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Mateo

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Allow me to explain. [29 Jan 2004|03:41am]
[ mood | depressed ]
[ music | Adam's Song - Blink 182 ]

I am starting this journal bacause it is hard to find people to talk to here. My mother is a psycho and every time we talk, she ends up crying and I end up really pissed off. My father just dosent give a shit. My friends seem to enjoy reminding me about my problems and then telling me that I will never solve them. And the one person I can talk to, well, most of the stuff I need to get off my chest involves her. She is in fact a problem within herself. I won't use the word love, because I have no idea what love is. But if she knew just how much I cared for her, it would prolly scare her away. Maybe. But maybe not. I have no idea. Most people who haven't been told otherwise think we are dating based on the dialouge (never said I could spell), body language, and amount of time we spend together. And when we aren't together, lets just say my cell phone bill was nuts. But I don't give a shit about the money. I am happy when I am with her. And it seems like I am not happy very often. Actually, the only time I am truly at piece with the world is when we are just laying there on the couch, melted into one comfy lump. And I run my hand through her hair, a substance which, if properly distributed and presented, has to be the key to world piece. The "looks" are another thing I fail to understand. You know, when you make eye contact for a long time and you get the Razorwinged Butterflys in your abdomen. I know this all sounds stupid and childish, but understand this. I am 18 years old, and have never had a female so much as give me the time of day. My "friends" say that I should just give up, that I will always be alone. Maybe they are right, they all have girlfriends. Maybe they know something I don't. You know, now that I think about it, she is really the only reason I am so depressed. I mean, the grades still suck, the parents suck, the car sucks. But she is the only thing I really lose sleep over. Speaking of sleep, I need some. Please post some comments or questions, that is the idea.

Here are the lyrics to my current music. No. I am not some huge punk rock nut. I am just a music fan. Anything good works for me. And this song just seems to match the way I feel right now.

Adam's Song
by Blink 182

I never thought I'd die alone
I laughed the loudest, who'd have known?
I traced the cord back to the wall
No wonder it was never plugged in at all
I took my time, I hurried up
The choice was mine, I didn't think enough
I'm too depresed to go on, you'll be sorry when I'm gone

I never conquered, rarely came
16 just held such better days
Days when I still felt alive
We couldn't wait to get outside
The world was watching
Too late to try
The tour was over we'd survived
I couldn't wait till I got home
To pass the time in my room alone

I never thought I'd die alone
Another six months, I'll be unknown
Give all my things to all my friends
You'll never step foot in my room again
You'll close it off, board it up
Remember the time that I spilled the cup
Of apple juice in the hall
Please tell mom this is not her fault

I never conqured, rarely came
16 just held such better days
Days when I still felt alive
We couldn't wait to get outside
The world was watching
Hate to try
The tour was over we'd surivied
I couldn't wait till I got home
To pass the time in my room alone

I never conqured, rarely came
Tomorrow will hold such better days
Days when I can still feel alive
When I can't wait to get outside
The world is wide
The time goes by
The tour is over I'd surivied
I can't wait till I get home
To pass the time in my room alone

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