I read all my friends journals and I think, wow, they sure have a lot of important stuff to say. And I go to MY entries and all they are is stuff that I do during the week or the day. Why cant I be imaginative and think of something else to talk about? The only time I ever do that is when Im depressed or mad about something. Why cant I write happy things or just random things I think everyday. Not stupid things but stuff that accually means something to someone. Me particularly. Ive been thinking lately about all my friends and how much they care for me. Why? Why me? Whats so darn special? When Im hanging out with them all I step back and take a look at all the blessings in my life and I still think 'why'. Why would God do all this stuff for me? Ive never done anything for Him. So why give me all this stuff? Yeah I thank him everyday for everything he's ever given me, friends, family, people who genuinly care about me, but to all those people who I 'named', why pick me? Because honestly? I dont see it. I dont see anything in me that is special or any reason why you would want to call me your friend. I have no speical talent. Ciara, youve got basketball and karate. Liz, youve got singing. Chris, youve got the cello. Alyssa, the violin. Greg, any instrument imaginable. What do I have? Nothing. Ive tried in the past. Sports, music. But nothing. I lost my skill for music and I never was good at sports.... so what now?
And to go back to what I usually put in here...: It seems like Im never going to get my permit. Maybe I just wasnt meant to drive. Everything happens for a reason but I want to know what the reason is that I cant get my permit.
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depressed.
thankful.