[Most Recent Entries]
Below are the 3 most recent journal entries recorded in
|Saturday, July 3rd, 2004|
I Love Stupid Surveys!
[The last thing you ate?]: cherries
[The last thing you drank?]: diet dr. pepper
[Do you believe in love]: yes, but I don't know why
[Do you believe in love at first sight]: no, I believe in lust at first sight
[Do you believe in forgiveness]: yes
[If you could have any animal for a pet]: sugar glider or a st. bernard
[What are 3 states you wouldn't mind relocating to?]: North Carolina, Virginia, Louisianna
[What's something you wish you could understand better?]: men
[Anyone you miss that you haven't seen in a long time?]: Eric, Ronda, Tommy, Ryan
[What's one thing you want to make happen for tomorrow?]: Keep my family from arguing at this July 4th picnic.
**In the last 24 hours, have you:
01. Cried: yes
02. Bought something: clothes
03. Gotten sick: no
04. Sang: car karoke
05. Eaten: not a lot, I'm trying to quit
06. Been kissed: by my kiddo
07. Felt stupid: yes
08. Wanted to tell someone you loved them, but didn't: yes
09. Met someone new: nope
11. Talk to an ex: yes
12. Missed an ex: yes, I mean no! I don't know.
13. Talked to someone you have a crush on: yes
14. Had a serious talk: yes
15. Missed someone: yeah
16. Hugged someone: yes
17. Fought with your parents: hmm...yeah
8. Dreamed about someone you can't be with: unfortunately, yes.
05. Hobbies: reading, writing, racing
06. Pager or cell phone: cell phone
07. Are you center of attention or the wallflower: wallflower
09. What type automobile do you wish you drove: '68 corvette
12. Do you have a job: yes, two of them actually.
13. Do you attend church: no
01. Who is your role model: my grandma
02. What is some of your pet peeves: people who drive slow, people who think they know what they're talking about, but really have no idea.
03. Have you ever liked someone you had no chance with: seems to be the story of my life.
04. Have you ever cried over the opposite sex: yes
05. Do you have a "type" of person you always go after: not really
06. Have you ever lied to your best friend(s): yes
07. Ever wanted to get revenge on someone because they hurt you?: yes
08. Rather be dumper or dumped: neither
09. Rather have a relationship or a "hookup": relationship
10. Want someone you don't have right now: yep
11. Ever liked your best guy/girl friend: yep, big mistake
12. Do you want to get married: yes
13. Do you want kids: already have one that I love with all my heart. I'd like to have more after I'm married.
15. Do you believe you know the person whom you will marry at this point in time: I can only wish.
16. What is your favorite part of your physical appearance: My eyes
18. Are you happy with you: not at all
19. Are you happy with your life: not at all
20. If you could change something in your life right now, what would it be: the fact that I have 0 confidence in myself.
[in the morning i am ]: grouchy
[all i need is/are ]: my daughter
[if i had one wish it would be]: more money
[im afraid of]: being hurt again...ohh, and getting hit by a train.
[i dream of]:being a famous writer
[coke or pepsi]: coke
[flowers or candy]:flowers, I'm on a diet.
[scruff or clean shaven]: clean
[tall or short]: tall
[what do u notice first?]: eyes and smile
[who can make u feel better no matter what]: Hailey, my grandma, and Vanessa
[wish u were a member of the opposite sex]: no, I wouldn't want to carry around all that crap in my pockets.
[cried because of someone saying something to u]: yes, last night actually.
[been rejected]: lol..yeah
[rejected someone]: yeah
[used someone]: yes, but I'm not proud of it.
[done something u regret]: yes
[habla espanol]: what'd you just call me?!
[smoke]: too much
[could u live without the computer?]: yes
[whats ur favorite food?]: pizza
[whats ur favorite fruit?]: strawberries
[drink alcohol?] only one night a month
[what hurts the most? physical pain or emotional pain?]: emotional.
[trust others way too easily?]: yes, I'm trying to cure myself of that bad habit.
[i want]: true love
[i wish]: I had more time
[i love]: my daughter
[i miss]: a lot of people.
[i hear]: Hailey playing.
[i wonder]: when I'll get my shit straight.
I've fallen into a state of depression. That's nothing new for me, but I hate being like this. I just want to be happy, but I have no idea how to actually get there from here. There are aspects of my life that are great, like Hailey. She's really the only thing that keeps me going anymore. If it wasn't for knowing that I get to see her smiling face, I'd just give it up right now. That's a terrible way to be, but it just seems like no matter what I do it's wrong. I tend to surround myself with negative people, and I really need to stop doing that. I don't have many friends, and the ones I do have aren't worth having, because all they do is bring me down. I really need to start getting my shit together, and quit worrying about everyone else and their problems. I think that's the thing right there, in a nut shell. I've lived my whole life for other people, and never for myself. Everyone always wants me to help them sort out their crappy lives, and their problems, and listen to everything they have to say, but do you think anyone ever listens to me? Nope. I try to talk to Amanda, but it seems like everything I talk to her about doesn't interest her, and she always turns the conversation back to herself. I'm really happy for her, and I'm glad she's found someone that makes her happy, but I really get tired of hearing about it. I'll admit it, I'm a little jealous, but it wouldn't be so bad if she would just listen to me when I have a problem. That's supposed to be what "best friends" do. Perhaps I should just drop everyone in my life right now and start over. That's starting to seem like the best option. I don't know, but I do know that I need to get away from all of these self centered people. They're driving me crazy!
Current Mood: depressed
Current Music: The Space Between-Dave Matthews Band
Someone told me that a journal is a great way to work out your feelings, so I'm trying it. Lord knows I have way too many things on my mind right now, mainly Mark. I work with the guy, and he's my boss, so it's a really bad idea for me to even like him, but I do anyway. Amanda and Ed both told me tonight that I'm wasting my time, but why doesn't it feel like I am? Maybe he's flirty with everyone, but I can't help but take that as a sign that he likes me. Oh, who knows?? Right now, I'm tired and about half toasted, so I think I'm going to go to bed. I just wanted to get my first entry in tonight!
Current Mood: drunk
Current Music: Cry To Me-Solomon Burke