Alexis' Blurty

Diya Is 18
Today Diya turned 18, and Cate and I threw a surprise for her in her dorm's lounge. It was great!!! She was so happy and she was actually surprised which is an aspect of surprise parties which can easily go awry. There were so many people there, even though not everyone showed up. Cate baked a Chocolate Cake and Apple Crisp, both of which we delicious, Yukari made a card with a picture of Diya from their trip to NYC, and I organized the thing. Moving on because I'm tired and I have a paper to write, Cate and I got Indigo Girls tickets for the day after my birthday!!! I'm going to see the Indigo Girls!!!! I'm freaking out, I mean, I can't believe it. Sweet Raluca is letting us borrow her car to drive to the concert and it's gonna be really intense. I'm crying listening to them now, but I did it. I told her, I told Kelly that I liked her. Some times it's hard to hear what you know to be the truth because then you really have to deal with it. I sucked it up and did it though. Basically, Kelly told me that she didn't think that a relationship would be good for us right now, that we didn't know each other as well as we could (which I agreed with) and that we would probably become very dependant upon each other which would be a horrible problem when she graduated (which I agreed with)...BUT she does like me, she thinks I'm smart and pretty, she loves being my friend, she's glad I told her and that just because now is no, no is not never. She told me one thing that made me cry and want to scream outloud; I helped her become a better person. I don't know how to describe how that made me feel. We spoke for about 2 hours and then she drove me home. I thought I was alright, but then I started to cry, howl in pain. Even though part of my heart was appeased because I had an answer, some form of understanding, but rejection is still rejection. I felt like I was being ripped in two, and all I could do was scream. My heart ached, my body ached and I couldn't get it out. The next morning when I woke up after falling asleep from crying, worn out, my face was swollen, and my eyes puffy and red. My jaw was stiff and sore from crying. I saw her that next day and I sat with her while she ate dinner. We're going to be alright, we're going to be friends for always. I almost feel like this entry came from the little girl inside me, but why? I'm tired, yes, and stressed, yes, but it's probably the fact that rejection makes me feel like the 5 year old who would wait every weekend for horseback riding lessons that never came from the drunkard father who promised them, but instead from my nanny. They say that all women marry men exactly like their fathers and I pray that doesn't apply to women also...

Current Mood: crushed
Current Music: Indigo Girls