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[18 Oct 2006|12:58am] |
i'm addicted.
i put it on at least 20 times a day.
and not just my lips.
i put it on my hands if they're dry or my face, whatever.
i'm in love.
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[18 Oct 2006|09:29am] |
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the reason i'm keeping him around isn't necessarily because i need him, but because he'll do anything i ask him to... and i'm pretty sure no one else cares about me that way.
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| Don't tell me this isn't a secret |
[18 Oct 2006|11:54am] |
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mood |
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content |
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music |
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Lynyrd Skynryd--FREE BIRD |
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[18 Oct 2006|12:27pm] |
so.
there's this boy.
and i am more than in love with him, as he is with me.
but he has a girlfriend of a little over a year, she lives 4 hours away.
last weekend i lost my virginity to him.
and i've been waiting for him for the last 3 months to break up with her.
and he did, and we went out.
and then he said it was too soon and got back with her a few weeks later.
i'm so happy with him, but i know i feel my heart breaking with each day that passes that we're not together.
i've tried telling him that we wern't going to talk until he broke up with her,
but i'm always a mess when i don't talk to him.
and one of us usually calls the other crying.
i just don't know what to do, because i know i couldn't move on from him...
well at least, i couldn't if he were still in love with me.
everyone tells me that he's an ass and is just using me.
but no one knows him like i do.
i need an outsides opinion.
in the worst way.
please and thank you.
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[18 Oct 2006|02:06pm] |
ps. sorry my secrets arent the best. i know i suck.
I used to have a best friend.
we told EVERYTHING to each other
and would sit in a coffee house for hours
talking about our lives.
she was the one that brought me to the McDonalds play place to forget about the
breakup with my boyfriend.
she was the one that would go to the mall with me 24-7,
and, fine something about everyone to make fun of them.
shes the one who would sit in the parked car with me
blaring aqua, or another one of those 80s/90s bands.
till one day.
she started being a bitch to me.
and told me she didn’t want to be friends with someone who was such a bitch.
I was so nice to her and we were so different but seemed to match.
there’s no way were ever going to be friends again.
even though I really want to.
I didn’t do anything wrong
and I know she wants to be friends again.
then again maybe she meant it.
all I know is that I really want a best friend
but even more. i really want her back
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[18 Oct 2006|03:28pm] |
I spend too much time worrying about what other people think.
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[18 Oct 2006|03:28pm] |
i cried in school today.
over math.
and it was and is the worst feeling to date.
to be seen crying, to be weak.
it was worse than all of the bs my parents have done or attempted, because i can reason with that.
there is no reasoning with my math teacher.
she is out for blood.
there is no reasoining with the york county school sytem
they're out for my sprit.
the worst part was not being able to tell people what was wrong
because i'd just get sympathy
because they'd say i know how you feel, and people in school dont.
they've endured no hardships, as a whole.
but mostly because i can't talk when i cry, my throat closes up and i can't breathe.
and i cry evenmore because i can't communicate how i feel or why im crying.
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[18 Oct 2006|03:31pm] |
but a distance between you and i killed us gradually. a spoonful of your sarcasm helps the pain go down, but if you wanna mend my heart for awhile, it'll take a phone call from your side of town.
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[18 Oct 2006|05:02pm] |
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Yeah, I'm a winter person..
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[18 Oct 2006|05:06pm] |
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I really want to have sex with my Algebra teacher.
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[18 Oct 2006|06:30pm] |
They dated for over three years, and broke up about two weeks ago.
She tried to kill herself the following weekend. She hasn't been to school since.
He died yesterday after a car crash.
That's life I guess, but he was going to be our class valedictorian, and he's an actual genius.
Why them? They're too good for this.
Maybe he was too good for us.
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[18 Oct 2006|06:33pm] |
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I got out of school early today....came home and took a nap while it rained.....Im dreamed about you again bastard!!!!!! This time you were nice though and you genuinely wanted to restore our friendship in the dream.
Secret: I wish this wasn't my subconscious telling me I still have feelings for you and wish our friendship or whatever we had was resolved....but I know I wish things were better between us and I hate that!!!!!
I wish I would stop dreaming about you
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[18 Oct 2006|06:51pm] |
i guess it's stupid.
and i get laughed at.
but they're just so friggin SCARY
and i cant help that =[
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[18 Oct 2006|08:32pm] |
I feel so vulnerable tonight.
& for some reason I wish he would take advantage of it.
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[18 Oct 2006|11:10pm] |
I feel like the way he turned out was all my fault.
i let him have everything he wanted in our relationship,
and if i hadn't maybe he wouldnt be such an alcohalic, or a womanizer now.
I really want him back, i wanna save him, i wanna fix him,
i want him to admit that he loved me at one time, or tell me he never loved me.
I wanna know if he has any feelings for me anymore.
I mean how the hell do you not have any feelings for the person who was supposed to be your "first love".
most of all...
i just want him to notice me
...again.
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[18 Oct 2006|11:32pm] |
i just feel like
every time i say i love you, i loose a piece of myself
and i really dont think its worth it.
no one ever knows the meaning or impact of that word.
im just going to stop saying it alltogether.
not until we get off our "break"
how can we even have a break? we were never all that invlolved.
emotions are a waste of energy.
i defeat myself everyday, before the day even begins.
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