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JD

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[05 Sep 2004|09:25pm]
OK FIRST OFF IF YOU DONT KNOW WHO NICOLE IS READ MY OTHER JOURNAL ... HardCharger360 on livejournal.com.......So me and nicole are ofically together as of 9/03/04.Iam so happy i cant put it into words...And we told each other how we feel...Well it sort of went down like a question ..cause when i was talkin to her,she said something and i responded with yeah but i love ya....and she asked if i was just joking or not so things went from there.. and yeah I am totally in love with her... i have never felt this way about anybody(Not even linda)Yes its true...Now those of you that know me know how much i love linda cause we have probably talked about it before...So yeah that just gives you a little idea of how crazy i am about this girl....Now she says i am too nice to her but i honestly dont know what she means...I am just myself.. its just that im so crazy in love with her so that might make a slight difference.. but everybody tells me how nice i am all the time so i dunno.And the girl can moan like no other i swear....She gets my attention ever time she does it ...just wow...I dunno .. i just feel like things are finally right when i talk to her...Honestly i think she is going to be around for a long long time....yeah and about 2 weeks ago she asked me to prom even though it a while away..I can not tell you how honored i feel for this...She is just so wow...i cant explain it...I would do anything for her..and i do mean anything...Well thats all for now i will update more soon....
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ummm.....ok [06 Aug 2004|11:04pm]
You are the expert at deciding what you need to know. It's not a problem for you to sort through the incoming data and to set aside everything that is extra noise. Now, however, there is a certain latitude reality is giving you, and you may not know the best way to ease up. If you can start by relaxing the muscles in your arms and legs, the rest of your body will follow.
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You laugh at me because I'm different , I laugh at you because you're all the same [02 Aug 2004|11:36pm]
[ mood | cranky ]
[ music | Three days grace-Just like you.. .God i love TDG ]

I'll be coming home
just to be alone
Cause I know you're not there
And I know you don't care
I can hardly wait to leave this place

No matter how hard I try
You're never satisfied
This is not a home
I think I'm better off alone
You always disappear
Even when you're here
This is not my home
I think I'm better off alone
Home, this house is not a home

By the time you come hom
I'm already stoned

You turn off the tv
And you scream at me
I can hardly wait
til you get off my case

No matter how hard I try
You're never satisfied
This is not a home
I think I'm better off alone
You always disappear
Even when you're here
This is not my home
I think I'm better off alone
Home, this house is not a home

Ths house is not a home
I'm better off alone



You laugh at me because I'm different , I laugh at you because you're all the same......Its not tragic to be yourself......Then again maybe thats why im single

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hmmmm [01 Aug 2004|10:36pm]
[ mood | cynical ]

VIRGO — Aug. 1 By Rick Levine


There is a sense of immediate change in the air. If it feels like it's all coming apart, you might just have to let the changes take their course. It will come back together again soon enough. This can, in fact, be a sign that you were moving too fast and that your plans need to be reconsidered. The problem is that you'll feel impatient with any thought that slows you down now. Fight back the impulse to make final decisions. You can use more time, no matter how it feels

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why am i so lost [01 Aug 2004|11:48am]
[ mood | gloomy ]

So the guy called me about the GTO..He wanted $3000,good price but i cant afford it.Im stressing for a girl again it seems to happen for like 2 weeks out of a month...But then again i havent really been looking..I mean i have but when i see somebody i dont do anything about it...Kind of the reason why is because im always rejected..Kind of like what happened with tina..The whole i wanna be friends thing..Its bull shit...I would rather have her as a friend then not know her but its hard.Especially when you really really like someone and you know you cant be with them the way you want to be..it kills me everytime i see her..UHHHH.whatever..Im i dunno been confused alot latley...It would be so much easier if i were gay but im not so i guess i gotta deal with it.I need somebody by my side .. with out somebody else im nothing....Or atleast thats the way i feel...Why cant i find a girl who will likes me for who i am and doesnt try and change me....who just accepts people..I dont try and change people i let them be what they wanna be.Anyway about the title.. i feel so lost . its true i do. its like i dont know who i am anymore.. its just not the same ....And latley i have been just dying to talk to linda.......i called her last night and we talked till about 4Am...it was nice...we talked about me moving up there to be together again...but honestly i dont know if i can. move anyway ..ya know my life is here right now.I have a good job all my friends are here. I dunno...Anyway im of to work on the car maybe it will fall on me and ill die..Then nothing to worry about..I know nobody reads this anymore so i really dont know what the point is.. just sometihng for me to vent in i guess...

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wow [29 Jul 2004|10:54pm]
[ mood | shocked ]

So i just got home.. i had free tickets to go see the village...Good movie.. boring at the start but ended very well..I had the chills and i jumped a few times....it was different then most scary movies..and surprising..well id say go see it .. i plan on it.

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Hmmmmm.. [28 Jul 2004|10:08pm]
So its time for a update juist cause im bored off my assssssssssss....I went sunday and got some bad ass tribal done on my back thats gonna continue all the way down my spine..It hurt like hell cause i kept bleeding the ink out..So he had to go over it 3 or 4 times....it hurt so bad at the end i was shaking....Work is going good.. my brother found a car car i might buy a '68 pontiac GTO ram air IV..Im not getting my hopes up but whatever...i was working under a car today and this girl comes in right .. all i see are fishnet stocking like 30 eyelet boots a plaid mini skirt and a black top. so after she leaves i go to chip and ask what she wanted .. just a tune up and breaks.. that he has known her for a while.. so i tell him to hook me up... so he does right... then about 5 she comes to get her car.. everybody is gone but me... so i see her and i go in the office.. she walks in and i just about cried... she was so busted it wasnt even funny.. i mean just nasty.. teeth were fucked.. she looked liek she got in a car accident 4 times over.. i was like damn.. what a waste.... so i gave her the bill took the money and sent her on her way... then i called chip and told him not to hook me up and he thought it was the funniest thing in the world...And my dreams are still coming more and more everynight....its driving me crazy... a little more of the dream opens up every night.. its still making me crazy though,.....they are like vampire dreams i swear.. it like i only go out at night after the attack and i bite and kill everybody i see....well umm thats all for now i guess...
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Wow finally some fun.. [27 Jul 2004|10:04pm]
[ mood | happy ]

Yes people finally an update thats not bad......the Evanescence concert was last night......had a great time..Breaking berjerman was first.Damn good if i dont say so myself..They got themsleves a new fan..gonna go and buy the cd today or tomorrow..3days grace was damn good too...The guitarist on our side was awsome .. big mohawk and kept breaking strings. awsome...seether was ok not the best but not bad... most of thier music sounded the same...and the lead looked like kurt cobain..kinda wierd.but kewl...then there was evenescence...Fucking great....And Amy Lee it just so tastyy.......MMmmmmmmmmmm.... yeas so anyway it was a fun change i had a good time with tina not knowing where to go ...we first got there and had to ditch her wallet chain in the bushes...then we got in and had no idea where to go.. so we walked around like a tards for a min then asked somebody...She had no clue either.. so yeah away we went.Finally we got to the floor wherewe belonged...it was fun though ... with the single person behind me moshing with him self. and the gilr next to me givving me a lapdance(Yeah it was good too)I felt like giving her money after it was all over...It was in general a good night ... tina got wacked in the head with a water bottle from 3 days grace. which she ended up drinking...ummm let me see what else....our necks and feet were killing us by the time we were done.. i dont think my head has moved that much in the last 2 years...went back to tina's got drinks rested a lil bit .. then she kicked me out :)..thats about it .. ohh yeh then the guy yelling at us on the way back to her house.. talking about he fucked some people up in the pit..???? umm ok what did you mosh too???i really wanna know stupid people...anyway i finally got home around i dunno call it 1am...or something like that i dunno....got on check my mail.. watched some tv. took a shower....A long shower ;) well i guess thats alll..later kiddies

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what do they mean [20 Jul 2004|10:11pm]
Ok so maybe for the past 4 or 5 day i have been having really strange dreams.....one stands out from all the others but they are pretty much the same but a lil bit different each time...Ok first off i dont know where i am or why im there...All right.... im walking down the street ...and this guy appears behind me all of a sudden.. so i keep walking... and i make a turn down an alley and so the guy follows...so i keep waking till i get to this field...So i decide to walk across it.. i get about half way across and the guy appears again...and he starts running at me...so i start running myself...then this guy lands on me from no where...And he starts biting me , i knock him off and try to get away and he tackles me again..and bites some more...and this time i cant shake him off.....so he keeps on biting like he is trying to eat me.. then all of a sudden.. its like my ribs explode,and my jaw breaks ,and i stand up and attack him.and start ripping him apart with my teeth..... then i wake up ........ive been racking my brain trying to figure this dream out but nothing...........Ohh yeah i just got home from seeing the bourne supreamacy. . I had free tix.. it was well ummmm.. disappointing to say the least...
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maybe im gay??....Ummmm No [14 Jul 2004|08:46pm]
[ mood | grateful ]

Ok so shawn ,laura and i all hung out last night...We chilled at the coin laundry near my house...LOL i know byut he needed to was clothes..So we chilled tere for like an hour.Went to my house for a lil bit ..The decided to go to boomers..It got interesting there..It was weird having laura hang on me all night while shawn was there..It just...............................wasnt right.The real shit hapened when i took her home but ill get into that in a lil bit.so we ran around boomers like ants for awhile.. then shawn wanted to get something from the snack bar..Alright ,The line was like 2 miles long...So then laura wanted a cigg.so we went outside while shawn was in line...Ok....now before we even tried to sit down i swear the girl was on me like white on rice...And i figured wtf..shawn dont mind....So we go around the side(Near the mini golf)And we are going at it ..Then i just stopped...I realized that i couldnt do it ...I mean..laura is smoking hot.. but damn why do i have morals .. its just not right...So i didnt wanna say the real reason why i stopped so i told her to wait till we get a better chance..(BIG MISTAKE)So she says ok and gets her smoke on..Shawn comes out and just looks at me like wtf happened to you..I dunno he just had this look....so whatever we sit down eat, drink, smoke, .... yeah i had to have one...So we leave boomers and go to max's house.We were in is bathroom playing with his ferrets while him and shawn were smoking weed....So she like just keeps staring at me and saying how we are alone.......Yeah let me tell ya how uncomfortable that was...Ok anyway its turns into 12:30 in no time at all... so me and laura have to work tomorrow.. so i was like ill take her home since it was on the way..(I was in sunrise,She lives in davie)Shawn was like kewl..yada yada yada...The whole drive was quiet.. nobody said a word..at all.....so we pull into her drive way.And i mention that her parents arent home(Another mistake)She's all like yeah they are visiting people in tampa.....I just had one single though in my head that just kept saying FUCK!!!!!....So she asks me if i wanted to come in...The guy in me took over and said *Sure id love too*So we get in the house,She just grabs me by the shirt and drags me into her room..It was great....We start going at it ...like really heavy...So we sort of get naked .And more stuff starts happening..I must of been like a good inch away when i stopped.....I was almost there.But noooo..she juist had this look on her face that wanted to make me cry.. i swear.. ive never felt like that in my life.So i roll off of her.And she just sort of lays on my chest and asks me whats wrong...(Mean while werw still laying there naked,,I mean Tito was just flying in the breeze) ;)...lol anyway.So we start talking and i brought up that we said we were just gonna be friends.. she said yeah we *were*.Nothing much happened after that we just layed there talking all night till like 2:30 or something...We got alot out in the open . and we agreed that nothing like this would happen again unless we both were really sure about it...It was nice though...Just laying there (naked)her lying on my chest talking .. i swear if shawn wasnt in the picture (or if someone else wasnt constantly on my mind)i would have fallen in love right then and there.And i do care for laura i really do .. but not more than a friend right now...And no matter how many times shawn give me the ok i still wont be able to do it ..I cant date my best friends x g/f who he is still crazy about.Anyway it was nice .. we talked about everything and everyone..And i do mean everyone.No matter how much i hate me life or think how bad it is.. its really not ..i remember when she tried to kill herself like 2 years ago...shawn was in westpalm..I was the only person there for her...Im the one that took her to the hospital (And got blood all over myself and my car)We talked about that cause i was rubbing on her wrist and felt the scars..I really understand why she did it now. and im glad she is here today..When ever i see her she is just so happy to see me ..And that just makes me feel good...ya know.she also told me that she has really really really really really really really really really really(her exact words)like me for like ever .. and that she respects me for the way i am..ya know not wanting to just bone her...i was kind of surprised to hear this...since she is the one that wanted to bone me so badly.She just "wanted to for so long that it was like a goal of hers"I was like whoooooaaa....Anyway she made me feel really good about myself she sort of pounded into my head that if i like someone not to give up hope ..that you never know what might bring you together..anyway we are gonna start hanging out more....Se is just such a kewl girl(Even though she looks like she is 12)I even talked to her about tina.. and she just kept saying shit like keep your head up, and even if you two dont get together its better to have her as a friend..Which i totally agree with but i ..i dunnno...well ok enough of me... ..........................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................For now HAHAHAHAH ...

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The bitch is at it again [10 Jul 2004|03:34pm]
[ mood | cold ]

**hahdadaha found out some news that made melike 100000x's happier.
te girl that jd (my ex) is talkng to, to make me jealous, is nikkis (megan you should get a kick out of this...) sister!!! christina, formally known as tina. jd, quit stalking her. hahahaha lol they don't like you, hon. three is just nothin nfunnier than this**


Thats from the journal of liz...Yeah trying to make her jealous....She needs to grow the fuck up.. seriously..Im so over her its not even funny......And if thats what nikki and tina seem to think then fine ill just stop talking to her..whatever....Yeah its gonna be a loss on my part cause i like talking to her.. but if thats what i gotta do then hey...If it comes to that i can always find somebody else to harass......I can always find somebody to go to the concert with also ..I think its just liz tlking shit since thats all she can do ...Anyway just wanted to share that with everyone...Know everybody know why i hate nova people ....im gonna start a screening process before i talk to anybody ..and if your from nova i dont talk to ya.. All they do is talk shit ,spread rumors and gossip thats it ...Fuck im glad i didnt go to that fucking school..Ya know what fuck everybody who doesnt like me ...I dont give a shit........ Call me if ya still like me...Yeah i wont be getting many calls but who cares.... NOT MEEEEE...UOY KCUF

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[10 Jul 2004|03:10pm]
16 Moterfuckin days left...YESSSSSS
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She opened my eyes [09 Jul 2004|10:22pm]
[ mood | happy ]
[ music | Black hole sun-Sound garden ]

Ok something happened tonight..Nothing big just something to wake me up a lil bit..I was at nevins house ...He went to get sometihng from the store.So it was me and his wife larissa and the baby iliana..This kid loves me so much she runs to the door when i come up and crys when i leave ok.And love this girl too ive been there since day one .....So anyway im sitting there on the couch holding her..Rissa is running around cleaning up a lil. after about 20 mins she realizes that me and iliana are just sitting on the couch ..Then she says that one day im gonna make a great dad...and husband...I just smiled...Then thought about it for a bit..She was right.....I am gonna make a great husband and dad...I dont really feel the need to find a girlfriend anymore,I dont know why but its just like gone.. Any way i just had to share that cause it made me feel good...It made me feel even better when i realized that she was right ...I dont know why but kids seem to love me.And im am great with kids....Whatever gotta go and feel good about myself

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[06 Jul 2004|07:13pm]
[ mood | drained ]
[ music | How you remind me-Nickelback ]

"How You Remind Me"

Never made it as a wise man
I couldn't cut it as a poor man stealing
Tired of living like a blind man
I'm sick of sight without a sense of feeling
And this is how you remind me
This is how you remind me
This is how you remind me
Of what I really am
This is how you remind me
Of what I really am

It's not like you to say sorry
I was waiting on a different story
This time I'm mistaken
for handing you a heart worth breaking
and I've been wrong, i've been down,
been to the bottom of every bottle
these five words in my head
scream "are we having fun yet?"

yeah, yeah, yeah, no, no
yeah, yeah, yeah, no, no

it's not like you didn't know that
I said I love you and I swear I still do
And it must have been so bad
Cause living with me must have damn near killed you

And this is how, you remind me
Of what I really am
This is how, you remind me
Of what I really am

It's not like you to say sorry
I was waiting on a different story
This time I'm mistaken
for handing you a heart worth breaking
and I've been wrong, i've been down,
been to the bottom of every bottle
these five words in my head
scream "are we having fun yet?"

yet, yet, yet, no, no
yet, yet, yet, no, no
yet, yet, yet, no, no
yet, yet, yet, no, no

Never made it as a wise man
I couldn't cut it as a poor man stealing
And this is how you remind me
This is how you remind me
This is how you remind me
Of what i really am
This is how you remind me
Of what i really am

It's not like you to say sorry
I was waiting on a different story
This time I'm mistaken
for handing you a heart worth breaking
and I've been wrong, i've been down,
been to the bottom of every bottle
these five words in my head
scream "are we having fun yet?"
yet, yet
are we having fun yet
are we having fun yet
are we having fun yet
No,No,No




God i hate that song so much..But i love it also ,See that song has meaning to me..Ive been thgough that before and am going through it now. Every time that song comes around on the cd i just get depressed and feel like running the car into a pole..Anyway jusst had to get that out...More later...20 days till Evanescence,....Three Days Grace, Breaking Benjamin and Seether..FUCK YEAH

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blahhhhhh [05 Jul 2004|12:17am]
[ mood | drunk ]

Yeah that about all i can type right now ..i have found a new reason for life.. getting plastered..;)..twice in one day ... it rules...Stoli is my new drink of choice.. very nice...hung out with nevin since nobody else wanted to call me or hang out ..Bunch of back stabbing faggots... whatever shit happens....got drunk and worked on the jag..puked ...passed out on the couch.. woke up went to mikes.. got drunk again..went in the pool.. turned down weed like 4million times....got to drive home wet and drunk..Yeah i know but i didnt have a choice. i have to work today...... hope i dont have a hangover..ummm thats all i guess..more tomorrow maybe..

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weekend... [03 Jul 2004|11:25am]
[ mood | cheerful ]

Alright its already starting off good and baddd..First the bad cause its a lot less...Psrint decided not to turn my phone on after making a $220 payment. so i gotta call and bitch them out.. im gonna tell them to either turn my phone on or cancel my contract and ill go to nextel.Now the good .......Linda is coming down for the weekend..So i jet to see jasmin too...Also laura and i are just gonna hang out with konie and michelle just to make sure that noting happens...so yeah im off to was the cars then off to have fun.. laterrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

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From my other journal big updatessss [29 Jun 2004|10:23pm]
Saturday, June 19th, 2004
8:37 pm ?????????????
OK this just sux ass. I decided to go skating to take my mind off of something's and what happens? It starts fucking raining. So I have no choice but to take refuge at my friend Rachel's house right and she doesn't have a car and it still raining. This sux. It good in a way cause we have been talking a lot and its helped so much. We have talked about everything. She has helped me see that Tina and I are only gonna be friends (Which is cool but I wanted more) We talked about Joey and all the bad stuff that has happened. I dunno IM glad she is here for me, She just seem to be the only one that gives a fuck right now (I know its not true it just seems that way) I dunno, She brought this up as a joke that we should date since we both have trouble finding somebody to be with. Then we just started laughing our asses off. Anyway i spent like the whole day at star bucks reading, and i do mean the whole day. I got there at like 10:00am and left at like 3:30pm.But it was nice to be alone and not have to worry about anything. With all this stuff happening i wanna find somebody to be with. Not for the sex i could give a shit about sex (I like it but its not important) I just need somebody that makes me happy and like wise ya know. Its just hard cause girls now a days think all you want is sex....Its startin to piss me off cause its true all guys look for is sex. Im starting to think that im like the only guy in the world that likes a girl with a good personality. I dunno its been a while since i had somebody by my side and i miss it. I know all the people that browse this are gonna say what a loser but you know what FUCK YOU. Call me what you want i dont care. I make more in a year than you make in five, So get fucked. In about a week the charger is going in the paint shop to be finished..I dunno i just gotta keep looking for a girl i guess. She isn't just gonna fall in my lap. But i like girls that are into the rock scene and it hard to find a girl like that, That isn't taken. And im not exactly good when it comes to talking to girls either so its gonna be hard.So if any of the readers have a friend ;)Hook a brotha up.:D well its finally stopped raining i think.Im just i dunno ......................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................Lonely i guess, Well not really but yeah i guess i am in a sad pathetic way.Whatever who cares....I DO ...Damn it.Im also glad i decided that i didn't go to west palm i know if i did i would have regretted it. Thank you Tina. Whatever, more when i get home

Sunday, June 20th, 2004
9:18 pm Hangin' round downtown by myself
And I had so much time
To sit and think about myself
And then there she was
Like double cherry pie
Yeah there she was
Like disco superfly
I smell sex and candy here
Who's that lounging in my chair
Who's that casting devious stares
In my direction
Mama this surely is a dream

Hangin' round downtown by myself
And I had too much caffeine
And I was thinkin' 'bout myself
And then there she was
In platform double suede
Yeah there she was
Like disco lemonade
I smell sex and candy here
Who's that lounging in my chair
Who's that casting devious stares
In my direction
Mama this surely is a dream
Mama this surely is a dream
I smell sex and candy here
Who's that lounging in my chair
Who's that casting devious stares
In my direction
Mama this surely is a dream
Mama this surely is a dream
Yeah mama this must be my dream...



Ya just gotta love that fucking song.So anyway things have gotten better i guess.I feel better anyway.I saw eurotrip lastnight.I was talking to tina online and she asked if i wanted to come watch with her and her sis.So why the hell not ,I mean its 1:30am and i have nothing to do so wtf .Awsome movie i have to go and buy it now.Im also the only one that stayed awake to watch the whole movie.Man trying to wake tina up is worse that trying to wake up shawn.I must of tried for a good 10mins before she actually moved.Then it took another 10mins to get her to follow me to the door to lock it.I also decided that im gonna keep the firebird.Nevin is taking the 383 out of the jag,So its going into the pontiac.Yeah.Ummmmmm Tuesday is tina's b-day,She says she doesnt want anything but whater they all say that.I have to go to westpalm tuesady morning for joey's funeral.Its at 9:00am So i should be back by 11.So maybe she will wanna hang out.Doubtful but you never know.Unless she wants to hang out monday night.uhhhhhhhh i guess thats all i dunno.And i need to find a girl friend so im gonna start my mission here...The malls ,where ever gotta find one by my b-day(Sept 21)Thats my current goal in life , Sad huh? Well whatever.On my 21'st im going on a binder im gonna get shit faced like never before.Which isnt gonna be hard seeing as how i havent drank at all in almost a year.Last time i got drunk i ended up talking to a palmtree(Long story ask me about it sometime).Well thats all for now i guess..........

HAHAHAHAHAH
i cant believe you sent me a message you white power nazi isnt it
against your beliefs to talk with me being as im half spic my other
half is jewish so let me guess you wanna burn me hitler lover stupid
skinheads like you desrve to die for your intolerence grow up u piece
of shit.....I just love E-mails like that.lol Makes me feel good that im doing something positive with myself.hahah i love it.I matched her on hot or not and she sent me that. gotta love it.Anyway yeah fuck all is going on. more later maybe. ohh i got one more e-mail...


Ok, so you mailed me a few times. I am finally responding. How are you? I'm ok. :) This is the girl with the black and white photo. Do you have yahoo messenger? Well I made a move.......will you write me back? Hope to hear from you soon! Have a terrific day!

Natasha

...UMMMM ok The girl with the black and white pics ????Doesnt help me out at all.I dunno whatever


Monday, June 21st, 2004
11:58 pm self righteous(Sp) suicide
Ok so after my last update that girl that i met at the bike shop called me.Wanted to know if i wanted to meet her at Barns&Nobels so i figured ok why not got nothin else to do.So i drive out to pines and meet her.Wow is all i can say.Now i know why i dont dig blondes.The girl was a fucking twit.So yeah she is kewl and all but i just wanna stab her with something everytime she opens her mouth.WoW.She mention that we should go to the movies and ahve dinner sometime ,I was just like yeah that would be fun and changed the subject.And i found out who the girl in the black&white pic was.This girl natasha that i talked to along time ago.Thats how we met because i was joking about her pics cause they were all in b&w.Whatever.My ribs and arm are killin me,I slipped at work trying to get out from under the steering whell and landed on my side right on the door sill.It sucked ,It still does.If it is still hurting by tomorrow night im gonna go to the hospital to see if i broke any ribs.Ummm..HAPPY BIRTHDAY TINA .Ill call you tomorrow.


Wednesday, June 23rd, 2004
9:06 pm i knew it
Ok so i went to the hospital today and found out that i have 3 broken ribs so that sux.Other than that not much is going on .I havent heard from tina in a few days probably cause my phone is off....Im gonna pay it tomorrow.lol yeah ummmmmmmmm thats all i guess


BLAH BLAH BLAH
So like nothing has happened at all since my last update...Same shit different day...My cell is turned off immsure everyone has noticed.It was either my cell bill or tickets to Evanescence so yeah tickets won...Whatever.Shawn came down from west palm for the weekend..Still did nothing. Friday and saturday we hung out with his druggie buddie max.Dont get me wrong he is a kewl kid , but he just does way too many drugs..So there i was sitting in a house full of junkies doing lines and smoking weed..Man it sucked the time just seemed to take forever to pass..Now i dindt feel uncomfortable or anytihng i was just thinking how stupid theses kids were.I mean they would do a couple lines then smoke some weed..WTF what is the point???What a waste if you ask me but whatever.. i could care less not like i did it so fuck it..So the search continues for a female friend :)..I was supposed to go meet this girl yesterday but she lives in boca so fuck that ...too far..Me and shawn wen to sawgrass mall yesterday and hung out there damn near all night ...We saw laura there and damn...Now i know why shaun hates women..If she broke up with me i would hte them too...But it went so bad...Just like last time we hung out with her..All she does is flirt and flirt and flirt...And not with shawn...I mean yeah i like it cause it makes me feel like maybe im not a total piece of shit and maybe girls are interested in me.But then again i feel like an asshole cause shawn is like my brother..I mean by no way in hell would i date her just because of shawn.She is the hottest girl i have ever seen or been around but i still couldnt do it..Anyway enough of making myself feel like shit . i took the day off. so maybe ill update later.....
Monday, June 28th, 2004
9:03 pm ummmmm
So update time again..yes twice in one day..damn im board..All i got going on right now is talking to stacy :) the cutie.Yeah thats about it sad but fun....Ummm trying to think what else...Tina says she is gonna pay me back for the ticket for the show..We talked about it for like 15 mins.I kept telling her not to worry about it to pay me whenever she gets it ..i know it was frustrating her cause i kept saying when ever she doesnt have a deadline.Good news is everything is going good with her mom now which is good..Im glad they are doing good..Im also thinking about bumming money off my bro jusat to turn my phone back on.IM getting bitched out by Konnie&Michelle and everybody else cause i never call them and they cant call me.Now i sort of feel bad when they bitch cause i love those girls..everybody else whatever but them :(.. We also went and saw them last night ..Michelle was the only one that noticed that ive lost weight.:) Im now 170lbs i was like 195.So i figure thats about my natural body weight.i just gotta break out my weight bench and get back into it.. yeah thats all for now i guess


Tuesday, June 29th, 2004
9:44 pm Bad bad man..
Ok today was a good day sort of...Work went fine ,went by really quick as always.Got home and shawn calls says he's hooking me up with somebody ..So i figure kewl me and shawn have the exact same taste in girls. and i do me exact....So he gave the chick my number right says he think we would be good together and all this shit and that he has given me his approval , lol so i was like ok thats good .So she calls me, WTF was he thinking...It was his x g/f laura...Now she is a little goth hottie and i do mean hottie..She is like maybe 5'0 with boots on.100Lbs with rocks in her pockets..Ohh god she is hot ..Long black hair past her ass. and blue eyes Omg is all i can say..So i talked to her for like 2 hours right then shawn calls on the other line so i click over and talk to him.Ask him what he was thinking..He said that she really likes me and he is my boy,So he wantes me to date her over anybody else.So i just brushed it off like whatever..Click back over and talk to her somemore..We are supposed to hang out thursday or friday night.I dunno if i do this im just gonna dig myself into a bigger hole than im already in..But this time im gonna start filling it in..I dunno what to do...I like her but problems arise.................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................If i do date her i might be happy but shawn is my friend and i dont wanna do this to him even though he offered it to me..I dunno i was in the same position a lil while ago ,Wheather or not to do anything i did something (and it didnt turn out like i wanted it too at all.)It totally went the wrong way....I dunno what to do, i know what she wants from me(She told me)She wants to date but wants to fuck before anything .But i dont want the same from her.. I mean yeah i do but i want more than that.I want somebody i can spend the day with and not have to involve sex ya know.I dunno i just need some advice here people..I know mostly everyone i talk to online reads this so help me out here.But ya see once again this goes back to the whole thing of making me feel like im actually a decent guy that somebody wants for once..Im sort of tired of chasing after what i want..Its a nice change cause not since linda has somebody chased after me like this...I dunno its just nice to feel like someone wants you around..Its good to feel wanted..I dunno whatever help me out people..
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So fucked up [17 Jun 2004|09:40pm]
[ mood | depressed ]
[ music | Fashion rules-Chicks on speed ]

Today has just been fucked up. I have been in weird mood all day. Tina and I were supposed to go shooting but she canceled on me cause she had to play butler for her sis. Not a big deal I understand. that happened later about 5.I woke up around 9 to my phone ringing. And angel crying her eyes out trying to tell me that Joey was killed. She wouldn't tell me where it happened but I know he was shot. He was in west palm I know that for sure cause I almost went with him. So Im headed up there tomorrow after work We have a pretty good idea of who did it. so whatever happens, happens. I doubt it but this might be my last entry. We are gonna try and resolve this quietly but it never works that way. So my day was just killed right there Joey was one of my best friends since as long as I can remember. I grew up with him, We got into Sfs at the same time. He was like my little brother. I am so depressed right now. Ive never been like this before and it sux.I just wanna find the fucker and kill him.It may not be right but it would make me feel better, Cause I know he would do the same. I dunno what to do I wanna talk to somebody but there is nobody around. I would call Tina but I don't wanna bother her with my problems when she has her own right now. Im just so fucked up mentally right now, I just cant believe he is gone. I feel so helpless right now. I actually started crying OK that doesn't happen. aaahhhhh I just don't know what do. So if you read this feel free to call me on my cell please. I just need to talk.Then on top of that my dad decides to come by today and say he wants to have a better relationship with me. BETTER? We don't have one at all. I told him that I had no need for him in my life, That ive done just fine without him. That he would be wasting my time and his. So he wasn't to happy about that but whatever he was the one who left not me. FUCK HIM......I guess that's bout it let me think. On the better side of life I met this chick at the Harley dealer today. She is cool and we are supposed to hang out sometime very soon (Her words) but I really don't see anything happening. I have somebody else stuck in my mind and I cant get her out. She is the one I wanna date and cant really picture myself happy with anybody else. She is just so much fun and makes me so happy. And im not really a happy person. So anyway I guess that's it. So to everyone that matters ill see you soon or at least talk to you fucks. im out

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ummmmmm [13 Jun 2004|09:45am]
Ya know sometimes i amaze myself.I went down to 27 lastnight to watch the street races right.So by the time i park and get out of the car, there are like 10 people that wanna race me.So by the time the races were over i finally picked a guy with his camaro,Not a big deal the charger eats camaro's for breakfast.So we pull up to the line And he was lighting the tires up like there is no tomorow.you couldnt see past the smoke.All he did was choke when it came time.I blew my waterpump belt half way down so i had to take my time getting home and i need new tires now but everything is still good.Everything is ok with tina we were text messageing back and forth lastnight We are supposed to hang out today maybe.I dunno.I also got to ride marek's little dirt bike.anyway im going to eat.
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WHAT AN ASS [12 Jun 2004|05:59pm]
[ mood | confused ]

So I made a fool out of myself last night. I was at the tattoo shop getting my nipples pierced, And Tina sent me a text message that said something like *4 More blessed hours ttyl :)* right.So i sent her a message back saying like 4 hours for what ? and i didn't get a responce.So was thinkin and remembered her saying something about her b-day when we first me.So i called her and left a message about sorry that i forgot your b-day and all that good shit rite.So i turned my phone on this morning and sent her a message wanting to know what the 4 hour thing was about.Then like 20 mins.later i get the first half of the message that i didnt receive lastnight.Damn i feel like an idiot. She sent me a text back saying she had no idea what i was talking about and to call her around 5.Ok so i called her and she didnt answer,I dont think i would of either though.She probably thinks im a total retard.My number is liek deleted from her phone already.So yeah i thinki just threw whatever chance i had in the first place down the drain.Well i dont know what im doing anymore,I think ive been pushing a little to hard and its only making things worse.She only wants to be friends for right now ,And see where it goes later.Well i dont think there will be a later cause i think she hates me or something cause we never hang out at all.I mean we both work alot but she says she is always busy .Maybe she is i dunno whatever

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