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5th March 2004

9:11pm: Whoo
i JUST got back from bowling with brittany, heather, stephanie, and stephanies step-mom sheria. it was a assload of fun i havnt been out of the house latly, and i havnt seen any of them in months. i smoked, even though i said i'd quit, im taking that back. well i think its a bad thing but i still like steph, i know i know its not even the best time to say something but whenever im around her i just get all warm and fuzzy inside. i dont know why. its stupid of me to say anything but i gotta say it sometime. she probably hates me after how our relationship ended. IM SORRY STEPHANIE!!!!!!!!!!!! on another note i got to really meet brittany, we've talked a few times before but i had this first impression that she was all like "grr im gonna kick your ass ian" but no she's really fuckin cool. i donated like 7 dollars to the band, i hope they like it. man i felt all dumb there for a second when we were playing pool because their friend chad walked in and they all ran to him and they were looking at him like "get us out of here!!!" : / oh well. god im such a loser sometimes i complain about the dumbest things. me and the ANAL VOMIT are planning to record soon im playing on tj's lil drum set and Joe's taking over as bass. we were initially going to use tj's hick-ass step brother david as a drummer but all he does is talk about pantera and how cool he is, my god tj lives with him i feel so bad for the chum. i got a new cd the other day, its a black flag tribute called Black on Black. Its got a really good band called burnt by the sun on it doing a cover of Drinking and Driving. i listen to it non-stop same with dillinger escape plans? version of depression. i dont know if its them or not, all ive heard from them is the stuff they did with Mike Patton so i cant quite tell. its still Fresh (lol). since we had proficiency tests all week so me and teebin' to the jaybin' sat in the cafeteria and i brought in my boom box and we listened to about his whole god dammed collection of cd's (like 130?) it was awesome though because there were these other guys with there own radio and all they listened to was ICP, dont get me wrong ICP isnt bad but those guys made it bad, acting like they're all tough with their faygo and they're designer clothes. So me and tj blasted Misfits and one of the guys walked over and was like "turn that shit off" i told him to fuck off misfits kick icp's asses. WHOO. im ramblin' on and on but oh well im fuckin bored.
i gotta pee-pee hold on....10:31.....

10:34....ahhh i feel all better delicious dree and some cookies--choco-late milk and some honey flavored graham cookies, my friggin throats ripped to hell i smoked like four unfiltered basic cigarettes. i'll only do that when im bowling hah hah.i dont know what to talk about anymore...ugh i'll catch you lata'



Later!
Current Mood: indescribable
Current Music: Black Flag--Depression

31st August 2003

4:52am: --}!=+|its been awhile|+=!{--
dude its been like a month since i've updated, oh well nothing new really.ok yea alot of new stuff, me n steph broke up tuesday a week before school
school itself new ppl, new band omg! The Run-Off (a cool local punk band) wants to inlist me as their new drummer i was like HELL YES! ok i dun care what anyone thinks but school to me if going awesome, i met some new ppl and saw some old friends, im doing great in all my classes and apparently everyone likes me and its all good and a bag of fuckin chips! Im going to see icp on the Wicked Wonka Tour and Twiztid on the GreenBook tour with Sam and Felix, two down ass juggalettes from Heights. I met up with my old Friend Lily Chase, it was a strange thing seeing her, it brought back old memories as well as it was cool talking to her after so long. It reminded me of old Sara. :( i miss stephanie sooooo much she says we'll be friends but it'll never ever be like the day we hung out and watched Night of the living dead or when we went to the fair and i got her the choker with the little name tag that said "Jinx" on it, later that night we went to see PSP at Midguard and i was kinda moody, and at the wrong time not to mention, god i hate my stuborness it brings out the worst in me at all times. I love you stephanie. i know you dont but oh well im going to keep telling you that i love you because you're all i ever wanted you uplifted me in a surreal way and made me feel like life was worth it...well to get out of a sad state of mind, ...............................Fuck, i cant, i'll post more later if i feel like i can

Hope unknown, Some just waking feels surreal.
I walk through the nameless ones.
I know that hope's unknown.
Sometimes the water feels so real.
As I walk through it fills my lungs, my god, I'm drowning.

This day never seems to end.
This pain, never.
This day never seems to end.
This rage i can not let go.

I hear them calling.
I feel them gnawing
all through all the flawless souls.

I hear them calling.
I feel them gnawing
all through all the flawless souls.

So alone. Sometimes I swear that I can hear the taunting of the voiceless ones.
I fear that I alone fear those who finally ceased to feel that they're alone inside this place.
I am the misplaced.

This day never seems to end.
This pain, never.
This day never seems to end.
This rage i can not let go.

I hear them calling.
I feel them gnawing.
all through all the flawless souls.

I hear them calling.
I feel them gnawing
all through all the flawless souls.

Now every face, it looks familiar...
then every face would melt away until..
Now everyone, do you know, I know your deception?

Now every face, it looks familiar...
then every face would melt away until..
Now everyone, do you know, I know your deception?

I hear them calling.
I feel them gnawing
all through all the flawless souls.
Current Mood: geeky
Current Music: Total immortal-AFI

18th August 2003

2:02am: 666 the number of the beast
damn, we have like no movement in the new band other than Dable in a Show possibly but its a longshot and we're not sure what our name is for Cheesus' sake!!! but in other news on saturday i went to the ohio fair with steph it was good, besides the fact it was like 100 degrees at like 11 am i didnt care i was to into stephanie. We were walking around in this building with all this crap "as seen on TV" well it was all wack except for a few things i bought her some stuff like a necklace and some food and a Henna Tattoo of Barbed wire around her bicep i was licking at it all day hehe. I've grasped a thought that i read out of my friends journal, why do ppl blog or whatever? i bet no one is reading my stuff as of right now, oh well im boring anyway, all i do is Play drums/guitar/bass/keys and sing, get on the internet talk to steph and hang with my family (not actual family but awesome friends). i need to dye my hair, its been blonde since like june 6th its boring as fuck, i wanna dye it Black with red highlights like joey jordison but my hair isnt quiet long enough yet. i dont know if i mentioned this or not, i went and saw Iron Maiden last weekend, not this past one but uh like the eighth, it was so awesome, Motorhead and Dio were there, i didnt watch dio but Motorhead did an awesome set they played a tribute to Joey and Dee Dee, Ramone that is and the fact i was with steph made it so much better! well im bored and cant think of stuff to type so i shall leave on that note,

Lithium-Sunset.tk <---visit that site its a small thing about our band i just made in like 5 minutes with TJ
Current Mood: thirsty
Current Music: Number of the Beast-Iron Maiden

14th August 2003

11:49pm: change of plans
seeing as there already is an electronica band called the Deadites we are in sort of a "moment" looking for a name but it doesnt matter that much as long as i get my thang wet
Current Mood: frustrated
Current Music: jack the world-gwar
10:55pm: The Deadites
im in a new Gore/Speed/Power metal band called the Deadites. Its partially punk because we have some major punk roots but its all Motorhead like. Its a Change from my other Death metal band called Bloodfeast which was like Gwar, outfits and all if you are reading my journal and you think this is cool instan message me on Aim Fiend017. well me and steph are all cool again and i thank Cheesus for that one, I love you steph! well in other news i am getting a drumset more than likely and im all excited to get on it and bang it up Joey Jordison style!!!!
Current Mood: devious
Current Music: Saddam a go go-Gwar

13th August 2003

12:24pm: i realized...
all thru my life i've done nothing, i mean i've done stuff but, i've never showed compassion or love to a full exstent. When i started talking to stephanie this changed and now i've gone and ruined this for us, i said some stuff to ppl and i dont think she feels the same to me as i do to her, i guess i understand i mean i look at what i did and we've sorta worked around it till now. Well i've read into her Dead journal and there's a entry that talks about how Music is sweet relief for her problems, and i thought. Im one of those problems well i dont know what to do, i love her to death but i dont know if she feels the same to me anymore. well im sorry steph if you dont want my love i'll leave you be....
Current Mood: pessimistic
Current Music: No one knows-Queens of the stone age

20th July 2003

3:27am: stephanie
If your gonna scream, scream with me
moments like this never laaaast
When do creatures rape your face
Hybrids open up the doooor

Oh baby when you cry
your face is momentary
you hide your looks behind these scars

in Hybrid moments
give me a moment

give me a moment
give me a moment

oh baby when you cry
your face is momentary
you hide your looks behind these Scaaars

in hybrid moments
in hybrid moments

in hybrid moments
in hybrid moments

give me a moment
give me a momeeeeeent

-to stephaine, the girl who never knew the boy loved her

I love you.....
Current Mood: loved-in love
Current Music: Hybrid Moments-Misfits

17th July 2003

11:42pm: wow long time no update
well now hows it going there mister diary? good me too!
Me and stephanie are somewhat of a thing now and i couldn't be happier except for the fact some people are telling her bad things but i know she can see thru it and thats all i want her to do is to see thru it. well tj is stuck at his moms and just found out his sister is bi and likes his best friend (tierney)!!! whoa now thats a little much for me. other than that Blood-Feast/Poison Ivy hope to play at midguards on Cleveland ave. i hope we do tho as that'll be a big jump for us and ppl might be interested! interested ppl lead to interested record lables well if we DO go i wanna play alot of misfits cause we're like the atomic bomb of misfits cover bands! well yesterday i went to steph's and we watched the night of the living dead remake and played a little guitar. i really think i might love that punk rockin girl. she's supposed to dye my hair purple and green that'll be awesome. other than that i cant think of anything else to say besides im a sXe now! well i gotsa be goin but i'll be back sometime tonight trust me...
Current Mood: crazy
Current Music: Devilock-Misfits

15th July 2003

12:58am: wow am i loved?
dude i just told stephanie that i liked her and boom totally didn't expect her to say what she did
Fiend 017: when you were with ben i was envious of him...very invious
pXiguitarist: really?
Fiend 017: yea
Fiend 017: i like you alot
Fiend 017: but i kept my distance
pXiguitarist: whoa......i never would have expected that
Fiend 017: after hearing what you guys thought of me
pXiguitarist: the man whore thing?
Fiend 017: so now you know and im vulnerable
Fiend 017: yea
pXiguitarist: i dont know...every time i see you you're always kissing on a girl or a guy and flirting with them...so it makes me think you are a man whore
Fiend 017: im not it's just im a touchy feely kind of person(not in the perverted way) and im just naturally friendly
Fiend 017: but an opinion is and opinion
Fiend 017: an*
pXiguitarist: i still dont think i know you as well as i should before i call you a man whore though
pXiguitarist: i feel very judgmental
Fiend 017: its ok judgment comes in it's ways but if you wanna make a statement there's nothing wrong with that
Fiend 017: i can see i have a bad side to me and i except it and i try not to be as easy as a drunk college chick like i used to be lol
pXiguitarist: lol
Fiend 017: but thats not my point...
Fiend 017: the point is...
Fiend 017: that...
Fiend 017: i...
Fiend 017: lol
pXiguitarist: lol
Fiend 017: no no really
Fiend 017: it's that i like you and thats probably what you think i tell everybody, no i don't like everyone like i used to thats brandon now i like uhm like three people
Fiend 017: you heather and and callie
pXiguitarist: my competition
pXiguitarist: lol
Fiend 017: lol
Fiend 017: wow you want to compete for me i figured you'd stop talking to me if it told you
Fiend 017: like "i gotta go...."
pXiguitarist: no i'm not like that
Fiend 017: ok
i cant believe she likes me back!!! im so gunna write a song for her lol
Current Mood: loved
Current Music: Decending angel-Misfits

14th July 2003

4:32pm: dude where'd i go?
ok so like the last 5 days have been dull and well not boring but abnormal to me like my ex wants me back, i've been stoned outta my mind my best friends older sister wants to jump my bones n shit lots of crap goin down ya know. i checked out suicidegirls.com last night and mary is sooooo fuckin hott or atleast next to joey jordison! Well if you think that joey jordison is the bestest n stuff comment on me i need to know you
Current Mood: bored
Current Music: Misfits-bruiser

8th July 2003

8:40pm: i hate TJ's parents!!!!
dude tj comes over and for like four hours we're having a great time and then like ten minutes ago they tell him he has to come home and for no fucking reason just because they're in a shitty mood! this sucks ass because now i once again have nothing to do!!!!! back to square one....
Current Mood: enraged
Current Music: Misfits-Scarecrow Man
8:40pm: i hate TJ's parents!!!!
dude tj comes over and for like four hours we're having a great time and then like ten minutes ago they tell him he has to come home and for no fucking reason just because they're in a shitty mood! this sucks ass because now i once again have nothing to do!!!!! back to square one....
Current Mood: enraged
Current Music: Misfits-Scarecrow Man
2:49pm: GoOd mOrNiNg!!
it's eleven in the morning and im all tired. well i had to get up all extra early is why, band practice blah! im usually not up till around three pm but mornings arn't all that bad i guess, TJ might come over later and we'll probably goto Brandons...hey i need to call him! hold on.........Calling brandon........
11:56
back it's busy which really pisses me off because i dont know if he's home or not now oh well me n TJ'll probably scrape up some money and go do some dumb shit like goto sam ash and play on the guitars lol im talking to TJ about the new Evil Dead fistfull of boomstick and the new issue of Alternative Press and Six Feet Under
2:45
i was lookin at some websites so i lost track of things well im gonna go now so i cna finish up my picture of Balsac the jaws of death picture
Current Mood: predatory
Current Music: Gwar-Eat Steel
3:30am: why am i still typing?
im still up and still listening to gwar. i feel alone, excluding the fact that i am the only one up right now lol. but seriously i feel alone if anyone reads this and has any sympathy for a lower being than them please talk to me!
Current Mood: groggy
Current Music: Gwar-nitro burnin funny bong
2:27am: im looking at porn and looking at people who live in ohio on blurty well when i think of who im going to date in the future i feel as if they're the most beautiful star in the sky and im just this freak who crawls from a shadowy corner...i hope someone someday understands my means that i am a freak and there is no getting past that, not like "yea i love hot topic so i must be gothic" freak but like i dress, eat, sleep, dream, live a fucked up life and i hope someone just the same finds me, i've done my fair share of looking
Current Mood: pessimistic
Current Music: Gwar-Filthy Flow
1:44am: i keep posting like every five minutes but the mood/music thing i keep screwin up
Current Mood: horny
Current Music: Gwar-Saddam a go go
1:40am:  
Current Mood: uncomfortable
1:38am: I am so fucking bored i think that i'll write some more...uh im drawing a blank. oh ok ok i got it. Story of my life! My best friend Brandon and me have seen our fair share of girls and break ups well whenever i date someone Brandon gets to know them and he usually likes them and more than once he has gone on to date them. Well as of right now he's dating this girl Katherine and i am totally crushin on her! i cant help it shes beautiful and we're alot alike and everytime i see her i cling close to her and we always talk we never talk about me and her getting together just friendly mingle. Well the other day i saw her on my own and we kissed and i dont know what do to. it would be totally corrupting the friendship and take advantage of it but what if she feels the same??? i truely hope so. Im thinking of gadging my ears bigger like uh...10's or 8's i dunno. i was just watching jackass and they had the oklahoma skit with the Mistresses spanking and ordering preston around and the Mistresses were sooo sexy! But if i was there they'd be bowing to me in pain/orgasm. Yea im messed up lol oh well...
More to come
Later!
1:11am: Hey there this is my new journal, i was gonna use Deadjournal.com because i dont seem to quite "fit in" with livejournal or anyone for that matter but im still in good spirits!
Today was strange it started out ok as to i was grounded the day before and i got to go do whatever today but then it rained, in bordom i called two of my friends. Tierney and TJ. So we're talking and blah blah blah and teirney ends up coming over for a while and we're hanging out we go get some faygo and pizza then we retire to my room to watch whatevers on (WWE, Biodome...) well we get into heavy foreplay ad my mom walks in! i nearly shit myself senseless, well teirney leaves in about an hour and my mom gets into this talk with me about how im supposed to be sexually pure till im married, well i go on to tell her that im not into that i keep an open mind to everything and anything interesting and supposedly thats a reason to go around and get what i want?!?! what the hell im not like that although my ex's portray me that way yet, they knew they walked into it. Anyways my mom looks at me differently now and it reminds me of a gwar song called Bad Bad Men it's about these people who go around doing what they want and killing people for pointless things which is my two sided story as you see. Well on another note i plan on writting some lyrics or tabs for my band BloodFeast i hope to accomplish something with this group as to i've put alot of time into this and have put alot of thought into molding my career path in highschool into music so i can go onto to do something with the group oh well. June 30th my ex ex ex ex ex ex girlfriend and me started dating again and at around 2 last night she breaks up with me i dont know what to do, i like alot of people gaining me the name "manwhore" haha not funny and i dont know what to do in going about who i should get serious with, i can love easily but hurt just as quickly and it's a really strange time for me, really hard time too!
Well thats all for now...farewell
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