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I'm so ugly, thats ok 'cause so are you... [09 Jul 2003|12:12pm] [ mood | drained ] [ music | defiance - terrorist attack ] hmm.....not much new is going on, i talked to ben last night. we wanna hang out and he suggested the mall....ugh....but i guess ill go anyways becuase i haven't seen him in ages. i had a really long conversation with carley's brother last night about feet. turns out, his are ugly. i really like my feet, except for the toe that is right next to my pinky toe. it is deformed and needs plastic surgery. its official, i am just completely addicted to starbucks....i think if i didn't have it everyday i would just go into a state of shock and they would have to feed frappicino to me through a tube until i revived. im going to try to di soimething with ashley bevil this week. i also need to call ashli ohara since i am in the area. i have been meaning to catch up with all my old friends, but it isn't that easy. i tend to lose contact with people extremely fast. phillip wanted to go to the movies yesterday but i guess he couldn't get ahold of me, well, something happened and we just didn't really talk that much yesterday, no particullar reason tho. went for a drive yesterday for no reason. we drove 'way out in the counstry and smoked alot. it was nice. i really want like a van or something. i like sots of space. what i really need is an old vw microbud or something. haha...that would be great. .with the lights out its less dangerous. 1 comment|post comment

Well Fuck Me Backwards [09 Jul 2003|10:34am] [ mood | calm ] [ music | Comedy Central ] Jenny's sick...shes going to the dostor at about 1:30. She's convinced that she has West Nile. We rented Natural Born Killers and Darkness Falls last night. Let me just say that when you are with "something" that is afraid of light your not supposed to go into the darkest room you can find and close the door. I didn't like darkness Falls at all, very stupid. Natural Born Killers was good tho. LSD movie. I really like Chris Kattan alot. He's really funny. So i don't know what im going to do today. Hopefully me and phillip can still go to the mall. I really don't want to go to the mall, but i need to look for a birthday present for jenny. Wish me luck. post comment

I think I'm dumb, or maybe just happy. Think I'm just happy. [08 Jul 2003|03:03pm] [ mood | happy ] [ music | Scarlink - band aide covers the bullet hole ] im at jenny's...yay! finally some food. i guess i have neglected to inforn you all that both of my parents (yes BOTH) don't buy food very often and so im usually sitting at my house starving to death until i can go to a friends. but ya, so anyways im just bummin around jenny's waitin for her to wake up again. she went to bed at about twelve right after lunch. before that we walked to HEB and put all of her change that she had collected into that machine that counts it and gives you money and we got $92.00! yay! just like the commercial! so yesh, exciting day so far, yesterday i talked and talked and talked to phillip and we are the best of friends of course and he has promised to find me at warped tour next week! hes going with antonio and im goin with jenny. we were all gonna go in a huge group will all our friends but we decided to go apart and meet up with whoever when we get there. good plan. incidentally they have put most of the good bands that i actually want to see on the same stage so im not going to have to be running frantically around trying to catch all the trashy music that i love! i really need to call ben. we promised that we were gonna keep in touch and we haven't been doing a very good job.....fuck me backwards....but i think we have lots and lots in common! i love "the perks of being a wallflower" if anyone has not read it i really really really think you should give it a try...ive read it over and over and over and i still love it just the same as the first time. well i think id better go, jennys up and we are getting into a deep discussion about "the highest we have ever been" so i think ill catch up on this later. I'm so tired I can't sleep I'm a lyer and a theif Sit and drink PennyRoyal Tea I'm anemic royalty I'm on warm milk and laxitives Cherry flavored antacids 2 comments|post comment

No sex, no god, ain't it beautiful to be alive! [04 Jul 2003|03:52pm] [ mood | contemplative ] [ music | rancid - the defense ] my feeling are so mixed up. there is someone who i am very very good friends with that i have known and liked for a long time. i have always liked him alot (as more than a friend) but never thought that there was even a chance that he felt the same way and didn't want to jeapordize our friendship by telling him. then last night he told me that he loved me. i was shocked and apparently he has liked me during our whole friendship and felt the same way as i did. now seemingly this would be the start to a perfect relationship, but no. im with rhys and i like him alot and i don't know what to do. so confusing. and i don't know how, but through all of this i feel so lonely and i don't know why. and so yeah, phillip (the guy who told me that he loved me last night) knows about rhys and knows how i feel and everything, but rhys doesn't and i don't know what to do. its all just...complicated. *sigh* 1 comment|post comment

called her over and asked her if she was inproving... [27 Jun 2003|06:47am] [ mood | artistic ] [ music | the morning news ] i really like johnen vasquez's drawing style and sense of humor. ive been copying some of his drawings for my friends and they're really fun to do. ive been at my dad's and my mom hasn't been talking to me. im at jenny's right now but she's asleep. im talking to rhys online too. just to let anyone know, if they want to talk i have AIM and my screenname in candytiozie. i don't really have anything to say except i have been sleeping the last few days so i funally feel rested. the last 4 days i have just baked myself to sleep eevrynight. i have some white widow and its working bery good. im rested now and its gone so i probobly will be up for a looooong time. IM me if you are up at four in the morning and would like someone to talk to. 2 comments|post comment

years and years i roamed... [19 Jun 2003|01:49pm] [ mood | drained ] [ music | the smiths - asleep ] god so much stuff has happened. how bout the good stuff first (there's not much of it) I have a boyfriend now! yay! rhys! he's wonderful. and now for the bad stuff. after i went with my dad last weekend i wanted to go to my friend genny's house so i told my mom and my dad just dropped me off at her house on sunday night. i stayed there on monday night too and then on tuesday my mom called and told my that i had to come home that night and i said ok and that i would call her around 6:00 or 7:00. so we decided to ride the bus to barnes and noble and read and get some cofee. Genny, Rhys, Alonzo and i went there and rhys bought two fish at pet co one for me and one for him but he is keeping then since i tend to kill animals. we stayed there for a while and i kept trying to call my mom over and over and over but it was always either busy or she wouldn't answer. we started going home at about 9:00 and the first two busses that we were on the driver took his break so that set us back about 30 min. and so atn our third bus stop genny called her mom to tell her we would be home late and guess who was screaming in the backround. thats right kids, my wonderful mother. she get on the phne with me and bitched me out for about 20 min before she decided to come and pick me up. when she pulled up she screamed at me and my friends and caused a huge scene. and then bitched at me in the car and all this shit. and to me she had reason to be a little pissed but she was acting like i had robbed a bank or something. when we got home it didn't stop. she kept telling me i was trash and i was worth nothing and that she never wanted to see me again and so i told her that i would call my dad to come get me, but she wouldn't let me. so i didn't know what to think here she was telling me to get out of her house and that she never wanted to see my face again but yet she wouldn't let me leave? strange. so that made me really mad and i started yelling at her. i can't really remember what i said i was so mad but i know it wasn't really mean or anything just me telling her how angry all this was making me. then she told me not to scream at her and punched me really hard in the face. i have a huge black eye. i knocked me down and i can take some things but not being told how aweful i am AND being hit around. so i got up and since i was definately not going to hit her back i hit the thing she loves the most. her house. i kicked a big hole in the wall. i really didn't mean to kick a HOLE but i was so mad and full of adreniline i guess i didn't realize how hard i kicked. that really amd her mad and she screamed at me to just get out so istarted walking twords the door and then she told me that she was going to call the cops if i went out . so i didn't and i asked her what was i supposed to do. and so then she called my dad and lectured him about what an aweful child i was and then when she hung up she proceded to tell me that she suspected that i was on drugs becuase of how angry i was being (which was bullshit becuase the only drug i do that would have that effect is coke and it doesn't have that effect on me. and even if it did, i hadn't had it that day so it wouldn't be a problem. i usually never show signs of anger. but i was REALLY pissed off) and how generally bad i was and how i was such a dissapointment to her and how ashamed she was to call me her daughter. at this point id like to remind you that this all started becuase she couldn't get ahold of me beciase HER phone was busy when i was trying to call. so she finally told me again that she never wanted to see me again and to get out of her house so this time i did. it was two in the morning by this time and i was juts going to walk to zacks house and smoke some weed and try to calm down and talk to him becuase i knew he would be understanding. so i was walking there and here come the cops. they pulkled over and i kept walking so instead of asking me to stop they just grabbed me and told me to stop. and so i was immediatly defensinve. they were trying to talk to me and told me that they were taking me back to my house and i told them that i couldn't go back there becuase my mom didn't want me there and then they main cop opened the door of his car and told me to get in and i guess my mom had told them that she thought i was on drugs becuase when i refused they tried to grab me and force me in. so i pulled away and started running, and i ran so far for such a long time i felt like i was gonna explode. so i had got away from them but i was so far away from zacks i decided to just go there a completely different way and about an hour later i was walking and four cop cars pull up and the cops got out and grabbed me and started trying tp handcuff me without saying anything. i started fighting back and put up a pretty good fight but since therewere so many of them i eventually ended up in bets for the night and guess who else was i saw there ZACK! hahahahahaha!!! it infuriated me that the police didn't even want to hear my side of the story they just arrested me. and my bitch mother wouldn't even pick my up until after work the next day and so when i finally got home i was really pissed but didn't say anything and just let her bitch. so i haven't talked to her since and today ryhs called me and said that his friend was gonna come pick me up and bring me to his house so he could see me. i didn't tell him about all of that. i just told him that my mom had hit me (becuase i had to explain the black eye, which by the way the cops didn't do anything when they found out that my mom had hit me. they also drug tested me and they were daffled when pot was the only thing that came up on the test. i had done coke the week before and so i have no idea why it didn't come up but whwatever. i guess that they don't think girls have any strangth when not on drugs especially me since i look pretty weak but i can fight) so anyway rhys was ver sympethetic (sp?) even tho he didn't know the full story. me and him and alonzo hung out at his house for a while and we kept listening to "wonderboy by tenacious d and at the part where it says "with the power to kill yak from two hundered yards away....WITH MIND BULLETS!" they would scream "mind bullets" and try not to laugh. and it took them about an hour to be able to do it without laughing. it was great. rhys's mom took me home and rhys had told her abbout my mom screaming at everyone and so i told her the whole story and she was really nice about it.and said the understood becuase she had a mom that was also an alcoholic. she's really nice. so ya i ahve had a long week, but i get to go with my dad this weekend and i think i am just going to stay with him for a while. 2 comments|post comment

[14 Jun 2003|05:06am] [ mood | ecstatic ] [ music | marijuana motherfucker - jello biafra ] If God had long hair And a goatee And if His eyes were pretty glazed If He looked spaced-out Would you buy His story Would you believe He had an eye infection And yeah yeah God looks baked Yeah yeah God smells good Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah What if God smoked cannabis Hit the bong like some of us Drove a tie died micro-bus And He subscribes to Rolling Stone When God made this place In the beginning, did he plant any seeds Or did he put them there for Adam and Eve So they'd be hungry for the apple that the snake was always offering And yeah yeah God rolls great Yeah yeah God smells good Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah What if God smoked cannabis Do you 'spose He had a buzz When He made the platypus When He created both our homes Does He like Pearl Jam or the Stones And do you think He rolls His own Up there in heaven on the throne And when the saints go marching home Maybe He sits and smokes a bowl post comment

well there's three billion sinners out there....and that includes YOU! [11 Jun 2003|02:39pm] [ mood | dirty ] [ music | Jack off jill ] my summer is a whirlwind parties and insane events. i can't really even remember what has been going on lately. i can never remember whether something was a dream or it actually happened. that feeling is bewildering. ernie called me yesterday and is coming over today. he is on probation which really sucks. he's dealing X now which is cool i guess. and he's really happy becuase i can get him a hook up for acid. so many people want acid its insane. if anybody is dealing acid in austin they are going to be rich just of of people that i directly know. haha. so anyway i don't even know what to talk about. i can't wait till warped tour. i need to get my tix. im so excited becuase the distilers and dropkick murphys are gonna be there! along with billions of other cool bands. it will be awesome and ernie is getting a new jeep and hes gonna take me. it will be alot better than his little peice of shit car that he has now. so anyway theres not much more i have to say, just wanted to keep everyone posted. 5 comments|post comment

[09 Jun 2003|09:26pm] one love...... 2 comments|post comment

[04 Jun 2003|05:01pm] and i want to believe you, but the stars are too faded too see at night. im always sleeping with open eyes. you are the noise that keeps me awake, you are the diamonds that i cry, for i cant cry tears and your memories crystalize in my mind, falling from my eyes, breaking when they hit the floor, shattering into a million pieces. and i dont have the inspiration to sweep them up, because i would be sweeping them with my heart and even shattered memories wont do. Go ahead darling, waste your words on my heart. take me for granted, i have no one to tell, except for the angels in my mind, and they wont care. 1 comment|post comment

come on baby, surrender your lips [04 Jun 2003|02:38pm] [ mood | depressed ] [ music | watching girl interrupted ] the greatest thing....you'll ever learn....is just to love....and be loved....in return some one please tell me a story! i was just thinking how sad it is when people die at a young age, and not just that, but when it was becuase of the neglegence of someone close to them that they loved and trusted. like stephanie, if only her dad would have taken her to the docter sooner, got her off all those meds, payed just a little attention, all of that could have been avoided. why why why do people so young have to die? why! she was only 15. not even two decades. .sad. these things are hard and times are rough i just want to pass you in the hallway one last time i just want to smell that perfume you loved so much i just want to see that beautiful smile or hear that contagious laughter. I seem to remember these things so clearly still I've stayed up nights on end crying for you, for us Sometimes i just scream out your name, wishing you were here with me. They all say you looked so beautiful in that casket. im so sorry i missed the last time id ever have the chance to see you. These things are hard and times have changed Its only been 3 months I still see you on the streets, like its not real. I miss the little things i never payed attention to. I dont see your face so clearly anymore when i close my eyes Guilt trails me everywhere for not seeing you, for never saying goodybye. I still stare at the ceiling for hours. I dont sleep good anymore. I dont feel good anymore. Please tell me your up there. Please tell me that your alright, and things are okay. Please tell me you still remember us. I miss you. Can you believe me? post comment

Your Suffering Will Free You [03 Jun 2003|09:37am] [ mood | angry ] Here are some of Otep's writings that i thot people should read and think about... "can we discuss some of the vocabulary we choose to use? why is it that anything related to any sort of female species seems to considered weak or cowardice? we call people who are cowards "pussies" ... -- well, the vagina is a very strong, powerful organ ... flexible, pleasurable, beautiful ... let's see if the tip of a penis can expand to 10 centimeters and squeeze out something the size of cantaloupe ... childbirth is a pain and power no man will ever be able to know ... a "pussy" isn't afraid of anything ... and its far from being "weak" we call people who are angry or irritating or timid "bitches" -- a "bitch" is a female dog ... the term is usually applied to a breeding dog ... a mother ... is this a proper term for something that is giving life? ... i think not. we are not the weaker sex ... we are socialized to believe we are ... go into any toy store ... see the socialization in action ... boys toys are covered in strong colors ... they are toys of conquest ... their board games are that of conquest ... strategy ... while most girls toys are covered in passive colors ... the board games are about shopping and dating ... where the winner gets a date with the most popular boy in school ... its unacceptable ... but its there ... in our faces ... everyday ... and u just take it ... like a good little servant ... " "okay ... where to begin ... whut the fuck is happening?? ... we have known - privately in the secret places of our collective "civilized" hearts - that there is a dangerous sector of our perverted population that targets womyn and children ... priests, police, parents, neighbors, teachers, friends, politicians, relatives ... but lately, it seems that there is an overflow of this pathetic vermin ... that something very dangerous is loose in the world ... now, here eye am listening to some educated asshole on teevee preach on and on about the subconscious evolutionary Darwinian imperative of men to conquer every womyn that they see ... that its some biological instinct for men to rape, pillage, destroy ... that its their nature to be predators ... that womyn are the prey ... that somehow, all this evil is our fault ... fuck that. its absolute bullshit. its socialization. plain and simple. no one wants to admit it ... but it is. today it was announced that a huge child pornography ring was "busted" and that it was mostly comprised of the parents of the children that were being abused ... that they met in chat rooms to discuss the type of abuse they wanted photographed and exchanged ... some even traded children with other parents ... abused them ... video'd it ... and then posted it on their "club" website ... someone else wanted a vocal recording of a child screaming while being abused ... as i write this, i am shivering with hatred and absolute rage ... for the soul of the human race is vile ... it is pure repugnant demonic shit ... and i am nauseated by it ... check our laws for these crimes ... they are nothing compared to the punishment these children will undergo for the rest of their lives ... most of these fiends will get 18 months in a segregated prison ...while someone who commits credit card fraud could get 60 years in federal penitentiary ... what the fuck is wrong with us?? ... this is a republic ... a nation of free people who have the ability to make the fucking laws that govern our lives ... that protect our rights and our citizens ... that ensure our children will be safe and if someone dare contaminate their innocence ... we have the ability to put laws in place that will rid this nation of their very putrid existence ... my idea? disembowelment ... their abdomen is sliced open ... an incision is made into their large intestine .. one end is then pulled out and threaded into a rolling device and their intestine is then slowly pulled out and rolled up like a giant spool of thread ... all while they are awake ... and can see their entrails leave their body ... much like the spirit of the children they chose to destroy ... i am disgusted ... absolutely enraged ... i see it in the faces of the people in front of me at these large festivals ... the predators ... the sexist, toothless, mindless weaklings who seek to conquer the womyn around them ... i see the willing ornaments ... these insecure womyn ... so eager for a quick giggle thrill and status fuck ... just so they can take home the odor of some soon-to-be-forgotten rockstar ...selling our very souls for their own selfish diminished confidence issues ... these single-celled marauders do not respect u for the person u are ... for the beautiful goddess embodiment that u are ... no ... to them ... u are only a vessel of orifices they hope to fill by telling u everything u want to hear ... and then whut? ... all u've accomplished is becoming something averagely fantastic ... just another protein receptacle ... amazingly stupid ... and captivatingly forgetful ... we are the most advanced nation on the planet ... or at least we like to think we are ... and each of u willing ornaments spit in the face of every womyn who sits in shame ... in silence ... in slavery ... beneath a veil ... beneath a shroud ... a burka ... hiding her bruises ... who has no rights ... no voice ... no way out of this earthly hell ... just because we are lazy 2 dimensional self centered consumers who care more about the name on the tshirt we are wearing than the plight of the oppressed and victimized peoples of this world ... if u believe that something does exist after this life ... then we all pretty much end up in the same place ... how will u look that child in the eyes that was murdered by a parent and explain to them that the reason daddy only got 2 years in the state prison was because u were too busy at the back to school sale to vote on tougher laws? ... what will your god think of u? ... what will u think of u? ... goddammit ... stop letting this happen ... u have a voice ... u have a mind ... u have more power than u know ... organize ... do something ... anything ... watch out for yourself ... for your younger siblings ... for your neighbors ... the world is a village ... it belongs to us. alright ... thats it ... i will write more on this i'm sure ... but for now ... i need to research a few things ... educate myself on what i can do to help decrease the evil thats loose in this world ... art? poetry? knowledge? action? ... yes. welcome to the war." you poor pathetic misguided souls...OBEY. COMFORM. 1 comment|post comment

ACID [02 Jun 2003|06:03pm] [ mood | high ] [ music | otep - jonestown tea ] umm....ya...i finally got some acid today. its been along time. and im still fucked up. zack had it we smoked hash with drops on it and i got us fucked up, im off the weed now tho....we're gonna do some more tomorrow. he has some on sugar cubes. its was really good thi time. i love the walls right now they have insane swirls all over them and i love it. rhys is so cool, i really like him....and now....i can barely type so we'll talk later. You Are A Freaky Kisser! From tounge and lip piercings to not so nice biting, you're a basket full of kissing surprises. In fact, your kissing syle is so ... scary that you've been known to send a few dates packing. No need to worry, somewhere in the world there is a kisser freaker than you! What Your Kissing Style Says About You: You live life on the edge, trying everything twice and usually loving it. Most people are too "vanilla" for your tastes - even the ones most consider wild. Life is all about undiscovered pleasures, and you're up for finding them. Your Personal Kissing Matches and Mismatches: Find another Freaky Kisser and you'll be pleasantly shocking one another with how far you'll go. Kissing while driving a motorcycle at 75mph? No problem! Want to spread your freak around? Get together with a Manic Kisser, and you'll be kissing the whole party, tag team style. Warning: Stay away from Intense Kissers. They'll want to get a little too deep into the philosophy of kissing, while you're just into it for the fun. And Juicy Kissers are no good for you either. They're all about appearances and might have a problem with your lip and tongue piercings. How Do *You* Kiss? More Great Quizzes from Quiz Diva 1 comment|post comment

[02 Jun 2003|04:25am] [ mood | loved ] Pictures yourself in a boat on a river With tangerine trees and marmalade skies Someboy calls you, you answer quite slowly A girl with kaleidoscope eyes Cellophane flowers of yellow and green Towering over your hand Look for the girl with the sun In her eyes and she's gone Lucy in the sky with diamonds Lucy in the sky with diamonds Lucy in the sky with diamonds Follow her down to a bridge by a fountain Where rocking horse people Eat marshmallow pies Ev'one smiles as you drift paste the flowers That grow so incredibily high Newspaper taxis appear on the shore Waiting to take you away Climb in the back with your head In the clouds and you're gone Lucy in the sky with diamonds Lucy in the sky with diamonds Lucy in the sky with diamonds Picture yourself on a train in a station With plasticine porster with looking glass ties Suddnly someone is there at the turnstyle The girl with the kaleidoscop eyes Lucy in the sky with diamonds Lucy in the sky with diamonds Lucy in the sky with diamonds post comment

[01 Jun 2003|06:57pm] [ mood | hot ] [ music | the international noise conspiricy - up for sale ] yesterday i went to the movies (*pukes*) with alonzo, sanjuanita, and ryse. we saw bruce almighty. ryse is the most awesome person. i had met him before at the bob marley festical but i didn't really remember him. he liked me and had been trying to get together to do something ever since, but he hadn't been able to get ahold of me becuase im only home at strange hours and when i am home im usually online or on the phone. so anyway, we hung out and he's really cool. he's one of the funniest people i have ever met. jenny is with her dad right now. she's going to dallas tomorrow. her dad is really halarious. last night he went out and after the bar closed he just brought all the people from the bar home and kept partying. jenny was outside and some guy was smoking a joint and gave it to her and she said it was the weirdest weed she had ever smoked. jenny isn't going to be home until july which sux becuase i only have one other friend that i really want to hang around with. all the others are really annoying and fake. people always try to act like things they aren't. ya all my friends are really cool, but after a while it gets old. i think i would rather be by myself or with jenny. phillip is great too and i think ryse is ok. i like to hang out with him and stuff. but ya, other than phillip and jenny i don't really like the other people. my mom thinks that this is unhealthy but i don't think it is. its just how i am. post comment

for your information.....(.::STALKER::.) [31 May 2003|02:26pm] [ mood | content ] [ music | ben kweller - wasted and ready ] -- Name: Chelsea -- Birthdate: october 9 -- Birthplace: Austin, TX -- Eye Color: brownish green -- Hair Color: black -- Righty or Lefty: right -- Zodiac Sign: libra -- Innie or Outtie: Innie // series two - describe -- The shoes you wore today: i haven't put shoes on today. -- Your hair: down -- Your eyes: old eyeliner from yesterday, kind of weird and discolored from not sleeping -- Your weakness?: too many to count -- Your fears: being buried alive. open doors -- Your perfect pizza: canadian bacon -- One thing you'd like to achieve: become an artist // series three - what is -- Your most overused phrase on aol: fuck -- Your thoughts first waking up: waking up? -- The first feature you notice in the opposite sex: umm....i don't know -- Your best physical feature: eyes or lips -- Your bedtime: bedtime? -- Your greatest accomplishment: i don't know -- Your most missed memory: sitting on the roof until three in the morning with jenny (wait that was last night) // series four - you prefer -- Pepsi or coke: coke -- McDonald's or Burger King: neither -- Single or group dates: *scowls* -- Adidas or nike: adidas -- Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea: nestea -- Chocolate or vanilla: chocolate -- Cappucino or coffee: cappucino -- Boxers or briefs: boxers // series five - do you -- Smoke: yes -- Cuss: ......no *rolls eyes* (you poor pathetic asshole) -- Sing well: i don't sing much -- Do you think you've been in love: yes, and i hate it -- Want to go to college: yeah -- Like high school: not really -- Want to get married: no -- Type with your fingers on the right keys: yeah -- Believe in yourself: um... -- Get motion sickness: no -- Think you're attractive: at times -- Think you're a health freak: no -- Get along with your parents: my mom somtimes -- Like thunderstorms: love them -- Play an instrument: piano and guitar // series six - in the past month, did/have you -- Drank alcohol: yes -- Smoke(d): yes -- Done a drug: yes -- Have Sex: no -- Made Out: yes -- Go on a date: no -- Go to the mall?: yes -- Eaten an entire box of Oreos: no -- Eaten sushi: no -- Been on stage: no -- Been dumped: no -- Gone skating: no -- Made homemade cookies: no -- Been in love: no -- Gone skinny dipping: no -- Dyed your hair: no -- Stolen anything: yes // series seven - have you ever -- Played a game that required removal of clothing?: yes -- Been trashed or extremely intoxicated: yes -- Been caught "doing something": *raises eyebrow* yes -- Been called a tease: no -- Gotten beaten up: no // series eight - the future -- Age you hope to be married: never -- Numbers and Names of Children: 1 - marina -- Describe your Dream Wedding: elope. no mass amounts of money spent, no crying and crap. -- How would you like to die: suicide. i don't like the idea of being killed against my will -- Where you want to go to college: i don't know -- What do you want to be when you grow up: an artist or writer // series nine - opposite sex -- Best eye color? doesn't matter -- Best hair color? brown or black -- Short or long hair? long, but not too long -- Best height: taller than me -- Best weight: not fat -- Best articles of clothing: shirt // series ten - number of -- Number of girls I have kissed in my life: lots -- Number of girls you have made out with: several -- Number of girlfriends you've had: 3 -- Number of boys I have kissed: lots -- Number of boys you have made out with: lots -- Number of boyfriends you've had: several -- Number of drugs taken illegally: lots -- Number of people I could trust with my life: 1 -- Number of CDs that I own: i don't know. lots and lots -- Number of piercings: 9 -- Number of tattoos: 1 -- Number of times my name has appeared in the newspaper: none -- Number of scars on my body: tons...i fall alot, and jump off things alot, and go over fences, and climb trees, and stuff like that -- Number of things in my past that I regret: too many that was pointless. im just bored and too tired to do anything else. well, now you know more about me....last night was fun in a strange way. me and jenny were outside and we heard music and climbed up on the my sister's playscape and saw a little prep party going on. we didn't know who's it was so we decided it was alex lewis's and went up on the roof to watch. nothing happened. it ended at 11:00 but we stayed up there till about 3:00 when my mom got home drunk with 4 of her friends and then we went inside and listened to them talk and weird stuff and drank more. now im at home by myself. my mom is never home anymore and i like it. i like time to myself. i like my mom too. she's more like a friend that a mom, even tho she's a really big bitch sometimes. i guess everything can't be perfect tho. jenny is moving to dallas becuase her stepdad is so aweful to her. it will only be for a couple years tho. and the she can move out. post comment

downer [28 May 2003|12:43pm] [ mood | groggy ] [ music | nirvana special on vh1 ] im with sami and samantha. we are watching some things about kurt cobain an vh1. we had some downers and now i can barely type. hm... maybe its not the best time to be writing this. anyway, tomorrow is the last day of school. i hope we can go to stephanie's grave. i didn't get ahold of jesse today. i guess he had to go to school or something. sucks for him. anyway, maybeill continue this later. i took these to try to help my stomach but its not working. 9 comments|post comment

its just a jump to the left.... [27 May 2003|10:34am] [ mood | awake ] [ music | lucy in the sky with diamonds ] i forgot to add. on monday i went to the movies with ben and phillip and carley. we saw bruce almighty. it was pretty good. the part where the monkey came out of that "gangster" guys ass reminded me of the happy noodle boy about the butt monkey. hehe. i'm almost done painting my room, it looks pretty cool. and i finally made a movie for phillip but i forgot to take it to him. i felt really bad becuase he had been wanting me to do it for a long time. he was talking about all the weird clothes that i have that i don't wear that often and he wants me to start wearing them. and i will during the summer. its just that at school if you ever wear anything that is even vaguely creative or original they make you change. they just want conformity and that's what they force. anyway...tomorrow is going to be fun. also i have decided to take my mom to the rocky horror picture show as another late birthday present. i haven't told her where we're going yet tho. i want to dress up becuase i want her and jay to be brad and janet. (how sweet) jay will probobly hate it tho. he's so uptight. jenny is coming with us. i will probobly end up being magenta and i don't know about jenny. she's usually dr. frank-n-furter. i went with my mom on sunday when she was shopping for a dress to go to dinner with jay in and i realized that she would be completely lost if she didn't have me to help her pick things out for her. she looked really nice when she was ready to go. im proud of her, she's been through alot and is finally getting her life back together. i drew a really cool picture the other night. i wish there was a scanner here becuase i want to show people but o well. i haven't slep in about three days and im still as awake as ever without uppers or anything too. its....strange, but i know im not wasting any time. post comment

1 day left [27 May 2003|10:29am] school is almost over! i only have one day left. most of the people have to come tomorrow becuase they are going on the end of the year feild trip, but i can't becuase you weren't allowed to get a refearl for something serious and i have so i am just staying home becuase there will be no point in coming. all of my friends are probly gonna come hang out and get stoned or someting. (as usual) and then i have to go thursday and THAT IT. my mom's birthday was sunday. on saturday night her and a bunch of her friends went out and i had to stay home and watch my sister and so we made her a chocolate and pineapple birthday cake in the shape of a heart. she loved it. she also liked the book i got her too. its called 'a kiss from maddelina' i am going to read it after her. she says its really good. as soon as i saw it i knew that she would like it becuase we're italian and she likes books and stories that take place it italy. im reading 'go ask alice' and i really like it. it reminds me of the song by jefferson airplane... One pill makes you larger And one pill makes you small, And the ones that mother gives you Don't do anything at all. Go ask Alice When she's ten feet tall. And if you go chasing rabbits And you know you're going to fall, Tell 'em a hookah smoking caterpillar Has given you the call. Call Alice When she was just small. When the men on the chessboard Get up and tell you where to go And you've just had some kind of mushroom And your mind is moving low. Go ask Alice I think she'll know. When logic and proportion Have fallen softly dead, And the White Knight is talking backwards And the Red Queen's "off with her head!" Remember what the dormouse said: "Feed your head. Feed your head. Feed your head" post comment

[23 May 2003|09:18pm] [ mood | touched ] lying naked alone on the bathroom floor i keep waiting? pain, fear no more and i can't get his sins off me she wants to be a messiah without the crucifixion she wants to fuck delilah without samson's intervention she wants to be a deity and rule us everyday and punish the wars of your rich gods and the martyrs that they slay she wants to see galaxies all the planets and the stars she wants to be a fallen angel without the swollen scars unclean unclean fillthee and i can't get his sins off me unclean unclean fillthee and i can't get his sins off me she wants to free the kingdom be worshipped by the earth she wants to be the prophet for ten times what shes worth she wants to break free from eve and leave them all behind to be born again in the thrill of sin and revive her dying mind she wants to stand raid the king slaughter the guards and kill everything burn the world and let her soul be free light the noble of eternity unclean unclean fillthee and i can't get his sins off me unclean unclean fillthee and i can't get his sins off me don't touch me there oh, i know you're scared kill the need in me and i remain unclean unclean fillthee and i can't get his sins off me unclean unclean fillthee and i can't get his sins off me why should i be afraid? it's not the first time i've tasted pain why should I be afraid? it's not the first time i've tasted pain and i can't get his sins off me 5 comments|post comment

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