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[23 Sep 2007|08:55am] |
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mood |
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Being on the precipice of motherhood is filling my head with many things. If I am obsessesed with my body size, won't I give that to my children? I'd like them to judge people for who they are, not what they look like. In our society (to boil it right down) a man seems to be judged by the amount of money he has and a woman by her appearance. I've been thinking about getting rid of my TV, or at least limiting what & how much they will watch. I can't compete with the barrage of images Madison avenue is waiting to jam down their throats. "You can't be too rich or too thin". What about being kind? *rolls eyes* I know - losing battle.
I've been reading a lot of Naomi Wolf lately. I guess she's a quasi-feminist. I personally don't like labels, but she's so smart & so spot on about a lot of things. My biggest fear (way more than diapers) is getting these two through their teen years. What a mine field! I want to raise thoughtful, intelligent people who care about others. I want them to be healthy & well-adjusted. I want to beat society at this game & actually raise my children instead of letting Barney & Friends do it for me.
The beauty myth: http://www.amazon.ca/Beauty-Myth-Naomi-Wolf/dp/0679308709
The porn myth: http://nymag.com/nymetro/news/trends/n_9437/
Hooking Up: http://www.depauw.edu/news/index.asp?id=16296
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[23 Sep 2007|02:55pm] |
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Just bought Tim Gunn's book. It is as fabulous as The Gunnster himself!
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| TV |
[23 Sep 2007|08:12pm] |
TV that I am looking forward to:
Obviously Guide to Style continues.
I'll watch this last season of Queer Eye.
New Project Runway. Fabulous.
The Next Great American Band - from the creators of American Idol. I am a music junkie, so I have to check it out.
I watched the first episode of Gossip Girl & it wasn't horrible. Not as compelling as season 1 of the OC, but I will probably give it a few more episodes.
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| I want to be a debutante |
[23 Sep 2007|08:41pm] |
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| Out of the Closet Pt 2 |
[23 Sep 2007|10:18pm] |
My closet is totally empty. This feels very strange. If I was sure that someday I would fit into my clothes again, this would be one of the happiest most exciting organization rituals ever. Due to my uncertainty as to whether or not my size 4s will ever fit again - my enjoyment is put on pause. Who am I now? Egad! "Idenitity vs. Role Confusion" rears its ugly head YET again??? Shouldn't I have this all figured out?
I used to look at my flat stomach or buy a cute outfit when I needed an ego boost. Vain? Yes! But that is my drug of choice. I enjoy being a girl. Or at least I did until there grew to be so much more of me. I never appreciated how much fun being 5ft 7 & 125 lbs was. I always wanted to be thinner. The truth was, I could put on a garbage bag, sinch the waist & look better than most people. But I never enjoyed it. Why do we women bash ourselves? Nothing is ever good enough. People gush about how good I look " for carrying twins". Total strangers tell me how "cute" I am pregnant. Yet, I feel like the Michelin Man. (Incidentally, did you know his name is Bibendum?) It was a Trivial Pursuit question I got once. I also noticed in the new ads that he has a dog. BUT I DIGRESS.......................
I am going to torture myself until these babies get here & then torture myself until I look like the day I conceived. I am terrified to get a muffin top or God forbid my ribs don't go back where they belong. Meanwhile, I should be focusing on the blessing & the miracle that this pregnancy is going well.
It is exhausting being a girl, because people will judge me & I won't feel good about myself unless my figure returns. No matter how much I try to cleanse myself of the vapid trappings of appearance - I want to look good. We all do.
So I sit in an empty closet & contemplate who I'll be tomorrow.
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