so much easier if I could do things my way. Alas...
MICROMANAGED
We have breakfast sandwiches =D
Anyways.
Coffee&Cigarettes
Gaaahhhhh
I went to Cameron's grandmother's church something or other.
I met like, his entire family.
I had a great time.
Fooooooooooddddd
I like his grandma, she's like so laid back & doesn't give a fuck.
She's so cute ^.^
I was nervous as fuck.
I kept thinking she didn't like me.
I think Cam could feel I was all insecure
so he secretly spoke with her
&came back to me and said, "She really likes you.
She says you have personality..."
I'll end that quote so as not to offend anyone.
It made feel better and not so stand-offish to speak with her.
So I would march up to her & talk!
We went to her house after the shindig so I could meet Red, the dog.
It...
was so... fucking cute to see Cameron play with him.
I've never seen that side of him- with animals.
I'm getting him a dog soon if not for Christmas.
His mom & Joe came in yesterday to the store & brought me a birthday present O_O
I was surprised. That was only the second time meeting her.
First time was very brief at the old house.
Uhm.
I would bone Cam's mom.
Her ta-ta's are rockin'
They caught me at a hectic moment.
Just got out of a meeting and running around like crazy.
I'm sure I looked haggard.
&this stupid blond hair.
That I'm keeping for awhile 'cause it only cost me $125!
3 bleachings.
Black&Red are bitches to remove.
Remember this.
& now my hair is falling out in clumps 'cause I dyed it this morning to relieve myself
of that trailer park salt&pepper look.
YEH
My knuckles have been fucked lately.
I've come into this habit of beating the shit out of a wall
when overly stressed & super frustrated.
Sorry bathroom in Four Moons >.<
&I think it's about time I clean the blood splatter from Cameron's wall.
He's seen me come home and just plop in bed & cry.
My mom said she gets the same when overly tired and stressed- all weepy.
I don't even try to cry.
I can't stop it.
I'll have a conversation and tears just stream down my face.
It's fucked.
We're running away.
This Friday we're going to DT Columbia to stay at the Marriot for the weekend and party. The hotel has fucking three bars in it. Mini vacation. Bar hop all in the same vicinity without having to drive or be in public or on the streets. Then just crawl to the elevator and to the room. Great idea, yeah?
I'm trying to get Rachel & Mark to come. It was Rachel's idea. She has to come!
People are still calling me Courtney Love -_-
OH OH OH OH OH
CAMERON HAS OFFICIALLY ASKED ME TO MOVE INYAHYAHYAH
YEY! I can bring my cutlery over & we'll have a full set of silverware! lol
He's cleaned my hippie room so I can have a closet and smoke room. Just need to get my computer in there as well hangers for the closet.
Then my cat!
Mad is going to be so mad. He'll go into hiding & be a total douche to me. but I miss him & he must come.
Lydia needs a home... Mom is getting rid of her 'cause Max died & she wants all animals gone.
I would take her but that piss Mad off more. Or maybe comfort? Familiarity? He hates her but maybe he's just covering.
Anyways.. two cats here seems a bit much. Especially if I get a dog for mah buddah.
FUCKSHITDAMN
all I do is rant anymore.
bitch bitch bitch
holy fuck, we've watched some horror movies lately! over 20?
some seriously fucked.
Thanks Angie!
PETA are some sick fucks.
Kirisute Gomen?
Ahhhh
I'm 23 kids.
I keep forgetting and saying I'm 22 still.
Cameron woke me up and gave me presents in bed ^____^
A beautiful necklace & an awesome jacket that is so 60's w/ a hood [i lurve hoods >.<]
My sister got me some bad ass, Jack Sparrow boots.
"I hate your combat boots, so I got you some new ones."
These bitches are on some hot heels. Pictures? Ok, soon.
I wore them to the Keenan Wine Tasting & Five Course dinner Cam & I went to at Four Moons on my birthday, [Mike's present to me. $100 a ticket O_O] So much wine, so good, so buzzed.
The day before Cameron got to experience me & crab legs, lol. It's tradition to go eat crab legs for my birthday because it's only the best food ever. I attack some crab legs. SERIOUSLY my mom cracked all of Cameron's for him LOL LOL he sucked at it. She also drank a beer in mourning for the dog... yes, my mother drank a beer. I think it's the bad influence of Cameron. They bought beer together one day while I was working. WTF WTF
work time? No, but I'm going in anyways.
computer work I never get to do needs to get done.
PRETEND I'M NOT HERE TIL 10.30!
PISS OFF
aside from work... my insides are all fuzzy with this thing called 'happy'
It's plagued me.
&now I want his body so bad.
textexttexttext
Speaking of insides,
last night I kept having mini anxiety attacks for like 5 hours.
I hate it.
It feels so fucked.
I want to gut myself.
Protege Moi
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