Blurty for The Suicidal Dreamer.

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Monday, February 17th, 2003

Subject: another life lesson learned the hard way
Time:8:54 pm.
Mood: depressed.
Music:My Immortal.
We all think we know what true love is, but we never really learn what it is until we feel the pain. The pain of loving someone so much that ou just want to make them happy. To the point where , even when you hear your heart screaming for them you do what they need what's right for them. Where your willing to make yourself suffer for them. That's real true whole love. Your sitting there next to them absorbed in them (and the movie, heh ben aflec go figure) not sure what to do or say afraid you might ruin a freindship are you to close to them? And that's when take it off starts playing and your eye's meet you inanvertantly blush and change the subject from the song to the first thing your eyes touch. ask what do you want for you birthday? and your crying out on the inside to be held in their arms to feel their heartbeat and feel their chest rise and fall with each of their breaths will they hold you...and all you manage is a whatever...How do you find away to convey that look i want to be held ,not just by anyone, but by you. i want to hear your heart beat and feel the rise and fall of your chest...how do you le them know it's more than a silly little crush? Or do you do as i am stand back take a breath and be miserable while supporting all the things he wants? Help on his way and hope that maybe just maybe he'll find his way to you? what do you do?
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Wednesday, February 12th, 2003

Subject:Hell
Time:7:14 pm.
Mood: lonely.
Music:inhuman hatred...i forgot the name of the song.
it's been awhile....i know but once again i've been grounded...i'lll update every few days if not once a day...but at least once a day...
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Tuesday, December 24th, 2002

Subject:drunken abuse
Time:11:59 pm.
Mood: depressed.
Music:bother-stonesour.
I'm drunk that gives me a reason to yell at you and make you feel worthless.....yeah well go to hell fat ass.......its not like i asked to knock my bitch of a mother up in the first place........
I wonder how they would like christmas to be the day i died or at least left........i rather die then extend my suffering......it's not like anyone would care
*laughs a bit insanely* i wonder what they would do if they woke up tomarrow, all the blinds up and a snow covered me hanging from the tree......"okay everyone back in before we get sick" 2 days laater " i reckon we should go cut whats her face down" If i drown myself in the lake i should sink then no one would know until the select few checked their emails.....I could overdoes but every time i try i wake up or i end up puking my ass off...................
They wish i never was.....and i wish not to be............ Because no one cares.......cares about me...
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Monday, December 23rd, 2002

Subject:oh look......another journal.....
Time:11:27 am.
Mood: distressed.
Music:death blooms.
oh look another journal....i need to update it now.....
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Blurty for The Suicidal Dreamer.

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You're looking at the latest 4 entries.