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[02 Nov 2006|01:01am] |
tonight he threatened suicide because i didn't love him.
I tried talking rationally while he played mind games with me.
and than he told me that it WAS all my fault that my cousins killed themselves. (which is a fear i've had for years).
I got so fustrated that i almost wished he would kill himself, so i wouldn't have to put up with this anymore.
and than i hated myself.
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[02 Nov 2006|08:50am] |
he's said it a few times
in different ways
but each time scares me more than the last
"i'd die without you"
"i couldnt live without you"
"if i ever saw you with someone else i'd kill myself"
"if we ever broke up i'd kill myself"
i know its pretty intense
and i do love him
but what if something happend?
i mean he thinks we're going to get married and have kids!
what if we broke up for some reason
a part of me knows how obsessed he is with me
and i know for a fact that us ending would tear his life apart
i would not put it past him that he would kill himself for me
why the hell is this so fucked up?
secret:if i was responsible for his death it would kill me
so baisically im stuck in this
...fuck...
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[02 Nov 2006|08:50am] |
he's said it a few times
in different ways
but each time scares me more than the last
"i'd die without you"
"i couldnt live without you"
"if i ever saw you with someone else i'd kill myself"
"if we ever broke up i'd kill myself"
i know its pretty intense
and i do love him
but what if something happend?
i mean he thinks we're going to get married and have kids!
what if we broke up for some reason
a part of me knows how obsessed he is with me
and i know for a fact that us ending would tear his life apart
i would not put it past him that he would kill himself for me
why the hell is this so fucked up?
secret:if i was responsible for his death it would kill me
so baisically im stuck in this
...fuck...
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[02 Nov 2006|10:48am] |
Leaving would be the best thing
I could ever do for you,
But I'm too selfish to let you go.
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| Oops? |
[02 Nov 2006|01:53pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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amused |
] |
| [ |
music |
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Say Goodbye - Chris Brown |
] |
And no, It's not James Marsters.. as much as I've wished night after night. =(
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[02 Nov 2006|06:50pm] |
Pssst.
Quebec, someone forgot to let you in on a secret:
You won't be able to survive as your own country!!!!
I AM SO FUCKING SICK OF THIS PROVINCE.
I need to leave ASAP. And sorry to those I offended who live here. But I am just too sick of getting fucking weird looks because I am talking english on my cell. Monreal/Westmount isn't so bad. But I am just fucking sick of it.
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[02 Nov 2006|07:05pm] |
i'm afraid that if he knows i smoke pot
he'll hate me.
i just can't bring myself to tell him.
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[02 Nov 2006|08:17pm] |
I do everything last minute.
But I always seem to get a good grade.
I know that one of these days it's not going to work out that way.
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[02 Nov 2006|08:20pm] |
So, I broke up with him.
So I'm not a cheating whore anymore.
Also: I sent an apology letter to the guy [the one I came closest to actually loving] that I lashed out at.
I was terrified at first, but now I'm so relieved.
And if he doesn't respond to it, like he didn't to the last one, then he's out of my life forever.
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[02 Nov 2006|08:43pm] |
  >
Right now. i need a hug more than anything. A real hug. :[
Im so alone and i drive myself insane wondering why.
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[02 Nov 2006|10:05pm] |
I have mono :(
[but he got me a teddy bear! :)]
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[02 Nov 2006|11:17pm] |
sooo free trial of photoshop is up so i have shitty things like this!
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