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[15 Nov 2007|12:19am] |
i still almost instinctively im him whenever he signs onto aim.
we've never even met.
but i miss him so much.
because i'm a fucking retard
and lied to him about something stupid.
and he was just gone, like that.
after talking for 2 or 3 years.
one of my major support systems when something went wrong.
one of the first people i told when i was excited about something.
i understand why, but he helped me through a lot,
just being there for me to talk to.
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[15 Nov 2007|02:46pm] |
I have had long blonde hair my WHOLE life...
And also every single woman in my family has gotten breast cancer..Some live some dont, sadly.
So i've been changing my whole life within this past year and I thought its time to get rid of my hair and start something new...And thought to myself "Whats a better way to cut your hair short and give it away to someone who needs it"!!!
Im extremely terrified but i know its going to a great cause...
Because i know i have in the high 90% chance of getting breast cancer..And if i lose my hair i would love it if someone would donate their hair for me =)
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[15 Nov 2007|10:09pm] |
"I am a strong girl, i told myself. I can handle this. I love him; I am willing to scrifice half of my most valuable possession to let him know it. He doubted me, and who could blame him? He was right. I've been holding back. I hadn't let him know how I feel, so of course he eventually had to pull back and protect himself. He'd made himself vulnerable to me. He may look strong and confident, but inside he was clearly scared. How many people get to see this side of Carson Gold, the Golden By? I am the only one. He let me in, and I played the tease. What a jerk I am. I hurt him."
It's funny how I've searched for the description of the situation I was going through at the time... and only to find the right words, 3 weeks too late. It really sucked -- still sucks, for that matter. Put into this view, I finally understand what I did wrong, and how he felt. And by a book. Wow, I am so slow.
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[15 Nov 2007|11:10pm] |
Tonight was probably the worse birthday ever.
I pretty much got stood up.
I feel pretty pathetic for thinking something good was gonna happen.
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