I have decided to create one of these 'online journals' that Utena-sama showed me. They seem quite interesting...though I'm not really one for computers. I think we are supposed to talk about our day in these?
Well, I went to my classes, took lunch with Utena-sama, tended to the roses, went home to clean up our dorm, and visited onii-sama before returning to the dorm for some tea and rest. Utena-sama bought me some very lovely violet sheets--I'm not sure how to thank her. Perhaps I should buy her some sheets, too?
...I know there is more to this--these journals frighten me, honestly. Like another way of checking up on me, watching me, prying into my mind. I'm sure onii-sama will watch these with a close eye, if he doesn't already.
No, I retract that.
If he knew there was a place, any place, where my words could be spoken without containment, I'm sure he would rid this place of it. And thinking of that...while this may be a means to watch others, it does give me the freedom to speak. Ah, to have a voice--it seems like something I haven't had in...ages. He's stolen it from me and refuses to return it until the deeds here are done.
But when will that time come? When will the Revolution arrive and why am I it's pawn?
How much longer will I be haunted by this power within me and succumb to the whims of a devil?
...I do it only for my Prince. But is he even here anymore? Reality...is such a blur to me now, hidden behind a whirlwind of rose petals and tears. My tears, his tears, and...*her* tears. Hers, when she cries over the chaos of the duels or over my suffering. But can't she understand, it's all for...for...
It doesn't matter. She wouldn't understand anyway, would she? She's different. But I stop here, before my words are seen and even those written are robbed from me.
Maybe more tomorrow, after tea and ice with Utena-sama and Miki-kun.