Brianna's Blurty Entries [entries|friends|calendar]

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Miss Me? [22 Nov 2003|01:47pm]
[ mood | frustrated ]
[ music | I Love Trouble (Julia Roberts) ]

HI everyone. I am sorry that I haven't written in a few days but since we were last together a lot has happened. The main thing is that my pain is getting worse so I am taking more pain killers which is making me sleepy and I am having a hard time staying awake. But more importantly--my computer is down. I am having a real hard time with it. Right now, I have someone trying to fix it. My fingers are crossed. This is all I am able to write now because I don't have a lot of time. Thanks for reading.

OH, my friend from school (SHS) ; ). I am sorry that I haven't been able to be there for you. Please email me and let me know that you are still OK...You are in my thoughts and prayers and I will be here (hopefully) for you when you need me.

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As I put off going to sleep.... [18 Nov 2003|03:05am]
[ mood | happy ]
[ music | Good Charlotte's "Hold ON" ]

OK, has anyone out there seen the new Good Charlotte video? I love it because it's not them screaming, but them reaching out for a good cause through their music. I think more singers should do that. I also think that their song showcases all sides of the situation.

I know that they aren't the first to make a video about a subject close to their hearts, but this time it was different. I mean that they are the first to showcase every side of the situation. You may say that they don't showcase the people who commit suicide and their reasons why. But in the end, they really do. For an example: In their song they talk about why people consider suicide, and then they have people who really did commit suicide, only to be found in time to be saved. I don't think that there is any one side of the story that wasn't showcased in the video. Which is new. The artists usually only show what side of a situation that they are on. So it's cool that GC broke from the mold, and at the same time they say that this isn't their song, that this is the survivors, and people left behind, telling this story. Did I explain that alright?

I mean first they have people talk about living after someone close to them commits suicide, then they have friends talk about it, and finally they have people who tried to commit suicide, but were saved. It was a really powerful way to show what happens when someone kills themself. I also think that people don't realize how selfish they are when they commit suicide. They are only thinking of themselves but not the people who really love them. I also think that suicide is a permenate solution for a temorary problem, but kids don't know that. At least now, maybe one of them will see what happens to their loved ones if they were to commit suicide.

I am glad that they show that the ones who were saved ended up being thankful instead of mad because they have found true happiness in their life. I think that there is only one other video out there that was as powerful as this my eyes that is. Isn't that sad?

I think that the new Tupac video featuring the Nortorious B.I.G. "Runnin' (Dying To Live)", the song is OK, but when you watch the video, man it was powerful. I had goosebumps on my goosebumps on my arms after watching that video. I think that they did a great job of making you believe that these two great rappers were back from the dead and singing this song and making the video. It's powerful and I suggest that you watch it, even if you don't like rap very much you will like this video. Well that's all I have to say for now.

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Another Day... [18 Nov 2003|02:24am]
[ mood | ecstatic ]
[ music | Rockford Files ]

Another journal entry. So what did I do today? I spent most of it on the phone. I am getting ready to go to college, and I have decided to live in an apartment and not the dorms. I had to find out all kinds of information. I needed to know if they had any handicapped accessible, what they considered handicapped accessible, how much was rent, do they allow cats, how far from the campus is it, what floors are the handicapped accessible rooms on? So I spent today calling a ton of apartments and trying to find out the answers to these questions. From what I gather I found several that will fit all of my needs, which is unusual for me.

I am sooo excited, because this means that I am going to be able to bring my cat from MI to live with me. When I first moved to WV I wasn't able to bring my cat because my roommate was allergic to animals. Damn Allergies. Once we had lived here awhile my mom and our roommate got two German Shepherds puppies (with papers). But they are outdoor only, and my cat is indoor only. She wouldn't be able to survive outside because she has no claws. So I have been missing her a lot lately and I was hoping that I could find an apartment that will allow me to bring her out here. I think that I would be really lonely living in an apartment by myself, unless I had her with me. She would keep me from being lonely. So I called around and it seems that most of the apartments will allow her. I am so excited now that I know that. I will know for sure tomarrow, when I pretty much decide what apartment I am going to live in. I once we find two apartments that I believe will fit my needs the best, we are going to drive down there and spend a couple of days going to apartments, to see if they are as good in life as they are on paper. Then we will also decide how I am going to get from the apartment to the campus. Some of the apartments are only a block away, so I could just wheel there, but some are as much as 20 mins. away, and I will have to find some way to get there since I can't drive anymore. I am hoping that I won't have to take either of those apartments. One thing is for sure, I won't get an apartment that won't allow my cat to be with me, unless all of the other apartment complexes are full and I don't have a choice.

I found out why my special someone couldn't chat with me. It was because along with having a ton of homework to do, his MSN wasn't working so he couldn't get online to chat with me. I also think that he just didn't think far enough ahead to realize that I might be worried about him. He seemed really surprised that I was concerned at all, but then I explained why and he apoligized. He just never left me hanging before. In the past if we were surposed to chat and he couldn't he would find a way to let me know, but this time he didn't which made me concerned. So after he heard that he came back and said that if I had done that to him, he would have gone crazy trying to figure out if I was even alive. Which is always questionable with my history. I have had two close calls already, but that just makes me believe that there truley is a reason for me to live. Who knows, that could just be wishful thinking, but even if it is, I am going to do my best to make some changes to this world.

I was also really happy that tonight I got to talk to my someone on the phone. I haven't ever done that before. It was really cool, but for some reason I feel closer to him when we are chatting. I think that it could be because when we are chatting I have a picture of him, that I get to see all of the time, but when we are on the phone I don't have that picture. But in the end it doesn't matter because I want to talk to him either way I can. I love spending time with him. He makes me feel so special. I know that I'm special and I know that I would be OK if I don't find my true love. I also know that I would be a lot happier if I did. He makes me feel like he sees who I am and not the fact that I'm in a chair. He has learned a lot about how hard it is to live with someone who has an injury like mine. We are thankful that we aren't as bad off as others, but it's still hard on your love ones. He just doesn't care. But I'm afraid that if we go any farther, he will end up caring. It will take someone who truley loves you to not mind helping you out, and I have a hard time believing that anyone will ever feel that way about me. But that's my low self-esteme, and I am trying to get better.

I do want to apologize to anyone who reads this for the terrible spelling. I can't spell to save my life, and for once I'm to tired to spell check it. Well guys and gals, this is going to have to be it for me today because I'm tired and I need to get some sleep. As I write this I am eating some Lays Sour Cream and Onion chips, and I think that I might have a cavity...this is going to suck major if it's true. They have a bitch of a time just cleaning my teeth, so I am afraid of them doing anything more. I don't even have a dentist here in WV. I still go back to MI for my dentist appointments. I also am afraid of dentists, ever since one almost killed me and caused me to have heart trouble for awhile, when he tried to get my wisdom teeth does anyone know of a great dentist in WV who you would trust with your life? I need to find one and i would love to hear what you have to say and what you think.

Have a great day, and take care of yourselfs, you never know what's going to happen.

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I thought that is was interesting.... [17 Nov 2003|03:34pm]
[ mood | ecstatic ]
[ music | Watching TV ]

I stole this off of my friend Katie's journal. I thought that this was really cool and so I decided to fill it out and post it.

(1) What is your name? Brianna Morgan Loyd
(2) Are you happy with it? Yeah
(3) Are you named after anyone? NO
(4) Are you a prostitute? Uh - no
(5) Your screenname: Which one?
(6) Would you name a child of yours after you? I don’t think I would, but if I did I would use my middle name somewhere in hers.
(7) Then what would you name your children? Girls: Riley, Mary, and Ashley - Boys: Parker, Tyler and Matt
(8) If you were born a member of the opposite sex, what would your name be? I think I was supposed to be Bryce
(9) If you could switch names with a friend,who would that be? Probably Teresa, or Mary
(10) Are there any mispronounciations/typos that people do with your name constantly? Breanna, Brianne, Briane for Brianna
(11) Would you drop your last name if you became famous? No

- - - - -
(12) Your gender: Female
(13) Straight/gay/bi? Straight
(14) Single? Must you always ask?
(15) What do you want to be? Criminologist
(16) Your birthday: 01/04/1981
(17) Your age: 22
(18) Age you act: 32
(19) Age you wish you were: 22
(20) Your height: 5'4"
(21) The color of your eyes: Blue
(22) Happy with it? Absolutely
(23) The color of your hair: Dark brown w/blond highlights
(24) Happy with it? Sure
(25) Left/right/ambidextrous? Right
(26) Your living arrangement? With Vicky in the mountains
(27) Your family: Mom and adopted dad
(28)Have any pets? I had 5 cats—Pumpkin (my special one), Princess, Smokey (Pumpkin’s sister), Lily, and Luna
(29) What's your job: Student?
(30) Piercings? 4 - all in my ears
(31) Tattoos? NO, but I want one
(32) Obsessions? My cats
(36) Have a favorite quote? "Live for the moment, because you never know what’s going to happen!!”
(37) Do you have a webpage? No
- - - - -
DEEP THOUGHTS about life and you in it
- - - - -
(38) Do you live in the moment? Mostly
(39) Do you consider yourself tolerant of others? It all depends on my mood that day—but in the end, I think I am.
(40) Do you have any secrets? Absolutely
(41) Do you hate yourself? No
(42) Do you like your handwriting? Sometimes
(43) Do you have any bad habits? Not eating right
(44) What is the compliment you get most from people? "Nice smile" and “your eyes are really pretty."
(45) If a movie was made about your life, what would it be called? Crash
(46) What's your biggest fear? Dying alone and unloved by a man
(47) Can you sing? NO
(48) Do you ever pretend to be someone else just to look cool? No
(49) Are you a loner? Sometimes
(50) What are your no. 1 priorities in life? Me, family, friends, school
(51) If you were another person, would you be friends with you? Absolutely
(52) Are you a daredevil? Not really
(53) Is there anything you fear or hate about yourself? Why spend time hating yourself?
(54) Are you passive or aggressive? It all depends on the situation
(55) Have you got a journal? Yeah - you're lookin' at it
(56) What is your greatest strength and weakness? Strength - my ability to tolerate pain, and have compassion for others; Weakness – not being able to think of a comeback at the time of a fight—I always think of one later on.
(57) If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be? I think it would be getting back what I have lost—however, I wouldn’t give up what I learned by going through losing my movement.
(58) There are three wells, love, beauty and creativity. you can only drink out of one. Which one would you drink of? Love
(59) How do you vent? I write, yell and play the flute
(60) Do you think you are emotionally strong? Yes—I’ve had to be
(61) Is there anything you regret doing/not doing in life? I only regret one thing and I'm trying hard not to, but I have learned from it.
(62) Do you think life has been good so far? Most days
(63) What is the most important lesson you've learned from life? I have learned that there is more pain out there then recognized, and that you have to live for the moment because you don’t know when you are going to die
(64) What do you like the most about your body? My eyes
(65) And least? Ugh
(66) Do you think you are good looking? I'm cute I guess—I think my inside overcomes the outside
(67) Are you confident? Sometimes
(68) What is the fictional character you're most like? I think I’m like Temperance Brennan from the books by Kathy Reichs.
(69) Do people know how you feel? Most of the time I’ll lie if I don’t feel well because I don’t want to put my feelings on others
(70) Are you perceived wrongly? I don’t think so
- - - - -
- - - - -
(71) Smoke? No
(72) Do drugs? Never
(73) Read the newspaper? Rarely
(74) Pray? Yes
(75) Go to church? NO
(76) Talk to strangers who IM you? NO
(77) Sleep with stuffed animals? No
(78) Take walks in the rain? Not anymore
(79) Talk to people even though you hate them? Rarely
(80) Drive? Can’t
(81) Like to drive fast? Used to when I could drive
- - - - -
- - - - -
(82) Liked your voice? Not really
(83) Hurt yourself? Not on purpose
(84) Been out of the country? NO, but I want to
(85) Eaten something that made other people sick? Um, no
(86) Had sex? NO
(88) Been in love? NO
(89) Done drugs? You just asked that like a few questions ago - and the answer hasn't changed
(90) Gone skinny dipping? Don’t think so, but it is possible
(91) Had a medical emergency? Yeah a ton of them
(92) Had a surgery? Yes three
(93) Ran away from home? Yes, but I only made it to my front porch. I was 6.
(94) Played strip poker? NO
(95) Gotten beaten up? No
(96) Beaten someone up? No
(97) Been picked on? Yeah - hasn't everyone
(98) Been on stage? Yes
(99) Been so drunk that you know you're supposed to go out on a date with someone, but you can't remember with who or when and that you faint when you look at yourself in the mirror in the morning, not to mention your breath? Ummm, no
(100) Slept outdoors? Yes
(101) Thought about suicide? No
(102) Pulled an all-nighter? Yes
(103) If yes, what is your record? I didn’t keep count but I would say it was at least 30 hours.
(104) Gone one day without food? Yes
(105) Talked on the phone all night? NO
(106) Slept together with the opposite sex without actually having sex first? NO
(107) Slept all day? Yes
(108) Killed someone? Um, no
(109) Made out with a stanger? No
(110) Had sex with a stranger? No
(111) Thought you're going crazy? Sometimes
(112) Kissed the same sex? No
(113) Done anything sexual with the same sex? No
(114) Been betrayed? Absolutely
(115) Had a dream that came true? Yes
(116) Broken the law? Yeah—I would speed
(117) Met a famous person? Yeah
(118) Masturbated? NO
(119) Masturbated with something other then your hand? NO
(120) Have you ever killed an animal by accident? Yeah
(121) On purpose? No
(122) Had sex? Why is it that you continue to repeat yourself?
(123) With more then 1 person? At one time? LOL – not a chance
(124) Threesome? No
(126) Whip cream? NO
(127) Bondage? NO
(128) Whipped/gotten whipped? NO
(129) Blindfolded? NO
(130) Tied someone up/been tied up? NO
(missing questions?)---
(145) Told a secret you swore you wouldn't tell? No
(146) Stolen anything? No
(147) Been on radio/tv? Yeah
(148) Been in a mosh-pit? No
(149) Had a nervous breakdown? Every once in awhile
(150) Considered religious vocation? NO
(151) Been criticized about your sexual performance? No
(152) Bungee jumped? No
(153) Had a dream that kept coming back? Yeah
- - - - -
CLOTHES and other fashion junk
- - - - -
(154) Shoe brand? Don’t know the name, but it’s from Adidas
(155) Brand of clothing? Adidas—pants and
(156) Cologne/perfume? Country Apple and Chloe Narcise (my fav.)
(157) What are you normally wearing to school/work? Snap pants and a shirt
(158) How about parties? Depends on the party
(159) Wear hats? No
(160) Judge other people by their clothing? No - only their shoes
(161) Wear make-up? Yeah
(162) Favourite place to shop? JC Penny, and Marvins
(163) Favourite article of clothing? Snap pants
(164) Are you trendy? No
(165) Would you rather wear a uniform to school? Absolutely not
- - - - -
- - - - -
(166) Believe in life on other planets? No
(167) Miracles? Yeah
(168) Astrology? Yeah
(169) Magic? Sort of
(170) God? Yes
(171) Satan? Yes
(172) Santa? Yes ; )
(173) Ghosts? Yeah
(174) Luck? Yes
(175) Love at first sight? I don’t know
(176) Yin and Yang (that good can't exist without the bad)? Yeah
(177) Witches? No
(178) Easter bunny? No
(179) Believe it's possible to remain faithful forever? Yes
(180) Believe there's a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow? Sure
(181) Do you wish on stars? No - there's no point
- - - - -
- - - - -
(182) Do you believe in the traditional view of Heaven and Hell? I don’t think so, but I don’t know for sure
(183) Do you think God has a gender? No
(184) Do you think that science counteracts religion? Yes
(185) Do you believe in organized religion? NO
(186) Where do you think we go when we die? Heaven
- - - - -
- - - - -
(187) Do you have any gay/lesbian friends? No, but if I met someone and liked them as a person I would be their friend no matter what they consider their sexual orientation to be
(188) Who is your best friend? Teresa
(189) Who's the one person that knows most about you? Mary
(190) What's the best advice that anyone has ever given to you? "If you don't try, you'll never know."
(191) Your favourite inside joke? “Some people only have 5 dollars.”
(192) Thing you're picked on most about? Ugh
(193) Who's your longest known friend? Mary
(194) Newest? Alvin
(195) Shyest? N/A
(196) Funniest? Katie
(197) Sweetest? Katie
(198) Closest? Mary
(199) Weirdest? Scott?
(200) Smartest? Mary—I think?
(201) Ditziest? N/A
(202) Friends you miss being close to the most? Katie, Mary, Scott, and Teresa
(203) Last person you talked to online? Katie
(204) Who do you talk to most online? Alvin
(205) Who are you on the phone with most? I don’t use a phone at the moment
(206) Who do you trust most? Katie, Mary, and Teresa
(207) Who listens to your problems? Mary
(208) Who do you fight most with? N/A
(209) Who's the nicest? Katie
(210) Who's the most outgoing? Katie or Mary
(211) Who's the best singer? Katie
(212) Who's on your shit-list? Mary for moving and no giving me her new numbers
(213) Have you ever thought of having sex with a friend? Oh yeah
(214) Who's your second family? Mary’s
(215) Do you always feel understood? No
(216) Who's the loudest friend? N/A
(217) Do you trust others easily? Sometimes
(218) sure....
(219) Name one person who's arms you feel safe in: No arms to hold me right now...
(220) Do your friends know you? Some of them do
(221) Friend that lives farthest away: Teresa—she lives in Arizona
- - - - -
LOVE, and all that
- - - - -
(222) Did you get frightened or uncomfortable seeing that as a section title? Nah
(225) Do you consider love a mistake? Not at all
(226) What do you find romantic? Dinner for two and taking a walk and talking
(227) Turn-on? Eyes
(228) Turn-off? Cockiness
(229) First kiss? N/A
(231) If someone you had no interest in dating expressed interest in dating you, how would you feel? Sorry cause I knew that I would end up hurting them no matter how hard I tried not to.
(232) Do you prefer knowing someone before dating them? Yeah
(233) Have you ever wished it was more "socially acceptable" for a girl to ask a guy out? I don't even care anymore
(235) Have you ever been romantically attracted to someone physically unattractive? Yeah
(236) Do you think the opposite sex finds you good looking? Why don't you ask them?
(237) What is best about the opposite sex? Feeling like they can protect you from everything
(238) What is the worst thing about the opposite sex? That guys don't know how to express themselves
(245) Do you read porn? No
(246) Read the articles? No
(247) Just the pics? No
(248) What's the last present someone gave you? The DVD of the second Matrix movie
(257) Are you in love? NO, but I’m on the way
(258) Do you consider your significant other hot? If I had one, probably
(264) What would you do if you were walking down the street and saw some hot guy/girl standing on the sidewalk? Smile
- - - - -
- - - - -
(279) That haunted you? Ron
(280) You wanted to kill? Ron
(281) That you laughed at? Katie
(282) That laughed at you? Alvin
(283) That turned you on? Yeah...
(284) You went shopping with? Vicky
(285) That broke your heart? Yeah….
(286) To disappoint you? Alvin
(287) To ask you out? Yeah...
(288) To make you cry? N/A
(289) To brighten up your day? Katie
(290) That you thought about? Alvin
(291) You saw a movie with? Vicky and Steve
(292) You talked to on the phone? Katie
(293) You talked to through IM/ICQ? Katie
(294) You saw? Vicky
(295) You lost? Glen
- - - - -
- - - - -
(337) Are you going out? No
(338) Will it be with your significant other? Grr
(339) Or some random person? ...
(340) What are you wearing right now? Snap pants and a tee-shirt
(341) Body-part you're touching right now: my head
(342) What are you worried about right now? How to get my cat here
(343) What book are you reading? Reap The Wind by Iris Johansen
(344) What's on your mousepad? I don’t have one cause I use a laptop
(345) Use 5 words to describe how you're feeling: Tired, bored, hurting, sick, and headachy
(346) Are you bored? Yeah
(347) Are you tired? Hell - yeah
(348) Are you talking to anyone online? No
(349) Are you talking to anyone on the phone? No
(350) Are you lonely or content? Lonely
(351) Are you listening to music? No—watching TV

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Yes, and this one to... [16 Nov 2003|03:22am]
[ mood | amused ]
[ music | 2 Fast and 2 Furious again! ]

I stole all of these from my friends journal, and when I saw that she had a taken this quiz from quizella, I knew that I also had to take it so we can compare what our results are and if we think that the results are accurate. I think mine are, and from her post, my guess is that so does she!

Here it is: What threat are you to the Bush Administration?

You are: A Democrat
How many times do we have to explain? Despite bringing about the lowest unemployment rate in modern times, the lowest inflation for 30 years, the highest home ownership in the country's history and dropping crime rates, he once got a blow job and is therefore the embodiment of evil.

Threat rating: High. The Bush administration is concerned that it may not get a second term. Therefore, we are going to change the rules so that each Democrat vote only counts as 0.2 votes because Democrat is a shorter word than Republican

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And this one.... [16 Nov 2003|02:04am]
[ mood | awake ]
[ music | The New Detectives ]

..i hurt: in my back, stomach, and neck
..i love: my family and friends
..i hate: people who have no problems but complain about life anyway
..i cry: when I think of my cat
..i fear: being alone and in pain
..i never: regret (I only have one regret in life, and I have learned from it)
..i hope: a certain someone will have some free time soon so we can spend some time chatting with each other
..i'm saddened: that my cat isn't here with me--Damn Fucking Allergies!!!
..i feel alone: most of the time
..i kill: nothing - i'm a lover, not a fighter
..i talk: to my mom everyday
..i listen: to the TV
..i break: hearts babe ;)
..i see: my computer screen
..i smell: my hand lotion--Country Apple from Bath and Body Works
..i taste: The Diet Sprite that I have been drinking
..i drink: not enough water
..i work: i don't at the moment
..i remember: moving to West Virginia
..i hold: grudges against those who cross me (which is only 2 MEN in my life)
..i hide: when I don't want to deal with life
..i pray: when I think of it
..i walk: can't do that anymore!
..i drive: can't do that either!
..i read: mystery novels
..i burn: myself--usually because I do something stupid like put a hot plate on my lap to go from the Microwave to the table--and even though it's not hot enough to burn my hands (which I can feel), it is hot enough to burn my legs (which I can't feel).
..i breathe: constantly
..i play: the flute
..i miss: having my cats
..i touch: my hair
..i learn: from all the good and bad experiences in life
..i feel: a pain in my neck and back-- it hurts
..i know: that I should eat better and drink water
..i said: nothing recently - I'm all alone - no one to talk to
..i dream: every one dreams, some just don't remember them; and I'm one of those people. I have only remembered two dreams in my whole life
..i have: lots of CD's
..i want: *wink*
..i fell: head-over-heels and think that I'll end up with my heart broken
..i wait: patiently--sometimes....
..i need: a life
..i live: in the mountins in a log cabin
..i die: like a cat...I have been brought back from near death 2 times already and I'm only 22 years old. That's 2 of my 9 lives...
..i write: emails
..i think: too much and not enough
..i cut: my finger on a damn coke can
..i scream: when I'm seriously pissed off (which hasn't been for over a year--can you guess why? YES because I no longer live with Ron)
..i dance: never - don't feel comfortable dancing in a wheelchair
..i fuck: I wish
..i spill: Food and Pop
..i fantasize: *wink*
..i accept: that when you make a mistake it's just a learning process
..i wonder: if he thinks about me when i'm not around

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Stole this one to [16 Nov 2003|01:43am]
[ mood | blank ]
[ music | Same VH1 Special ]

:::10 bands you've been listening to lately:::
01. Gary Allen
02. Tobey Keith
03. Tim McGraw
04. Kenny Chesney
05. Rascal Flatts
06. Pink
07. No Doubt
08. Clay Aikin (I know I spelled this one wrong)
09. Creed
10. Maroon 5

:::09 things you look forward to:::
01. Talkin to my guy
02. Seeing my kitty (Which I Don't get to do now that she doesn't live with me--damn fucking allergies)
03. Going to college and Graduating from it
04. Getting a hug from anyone
05. Getting a real boyfriend--I just call the one i'm into "my guy"
06. Getting my own place
07. Taking a bath again in a bath--living in an unaccessable place so I have to do bed baths and they suck
08. Being by myself--living that is
09. Hockey season

:::8 things you like to wear:::
01. Jeans
02. T-shirts
03. Comfy pajama
04. Snap Up Pants--like the athletes (did I spell that right?) wear--not the ones the make now though
05. All my jewelry
06. Victoria's Secret Bras
07. Make-up
08. Tennis Shoes

:::07 things that annoy you:::
01. Liars
02. Girls who try to hard
03. Stupid guys (but aren't all guys stupid ;)? )
04. People who complain about nothing or stupid things
05. Mary (friend who moved without giving me her new info)
06. Nextel's service coverage
07. My pain

:::06 things you touch everyday:::
01. My hair
02. My remote controls
03. My face
04. My computer
05. My medication
06. My clothes

:::05 things you do everyday:::
01. Shower
02. Sleep (well mostly)
03. Check my e-mail
04. Talk to my mom
05. Eat (sometimes)

:: 04 people you want to spend more time with:::
01. Katy
02. Alvin
03. Mary
04. Teresa, and Scott

:::03 movies you could watch over and over again:::
01. Bad Boys
02. Dirty Dancing and Pretty Woman
03. Top Gun

:::02 of your favorite songs at the moment:::
01. No Doubt "It's My Life"
02. Clay Aikin (I know I spelled that wrong) "Invisible"

:::01 person that you'd spend the rest of your life with:::
01. This question makes my head hurt

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I stole this..... [16 Nov 2003|12:58am]
[ mood | thoughtful ]
[ music | VH1 Speical ]

[1] What is your pet peeve?: Liars and people who complain about nothing at all or stupid things
[2] What is the most miniscule thing that ever made you cry?: Oh God - movies
[3] What is the most shallow moment of your life?: My High School years 9-11 and part of my Senior year
[4] What is something you complain about, but really shouldn't?: Pain? It's the only thing I complain about--ok and not chatting with my someone someone
[5] What is the saddest moment in your life?: When my uncle died unexpectedly last year
[6] How about the happiest?: My junior prom--boy do I need a life!
[7] How about the scariest?: The car accident number 3 (during), and car accident number 4 (afterward)
[8] The most painful?: My third car accident---lots and lots of broken bones! HELL I still hurt from it 4 almost 5 years later.
[9] Do you believe in true love?: Absolutely
[10] Do you believe in staying abstinent until marriage?: Um, no
[11] To the question above, why or why not?: Because I truely believe that you have to sleep (at least once) with the person you will marry to make sure you have that sexual chemistry and attraction - I believe a horrible sexual relationship can end any marriage before your wedding's honeymoon is over!!
[12] Do you believe in God or any other religious figure?: God
[13] To the question above, why or why not?: Because He was with me when I needed him the most. He was holding me when the third accident was happening
[14] What kind of wedding would you most like to have?: Small - and outside in Hawaii
[15] Gore or Bush and why?: Gore--cause he was the better man!!!
[16] Pro-choice or Anti-Abortion, and why?: Pro-choice because I believe every woman should have the decision to keep their baby - but I don't think it should be used as birth control
[17] For or against the death penalty and why?: Against for 4 reasons. 1)More innocent the guilty die 2)It's three times more expensive then to let them live 3)It's the easy way out for the "truly" innocent 4)It's hypocritical. We say YOU can't kill cause it's wrong but WE can, and we don't care if we all go blind!! You know for the whole eye for an eye quote
[18] Describe the perfect house: Something in Hawaii on the beach and not a single neighbor inside 2 miles or on a ranch in like Arizona
[19] What do you want to be when you grow up?: Someone who makes money--in the field of Criminology
[20] What do you want to do with your life?: I just want to be happy and without pain
[21] What are your biggest goals?: Graduating, living on my own without help
[22] What are your favorite names for children?: Girls: Riley, Mary, Kate, Ashley, and Morgan - Boys: Tyler, Tobey, Will, and Bobby
[23] Unrealistically speaking, if you could do anything, what would it be?: GET BACK EVERYTHING I LOST IN MY THIRD CAR ACCIDENT!!
[24] What's the most vivid dream you remember from your childhood?: Being on a priate boat, and watching helplessly as the priates killed her, then as they came towards me, I would wake up screaming
[25] What is (are) your worst bad habit(s): Not drinking water and eating right--I just eat junk food when I eat!
[26] What's your sexual fetish?: N/A
[27] Use one word to describe yourself: Good-Listener
[28] What was your favorite Halloween costume?: Rainbow Brite
[29] What was your favorite Christmas present?: Any jewerly (REAL JEWELS)
[30] How would you like to die? (because eventually we all have to die): Happy and with my lover/husband

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Udates.... [15 Nov 2003|08:31pm]
[ mood | blah ]
[ music | 2 Fast and 2 Furious (the movie) ]

My evening chat didn't happen. After waiting all day for this guy to finish work, and his school work so we could chat for more then a few seconds. He shows up 2 hours later then we were supposed to met, to tell me that he was to tired to talk to me. Now, I just told him that it would be fine and we could chat with each other the next day. Inside I was going NO! WHY ME??? I felt like crying. I am so into this guy and we were like chatting at least three hours a night now every night and for the past few weeks we have only been able to chat for a total of 10 minutes every 3-6 days. It SUCKS. I knew that it would happen once his classes started going full swing, but I didn't want it to. And to make it worse was only thing he wanted to talk to me about. Here's our whole chat. Him: HI Me: HI how are you? Him: Good, just got on to ask you to proof a paper I wrote and to say HI. Me: OK, but I am too tired to do it tonight. Him: OK, well then good-bye. Me: goodbye? Him: Yea, too tired to chat. Talk to you tomarrow night at 10. Me: OK. So offline he went. Here's what I was thinking after he signed off. I know that I am a bitch when I want him to talk to me instead of doing the school work he was supposed to do. I know that I'm a bitch when I complain because he is a responsible man. I know I am a bitch when I am mad at him for teasing other words, on the 9th he told me that he would have a lot of time to talk to me the next night (which is why i was soo excited), and he instead had to take that time to finish his paper which was due today. SO in other words, last night I was being a bitch and complaining to anyone who would listen to me!

So after we stop chatting I felt like shit and I wanted to do something to lift me up. I decided to watch a movie that was on PPV. I knew that 2 Fast and 2 Furious was now playing, and I had wanted to go to the theater to see it so bad, but I couldn't so I decided to watch it. However, it was like around 2 a.m. and my roommate was in bed, so she wouldn't be able to help me plug in the phone cord so the receiver could dial out. Lately they have been showing commericals to showcase that you could now order PPV movies and events over the phone and online. I get online and find where you can order it while online and found the number on their webpage. My roommate is the one whose name is on the bill, and when you are ordering a PPV movie online, you need all this information from your bill which I didn't have, so I used my cell phone to call them. The lady on the other line was really nice. She asked me my name (which I didn't give really give her, I used my first name, and my roommates last name), she then asked for our phone number. Then she ordered it and then told me that it should be on in a few minutes. ME- I'm like OK cool thanks.

I then hang up, get offline and put away my laptop because I didn't want to miss any of the movie. Then when it hadn't started after 15 minutes of my hanging up, I knew that something was going on. So I tried to change the channel, but everything had froze. Like a God-Damn Fucking Computer. So I couldn't even change the fucking channels, and believe me when I say I tried everything I could, I then got my computer back out and got back online. I found another number to call when you are having problems. I got offline cause my cell phone doesn't have a good reception and I knew that I would need to know what that woman would say.
So I told her the problem and she's like Ok ma'am, can you see the receiver. ME: Yes (in my mind--if you can see the fucking tv--then you have to see the fucking receiver--one sure as hell doesn't go without the other, and you know that I could see the TV cause if I couldn't then how could I know that it was fuckin' frozen, and I still haven't gotten the x-ray vision I would need to watch the show from a different room!!) HER: OK ma'am, do you see the power button. ME: Yes (in my mind, if you see the fucking reciever you see the power button cause it's on the front of the fucking receiver). HER: OK hold the power button down for around 5 seconds and that should do it ma'am. ME: (OH FUCK! I'm in bed for the night and am unable to get up and wheel across the room to hold the fucking power down) OK what happens if that doesn't work? (maybe I could do this step from bed) HER: Ok you will need to take out the smart card, unplug something, clean something else, put it all back together. I don't remember all of what she said. These are the highlights. ME: OK thanks, but I do have one more question. HER: OK go ahead ma'am. ME: I am in a wheelchair and am unable to get up out of bed to get to the power button. I will have someone who is coming to help me in the morning who will be able to do that, but by then the movie I ordered will no longer be running and I won't get to watch it. Is there any way you could take it off my bill? HER: I don't know about that ma'am. ME: (put on the poor me act--which is based on the truth) OK, well thanks for trying anyways, it's just that I can't get up to fix the TV and I don't have a lot of money so I don't want to waste it on a movie I won't be able to watch. HER: hold on a second ma'am. ME: OK (YES!!! in my mind) HER: OK ma'am I have taken it off the bill however if for some reason it shows up on it, just give us a call and tell the operator what happened and she will fix it. I am also going to put it in a note on the computer that you called and that you were unable to watch the movie, and the reason why. ME: OK thanks. I do have to admit that she is a very nice person, and was very helpful. The TV unfroze 2 hours after I talked to her.

So all in all last night sucked big time. Today was ok, I spent most of it sleeping and then when I woke up, I read my guy's paper and told him what I thought of it. We'll see what he thinks about what I said later tonight. Now I am debating whether or not, I should wait up and chat with him tonight. I know that I am not feeling well, sick to my stomach and I have a head ache, but I have missed him, and I know that we should be able to talk longer tonight. I just don't know. I am also a little mad that he wouldn't chat with me last night, so I want to punish him...but really that punishes me to cause who knows when he will be able to chat with me again? Well, in the end I know that I will chat with him cause I won't want to miss the opportunity. So that was my day. Hopefully all of you will have had a better one then me! OH, I did get to watch my movie today. I had my roommate plug in the phone cord and ordered it that way!

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OK, I'm Bored [14 Nov 2003|07:06pm]
[ mood | frustrated ]
[ music | Clay Aikin (SP?): Invisible ]

I have just finished the reading that I was supposed to do, and I realized that I still have at least three hours before I get to chat with my guy! All you girls out there must know how that feels! I hate that we live so far from each other, but I am getting used to it, but that doesn't mean that I have to like it! I am also very frustrated! I have this friend that I have like known forever, and she has moved and changed her number which is fine, but she forgot to tell me about it and give me her new numbers! I have a cell number that I think is hers, but at the same time, I just don't know! I have called that number and I am always sent to the voice mail, which so does not sound like her, but I keep telling myself that that doesn't mean anything! It doesn't, right? She has a lot on her plate and I know that, but sometimes you just need to talk to a close friend, and when they just disappear it's hard! But in other news, I was able to get in touch with another old friend, and she has been the one to help me with my life instead of my disappearring friend! I most likely spelled diappearring wrong, but hey that's me! I just can't spell worth a damn. I am getting tired of living in the mountains, and I know that I will be able to move out soon, but until then it's just getting harder to deal with. I don't have a car, so I can't go anywhere with out my mother driving me--and as most of you know, you don't want to go "out" with your mother! So here I am stuck in a beautiful house, with beatiful scenary but no where to go to meet people MY age! I am 22 years old and sometimes I swear I feel like I am 80. And have I mentioned that the one bright spot is that I found a great guy who likes me, and wants to be with me--and he makes me feel extremely special. Damn, I think that I am killing alot of these words with my bad spelling!!! SO what do I do to occupy me--you ask? I watch TV. Let me tell you, I have been watching Third Watch, and it has been making me so mad. As someone who has lost the use of her legs because of an accident, watching a story line where they showcase a character who lost their legs, and they do a bad job of it makes me want to scream. Take Third Watch for an example, since this is the newest one. One of the characters--I think her name is Faith--was shot and now she has temorary loss of her legs. She is angry which is ok, cause you do go through a period of being mad (at least that's what I'm told. I didn't, I was just glad that I lived), but she was angry before this happened to, so it didn't surprise me that she became even more angry! Anywho, she took a fall and then started having an increase in pain, so she goes to the hospital and they say it's all in your head, you aren't really feeling the pain you say you are! Well in life that's what the doctors at the hosptial tend to tell you, but if you go to a doctor (like a physical medicine and rehabilitation)--which is what I did, they tend to take more time to hear you out. I was in a ton of pain and had a hard time getting up, let alone sitting up. The doctors in the hospital said that there was nothing that they could do, that I was just making it up in my head, and even if I did have some pain, I was making it worse. When I went to see the PMR doctor he changed my pain medication and I felt like he gave me a new life! I was able to do things that I hadn't been able to before. It was wonderful, and it WASN'T in my head. Now, I know that for some people it might be in their head, and even if it wasn't they still might need some help with a head shrink. However, my point is that the doctors shouldn't just decided that the patient is making it up and they should take the time to see if they can figure out what is causing the pain in the first place! The other thing that makes me mad is how Oxycontin is getting a ton of bad press because people are stupid and do things that they aren't supposed to do so that they could get a high, but they don't showcase how this drug is able to give life to patients. Without Oxy I wouldn't be able to do half the things that I do, and I would be hell I don't even want to consider that if they stopped making it. Why should the people who need it and use it responsibly get punished because people who want to get high the easiest way have found that they like to use this drug? They are the ones who decieve doctors to get prescriptions, they are the ones who take it the way they want to instead of the way the doctor has instructed them to, they are the ones who smoke it, shoot it up, and chew it! Not us, and yet, I believe that we are the ones who are going to be punished for it in the end and that's just not fair. Ok, I am done now with my rant, and hey another half hour is gone and i'm closer to talking to my guy. I think that I should get offline now, so that people can call me if the need to! Have a great night all....

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The day is long! [14 Nov 2003|05:23pm]
[ mood | bored ]
[ music | No Doubt's It's My LIFE ]

OK, here's the way my day went! I couldn't sleep at all last night so by the time morning rolled around I was tired enough to be able to sleep through my pain! It's always a good thing when the need for sleep over rules the pain! I am in the process of admission for a college, but I ran into a snag. They want proof that I had certain shots that are given to people when they are really young. I just moved to a new state about a year ago, so that doc didn't have any documentation of any shots, I know that I have a medical record that must be as big as 10 dictionaries on top of each other! In other words, I have a huge medical history. SO I decided to call the doctor I was seeing before I moved only to find out that they didn't have any record of the shots either. SO now I am trying to find the doctor that I was seeing when we first moved to that state, but it was 20 years ago, and we aren't sure that he kept my record, and if he is even still working! I don't think he is, but you never know. I called his office and am waiting to find out what they have to say. Now that I have all of my work done, I am able to have some fun, so I went online to see if anyone I knew was there so we could chat, plus I had some work to do. Lo and Behold, a friend that I am getting to know again is online and we are able to chat with each other. Even though I am soooo happy to be able to talk with her again, I have missed her very much, I can't help but think that this day is dragging! I want to talk to a special someone that I haven't been able to talk to for a few weeks, and he said that he would be able to chat with me tonight! I can't wait cause I miss him so very much! He lives so very far away and the only way we get to be together is online and now that's not happening as much as I wish it were. But on the other hand, it does make the time we spend together even more special! The day is getting closer to being over, and I am getting closer to my special someone! I know that I am obessing over this but what else do I have to do!!! LOL! OK, it's time that I say goodbye to all so that I can read the research paper that my someone wrote and that I need to be able to comment on tonight! Have a great night all!

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