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| 09:08pm 24/06/2005 |
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im here... havn't posted in a while tho cause no one reads this... so yea... ima juss chillin... i got some great new friends they help me out a lot... so... im doing a lot better... well im out... |
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| 12:36pm 05/06/2005 |
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mood:  hopeful music: a perfect circle- judith
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it was jess's graduation party yesterday nd... well, 1st, we have this friend chris... me jess nd chris r like tha 3 musketeers... we do EVERYTHING together... we're best friendz the 3 of us nd we knoe we're alwayz here for eachother... soo... well yesterday at jess's graduation party.... chris shows up TRASHED. now, we're all drinkers so we figured its not a big deal. then he passes out on the front porch so me nd jess r tryin to figure out a way to not get in trouble ourselves nd to keep chris out of trouble so we were tryin to get him upstairs he refused so we were just like fine... then he starts pukin over the side of the porch... see we were missing a few pole thingy's in the porch so he was still laying down with his head stuck through the hole... then the 'rents found out he was pukin nd was tryin to figure out a way to get him outta there... so we were making a plan to get him nd his car home... then jess's dad just calls the cops... b4 this, chris sed that if we called the cops he'd never forgive us. so when the cops show up we all run inside nd chris iz still passed out on tha porch... they put him in tha back of the cop car nd took him home i guess... then later, he shows up with his mom. his mom went inside to dad to jess' dad nd chris got out if his car to get his car. now... he duzn't blame me nd jess, but he's getting kicked out of his house... on my left thigh i have "i want to die" but i couldn't figure out sumthing to put on my rite one... so i put his name nd it fits it perfectly... i love you chris nd i'm alwayz here for you... |
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| 05:02pm 06/05/2005 |
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| 05:18pm 02/05/2005 |
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mood:  depressed music: mcr
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that's it i just want to die... my english teacher brought me to guidance on friday... i trust him... so i started talking to him thru my tears... nd i sed somethingz about me wanting to kill meself... now i understand that when teachers hear thingz it maditory to report it nd crap but he didn't even seem liek that's y he took me there... he sez to me "i just wouldn't be able to handle it if you didn't come into class on monday nd i knew i didn't nuthiing to help you... " so i agreed to go to guidance with him... he helps me so much... one person i can relle trust |
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| trying out marque |
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| 10:48pm 30/04/2005 |
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| trying out marque |
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| 10:47pm 30/04/2005 |
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< marquee > I'm moving , bitch ! < / marquee > |
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| trying out marque |
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| 09:44pm 30/04/2005 |
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duz this marque work? |
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| trying out marque |
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| 09:44pm 30/04/2005 |
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duz this marque work? |
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| trying out marque |
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| 09:43pm 30/04/2005 |
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duz this marque work? |
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| ugh... |
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| 08:29pm 23/04/2005 |
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on vacation in florida... woohoo... i got so burned yuck... i cut here but seeing as it's bathing suit time... haha nobdy can c them hahaha.... but now 2 of my step-sisters know and one of them iz a rat... nd that sux... but w/e itz already sat. andi go to skool again on monday... nd itz a 24 hr ride... nd we're not leavin till lyke 11 2nite... nd that sux... but w/e my mom never called my p.o. so i'm gunna get locked up for goin to florida HA that'd b great... cuz then it'd b my moms fualt.... i miss all my friendz nd i just wana go home... my step sister nd i got real close this vaca. nd that's so kool cuz i sed so nd now i'm at my grandmothers nd my mom lets me soke now but duzn't wanna tell my grandmother so she keeps givin me cigs. nd sayin "go for a walk" haha funny... nd now i'm juust typing cuz i'm bored but i must go |
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| ughh |
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| 02:57pm 14/04/2005 |
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heyy... i'm kinda regreting cutting as much as i did when i started again... most of the 10 people of my family are goin to florida nd seeing as i just got in S0 much trouble, i have to go... but now this causes a problem... even tho my mom knoes i cut... or that i "did"... i dont exactly wanna go strolling down the beach in a bathing suit so people can see the "hate" or "bitch" or "die" carved into my thighs. dont get me wrong... imagine my mom nd i standing next to eachother nd people seeing that... she'd feel so bad... maybe theyd understand... but no... most people would just think "why hasnt that dumbass of a mother checked her psyco daughter into a hospital by now?" but w.e maybe i'll juss go to the beach when no one else is around... |
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| ughh |
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| 02:57pm 14/04/2005 |
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heyy... i'm kinda regreting cutting as much as i did when i started again... most of the 10 people of my family are goin to florida nd seeing as i just got in S0 much trouble, i have to go... but now this causes a problem... even tho my mom knoes i cut... or that i "did"... i dont exactly wanna go strolling down the beach in a bathing suit so people can see the "hate" or "bitch" or "die" carved into my thighs. dont get me wrong... imagine my mom nd i standing next to eachother nd people seeing that... she'd feel so bad... maybe theyd understand... but no... most people would just think "why hasnt that dumbass of a mother checked her psyco daughter into a hospital by now?" but w.e maybe i'll juss go to the beach when no one else is around... |
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| ughh |
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| 02:57pm 14/04/2005 |
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heyy... i'm kinda regreting cutting as much as i did when i started again... most of the 10 people of my family are goin to florida nd seeing as i just got in S0 much trouble, i have to go... but now this causes a problem... even tho my mom knoes i cut... or that i "did"... i dont exactly wanna go strolling down the beach in a bathing suit so people can see the "hate" or "bitch" or "die" carved into my thighs. dont get me wrong... imagine my mom nd i standing next to eachother nd people seeing that... she'd feel so bad... maybe theyd understand... but no... most people would just think "why hasnt that dumbass of a mother checked her psyco daughter into a hospital by now?" but w.e maybe i'll juss go to the beach when no one else is around... |
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| ugh... |
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| 10:37am 13/04/2005 |
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i'm in fucking skool nd it sux fucking nuts. i wanna cut so bad idk wut to do... he is next to me but today iz silent day and i can't talk... i wanna... but i don't... i don't wanna have to bring someone else down everytime i get upset... it's fucking ridiculous... i can't stand it n e more...i need to... fuck it i'm gonna do it tonite & check myself into a hospital tomarrow... wtf... i think i relle wanna die nd i knoe thas not good... maybe i should b in a hospital... or a loony bin, witht he straight jackets nd padded walls... idk n e more... fuck it... i'm out
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| FUCK |
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| 06:50am 13/04/2005 |
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mood:  drained music: my chemical romance- cemetary drive
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here goes another day at skool, but today iz national silent day for gays & all them... so i won't hafta talk... that's kool... but i almost wanna... i wanna scream in everybody's face that im a cutter and there's nothing they can do to stop me, but they may send me away for that... hell, i mite even send myself to a hospital... idk yet... i think it would be better for everyone... but idk... i g2g try & charade "dunkin donuts" to the oldest step-one
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| 11:27pm 12/04/2005 |
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mood: depressed music: the shower
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I want to do it so bad, I don’t even care about hospitals or n e of that, at all. I just wanna cut. GO AHEAD! Check me into a hospital, as long as I can cut atleast one more time. It’s all I want, I don’t want to live, die, sleep, eat, paint my nails, listen to music, color, ANYTHING! I just wanna cut.
I saw hers today. I just crave it. I want to feel it so bad. I miss it. It hasn’t been that long. Only a day. Not even. Omg.
Maybe I should be checked into a hospital. I can’t stop myself. I can’t control it. I don’t want to stop, but I know I need to. I need help to make me want to.
I was going to talk to my seregate mother tonite. And probly my brother I never wanted. I trust them. And I’ll proly cut tonite or tomorrow nite. Idk.
He blames me. This whole stopping thing won’t work if blame gets spit everywhere. Blame makes people feel bad, and when people fell bad, they want to cut. It won’t work if we all blame eachother. That a fact.
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| y3t an0th3r |
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| 04:28pm 12/04/2005 |
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mood: depressed music: yellowcard- ocean avenue
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y3t an0th3r blurty f0r m3... this iz lyk3, my 3rd 0n3... it sux... i k33p g3ttin distract3d & l33vin it f0r a whil3 th3n it di3s... 0k... this 0n3 will w0rk... lata... |
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