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Blind..Hatred's Blurty

Below are the 7 most recent journal entries.


  2003.06.20  16.54

The Angry Princess
The Angry Princess

What sign of the Black Zodiac are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

Mood: amused
Music: Song On Tv ;)

  2003.06.19  12.46

Now, don't just walk away
Pretending everything's ok
And you don't care about me
And I know there's just no use
When all your lies become your truth and I don't care... yeah, yeah, yeah

Could you look me in the eye
And tell me that you're happy now, ohhh, ohhh
Would you tell it to my face or have I been erased,
Are you happy now?
Are you happy now?

You took all there was to take,
And left me with an empty plate
And you don't care about it, yeah.
And I have given up this game
I'm leaving you with all the blame cause I don't care, yeah, yeah yeah,

Could you look me in the eye?
And tell me that you're happy now, oohh oohhh
Would you tell it to my face or have I been erased,
Are you happy now? Ohhh, ohhhh
Are you happy now?

Do you have everything you want?
You could never give something you aint got
You can't run away from yourself

Could you look me in the eye?
and tell me that you`re happy now, oohh oohhh
come on tell it to my face or have i been erased,
are you happy now? Ohhh, ohhhh
are you happy now?

Would you look me in the eye?
Could you look me in the eye?
I've had that all I can take
And I'm about to break
Cause I'm happy now, ohhh, ohhh
Are you happy now?

Mood: geeky
Music: Where is the love - Black Eyed Peas

  2003.06.19  12.39

***************************************** "if u love something let it go, if it comes back to u its yours. if it doesn't, it never was." DMX... ***************************************** tears are all that she has now... now that she has u! ur gonna feel the pain someday when it comes back to u... so when were u planning to tell me? when did u know it for sure? that u didnt want my love, u didnt need me anymore... did u tell her u would love her forever? did she tell u how happy she would be? did she believe all ur lies... did u tell her about me? ******************************************* im not supposed to love u... im not supposed to care... im not supposed to live my life... wishing u were there... im not supposed to wonder where u r or what u do... im sorry i cant help myself... cause im in love with u! *********************************** our relationship is important to me, and i thank you for the gift of your love. some believe love means "happily ever after." today, i accept that is the end result of living "one day at a time." we share love and joy, sorrow and pain. we enjoy the good times, and step through the tough times. i know that our love has brought us together for a reason. your sharing of all that is uniquely you creates endless possibilities for my growth, and for that opportunity i am grateful. the bond we have is everlasting. thank you for enabiling me to experience unconditional love... I love you! *********************************** to that special someone...i'm waiting here for that special someone everyday and night. needing someone to hold me tight. to cheer me up when im sad. and make me smile when im mad. i need that someone that will always care. someone that will always be there. even when im right or wrong. and always there to keep me strong. someone to show me there is no fear. someone always there and always near. always helping me to get through. someone there to say I LOVE YOU. someone to be there when im cold. and always there for me to hold. someone there to think of. someone there to show me LOVE. *********************************** i cant get out of bed today or get u off my mind... i just cant seem to find a way to leave the love behind... i aint trippin im just missing u u know what im saying... u know who i be... u keep me hangin on a string y u make me cry? i tried to give u everyting but all u did was lie... every now and then when i am all alone i be wishing u would call me on the telephone... say u want back... but u never do... i feel like such a fool... there is nothing i can do... i cant take it... what am i waiting for? i feel like such a fool... i cant take it... what am i waiting for my heart is still breaking... i miss u even more... i cant take it anymore... i hate u but i love u i cant stop thinkin of u... im stuck on u... ************************************** there was a time in my life that i opened my eyes and there u were... u were more than a dream i could reach out and touch u cause there u were... there are some things that i guess i will never know... when u love someone u gotta learn to let them go... when i dream about u thats when everythings ok... ur in my arms here next to me 4 ever... when i dream about u... how can i get u to see that im falling apart since u have been gone? i can never let go cause ur love is much too strong... so ill just close my eyes and wait for my dreams cause i still love loving u... ******************************************** its been 5 months since u went away... left without a word nothing to say. when i was the one who gave u my heart and soul but it wasnt good enough for u nooo so i asked god... god send me an angel from the heavens above... send me an angel to keep my broken heart from being in love... cause all i do is cry ... so send me an agel to wipe the tears from my eyes! now i know it might sound crazy but after all that i still loved u... now u had me on my knees begging god please to send u back to me... i couldnt eat, i couldnt sleep, and u made me feel like i could not breathe...but now u want to come back in my life but there is something that i have to do... i have to the one that i once adored that he cant have my love no more... my heart cant take no more lies... and my eyes are all out of cries... *************************************** when i first saw... i was afraid to meet u...when i first met u... i was afraid to kiss u... when i first kissed u... i was afraid to love u... but now that i love u... i'm afraid to lose u... *********************************** somebody catch me i must be dreamin cause i aint never felt like this before and i have never had to ask 4 more dont know if its love but its too good to let go of... he's got everything i need and he is so damn good to me! he's always right here he listens to me and he always knows just what to say... my babys gifted everytime that we touch i cant resist him... cause the love that he gives keeps me addicted my babys gifted. he knows just what i want he knows what i need and his love is only for me my baby is gifted ***********************************just a moment, just a breath, thats all it would take, just an instant, just a glance into those eyes, just a second, just a taste, thats all it would take to see, in just the blink of an eye you stole my heart from me.***************** I finally found what I have always wanted before I even knew what that was and now more than ever, I never want to lose it again..... *********************************** Baby do not search for me, I will find you. Do not wait for me, I am already here. Do not whisper your name, I know it well. I have loved you forever, and time will tell. I am your Guardian and wiil be your all. ********************************************* if u wanna know something ask, if u ask me a question i wont lie to u... why should i? but if u are going to talk to me and all u do is lie to me try to sound or look cool then dont even f*ucking waste my time! 4 reals **************************************

Mood: artistic
Music: Are you happy now- Michelle Branch

  2003.06.19  10.41
::fuckin love::

i FUCKIN love how im everybodys lil fall back plan, lil excuse, lil "i need to talk cuz i dont know what to do" bullshitter. EVERY FUCKIN BODY does this too me. shit the ppl who know me in person do this to me. all the mother fuckin time. run to bonnie.. bonnie makes everyfuckinbody feel better cuz she acts stupid and says stupid shit. FUCKIN AYE. id give my fuckin all to any goddamn one of my friends to see them smile, to make them feel like they mean everythin in the world. what do i get back? HOLY FUCKIN SHIT. i get USED. a lil back up plan. whenever they feel depressed..guess who they fall on? i should be called FALL BACK BONNIE cuz the sad shit is i let them fall back on me. id catch every one of my goddamn friends to make them better. im not that back of a fuckin person. shit.. yeah.. BELIEVE IT OR NOT I HAVE FEELINGS. being called a whore doesnt fuckin bother me anymore. i could careless. ill say it myself. ima whore ho skeezer slut skank trick bitch 2 dolla booty holla livin in a sardine can mother fuckin stupid ass psychotic transvestite loser who should kill her/himself. HAHAHA see i DONT give a shit what ppl say about me anymore. it DRIVES me fuckin insane tho when i read shit about myself that other people WRITE but dont tell me. WTF IS THAT SHIT? Why dont call me up or msg me and let me know you hate me? Fuck you, i DO have some pride. id knock ANYBODYS fuckin teeth who said ANYTHING about my brother/daddeh/mami/even my goddamn slut of a sister. if someone said SHIT to me in person i would beat their mother fuckin ass. probably end up in FYF (Fairbanks Youth Facility). i cant do shit over the interenet about it, thats why dumb lil bitches talk shit. BUT GOD UGH. i hate the fact im everybodys lil fall back plan. who do they pick on when they need to make themselves better? WHO DO YOU FUCKIN THINK?! who do they fall back on to make them feel better? ME. why? because im not that fuckin bad of a person. ugh im so sick of feeling like im completely used. hey kylie did a DAMN good job of using. she used me for almost 6 fuckin years.. CONGRATULATIONS KYLIE I WAS UR MOTHERFUCKIN SUCKER FOR SIX YEARS! i woulda beat ANY hoz ass for her, i nearly did, got up in peoples faces a lot for her. i fuckin LOVED kylie. i did. she was my best friend. then she gets some punk ass boyfriend and i disappear. she LIVED with me. i took CARE OF HER.. and now i dont even get a phone call and its been TWO MONTHS HAHA IM SMART. i get my heart broken. i break hearts. i had a few fuckin decent boyfriends who i actually KNEW and i fucked it up. jus like with Isaac.. theres a fuckin decent guy. good kisser, cute, decent, CLEAN, spunky, smart ass, nice as hell, got a car.. what do i do? FUUUUUUCK IT UP!! HOORAH! i got some major fuckin issues with ppl.. I HATE SOCIETY. fuck it.. no wonder im on medication. fuckiiiin aye. im so irrated! UGH!


  2003.06.19  09.21

its funny how i get blamed for shit i honestly dont do. =o\ im psycho. im not obsessive. i wish people would see how meaningless their life is too me. i was pretty bitter about a "Friend" dating my ex, then i realized i was childish and stupid because i didnt even know the guy.. i ruined a friendship, which im not even sure i had, with a girl that im sure was great. its not that any of that matters anymore tho. its like everythin i say is a lie. she thought i was leavin messages in her blurty =o\ i didnt even know she had one til i was accused of it.. so tonight im talkin to jess and i find jessie's in her profile.. click.. go to her friends.. read an entry about me supposively commenting on.. i never did. they should've known by the writing it wasnt me.. but no.. when it doubt.. blame it on the first person you can point out. =o\ then.. even better... i found my ex's journal.. what a surprise. he gave me a different journal addy, to my surprise, how he felt about me, he never cared to tell me. i would've left him alone forever if i would've know that is how he felt towards me. surprise surprise bonnie, what did we learn today? everybodys two faced, nothings real. but yesh.. i knew this anyways. i found out once i realized i dont have a heart either. HAHA. so i get shown by jessie a message i supposively wrote =o\ funny how i never saw it before.. plus.. im not a two faced bitch, everyone should know by now i have a very fuckin big mouth and i speak my mind.. if i was going to comment on someones shit.. i would leave my name and such. then its funny how she best friend says i want to slit her throat, cept i never said that.. simply said i wish she was dead, which i was just being a dumbass about, cuz i dont, nor could i careless. i was hurt. its funny how he neglected to mention what he said. anyways.. point is.. i love how i get blamed and pin pointed for shit i didnt do. i thought that was awesome. i get called all this shit and accused of shit i didnt do. it was pretty kickass considering i didnt fuckin do shit. haha. yeah.... i can unfortunately infrom myself that i did love darren, but i never left messages in her blurty and if i wouldve.. they woulda been much meaner considering im a much meaner person than whoever wrote them. =o\ even i would like to know who wrote them cuz that means he had ANOTHER one.. makes me wonder. and seeing as how he gave me a different journal.. it was rather amusing. i loved all he wrote all the lovey shit about her and told me all the other crap =o\ but oh well, thats life for yah. so anyways.. i guess whoever is posting those messages is another one of his "girls" and honestly, its hilarious. cuz it sorta bothers me to know another chick is posting that shit, cuz FUCK if it WAS me it wouldnt bother me this much =o| but no... of course.. it hada be ME they blame *rolls eyes* i wana find out who the chick is all the same.. or if its even a chick.. OH GROSS THOUGHT. bonnies done thinkin on that one *gag*... on a lighter note.. im listenin to country cuz MTV went out =o\ ... sad fuckin songs man.. Dolly Parton has some hug ass titties even if they are fake.. GOOD LORD. wow. and shes completely fake and like hittin 70 LMFAO.. but damn.. thats almost sickenin how big her tits are.. WOW. well.. im out for now. time to go fantasize like a 9 yr old.... MMMM WHERES MY POKEMON?!... yeah... remember "HOME IS WHERE THE FROOTLOOPS ARE". -ThAtZ mAd SiCcCcK yO-Bonnie

Mood: aggravated
Music: Dixie Chicks - Travelin' Soldier

  2003.06.19  09.19
..::|[ A PiEcE oF mE ]|::..

how..why..what..who..what did they make you do?your beautiful heart puts them to shame,the tears in your eyes..theyre to much too gentle to ponder why..if it wasnt for you,where would i be?id be the same girl..outcasted in this society.Misfit..hurt..angry..mad..why is try your hardest to make me sad?quit pushing me,quit tryin for an answer,quit makin me sick,your spreading like dont understand how much you hurt this girl..chewed her up and spit for..vulunerable to the whole light in your eyes put the stars to rest.please let me understand,please look at me,ive tried my best.tainted..hurt..lied to and weak..tell me why is it my pain your heartless ass seeks?broken hearts..unmended is never..just as it seems.fuck the people..fuck their rights..its my pain that puts you to sleep on those restless nights.its sad when people can rest their head knowing that somewhere someones worse off and left pain..youre laughter..whats it gona matter in the here after?imperfectly perfect..smiling with no doubt..why dont you just rip my entire fuckin soul out.

Mood: content
Music: Jimmy Wayne - Stay Gone

  2003.06.17  08.15
..::|[My PoEm]|::..

forgotten freak.societys little misfit.always pointing fingers.always someones little bitch.harsh love.only hate.dont care.who gives a fuck.simple solution.self-mutilate.times get rough.nothings easy.fuck the world.people make me so queezy.sickening lies.cold hearted deceit.every word you say buries you 6ft deep.sacred hatred.blind hate.misunderstood judgement.fuck what they call fate.everything happens for a reason they say.maybe ill understand why my mama didnt have an abortion some day.fuck all these yuppies.fuck what they think.listening to their bullshit is drivin me to the brink.cuts on my arms prove im insane.aint no goddamn body else to blame.fuck the government.fuck all that that.shit they shouldve already bombed love for these cunts.this country is full of runts.blind hatred.nothings as it seems.taunting thoughts.fucked up dreams.tasted tears.years of fears.unhappiness.flippin off your fellow peer.consequences.knows mistakes.not living a life.afraid of the risks you might take.broken hearts.unthoughtful words.hating everyone.flippin everyone used to doesnt no have no idea why youre just slam the wasnt one it was much wasnt one want to pick at everybodys core.people think youre great.they wonder why youre try to tell them about all the bad times youve had.fuckin cheerful people."everything'll get better".i know in the back of their minds theyre thinking "i wish i never met her".fuck this groupy i know why all these people are rioting.blood stains on my sheets.tear stains on my face.fuckin help me get out of this place.slashes across my it doesnt hurt.the crazy shit it surpresses that i might blurt.screaming from this insanity.why wont anybody just let me be.the phone rings.who gives a fuck.i just want to cry.shit even give up.wait a many people do you wana hurt point blank.none.thats what i really do care.but think about it.where has you caring got?